[Idorsearogele]

I'm not sure if this is the right space for this thread, and hope the moderators will move it if it is not. I was chrismated last June, and don't seem to have any of my old friends left since then. I led a fairly wild life for quite a while; I began changing my life several years before I first found Orthodoxy, but have made much bigger and more decisive changes since then. Most of my old friends seemed to drift away naturally and painlessly over the last year or two but one, who has been my best friend since we were in grade school, is different. He is still just as wild as I used to be, but has made an active attempt to remain close to me anyway. We've both tried hard to find things we can do together, things we can talk about that will allow us to remain close without sucking me into my old bad habits. Despite this, I know that he is quietly convinced that I'm just "going through a phase" and will rejoin my old favourite activities soon, and so I am constantly uneasy with him. I hate the thought of rejecting him because he has been my friend for so long and I feel it would unfair to act like I am judging him for doing exactly the things I did not so long ago, but I am just not comfortable.
So, I suppose my question is, is it possible to keep your old friends in such a situation? Has anyone else had a similar kind of experience?

[fount_pirat]

Sorry to say, dear Anna, but just as in any other lifestyle change, your old friends start to have little in common with you.
It happens when people get married, it happens when people have children, and it happens when people join, commit to, or recommit to a religion or faith incompatible with the lifestyle of their friends. It happens to everyone at some point in life.

[gamblingstats]

Its really hard for people to accept that someone they have known for so long can change so radically. He may want for things to go back the way they always were, he prefers the 'old you'. I have to give you credit its not easy going against a lifestyle you lived for many years. It sounds like you guys were a 'cliche' since childhood. Perhaps you can have a serious talk and just tell him people settle down and youthful indescretions are not meant to go on forever. And yes you may eventually lose him as a friend, not really an easy thing to make your new lifestyle rub off, and if you do lose him as a friend to warn you he'll probably say youve joined a cult.

[TheBestCheapestOEM]

No it is not, not especially if certain friends might drag you back to your old habits before your conversion and you end up in a worse state than before conversion.

[Sopzoozyren]

Hi Annna, yes when I converted and told my father(who doesnt follow any religion),his words were :"what a shame , ive lost you. You've gone to the other side"! He is a man of 82yrs,and looked at Orthodoxy as a Russian conspiracy!! I tried to explain that A)i was GREEK orthodox, B)It's a christian religion that spans many countries....his mind was closed. We are fine, but I cant talk about my faith because he thinks its a cult ! He can not get it, that the moral guidance and traditions of the Orthodox Church are a blessing.I think people know where they "fit", and where you" fit" in their version of you. It's a scary thing for them to have to adjust .Especially when they think you are going to judge them (with your new religeous view of the world).Just keep being you, and your friend will adjust and see the strength you have.

[denwerdinoss]

We've both tried hard to find things we can do together, things we can talk about that will allow us to remain close without sucking me into my old bad habits. ... I feel it would unfair to act like I am judging him for doing exactly the things I did not so long ago, but I am just not comfortable.
So, I suppose my question is, is it possible to keep your old friends in such a situation?

As many people have noted, it is a fact of life that we lose old friends and gain new friends as life goes on. However, I have to wonder why it is that the only concern here seems to be that you can only talk about things that are tempting to you in order to remain close. If this person is truly your lifelong friend, they will want to share in the things that you love and that inspire you. So bring this person to the Church and then you can talk about the Church and the spiritual life and how wonderful you have found it to be. Hopefully this kind of thing that you can do together and talk about will not "suck you back into your old bad habits." If this person is not willing to share your new life as you shared his old life, then perhaps he's not really looking for a friend but just looking for someone to justify his own "old bad habits"

Fr David

Fr David

[Prarnenoexpog]

As many people have noted, it is a fact of life that we lose old friends and gain new friends as life goes on. However, I have to wonder why it is that the only concern here seems to be that you can only talk about things that are tempting to you in order to remain close. If this person is truly your lifelong friend, they will want to share in the things that you love and that inspire you. So bring this person to the Church and then you can talk about the Church and the spiritual life and how wonderful you have found it to be. Hopefully this kind of thing that you can do together and talk about will not "suck you back into your old bad habits." If this person is not willing to share your new life as you shared his old life, then perhaps he's not really looking for a friend but just looking for someone to justify his own "old bad habits"

Fr David

Fr David

I think that may be largely the case, since for several years our friendship followed a pattern of mutual reinforcement for our questionable behaviors.
Kosta-he already says I've joined a cult! What a prescient response.

[Stetbrate]

My wife has lost friends since her conversion. She lost Baptist friends who have consigned her to hell for having joined a "cult".

[Adeniinteme]

My wife has lost friends since her conversion. She lost Baptist friends who have consigned her to hell for having joined a "cult".

One can understand losing unreligious/unbelieving friends, but to lose friends who love Jesus Christ just as much is heartbreaking.

[Dwencejed]

One can understand losing unreligious/unbelieving friends, but to lose friends who love Jesus Christ just as much is heartbreaking.

I fear it is what I have come to expect, from experience.

[palantownia]

She lost Baptist friends who have consigned her to hell for having joined a "cult".

Aweful nice of them to assign judgement to her. I thought they were more aligned with God doing the judging. Oh well, times do change with the wind.

[esenesesinas]

People tend to fear what they don't understand. Seeking to understand takes effort. Fear takes no effort at all. It is simply the path of least resistance.

Fear is antithetical to real Christianity, but not everyone who claims to be a Christian really is. Pray for such as these.

[GAGNAPPEAPH]

Anna, lots of people are ignorant about what people believe, even though they are Christians. Don't take notice of what other people say or do. Let your life and not your words be your advocate.

In the old days people didn't talk about religion or about money. I think that this is still wise advice.

[XinordiX]

Sorry to say, dear Anna, but just as in any other lifestyle change, your old friends start to have little in common with you.
It happens when people get married, it happens when people have children, and it happens when people join, commit to, or recommit to a religion or faith incompatible with the lifestyle of their friends. It happens to everyone at some point in life.

Anna, what Alice says in her above post is very true. We lose friends for many reasons and are sad. But, real friends will be by your side no matter what.

Remember Socrates : Be slow to fall into friendship; but when thou art in, continue firm and constant.

This is something that I believe and have always practised even before I read Socrates. True friends always remain true friends even though continents and years might separate you. You do not need to agree with everything your friends believe. Those who abandon you because of your beliefs can be forgiven. Bless them and forget about them.

"If anyone speaks ill of you Praise them always
If anyone injures you Serve them nicely
If anyone persecutes you Help them in all possible ways



You will attain immense strength
You will control anger and pride
You will enjoy peace, poise, and serenity."