[alecaf]

Hey everyone. I have never been able to get a good answer about this. Is sex between an unmarried couple who are not involved in adultery but truly do love each other very well okay? Is it considered to be sinful or somehow a violation of the rules? Will it prevent a person from advancing toward Nirvana or Paradise?

[propolo]

Is sex between an unmarried couple who are not involved in adultery but truly do love each other very well okay? Is it considered to be sinful or somehow a violation of the rules? Will it prevent a person from advancing toward Nirvana or Paradise?

Welcome, SpiritualGal02

Rules and regulations about couples tend to vary according to cultural and religious beliefs in the society in which they arise.

My own opinion is that a marriage certificate doesn't necessarily mean that a happy, lasting relationship will always continue to follow on from that. There are plenty of couples who aren't offically married who have faithful, loving, partnerships. What matters is peoples attitudes towards each other within a relationship.

Being together as a couple and not being married wasn't declared a "sin" by the Buddha, as far as I'm aware.

He did, however, give advice about a husband and wife living in tune with each other
here.........

http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipit....055.than.html

Kind wishes,

Aloka

[avitalporatova]

Welcome SpiritualGal02

In (my version of) Buddhism, 'heaven' is the state of happiness & Nirvana is the state of peace.

The Buddha taught both our happiness & peace of mind are dependent on our actions or karma. To develop wholesome karma is one constituant of the Buddhist path.

The Buddha taught our actions (and their results) are dependent on our intentions.

So in Buddhism, the institution of marriage does not have great importance because what is important is the intentions two people have towards eachother.

The Buddha greatly emphasised intentions based in non-harming, protection & compassion.

The Buddha praised faithfulness as the primary virtue in marriage.

So if two people wisely consider their mutual goals & develop the aspiration to protect, care & be faithful towards eachother, this will lead to their mutual happiness & peace.

The Buddha wished for human beings to have happiness & peace.

Kind regards

Element

[Flieteewell]

A beautifull answere Element,

[iH1wMOhE]

Personally I dont see what is wrong with it, they are not hurting anyone

From a Buddhist point of view, its the intention that matters. In Buddhism marriage isnt considered as important as you would find in the Abrahamic religions

[pesty4077]

My understanding of the admonitions about sex is that the Buddha recommended avoiding "illicit" or "improper" sex. What constitutes "illicit" or "improper" sex is relative to one's culture and social mores. It's not an absolute dictum, as we would find in the Abrahamic traditions. The sorts of illicit/improper sex acts that are near-universal include rape, adultery and the like.

In general, if you and/or the other person feels like you have to keep it a secret, lie about it, etc, it's probably not healthy.

The actual, physical sexual act isn't the real issue, anyway. It's attachment to pleasurable experiences that's the real problem. They distract one from one's pursuit of the highest attainment. It's possible to have sex without attachments or being obsessive about it. The body evolved to have sex. Whether it's with a partner or through masturbation, sex can be seen as simply 'body maintenance'. Nothing to get worked up about, nothing to get attached to, despite what advertising would have you do.

[engideNedmupe]

The sorts of illicit/improper sex acts that are near-universal include rape, adultery and the like.

... or that kind of sex that can hurt the feelings of the other; the kind of sex that is out of love and commitment, that uses the other just for lust and personal pleasure. At the long run, the use of another person for personal lust and pleasure, as an instrument or way of masturbation (personal pleasure), will harm deeply the feeling of the one who is being used and the one that uses. This leads to hellish mental states governed by lustfull feelings and painfull attachments that are the eternal source of Dhukka.

As a lay practitioner and being into a love relationship I found sex as a way to give and receive love; being carefull about each other feelings. This kind of sex goes beyond lust and pleasure and I think do not necessarily leads to attachment.

As meditative practice evolves sex takes its right and propper place. It changes its quality from just the search of pleasure and lust into another way to love. As the practice of Dhamma continues we will find that also there are other deeper ways to give love giving sex a secondary place understanding other ways of giving love and having commitment.

They distract one from one's pursuit of the highest attainment.

True. I think that it is important that, if we are in a love commitment, to practice the Dhamma and meditation together so to realize the need of this state of attainment and understand the nature of this distraction.

[hojutok]

What constitutes "illicit" or "improper" sex is relative to one's culture and social mores.

Personally, I have doubts about such an open interpretation.

I acknowledge the core definition of sexual misconduct is to refrain from sex where it can harm an existing relationship, that is, sex with a married person, a betrothed person, a person still living in the care of their parents, a person living in the care of an institution, etc.

However, today's society is different from the Buddha's society and, at least for the purpose of protecting the well-being of oneself & others, my personally view is the definition of sexual misconduct needs to be guided by being sensitive to the general Dhamma principles of "non-harming".

For example, in the Sigalovada Sutta, the Buddha taught one duty of a parent towards their children was to help arrange or support a suitable marriage. The Buddha also taught in the Sigalovada Sutta a husband & wife should be faithful to one another.

Therefore, both in the Buddha's society and especially for a layfollower of the Buddha, the scope left for sex outside of marriage was quite narrow.

Kind regards

[RuttyUttepe]

refrain from sex where it can harm an existing relationship,

That's it!

[itititit]

@Kaarine: Ooops! I made a mistake. When I wrote "They distract", I should have written "It distracts", by which I mean the attachment, not the experiences. Sorry!

@Element: That's a good way to look at it, I think. When I read the Vinaya suttas, it's very clear that the Buddha wasn't proclaiming by fiat some heavenly decree. Instead, he made the Vinaya rules as responses to problems that arose either within the Sangha or between the Sangha and the lay people. That is, the rules arose out of pragmatism, not moralism, and I think it's most consistent to look at his advice to laypeople in the same light. Cheers!

[ApporpSothe]

@Kaarine: Ooops! I made a mistake. When I wrote "They distract", I should have written "It distracts", by which I mean the attachment, not the experiences. Sorry!

Oh OK.

No problem dear FBM

[sleepergun]

Just want to make it clear that I'm no enemy of sex.

[RedImmik]

Just want to make it clear that I'm no enemy of sex.

[GroosteFoessy]

Hey everyone. I have never been able to get a good answer about this. Is sex between an unmarried couple who are not involved in adultery but truly do love each other very well okay? Is it considered to be sinful or somehow a violation of the rules? Will it prevent a person from advancing toward Nirvana or Paradise?

What makes you think it would be a violation of some sort?