[temansertewek]

Some good time ago I found this topic on a Buddhist blog.
The general thrust of the topic was that compassion was very much contingent upon how the victim was addressing their problem. For example the issue of how much help should be given to a drug addict, if such help was essentially counter productive (idiotic).
I do not find this issue clear cut; it often involves making a very difficult choice.


My half sister, in her fifties, suffers from acute insomnia along with mental/physical problems and has lived as a virtual recluse for decades. Just prior to her death recently at 94, my mother was doctor shopping for her. Possibly one of the oldest in that game.


Seriously, relatives in particular can create great trauma for their kinfolk. Rock and hard place syndrome.
While I realize this isn't a psychiatric help blog , I thought there might be some relative Buddhist view. Thanks

[Kayakeenemeds]

The general thrust of the topic was that compassion was very much contingent upon how the victim was addressing their problem.

hi Murchovski

buddhism would probably agree with you here

the buddha was mostly interested in helping individuals to learn to help themselves

kind regards

element


When a monk has admirable people as friends, companions & comrades, he can be expected to develop & pursue the noble eightfold path.

MN 45.2 There is the case where a teacher teaches the Dhamma to his students compassionately, seeking their well-being, out of compassion: 'This is for your well-being; this is for your happiness.'

His disciples listen, lend ear & apply their minds to gnosis. Not turning aside, they don't stray from the Teacher's message...

MN 122 One truly is the protector of oneself; who else could the protector be? With oneself fully controlled, one gains a mastery that is hard to gain.

By oneself is evil done; by oneself is one defiled. By oneself is evil left undone; by oneself is one made pure. Purity and impurity depended on oneself; no one can purify another.

Dhammapada

[Lunims]

Hi Murchovski and Element, nice to be conversing with you again :-)

The " rock and a hard place " seems to come about mostly in my experiences when ideas of wanting to please, support or in some way assist another are allowed to be a strong motivator .... as an example, recently I was told by a friend that they were " damned if they did, damned if they didn't" in regards to me and how difficult it was for them - I was quite astonished that they were struggling so, as it was clear to me that the current situation meant that there was no way they were going to be able to please me - lol, and I was not wanting them to in any way. Telling them this was helpful we found.

[Quvwcxqx]

Hi Murchovski,

The expression 'idiot compassion' was first used by Chogyam Trungpa and you can read something about it from Pema Chodron here:


"Idiot compassion is a great expression, which was actually coined by Trungpa Rinpoche. It refers to something we all do a lot of and call it compassion. In some ways, it's whats called enabling. It's the general tendency to give people what they want because you can't bear to see them suffering.

Basically, you're not giving them what they need. You're trying to get away from your feeling of I can't bear to see them suffering. In other words, you're doing it for yourself. You're not really doing it for them. "

continued here:

http://www.shambhala.org/teachers/pema/qa5.php

[Allorneadesee]

Hi Andyrobyn
I think that one can go overboard when trying to assist emotional cripples, to use a term I don't like very much.
In offering,ultra long term assistance there is also the problem of interfering, in an egoistic manner, to feel better about yourself, when past indicators suggest that you are only hurting yourself, for a futile cause. In psychology I think this term is called 'enabling'

[indocrew]

Thanks Aloka -D, just what I said to Androbyn, prior to reading your post re "enabling". Will now check out the website......

[GrottereewNus]

There's a very good short article by Ajahn Jayasaro called 'Wings of the Eagle' in which he talks about compassion.

http://www.dhammatalks.net/Books5/Aj..._the_Eagle.htm

[bestworkothlo]

question your own motives is the best advice I can give. This as been one of the biggest helps to me.

[irrelaAnnekly]

Thanks Karma but things can get utra complex and you need to be an un-raveller....