[ZIZITOPER]

I'm confused about the meaning of compassion and wonder if my Western idea of the word if different from what it means in Buddhism.

I'm currently reading "The Art of Happiness" by HH Dalai Lama. In this instance he's talking about the everyday life of ordinary people and our relationship with each other. He writes: "If you approach others with the thought of compassion, that will automatically reduce fear and allow an openness with other people."

When I think of being compassionate I think of it as being in relation to people who are experience really bad times in their lives, such as famines, serious illness, or caught up in drugs etc. In which case I would do what I could to help, and be particularly gentle and kind. I'm sure you get the picture. But I cannot relate it to my work colleagues for instance, people who are doing OK, successful at work, good social life etc., or my friends in the car club, burly mechanics who are having a great time working on their cars, chatting about cars etc. Sure I want to build deeper relationships with these people and build friendships with new people but I don't get the compassion thing with people who are doing OK.

If any of you could share your ideas on compassion in every day life with work colleagues, friends, etc. it would be very helpful.

Thank you

Mandy

[SkatrySkith]

hi Mandy

welcome

compassion is the wish and intention to prevent & end suffering

so, in the work place or more superficial social life, compassion is generally only applicable in small ways

i suppose what the Dalai Lama is explaining is the general attitude: "How can I be of help to others?"

for example, in a more serious relationship, such as marriage, our compassion focus would be: "What are the sufferings/needs of my partner and how can I act to alleviate those needs/sufferings?"

such a compassionate attitiude is different from the self-centred attitude: "How can my partner make me happy?"

so in more superficial relationships, compassion is tuned more towards more subtle things, such as "How can I help my fellow workers?" or "How can I be an object of safety, i.e., not to offend of upset my friends?"

for example, not to say things to criticise the loved cars of those sensitive burly mechanics


***************************************


in the teachings of Buddhism there are at least four mature emotions used for the basis of relationship:

(1) metta: friendliness; respect; good-will (the opposite of hatred)

(2) karuna: compassion; empathy (the opposite of cruelty)

(3) mudita: appreciative joy; to be happy for the happiness/good fortune of others (the opposite of envy)

(4) upeka: equinimity; balance of mind when we cannot help

so we can develop all four of these mature emotions (rather than just one)

kind regards

element

[first_pr]

Hello Element
What you say, in part relates to a post I just made.
Upeka may be relevant to the position I have indicated there.

[boleroman]

If any of you could share your ideas on compassion in every day life with work colleagues, friends, etc. it would be very helpful

Hi Mandy,

I think that metta (loving kindness and friendship) has possibly been slightly more relevant to me than compassion in everyday life because I've found it beneficial to remember the Buddha's words on loving kindness (Karaniya Metta Sutta) which include:

"Let none through anger or ill-will
Wish harm upon another.
Even as a mother protects with her life
Her child, her only child,
So with a boundless heart
Should one cherish all living beings,
Radiating kindness over the entire world:
Spreading upwards to the skies
And downwards to the depths,
Outwards and unbounded,
Freed from hatred and ill-will"


More about metta practice here:

http://www.buddhanet.net/metta.htm

with kind wishes,

Aloka

[sherrferris]

hi Mandy

welcome

compassion is the wish and intention to prevent & end suffering

so, in the work place or more superficial social life, compassion is generally only applicable in small ways

i suppose what the Dalai Lama is explaining is the general attitude: "How can I be of help to others?"

for example, in a more serious relationship, such as marriage, our compassion focus would be: "What are the sufferings/needs of my partner and how can I act to alleviate those needs/sufferings?"

such a compassionate attitiude is different from the self-centred attitude: "How can my partner make me happy?"

so in more superficial relationships, compassion is tuned more towards more subtle things, such as "How can I help my fellow workers?" or "How can I be an object of safety, i.e., not to offend of upset my friends?"

for example, not to say things to criticise the loved cars of those sensitive burly mechanics


***************************************


in the teachings of Buddhism there are at least four mature emotions used for the basis of relationship:

(1) metta: friendliness; respect; good-will (the opposite of hatred)

(2) karuna: compassion; empathy (the opposite of cruelty)

(3) mudita: appreciative joy; to be happy for the happiness/good fortune of others (the opposite of envy)

(4) upeka: equinimity; balance of mind when we cannot help

so we can develop all four of these mature emotions (rather than just one)

kind regards

element

compassion is the wish and intention to prevent & end suffering

so, in the work place or more superficial social life, compassion is generally only applicable in small ways

so in more superficial relationships, compassion is tuned more towards more subtle things, ...

