[PapsEdisa]

Hi, I was wondering what Buddhists think about having children?

It's a pretty big dilemma for me, I find the thought of not having children very sad, they can bring a lot of joy (to myself, selfish) and potentially develop into peaceful beings.

If I have children they would have to experience the pain of growing up, like discovering their parents will one day die. My second concern with having children is the future is uncertain, wars, disasters etc. plus I really don't think we will ever be able to travel large distances across space, life on Earth has a time limit, should we really birth future generations just to face extinction?

But then the reality is, regardless of whether I have children or not, everybody else will, so would it be better to have children so that there is hope they could have a positive impact on society?

I'm really struggling with this, my logic leans towards not having children but I am not sure I can honor it.

[ssyyyrruho]

Hi Superfrog and welcome! Are you a buddhist or interested in Buddhism yourself?

I'm a woman and I've never had the desire to have children - but there are plenty of lay Buddhists who do.

You don't say if you are male or female or if you have a partner.

Personally I think that a stable, loving relationship between two people comes first, before any considerations are made between them about having a family together. Even then, its pointless trying to speculate too much about what might happen to the children further into the future.

As for children 'discovering that their parents will one day die' - all living beings have to die and sometimes children are able to understand and accept impermanence intuitively if they have access to natural pheneomena and outdoor activities with the assistance of their parents or schools.


with kind wishes,

Aloka

[nursopoutaras]

If this is of any help...

[gundas]

Hello SuperFrog,

I am only a beginner, but from my limited understanding Buddhist morality judges a person on their intentions not the outcome, so it depends on WHY you want to have childerns. However, the renunciation of all worldly desires (including having childerns) is an act of liberation from suffering.

Attachment to sons or wealth has been described as foolishness in the Dhammapada "The fool worries, thinking,I have sons, I have wealth. Indeed, when he himself is not his own, whence are sons, whence is wealth?" http://www.thebigview.com/buddhism/dhammapada-05.html

Personally, i love childrens but i dont want to bring new people into this world, so i find adoption a better/less selflish act and more beneficial to society.

Regards,
Bundokji

[mynaflzak]

"The fool worries, thinking, I have sons, I have wealth. Indeed, when he himself is not his own, whence are sons, whence is wealth?"

Just as a quick little aside about references - the above quote from the URL link #4 is cited as Chapter 5 verse 3 of the Dhammapada at that particular website.

The correct reference according to my own Gil Fronsdal translation, as well as according to the illustrated version of the Dhammapada (with explanations of the verses) at Buddhanet is Chapter 5 verse 62 -and not verse 3. The verses are usually counted from the first chapter onwards.

http://www.buddhanet.net/dhammapada/d_fools.htm

and the same at 'Access to Insight'

http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipit...p.05.budd.html

Ok, sorry for that interruption, back to 'Buddhism and children' again

[DJElizardo]

Attachment to sons or wealth has been described as foolishness in the Dhammapada

the Dhammapada is not a Buddhist "Bible". It is a serious little book, primarily for monks

regards

[bmwservis]

Hi, thanks for the replies and links, I will go through them at night time when I am winding down for sleep, I had a read through this article that was stickied in the "What is Buddhism?" thread last night

http://www.dhammasukha.org/Study/Tal...T-MAR03-TS.htm

I will have to read through it again since there was a lot to take in but it was very valuable information, especially the idea of not trying to control emotions but accepting that they are there.


@Aloka

I'm not Buddhist but the few times I read up on Buddhism I tend to come away with something practical, I was raised Roman Catholic and still pray in the traditional Catholic way (which is kinda goofy I guess) but I figure it can't hurt to ask for peace for the people around me.

I don't eat meat and I am pretty calm so I could probably say I was Buddhist and hang out in coffee shops but that would be dishonest

I'm just in a real dilemma about having children or not so I thought it worth asking about to see how others view it. I see children and family as a very positive (though sometimes chaotic) part of life, I'm a guy so it's not like maternal urge I don't think, I just loved being a child and find the idea of not having a family kinda difficult.

At the moment I am thinking to leave it to circumstance, if I enter into a kind relationship that I feel would be good for a child then it's maybe morally okay since the child would be born into a kind environment.


