[GlictStiply]

I know when people read this they will probably think what is he doing. I'm curious, is it realistic to practice Buddhism in todays world? I want to apply Buddhism to my life and even consider myself a Buddhist but I do not want to become a monk in a monestary. I believe when you practice something (in a religious aspect) that you shouldn't pick and choose what to follow. A majority of the concepts and teachings makes so much sense to me but then there is lobha. Dosa and moha are not a problem. Lobha on the other hand is. Is it wrong that I lust for or have a sexual relationship with my girlfriend? Is that selfish? I'm not willing to give up this part of my relationship. How do you apply this to your modern life?

[Snuddyentaine]

Take stock of your motivation: why do you want to practice Buddhism?

[Dildos]

I'm looking to let go of the things that cause heart ache in my life, past and present. I don't want to worry or become so attached to my "things" that it controls my daily activities. I've also harbored ill feelings and grudges towards other people that I would like to leave behind. I guess what I'm saying is I want to "cleanse" myself.

[maysubers]

Okay. Well, to use a metaphor the Buddha was fond of, you must first know your afflictions, and then take the appropriate medicine in the appropriate quantities. What you're describing doesn't sound like it would require taking up monasticism. It's perfectly possible to learn how to relate skillfully with your emotional life with a lay practice.

The Buddha's monks renounced all worldly life to free themselves from worldly existence and the samsaric cycle of suffering-laden rebirths; this entails disenchantment with all sensory pleasures, including attachment to things like sex, music, or food. This does not sound like what you're going for. As such, I don't think you need to worry about having to become celibate.

I think a good place to look in terms of how to apply the Buddha's insights to a lay life would be the work of lay teachers: Gil Fronsdal, Jack Kornfield, Sharon Salzberg, Sylvia Boorstein, et al. are some people who have written books and given many talks (some of which you can find for free at Dharma Seed). Again, it's important to know your goals. Otherwise, you'll become completely lost.




edited by admin for spacing (visual migrain)

[AntonioMQ]

I know when people read this they will probably think what is he doing. I'm curious, is it realistic to practice Buddhism in todays world? I want to apply Buddhism to my life and even consider myself a Buddhist but I do not want to become a monk in a monestary. I believe when you practice something (in a religious aspect) that you shouldn't pick and choose what to follow. A majority of the concepts and teachings makes so much sense to me but then there is lobha. Dosa and moha are not a problem. Lobha on the other hand is. Is it wrong that I lust for or have a sexual relationship with my girlfriend? Is that selfish? I'm not willing to give up this part of my relationship. How do you apply this to your modern life?

Hi Jeremy,

Its not necessary for everyone to be a monk or a nun in order to be a Buddhist practitioner.

The Buddha gave advice to lay practitioners in several suttas.

You can find advice for lay people here in DN 31 Singalova Sutta:

http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipit...31.0.nara.html

and here in AN 4.55 Samajivina Sutta: Living in Tune

http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipit....055.than.html


Buddha said:

Husband & wife, both of them
having conviction,
being responsive,
being restrained,
living by the Dhamma,
addressing each other
with loving words:
they benefit in manifold ways.
To them comes bliss.
Their enemies are dejected
when both are in tune in virtue.
Having followed the Dhamma here in this world,
both in tune in precepts & practices,
they delight in the world of the devas,
enjoying the pleasures they desire.

AN 4.55

[johnstylet]

I'm looking to let go of the things that cause heart ache in my life, past and present. I don't want to worry or become so attached to my "things" that it controls my daily activities. I've also harbored ill feelings and grudges towards other people that I would like to leave behind. I guess what I'm saying is I want to "cleanse" myself.

You might find this helpful, Jeremy....


Excerpt from 'Letting Go' by Ajahn Sumedho:


"The practice of 'letting go' is very effective for minds obsessed by compulsive thinking: you simplify your meditation practice down to just two words – 'letting go' – rather than try to develop this practice and then develop that; and achieve this and go into that, and understand this, and read the Suttas, and study the Abhidhamma... and then learn Pali and Sanskrit... then the Madhyamika and the Prajña Paramita... get ordinations in the Hinayana, Mahayana, Vajrayana... write books and become a world renowned authority on Buddhism. Instead of becoming the world's expert on Buddhism and being invited to great International Buddhist Conferences, just 'let go, let go, let go'.

I did nothing but this for about two years – every time I tried to understand or figure things out, I'd say 'let go, let go' until the desire would fade out. So I'm making it very simple for you, to save you from getting caught in incredible amounts of suffering. There's nothing more sorrowful than having to attend International Buddhist Conferences! Some of you might have the desire to become the Buddha of the age, Maitreya, radiating love throughout the world – but instead, I suggest just being an earthworm, letting go of the desire to radiate love throughout the world. Just be an earthworm who knows only two words – 'let go, let go, let go' "

continued here :http://www.vipassanadhura.com/lettinggo.html


I highly recommend Dhamma Talks from Ajahn Sumedho as well as other Theravada Forest Tradition teachers at the link below. Just click on the name to get a list of talks.

http://www.dhammatalks.org.uk/

[Enjoymms]

Is it wrong that I lust for or have a sexual relationship with my girlfriend? Is that selfish? I'm not willing to give up this part of my relationship. How do you apply this to your modern life?

