[Laqswrnm]

Bloke dives in a pub just as the bell rings for time. He asks for a pint and the landlord says too late mate !! - After asking over and over, the landlord says I'll give you a drink if you take old Harry home in the corner ..... Deal ...... Drinks his pint gets hold of Harry and off they go. "Where do you live then Harry"? ...... "23 Arcacia Avenue BUT" ........ "No BUTS it's fine" .........

Gets to the end of the street and says "here you are then Harry.... 23 - Just up there mate" .... Lets him .... SMACK .... straight on his nose, blood everywhere........... "Blimey Harry come on mate, up you get" He takes him to number 23, props him against the door, rings the bell and legs it.... The wife aswers the door and as she opens it, Harry falls in ripping off half his ear on the knocker...... Instead of simpathy, his wife says "Your pissed" ......... "but I have only had 2 pints" ......... "YOUR PISSED".......... "honest I have only had 2 pints"

"If your not pissed - Then how did you get home without your wheelchair" !!!
<span class='smallblacktext'>[ Edited Sat Jan 15 2005, 09:48AM ]</span>

[anolbom]

While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends late one night, the drunk led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong.

&quot;What's that big brass gong for?&quot; one of the guests asked. &quot;Why, that's the talking clock&quot; the man replied. &quot;How does it work?&quot; &quot;Watch&quot;, the man said, giving it an ear-shattering pound with a hammer.

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, &quot;For f**k sake, you w**ker, it's 2am in the f**king morning!!&quot;