[pGJLweEw]

I hate lying... I really do. But I don't know how I can tell my parents the truth about me being a Buddhist. They are very strict Christians and if I were to tell them that I no longer follow their faith, I would be kicked out before you could recite the Eightfold Path.

The only people that know of me being a Buddhist are my boyfriend and my counselor, and since then my counselor, being as awesome as she is, has been lending me meditation cd's as well as Buddhist devotional books. My parents don't know about these, they think that they're just books that'll help me with my depression.

Lately, I've had conflicts with my Christian friends, my dad, and my mom. Everything they say and do about it just bugs me! I don't want to have to believe this, but I don't want to tell them that I believe otherwise. I can't tell them that. The other day, my mother and I were riding home from my bible study and she asked me to promise her that I would pray for my dad. Pray that he would see what he has been doing wrong and that his new counselor will help him and that our relationship with him can begin to mend. I didn't know what else to do but promise her I would, and I did, to some extent.

I got down on my knees and did the whole "Dear God," thing, but it just wasn't right. I wasn't talking to God, and even if I was, I clearly didn't do it intentionally. I want nothing to do with anyone who decides that one can live forever and that another who chooses not to follow him will be sentenced to unimaginable torture for all eternity. But that's another story.

Furthermore, I'm starting to lose it in youth group. I'm a debater. As a Buddhist, I have learned accept that as a fact. But when I start rebounding the beliefs of my friends with examples like Crusades, they end up with hurt feelings and some suspicion on who I am really loyal to...

I really could use some guidance and advice in this situation, any help that anoyone can offer me would be greatly appreciated. Thank you

[Trotoleterm]

Hi BatteredRose, I've had to change the font in your post back to the normal font we use in postings here.

I get visual migraine with certain kinds of font on a screen and it happens trying to read all the bold black font you used in your post, sorry.

Are you still of school age if you don't mind me asking ? I think especially if you are still in the care of your parents then you should try not to become involved in conflict with relatives and friends.

The teachings of Buddhism include having loving kindness and compassion for others whatever their religious beliefs.

with kind wishes to you,

Aloka

I'm going to move this post to the Buddhism for Beginners forum because that's the best place for it.

[qCGfQR9T]

Ok thanks Aloka

[Edifsdubs]

I don't want to have to believe this, but I don't want to tell them that I believe otherwise.

You don't have to do either imo.

This is from MN 128

If you gain a clever friend, a wise co-associate,
Overcoming all troubles, live with him mindfully.
If you do not gain a clever, wise co-associate,
Like the king that leaves behind his rulership and country
Go alone like an elephant to the Màtanga remote.
Living alone is superb, there should be no association with fools
Living alone, unconcerned no evil's done.
Like the elephant living in the Màtanga remote. Anyway, please don't take the words literally. This doesn't necessarily mean you should walk off from your parents and Christian friends and live alone. It means, if there is conflict, keep your practice to yourself.

[TravelMan]

I had similar feelings towards myself for what I had been doing with others and perceived as lying at an earlier time in my life BatteredRose. I also now agree with the advice you have been given - never the less, it is difficult when do not feel accepted and understood by those who we are close to, in terms of family and friends, especially when we are contributing it by not disclosing some aspects of our lives.

[chelviweeme]

Sharing aspects of ourselves with others can be a tricky business.
I have often typed online that I am not sure what saying that I am a Buddhist would actually mean - when we know that it would mean something that would be detrimental to our relationship with the other person then why would we out and declare such a thing ... especially when as a label " Buddhist" surely means not valuing having labels and views.

[sztc38tg]

...I really could use some guidance and advice in this situation...

My suggestion is to spend a little time every day in meditation (maybe you do this already), and practice quietening the mind. Accept the thoughts that go racing across the mind but pay no attention to them. Allow your concentration to return to your breathing every time you notice it has wandered.

And when you are ready to end the meditation, spend a few moments considering the people near to you, the people you are involved with, and wish them good health and happiness. Don't think about how it feels, just be calm about it.

In this way you can work on yourself, to reduce the stress that the situation creates within you. You can't change other people, but you can change yourself.

Your counselor seems to be a good support to you at this time.

WS.

[DrKirkNoliss]

There is no need to share your Buddhist beliefs with them if you know this will only cause pain and problems with them being unable to accept it. You may be acting with compassion by not telling them what you know they will not accept and if you're acting with right intention then I believe that your integrity is still intact.

[CGECngjA]

BatteredRose,

One thing is to lie with deliberation and other thing is to be cautious, prudent and discreet about some issue of your very personal life. If you feel you can be exposed and not understood, keep it with you, -as Karma recomends- until a better moment, your Buddhist practice. Don't rush the time.