Hi jeremy,
There's a lot of rubbish written on the web and elsewhere concerning this point. The truth is, you don't have to 'become' anything in order to practice meditation. You certainly don't need to be celibate or renounced. Let's face it, if we were all perfect and holier-than-thou already, we wouldn't need any spiritual instructions.

I really identify with your motivation to engage in the Buddhist path. You wrote:
"I'm looking to let go of the things that cause heart ache in my life, past and present. I don't want to worry or become so attached to my "things" that it controls my daily activities. I've also harbored ill feelings and grudges towards other people that I would like to leave behind. I guess what I'm saying is I want to "cleanse" myself."

That is superb and is born of a heart-felt need. More than enough, as you have identified the problem and you are looking for a solution. Check the links that Aloka-D provided. I cultivate anapanasati myself (mindfulness of the breath). It's very simple but very effective.

Whatever you do, don't listen to anyone who tells you that you first need to cultivate virtuous states of mind or have some kind of blessing or be the owner of some rare dharma objects or master a long-dead language.

You've already got everything you need to get started.

Namaste
Kris

[KignPeeseeamn]

Thank you guys. I'm always weary about getting info from the net and unless I get several good referals to a site I usually don't pay attention to them.

Take stock of your motivation: why do you want to practice Buddhism?

I must say, Glow, you took me off guard with this question. My heart said Buddhism was right but I wasn't sure how to put it into words. I thought about it overnight and I realized I want to be taught how to live right and not told how to live right. Again thanks to all of you for your thoughts and helpfullness, much appriciated.

[Gmvkgkmn]

why do you want to practice Buddhism?

Glow, how would you answer your own question?

[layedgebiamma]

I will start by letting you know I too am new to Buddhism, and definitely not as experienced or knowledgable as many others here.

But this is my opinion on this aspect you mentioned:

I believe when you practice something (in a religious aspect) that you shouldn't pick and choose what to follow In my opinion, when starting out, you certainly can 'pick and choose' a place to start at, and slowly work your way up. (and not just start at 'monk level'). For example, some of the basic 'things not to do' (sorry the correct word eludes me at the moment) is no harsh speech, dont steal, no divissive talk, do not kill, etc. (found in the noble eightfold path). I think this is a great starting point, as from what I have learned, actual monks must take 100s of vows, far more in depth. I think it would be unreasonable to expect anybody new to Buddhism to just "jump into" such a radical change in life and accept those 100s of vows all at once. So I think, you definitely can 'pick and choose' a more basic overall place to start with, then slowly work your way towards more and more commitment towards your path.

Afterall, enlightenment cannot just happen in one day, it takes years of practicing, and im sure no one who started into Buddhism just became 'instantly' pure and perfect.

Thats just my two cents anyway.

[Drugmachine]

For example, some of the basic 'things not to do' (sorry the correct word eludes me at the moment) is no harsh speech, dont steal, no divissive talk, do not kill, etc

There are 5 lay precepts as follows:


1. I undertake the precept to refrain from destroying living creatures.

2. I undertake the precept to refrain from taking that which is not given.

3. I undertake the precept to refrain from sexual misconduct.

4. I undertake the precept to refrain from incorrect speech.

5. I undertake the precept to refrain from intoxicating drinks and drugs which lead to carelessness.

source:http://www.accesstoinsight.org/ptf/d...pancasila.html


More about the monastic code can be found here:

http://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/a...mc1.intro.html

[Jannet.K]

Thank you guys. I'm always weary about getting info from the net and unless I get several good referals to a site I usually don't pay attention to them. Originally Posted by Glow Take stock of your motivation: why do you want to practice Buddhism?

I must say, Glow, you took me off guard with this question. My heart said Buddhism was right but I wasn't sure how to put it into words. I thought about it overnight and I realized I want to be taught how to live right and not told how to live right. Again thanks to all of you for your thoughts and helpfullness, much appreciated. It's a question my very first teacher asked of me several months into my practice. He did so because I was starting to have a lot of questions about the Buddhist life path and dealing with intermittent periods of blind dedication to the practice and periods of intense distaste for anything Buddhist. This man, a very wise monk from Bangladesh, was able to light my blind spot for me: what was I practicing for? Like you, it caught me totally off guard.

In my case, I was simply fetishizing Buddhism for its own sake. I was clinging to the practice with fervor as an opportunity to identify myself with something sacred and ancient and vaguely exotic. In short, I was full of it, lol. Since that point, I've been very careful to observe the workings of ego in my practice and keep in touch with the "suffering and the end of suffering" in terms of which the Buddha described his life path. It saved me from neurotically trying to shoehorn the ancient renunciant culture even when it wasn't something that made sense to me.

Originally Posted by Glow why do you want to practice Buddhism?

Glow, how would you answer your own question? My initial motivation over a decade ago was simply: to help deal with my anxiety and depression. That's still pretty much the case today. There are events from my past in which I was quite unthinkingly cruel,both to others and myself. Such memories motivated me to adopt an emotional "hygiene" of skillful thought, action, and motivation: to prevent myself to hurting others again in the ways that I did, and prevent myself from hurting myself through cultivating harmful mindstates like jealousy, resentment, or anger.

