[PriniMai]

I used to be a cheater and I think that all the victims here can gain help from people like me and (more importantly) offer help to the cheaters that truly wish to recover. I know there are a few people on these forums that already think that I'm scum and I have no chance of recovery. That's fine. It doesn't bother me. But I do want to express my appreciation for all of your opinions on my situations. The anger and pain that I read in your posts as well as the responses to my own are great reminders of what I did and what I'm trying to avoid.

Cheating is wrong, and the people that do it might be sick or they might just not understand a few things. Do I think we should be punished for what we've done? Yes, absolutely. Do I think that the verbal lashings and desire to degrade people like me is necessary? No. It probably does more bad than good. I know that there are people that have come here and do not care to recover. People that don't feel remorse or guilt for the things that they've done, and for those people: I apologize. It's because of those guys that you don't trust the words of someone that truly does wish to change and instead just belittle and torment them.

You of course have your right to that. I am not trying to tell you that you do not. I am simply suggesting that maybe trying to help them understand the pain they've caused, or understand what could help them grow would be better. Yes, that means you have to open yourselves up and offer intimate and thoughtful suggestions. You would request the same things in your moments of pain and loneliness. Granted, we (the cheaters) have done bad things and hurt people that WE SAID we loved (don't want to insult anyone here). That affords us pain and loneliness, but would you wish that on yourself, or a brother or sister, maybe a friend who cheated (but it didn't involve you or your lover in anyway)? Some people deserve to be listened to and helped.

Of course, I'm one of these people that would like the help from any of you that are willing to offer it. My opinion might be biased but the origins are from a place in me that believes that all people are capable of great things, we just lose our way sometimes.

I'm sure there are alcoholics or drug addicts on this website that don't want to use again. I'm sure there are victims of all of those here as well. But doesn't it make sense to think that we can all learn from each other? Yes, I want to cheat still. Yes I do. But I WILL NOT DO IT. I cannot. When I think of another woman, honestly, I pray. I do not want to be who I was and I don't want to hurt my girlfriend the way that I did. I don't want to hurt anyone like that again. Those secrets and lies are poisonous and they eat away at your soul.

I want to be helpful to anyone here if I can be. I would like it if everyone was more helpful to EVERYONE. I know I'm part of the group of people that hurt you but from the bottom of my heart: I'm sorry. I am still learning and growing and I am understanding what your pain is like. It's good for us (cheaters) to understand that. It puts things in perspective.

I guess all I'm saying is, if someone is lost or hurt and wants to change, why would you turn them away when you can help them? Why don't we all just try to help each other?

[fmrcurter]

Quote:

[PriniMai]

I appreciate your points of view MuffinMan but you're not reading this with an open heart. You're still reading it and replying to it like I was the one that hurt you so bad. That's the mentality that is going to make this idea impossible.

The difference is the conscience. A man that doesn't drink on purpose is better than a man that doesn't give a shi.t about the consequences. I DO choose to walk another path, because the old behaviors were only habit. I'll be better one day just as long as I do not digress. This horrible person I've become was created simply because of ease. It is easy to be selfish and inconsiderate.

It takes an EFFORT for anyone to care about someone else. So I am making the choice to stop only caring about me and to care about others. Yes, my primary focus is my girlfriend. But these changes I'm making are going to span throughout all of my relationships.

I don't know what else to say... I just wish that I wouldn't keep hitting a wall after I think I turn the right direction. I'm only talking about here, of course. My life is going great and my relationship is getting stronger, everyday.

I hope I'm not kicked off of here. I really like this site. I just wish people were more helpful instead of hurtful.

[fmrcurter]

Quote:

[PriniMai]

I know what you're saying MuffinMan. But it is a little unfair for a woman to leave a man because he has a desire to procreate. It's just how men are wired. I won't believe that there is a man out there that doesn't think about having sex with various women at one point or another. The difference is the decision to NOT chase those urges.

You think that biology (and it is biology) is a fair reason to not be with someone? I know that she doesn't only find me attractive. I know that she has dreams of other men or thinks about them. I don't mind because that's natural. It is. The difference is just her (and my) willingness to abandon or keep her (or my) promises and commitments (like I did).

It's just natural to have the desire but it's the lack of concern that creates the shi.tty action.

[fmrcurter]

Quote:

[PriniMai]

I apologize. I'm not trying to excuse anything. Maybe we're just wording it differently. I don't WANT to cheat, which is why I don't do it. But yea, the ideas and urges are there. The fantasy is a "want". It's just a different word. I feel bad about thinking these things, so yea I am trying to control it. I'm not trying to make anyone mad. I'm just saying.

[sEe]

Quote:

[PriniMai]

I'm not trying to defend anything. I'm just saying that maybe not being at war with anyone that has committed a wrong like the one you suffered from, isn't a bad idea.

[fmrcurter]

Sorry, I guess I should sugar coat things and blow sunshine up everyone's ahole.

[PriniMai]

Objective and honest opinions are great. Don't soften things. I'm not saying that either. It's just that you guys don't know these people that you're condemning and insulting. Some of these people MIGHT actually be hurt.

[bawayTeen]

Bull**** we don't know them. A cheater is a cheater is a cheater. They're all the same. And they all think they are a special case or they aren't *really* a bad person. Its just that blah blah blah, blah f'king blah. Its all the same old bull****.

You can't talk your way around what you are here. We know you're a selfish, egotistical peice of sh!t....who at the end of the day really cares about no one but himself. And there is no amount of nicey nice thats going to make up for that. A leopard doesn't change its spots.

So if you're feeling uncomfortable here...don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.

[fmrcurter]

Quote:

[PriniMai]

I refrain from cheating, not because of what I'll lose, but because of what I would like to regain. I don't cheat because I'm tired of being selfish and hollow and distant and cold. I'm tired of not being trustworthy and reliable. I used to be and then I just forgot why I cared to be.

I do not want to hurt my girl friend anymore. I don't. That's a no-brainer. But my desire to not cheat is because I would like to get back to who I was before I stopped caring about others. I want to get back to being a good person. I know I'll never outlive my faults and I know that I'll have to always deal with what I've done in some way, but I can't let these habits continue to push me down.

My girl friend DOES deserve better than me. I'm a liar. I'm a fraud. I fake happiness and manufacture sorrow. I cheated on her and belittled her and manipulated her. I have done all of this and more and NOT just to her, but to almost everyone that I've ever said I loved... Family, friends, anyone.

However, she sees something in me. Something in me makes her love me. What she sees, I don't know. I will not allow myself to be this person anymore. I want to find what she sees and be the man that she fell in love with and I want to make sure that I'm not just a lost cause or a waste of time. I want to deserve the love that I've received and I want to receive more. But I want to EARN it, so I persist.

I fight my urges, and avoid temptations, and situations that might lead to such. I make decisions that will keep me straight so I can become the man that I should be. Not FOR her exactly, but because of her.