[PilotJargon]

My hubby king of deceit got more than he bargained for yesterday and i felt so proud that i wanted to share with the people who has helped me tremendously, well just to re-cap, we had argued over unexplainable receipts a while ago, which never made sense to me and in that confrontation i told him how i had a friend that worked there and i'd be more than willing to get my buddy to explain the receipts well as yall know he went on a tirade called me stupid and challenged me to do so, well i told him it was ok i felt no need too since he had explained it all oh so well(but lil did he know i had already had my friend to explain the receipts to me, i just figured i'd let him think the lather..) so anyways here's the good part...

well yesterday we had a friend come by and in the midst of it all my oh so powerful hubby decided that he'd put my character on display i guess he figured it'd be the same ole thing... but little did he know, things was about to change..so he starts in on promises that i supposedly made to kids that i haven't follow through on one in particular being that "HE" told me that he was going to give me the money to do a certain activity with the kids, But when my oldest had said that we didn't follow through with the promise. Somehow my hubby felt i was at fault and i said to him, how is that possible when you said you was going to pay for it, yet you never gave me the money,ya know most things are not free and without the money in my hand what do you expect? well he's says i didn't give it to you because i knew you wasn't going to follow through with the plans, i told him you can't be sure of that the easiest thing for you to have done was to give me the money that way you'd have no fault it would have been totally on me, but you didn't so if anything it's shared blame not just mine....


Well mind you our friend was still there just watching the whole ordeal, so my hubby raises his voice and says you could have asked me for the money, and i rebuttle yes i could have asked you that is true however since you had already told me that you was going to pay for it all and you were fully aware of the cost you could have just gave me the money as well that way when i got around to taking them the money aspect would not be an issue, and we wouldn't be having this conversation....well our friend decides to exit not wanting to witness this any longer...well my hubby continues with you don't give money to people if they are not prepared to spend it right then and there, so i make a comparison to another situation telling how someone once gave him money in advance to buy something and it took him months before he did so, So i guess he felt he was losing the battle and went on to say it's typical that i would think we are equally responsible because i'm always trying to bring someone else down with me!..(the nerve of this man)

so i tell him in a very low and moderate voice that this subject is going in circles and i refuse to continue with it...and i get up and leave the room, so about a hour goes by and he's silent, that's usually my cue to make peace but my new philosophy is i am not responsible for his behavior, i will not fix what i did not break, and i am entitled to my own opinion, so we leave the house to run a errand together and we stop at a store, well it just so happens my buddy who worked at the place where the bull craps receipt was printed is in there,i was sitting in the car well my husband gets in the car still acting like a spoiled brat, and says there's ya buddy why don't you ask about the receipts i supposedly lied about, i tell him no need too, lets continue on our journey, he says it again even angrier, but still i confront him with the no need too don't give a damn attitude, he huffs, turns the volume up on the car radio, we get to our next stop and he's actin like a 3 year old who should have been left in the car....lol...face all scrunched up pouting,


so for the rest of the day we made casual convo, i never attempted to apologize or be the one making peace, gave no kisses initiated no intimacy whatsoever, at first i felt horrible as he has always gotten me to break the ice, but i held strong put my poker face on wanted to see what would happen... well it took till this morning but all of sudden he wants to be talkative and mushy..i giggled to my self with pleasure, i know he didn't apologize but for the first time in years i was not the first to make nice...

My gosh that felt so good...lol...i know it may sound crazy to some of yall but the feeling it gave me was undescribable i felt like i found a just an ounce of control that i had lost in this relationship.. just wanted to put my thoughts down

[ziIReIGS]

Sounds perfectly reasonable to me. If you don't give a dog a bone, he can't chew on it. Good job.

[craditc]

Hi Mystery - I'm glad to hear that you are no longer taking responsiblity for someone elses actions. That is a step in the right direction. It's also great to know you are trying to initiate a new pattern of interaction between you and your spouse -- a healthier one. Good for you. In this regard, I want to caution you: do be certain you are not in the beginning stage of a cycle of game playing and one ups-manship. It will get you no where. And I"m really not suggesting you ARE entering into that cycle...I've just seen it happen before and I want to make sure you don't go down that road.

KitKat

[PilotJargon]

Yeah Kit i agree i shouldn't turn this into a game so i am really trying hard not too, i just figure i 'll give him a new me.. i have come to realize that i can not change him but i can change how i react to him, and i will continue to do this until i get back from our up coming vacation as i have waited for this trip for a long time and i will not allow anyone to ruin it for me not even him, so he's gonna either have to board my ship or find himself drowning, Because in many ways i am thankful for this new found light although it had to first come with misery and some pain but i can see my marriage clearly now, i found myself rapped up in what i wanted to believe was a near perfect relationship i allowed him to manipulate my thoughts and prey on feelings of love for him and sacrificing myself for his love an admiration but that's over now, i have to reclaim what is rightfully mines, my mind which is a terrible thing to waste, because truth be told he' is fully aware that i am not stupid even though he' likes to tell me i am so from now on when he' says i'm stupid i'll interpret as i am smart, when he makes remarks about my figure being less than perfect i know it's because it is appealing, when he says whatever derogatory statement it wont bother me because i am not the problem "HE IS"!