But, if everyone stopped having children, would everyone just reincarnate as whales and frogs and other creatures? Maybe its better to provide human experiences since as humans we can become self aware. On the other hand Bundokji mentioned attachment which is an incredibly painful feeling, I would not want my children to have to feel pain at my eventual death.

I really can't 'logic' this one out, it seems 50\50 either way :\

[OixKKcj1]

Does already having children conflict with many of the beliefs of Buddhism?

I believe that if you have children, and you raise them correct with good moral values and intelligence, that they will eventually make the world a better place, even if it is only in a small way. On the other hand, having children is not for everyone for various reasons and there is nothing wrong with that. If you choose not to have children, try to make the world a better place yourself.

[Jourgenz]

But, if everyone stopped having children, would everyone just reincarnate as whales and frogs and other creatures?

Lol! Thats unconjecturable, why speculate!

I would not want my children to have to feel pain at my eventual death.

The time of death for any of us is uncertain and children don't always outlive their parents.

[YabbaIn]

If this is of any help...

this link also provides some Buddhist views about children & parenting

see:
14. THE KEEPER OF THE LINEAGE
15. THE FAMILY SUCCESSOR

[lakraboob]

Hi, I was wondering what Buddhists think about having children?

hi SuperFrog

Buddhism teaches the highest evolution is finding Nirvana, which the Buddha described as the highest experience of well-being

So in contemporary Buddhism, it is sometimes said the purpose of having children is for the evolution towards Nirvana (given the parents were not disposed towards seeking Nirvana)

It's a pretty big dilemma for me, I find the thought of not having children very sad, they can bring a lot of joy (to myself, selfish) and potentially develop into peaceful beings. It sounds like you are inclined towards family

We have members here who have families

Personally, I was never inclined towards family

My second concern with having children is the future is uncertain, wars, disasters etc. plus I really don't think we will ever be able to travel large distances across space, life on Earth has a time limit, should we really birth future generations just to face extinction? This is certainly a common concern. I spent an evening a few days ago with two mothers, who were worried about how their children will cope with the excessive sexual culture of today. But there are many concerns, such as the growing economic difficulties of the lower/middle classes, the growing wars, growing scarcity & pollution due to population growth, etc. But if children have Dhamma, they may avoid these dangers.

But then the reality is, regardless of whether I have children or not, everybody else will, so would it be better to have children so that there is hope they could have a positive impact on society? This is a very Christian notion and it also exists in some Buddhist schools.

Kind regards

[maniaringsq]

Hello SuperFrog,

But, if everyone stopped having children, would everyone just reincarnate as whales and frogs and other creatures? Maybe its better to provide human experiences since as humans we can become self aware. On the other hand Bundokji mentioned attachment which is an incredibly painful feeling, I would not want my children to have to feel pain at my eventual death. Last night i watched a fantastic video for Ajahn Brahm on youtube. He compared the reaction to the death of loved ones between people in the west and people he met in Thailand. He concluded that the pain/suffering westerners feel when they lose a loved one is a cultural phenomenon to a large extent and its a part of the brain washing by the society, that people started to identify themselves with pain and justify it. For instance, in my culture if i lose a relative and i dont weep and suffer then i would be accused by others as being insensitive!! So if you are concerned that your chillderns would experience pain at your eventual death that would depend on their experience/personal beliefs and how wise they will be!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QnY050r025I

I understand that the human realm is the only one where we can liberate ourselves. However, i cant help but to ask myself what is more conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, is it to save myself by working hard to bring my suffering to an end and then if i still have time i start to help others, or to bring new people to this world hoping that they would follow the path! Who is helping humanity more, the monks who renunciate all worldly pleasures and gained true wisdom and share it with the rest of us, or those who have families and childerns?

Please note that i am not implying that having childerns is a bad thing from a Buddhist perspective, but i am only raising the question, which is the better choice?

In my opinion (which has nothing to do with Buddhism) having childerns these days when the world population reached 7 billions and when there is scarcity of resources and when we consider the fact that we are having 27000 childs dying every day because of poverty related caused, is NOT the best choice.

Regards,
Bundokji