[EscaCsamas]

Hello to all,

I am new in this forum, even though I have visited it couple of times just to read posts but I never posted myself. I decided to post now for a really important matter. I am Greek Orthodox and I love a man from another religion. He is not religious, he loves me and he has proposed to me. I have told him that I cannot marry someone from another religion and that I want to marry in the Church because I want my marriage to be blessed by God as the wedding in Orthodoxy is a sacrament. He is willing to get married in the Church as he thinks it's a holy place, even though he is not Christian. I have talked to him a lot about Orthodoxy without asking him to convert, however I informed him that he needs to be baptised in order to marry in the Church. I have some questions to ask you and I am sorry if they seem stupid.
First, does baptism without belief have any effect? I mean I know baptism is the way to remove the inherited sin, have all our sins forgiven and it is the key to heaven, however is it completely meaningless in this case? The same with our marriage, will it be blessed?
Second, I know that after our marriage he still won't believe in the Holy Trinity, however will the Holy Spirit enlighten him to see the truth and believe? Isn't it important that he is willing to be baptised so that eventually he finds the truth? Since I cannot force him to believe in something, at least this willingness is important,no?
Third, I don't know exactly the process in order someone to be baptised, I know he needs to attend the Liturgy for a period of time. So this might help him find the truth...

I really love this man and I want to marry him and also lead him to the truth, but if I cannot marry him in the Church then I will have to leave him...and I don't want this. So please, I need your advice.

[Lafclaria]

Welcome to the forum, Mary-Jo.

Have you spoken to your priest about this matter?

[PharmaDrMan]

Not yet. I intend to, but I would like to have some opinions here before I go to him.

[SarkisPioute]

Not yet. I intend to, but I would like to have some opinions here before I go to him.

Mary Jo,
I think you are approaching this a little backwards. Your priest will be the one responsible for catechizing anyone desiring baptism. He will be the one to decide whether or not a person is ready to be baptized. Baptism is generally not given to those who cannot confess the Orthodox faith (the one being baptized - or in the case of an infant the Godparent - must confess the Nicene Creed as a part of the baptismal service.) It really doesn't matter what we think here - what matters is whether or not your priest is willing to take responsibility before God for the salvation of the person to whom he gives the sacrament of baptism. I don't know about your priest, but myself, as a priest, if a person did not believe, I would not baptize them - to do so would make a mockery of the whole Church (which you claim to honor by your desire for a Church wedding). I could not stand before God and say - "Well, you know, Lord, I know that he was lying, but I just pretended that he wasn't because, well, I didn't want to offend anyone."

All that being said, although you think you know what is in the heart of this young man, how can you know whether he will or will not accept the Orthodox faith once he is catechized. Don't worry about weddings or baptisms yet - if he wants to embrace the Orthodox Faith, then the first step is for him to begin coming to the Church and to begin catechism.

Fr David Moser

[Colorostikse]

Thank you Father for your reply. I understand the priest should be sure that the person has accepted the Orthodox faith and is ready to be part of the Church. My wonder however, is if my boyfriend is catechized and he does everything and he reads the Nicene Creed but he does all these in order to marry me and not because he truly believes, then is it still a sin if I marry him? Sorry for asking something so personal and maybe superficial, but I am suspicious about his willingness and I would like to know where I stand as a true Christian...and of course I will talk to my spiritual father soon, but I really need your help at this point. Thank you for one more time.

[RokeIdeadioke]

My wonder however, is if my boyfriend is catechized and he does everything and he reads the Nicene Creed but he does all these in order to marry me and not because he truly believes, then is it still a sin if I marry him?

You've asked my advice and I'm afraid its a little harsh:
In my experience a person who seeks baptism solely for the purpose of marrying and Orthodox Christian will soon abandon the Faith. If they abandon the Orthodox Faith which is such a major part of your own being, how long would it be before they abandon you as well. Such a marriage, based upon a lie, will not last. You may grieve now a little for the loss of your boyfriend - but this small grief now will save you from a greater grief later. My advice - don't go there.

Fr David Moser