***
in the teachings of Buddhism there are at least four mature emotions used for the basis of relationship:

(1) metta: friendliness; respect; good-will (the opposite of hatred)

(2) karuna: compassion; empathy (the opposite of cruelty)

(3) mudita: appreciative joy; to be happy for the happiness/good fortune of others (the opposite of envy)

(4) upeka: equinimity; balance of mind when we cannot help

so we can develop all four of these mature emotions (rather than just one)

kind regards

element

Hi Element,

Thank you so much for your reply. As soon as I read it this morning (couldnt reply then was on way to work) I "got it" - I understood what compassion meant. It reminded me of when I first learned about the four noble truths - accusing Buddhism of being 'over dramatic' because I didn't see myself as 'suffering'. It was the case then that I had only thought of 'suffering' as in real, physical, serious suffering. I now understand that suffering comes in different degrees.

Today I researched compassion a bit more on the internet and thought about it quite a lot. I see that the case of compassion isnt exactly the same as for suffering as I now understand compassion to be simply that 'compassion' whatever the circumstances. I now realise that the thing that makes the overall experience of compassion different in different circumstances is that compassion for say famine victims is also accompanied by maybe anger (at a world that's allowed this to happen) and deep sadness (for the starving), making it seem much more emotionally powerful. So I can see how I could have compassion for a work colleague whos maybe under pressure or really not having a good day but in that case I'm not also experiencing other emotional reactions. So thank you for helping me to see that.

Thank you also for including the four mature emotions - also very helpful.

Regards,

Mandy

[Alina20100]

Thank you Aloka,

As I told Element, I did some more research on compassion today and noted the relationship between compassion and loving kindness. I wasnt too sure about that either. I can see how loving kindness would be useful for everyday but alongside compassion. The trick is I think is to spot which is most appropriate at the time, requiring being mindful of what's going on in people's lives.

ps I do love the word Metta - it has a nice sound to it.
Mandy

[bestgenpower]

I find this article very helpful:

The birth of a child, is, at the same time, the birth of a mother
into the world.

Child is the symbol of a mother. That love for the child, that
tenderness of the heart which characterises a mother, is so sig-
nificant that it is often associated with the change of red-blood
into milk.

"Metta" - usually rendered by that cross-bred term loving kind-
ness, is the universal love for which the mother's love for her child
is the unit. The Buddha speaking about metta says for instance,
"Just as a mother would protect her only child even at the risk of
her own life, so should one develop a boundless heart towards
all beings".

A mother is not only born with the child she brings forth, she
also grows up with the child she brings up. Her growth is in terms of
the other three Divine Abidings or Brahma Vihara- compassion,
sympathetic joy and equanimity. In bringing up her child, some-
times a mother has to be stern and tactful. Her soft tender love
matures into a compassionate sternness, when the child is pass-
ing through the unruly boyhood and reckless adolescence. But
that hardness of her heart melts at the correct moment, like
butter.

The child has now reached manhood. He can stand on his
own feet with enviable self-confidence. The mother also grows
up with sympathetic joy enjoying the fruits of her labours. Her com-
placence, like curd, is serene and has nothing meddlesome about it.
The bringing forth and the bringing-up is over. The time comes
now to let go - of the attachments and involvements regarding
the child. But for that separation too, the mother, now mature
in her experience, is fully prepared with equanimity. Like a pot
of ghee, she is not easily upset.

Universal love, compassion, sympathetic-joy and equanimity are
the four Divine Abidings a mother practises in a limited sense in
the course of her motherly care for the child. Charity begins at
home. These four are homely virtues in the first instance, to be
remembered like milk, butter, curd and ghee. The four Divine
Abidings are to be developed, however, in a boundless measure
until one's heart is fully released in them. A mother bears testi-
mony to the practicability and the reciprocal value of these
Divine Abidings which hold the prospects of spiritual growth,
peace and harmony for the society at large.

[bQXHsKzS]

I find this article very helpful:

Could you give us the source of the article, please Pegembara?

Readers of this thread might also be in interested in the thread "Idiot Compassion" which is also in the Beginners forum.

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