If your parents notice a change for good in your behaviour, maybe is a good moment to tell them subtly that you just are meditating. Later on you will have a good chance to expose them the Buddhist issue.

[Kk21pwa9]

Thank you all you have given me very good advice. Living like this has been frustrating me very much... And I just wish that things didn't have to be like this I feel like I am right in what I'm doing, and I am afraid for my parents and my siblings because of what they believe in. I hope there is something out there for them when they die, because they try so hard to get to it. But at the same time I know that what they're looking for is something that they can never find... Peace and happiness cannot be achieved through fasting and strict rules and practices, trying to fit through the tiny gap that allows them into heaven... How can I let them stray in the wrong direction while I am finding peace and wholeness and comfort?

[Rugda]

How can I let them stray in the wrong direction while I am finding peace and wholeness and comfort?

As peace, wholeness and comfort is developing, then will come a sort of tranquil acceptance of the fact that your family has a different practice.

It seems that we all have families and relatives and loved ones that do not want to practice Buddhism and we have to deal with that.

Maybe, with some time, your pace and comfort will permeate the loved ones bringing them peace and comfort, too.

[b91ZmxzX]

Maybe, with some time, your pace and comfort will permeate the loved ones bringing them peace and comfort, too.

I hope so

[WelcomeMe]

I grew up in a devout Christian family. I can totally relate to what you have wrote. I'm 25, but I still live with my parents. They don't know about my Buddhist beliefs. I don't think they would accept it. I just havn't mentioned it. I don't know if that helps. I just know what it is like to live in a house where no one agrees with you. I am very new to Buddhism, so I don't have any good advice in regards to what you should do. I do hope that this helps in some way. I am sorry if my comment isn't helpful.

[Sleedyhex]

Would your parents have anything against an interest in Mindfulness, Meditation, Kindness and Compassion?
You know, much of Christian practice until relatively recently included reflection and meditation in a big way and you still find it, http://www.wccm.org/ Also I don't think you would find many Christians arguing against kindness or Compassion.
So really the values a Christian and the values a Buddhist would hold are very similar

[PZXjoe]

You know, much of Christian practice until relatively recently included reflection and meditation in a big way

That's strange. Most of the Christians I know have never practiced meditation

[Kitdowstyhodo]

That's strange. Most of the Christians I know have never practiced meditation I had not heard of it until recently when it was discussed at my meditation class to explain that Christians could also join in with meditation without feeling that they might be doing something wrong.
There is a brief discription here http://www.christianmeditation11step.org/history.html
This is not something I'm involved with, I'm a complete athiest, I just posted as I thought it might be of some help.

[esanamaserrn]

My understanding of christian meditation was influenced a lot by the 12 Step approach and focused on the concept of improving our conscious contact, reflection on and listening to " God " and in association with prayer - which involved communicating needs and expressing gratitude.

[Seiblybiozy]

Keep in mind that the concern of OP is how to deal with the issue of having a Buddhist practice with a Christian environment.

I feel that the idea of finding some agreement between faiths around the issue of meditation can give some helpful guidance for BR.

Having some ideas -like reflection and listening to God as means of meditation- can give some skillful arguments to be at peace.

Hope that BR can show up and gave us her opinion.

[uaodnabnjz]

I feel like I am right in what I'm doing, and I am afraid for my parents and my siblings because of what they believe in. I hope there is something out there for them when they die, because they try so hard to get to it. But at the same time I know that what they're looking for is something that they can never find... Peace and happiness

There are many paths to "peace and happiness," and it sounds as though you see your beliefs as being superior to your family's. From your posts it sounds to me like this could be the source of your suffering.

Christianity provides what many people need in order to get through the inevitable suffering in life. Sure their may be other ways to overcome this suffering, but who is anybody to say that their way is better than others? Surely it must vary among people, and what is best for you might not be best for somebody else.

Not that the linearity of worse -> better is truly significant, though that's how most modern-day minds work.

Peace and happiness cannot be achieved through fasting and strict rules and practices

I believe self-discipline to be an important practice. In fact, it is in reading the Buddha's teachings that I came to that conclusion (prior to this, I embraced "freedom" from such things). I believe that self-discipline is an important exercise for strengthening control of one's mind.

[zoolissentesy]

Hi Battered Rose.
I am not technically Buddhist or Christian though I have found wisdom in both.

On this post I have sometimes come across the word "intentionality" I like this word.

I try to intuit what is reasonable; as for your parents I can only suggest that maybe
for true seekers the 'right time" will eventually come.