[michael247]

My initial motivation over a decade ago was

Thank you for having the courage to answer my direct question. Like yourself, I was attracted to Buddhism, in part, because it seemed to address certain long-term issues I had, and , in part, because it just seemed "right" from my initial readings.

I would say the Buddhist approach to life has helped me but I still have issues, though much less intense and much less interfering in my life.

Has your persuit of Buddhism been of help to you?

Would it be of interest if others were willing to discuss the reasons for their choice, realizing that this can be a very personal question?

[FourEsters]

Would it be of interest if others were willing to discuss the reasons for their choice, realizing that this can be a very personal question?

Hi Plogsties, I think it would be an excellent idea for you to start a new topic thread in the General Buddhist Discussions forum if you are interested in discussing the reasons why other members chose to investigate Buddhism .


Kind wishes,

Aloka-D- Aloka

[Pataacculakp]

"The practice of 'letting go' is very effective for minds obsessed by compulsive thinking: you simplify your meditation practice down to just two words – 'letting go' – rather than try to develop this practice and then develop that; and achieve this and go into that, and understand this, and read the Suttas, and study the Abhidhamma... and then learn Pali and Sanskrit... then the Madhyamika and the Prajña Paramita... get ordinations in the Hinayana, Mahayana, Vajrayana... write books and become a world renowned authority on Buddhism. Instead of becoming the world's expert on Buddhism and being invited to great International Buddhist Conferences, just 'let go, let go, let go'.

Great quote Aloka,

I take the opportunity to share this Zen story about letting go...

Kitano Gempo Abbot of Eihei temple was ninety-two years old when he passed away in the year 1933. He endeavored his whole life not to be attached to anything. As a wandering mendicant when he was twenty he happend to meet a traveler who smoked tobacco. As they walked together down a mountain road, they stopped under a tree to rest. The traveler offered Kitano a smoke, which he accepted, as he was very hungry at the time.

"How pleasant this smoking is," he commented. The other gave him an extra pipe and tobacco and they parted.

Kitano felt: "Such pleasant things may disturb meditation. Before this goes to far, I will stop now." So he threw the smoking outfit away.

When he was twenty-three years old he studied I-King, the profoundest doctrine of the Universe. It was winter at the time and he needed some heavy clothes. He wrote his teacher, who lived a hundred miles away, telling him of his need, and gave the letter to a traveler to deliver. Almost the whole winter passed and neither answere nor clothes arrived. So Kitano resorted to the prescience of I-King, which also teaches the art of divination, to determine whether or not his letter had miscarried. He found that this had been the case. A letter afterwards from his teacher made no mention of clothes.

"If I perform such accurate determinative work with I-King I may neglet meditation," felt Kitano. So he gave up this marvelous teaching and never resorted to its powers again.

When he was twenty-eight he studied Chinese calligraphy and poetry. He grew so skillfull in these arts that his teacher praised him. Kitano mused: "If I don't stop now, I'll be a poet not a Zen teacher." So he never wrote another poem. Just 2 Zen Cents,

[dxpfmP0l]

Whatever you do, don't listen to anyone who tells you that you first need to cultivate virtuous states of mind or have some kind of blessing or be the owner of some rare dharma objects or master a long-dead language.

You've already got everything you need to get started.

A beautifull advice Kris!

For example, some of the basic 'things not to do' (sorry the correct word eludes me at the moment) is no harsh speech, dont steal, no divissive talk, do not kill, etc. (found in the noble eightfold path). I think this is a great starting point,

Yes it is... seems simple but when it is honestly put in practice it is not so...



My advice is to meditate and let meditation become part of your life. Results will be good and will come in a natural way.

[Wluwsdtn]

I know when people read this they will probably think what is he doing. I'm curious, is it realistic to practice Buddhism in todays world? I want to apply Buddhism to my life and even consider myself a Buddhist but I do not want to become a monk in a monestary. I believe when you practice something (in a religious aspect) that you shouldn't pick and choose what to follow. A majority of the concepts and teachings makes so much sense to me but then there is lobha. Dosa and moha are not a problem. Lobha on the other hand is. Is it wrong that I lust for or have a sexual relationship with my girlfriend? Is that selfish? I'm not willing to give up this part of my relationship. How do you apply this to your modern life?

You can practice Buddhadhamma while being a layman, you dont have to ordain its just the monks lifestyle is conductive to nibbana


Its not wrong to want sex with your girlfriend, its just that such activity isnt conductive to nibbana


For myself I just put the teachings into practice and interest in sex and the like has diminished, although not completely

[Deseassaugs]

Its not wrong to want sex with your girlfriend, its just that such activity isnt conductive to nibbana

Yes, and also through the constant and disciplined practice of meditation the sexual ungency will soften and lead to a shift from "sex as a need" to sex as a way that leads to a true form of lovemaking.

For myself I just put the teachings into practice and interest in sex and the like has diminished, although not completely

That's it.