[Michael-jeckson2]

Hi,

When I started focusing on my own spiritual growth quite a few years ago, I obtained a love of all people & things without prejudice; this seemed to be a good thing.
Over the past year or two I have realised my love no longer exists, I still have compassion, I would never intentionally cause and I will subdue suffering at every opportunity but I actually do not feel capable of love.

As an example, in the UK we often have charity adverts on TV showing children from Africa starving with malnutrition. I look at the child and consider it a representation of all suffering in the world. I pause and ask myself what I think, what I feel about this obvious tragedy and the answer worries me, I think and feel nothing at that moment.
I see everything in the world as a necessity, every experience however strong or mundane as a stepping stone forward, I see the child’s suffering as an inevitable evil.

I am worried that my thoughts are not humane and this will stunt my development, I look at the concept of detachment in Buddhism and I wonder, am I ok or have I gone too far.
So I would like to ask if anyone has any views on my apathy, can I still have this and be on a progressive path or have I lost my way?

Regards Ticktock

[uwJzsM8t]

Hello Ticktock,

You have issue a very important aspect about Buddhist practice. Detachment is not about drowsiness or indifference; it goes more about accepting things as they are and from this mental state you can take proper actions toward life facts...

but this article can give you a better understanding:

"Universal Loving Kindness"

Kind wishes,

[leoto5Fm]

I still have compassion I pause and ask myself what I think, what I feel about this obvious tragedy and the answer worries me, I think and feel nothing at that moment. These two statements confuse me a little, they don't seem to be compatible to my mind.

The adverts you speak about always stop me and get my attention, I feel such anguish at the thought of these children suffering. Infact they have sometimes brought a tear to my eye and I see how truley fortunate I am to have my life. I give a small amount of money each month to "SAVE THE CHILDREN" but wish I could do more.

[yWleIJm4]

when i see those adds on tv i feel bad and i want to help but i also feel like if i cannot do it my self then i really cannot help anyone. i give to charities i know well or i give personally and that makes a difference to me.
i also think that people need to help them selves unless they cannot. everyone has problems in their lives mental and physical. i have heard that peoples karma from past lives determine how much suffering you face in this life, but i also think some people induce suffering with out karma.

sounds like you need to make boundaries, like would you help a friend over a stranger? if a friend said they where really hungry to the point of a headache would you buy them a snack to get them by? also if a stranger on the street asked if they could borrow some money to get some food because they are diabetic and there sugar is low would you help them out as much as you would if you knew them?

honestly i have been wondering about the same kind of issue, like i feel neutral about most people but my friends and family. i want to nice and compassionate to everyone but i seem to find it hard.

[PefeFoesk]

In regards to my compassion perhaps I have lost that aswell but I behave like I have it in full force; I volunteer for charity, I would feed the hungry, currently and honestly I think I do all I can to ease suffering.

I do not feel that I have a choice, this is what I am to act compassionately but the issue with me is I do it without love now, I do it as duty.

To be to the point, I don't feel love anymore, I cannot find reason why I should love, I do not see how this would be a benefit. And this feels wrong.

[longrema]

Hi Kaarine Alejandra,

The newsletter has much wisdom in it and it was a joy to read, thank you.

However I do accept the world and the people in it, I accept myself, I accept my arrogance that I would not want to be anyone else.

I have had many epiphanies but this most recent one that I feel: I am without love - staggers me, I can recall no religion, no philosphy, no fiction where the absence of love is wholesome.

I ponder

[meteeratymn]

Attachment is not about love and compassion, anymore than detachment is.
Human beings are social beings and have normal human attachments - to friends, family and activities.
We will feel emotions in regards to things which occur to us if we are out there living our lives and engaging with others - if we are open and functioning well emotionally we can feel sadness, happiness, fear, anger and will know how to express and deal with the emotions effectively.
Suffering will not arise.
Suffering arises due to unhealthy clinging and attachment which gives rise to craving.

[redDoodia]

The newsletter has much wisdom in it and it was a joy to read, thank you.

Ticktock,

At least is a good news the joy you have felt about reading that article...

[spacecrafty]

I can kind of relate to what Tick Tock is saying but from a different perspective - I'm emotionally numbed due to psych meds in the past I'd shed tears when I saw those starving kids on Telly, it wouldn't really hurt me now - I'd just feel a little sad, I feel kind of numb due to some pretty powerful meds. I still get my cards out and bung a wedge to those charities though - I wonder if it really matters if I feel it or not, I still know its the right think to do and I've probably saved someones life for a while. I mostly support the DEC.

I talk to my shrink about my stunted emotions due to meds but he doesn't seem concerned - just sees it as a consequence of the treatment, I find it annoying - in some ways I feel I've lost some of my humanity.

Anyway as per ususal I've sent the thread off topic - it seems to be a tendency of mine.

[EnubreBense]

Your comments do not seem off topic to me Traveller - side effects from medication do have known effects, as you describe.
I guess having to weigh up the benefits against the side effects can be difficult for the individual. I have found your posts communicate your thoughts and opinions clearly and compassionately.

[Eltabaco]

Thank you Andy, I tend to let my inner critic get to me sometimes, but since I've been practicing I'm getting better at noticing it.

[Hedkffiz]

Regarding the OP #1 -

I look at the concept of detachment in Buddhism and I wonder, am I ok or have I gone too far.

In my opinion having compassion isn't becoming an emotional wreck when we see the suffering of other beings, its an understanding combined with empathy for their condition.

I don't think detachment in a Buddhist context is about being cold and unfeeling. To me its being able to let go of things and not cling or be possessive about them.

An example might be if someone is angry and the other person doesn't take that anger on board personally and then react in response. That to me is detachment. Its not getting caught up in a reactive emotion of any kind, nor thinking one has all the answers, but being able to let go in situations and be relaxed and compassionate in that non-reactive space.

[drugsprevi]

Admin note

Just a little reminder for everyone, by the way, that the threads in this Beginners forum are for the purpose of focussing on beginners questions and making suggestions to them which relate to the core teachings of the historical Buddha.

They are are not intended for complex philosophical positions, discussions between other members, or for personal blogging.

This happening in the past has been a source of frustration and confusion for some of our new members.

Thanks

[meencegic]

I went to centre group meeting one night, feeling like I needed to receive " some thing " - lol. I was emotionally stretched, tired, overwhelmed and wanted to feel something nice and pleasant, as I often did when I attended this group.
Well ... this night I was called upon, as a member of the group to be doing a group meditation and focusing on giving ... I just didn't feel that I had anything to give, in fact I believed that I knew I didn't and when I was asked to begin the chanting, I felt shocked.
My teacher, at the time, was there and nodded at me, several times as I struggled and then sat down next to me and we began.
It progressed to be a very beneficial meeting and I left feeling energised and only later remembered how drained I had felt earlier.
Reflecting later I saw that I needed to break into the current line of thoughts with something that pulled my mind away from what was bothering me so much - detaching rather than holding on.

[emexiagog]

I have had many epiphanies but this most recent one that I feel: I am without love - staggers me, I can recall no religion, no philosphy, no fiction where the absence of love is wholesome.

Ticktock, I've found it to be a bit misguided to become over preoccupied with "where we are", or how much love - or whatever - we may or may not have. Chuang Tzu speaks of the "hideous man" who continually looks to see who his own growing son is beginning to resemble -always hoping, hoping! It seems much is a by-product of wisdom, which itself relates to mindfulness and awareness, yet these non-judgemental. For me, leaning towards the Pure Land, the non-judgemental aspect is an aspect of "acceptance", that we are told to come just as we are, irrespective. Shinran, late in life, admitted to having very little compassion or love, yet still liked the idea of being a teacher of others and the acclaim involved - yet for Shinran this honesty towards himself only made him realise with greater depth that he was the recipient of Amida's Compassion.

[Thunderzee]

In my view (with my apology), you were going to the wrong way.

You practiced to lose your feeling or compassion, like a stone or a tree. You should consider what is your purpose for practicing this. To remove all feelings, and compassions? Then you will be like a robot or a stone at the end.

You said that you have no love. That was not true. You still have had love for your mind and your body all the times. You want your mind to be happy so you practiced this. You just cannot figure it out.

The way you practiced was that you created a separate clam world for your mind. Your mind was therein, be clam and nothing could affect it. Once your mind came out of such created world and faced the real world again, your mind felt suffering as usual. This is not the way of Buddha’s teaching.
Your way is to not feeling anything and not see any ‘self’. If you do not see ‘self’, how could you put down ‘self’. If you do not feel that self is suffering, how could you put down ‘self’.

We call the ‘Four Noble Truth’, so we need to study the truth. Where is the suffering? The suffering is in our body and mind. Without our body and mind, could we be suffered from anything? No, right? So, we need to study the truth of our body and mind. If you put your mind in an created world. How can you see its truth? You will only see the adjusted mind, not the true mind.

I would recommend you to read these books for more information.

http://03.wimutti.net/pramote/books/...Guide_book.pdf
http://03.wimutti.net/pramote/books/vidhi1_20080705.pdf
http://03.wimutti.net/pramote/books/...2.20080425.pdf

Warm regards

[CedssypeEdids]

Hello Ticktock,

Hope this can help you, it is about Detachment,

"To people looking at Buddhism through the medium of English, the practice of compassion and detachment can appear incompatible, especially for those who consider themselves to be socially and politically engaged.

In contemporary usage, compassion brings to mind outward-moving concern for others, while detachment suggests aloofness and withdrawal from the world. Yet Buddhism recommends both as admirable and necessary qualities to be cultivated. This raises questions such as the following:

If compassion means to relieve suffering in a positive way, and detachment to remain aloof from the world, how can the two be practiced together?

Does detachment in Buddhism imply lack of concern for humanity?

Is the concept of compassion in Buddhism too passive, connected only with the inward-looking eye of meditation, or can it create real change in society?"

Continue...

Detachment and Compassion in Early Buddhism by Elizabeth J. Harris.