[GentlieGant]

Now that I've become aware of emotional affairs, I have a question about my pastor. Just would like to get some objective opinions here. I have attended a small, very friendly, conservative church for almost a year now. Lots of socializing, lots of hugging, lots of cookouts, etc. I am a trustee, pianist, assist with the youth group, and whatever else needs to be done. Recently I have become aware that the pastor not only hugs me, but also kisses me on the cheek every time I leave the service. He had not always done that. I've never had a pastor do anything more than hug me. I have not thought to notice if he kisses everyone. Last week I got a new iphone. Everyone was looking at it at a cookout we had (his wife was absent). He looked through my list of favorites (frequently called), looked at all the names, and joked that his number wasn't there, and then added it. He also wanted to know who a certain affectionate nickname was (my grandson). On another occasion he told me he noticed I
had lost some weight. Another time, he told me I was very popular at church.
One time he asked me if I ever dated. I told him not in 30 years. He made
some comment about me still being a young woman, and something about
being too young to not have a man, or I shoud be enjoying a man, or
something like that. I'm hearing impaired and didn't understand it all, and
didn't ask him to repeat it. He has nicknamed me "Sissy." Last week after church, he asked me when my birthday is, told me when his is, and started
calculating the difference in our ages. (a few months) The other night my
mother invited him, his teenage son (his wife was working) and the youth pastor for supper on the spur of the moment, (first time to invite them out.) When they got out of their car, he told me he had looked at an aerial photo of our farm on the Internet. He began pointing out where different things should be located. I felt like he had not just looked at, but had studied the photo. There were two vacant seats at the table, one beside him and one beside the youth pastor. I sat next to the youth pastor. Pastor made several comments about why didn't I sit by him. At one point we were all joking about eating Spam, and he commented that he likes it. I was joking about recipes that "could" include Spam, and he looked at me and said, "I knew there was a reason I love you." After supper mother took them on a tour of the house. He made several comments about my old room (commented on the color and other features.) I almost felt like he was trying to remember the details.

Is this just a very friendly, outgoing pastor who's trying to "connect" with the
flock? Am I being paranoid? I've had preachers make passes at me before, but they were always very direct, and they were never MY pastor. I don't want to over-react and make something out of nothing, but I don't want to ignore a potential problem, either. If it is "something," what should I do?

[Sleflanna]

NO! Not normal behavior for your pastor. Try not to be alone with him, sounds creepy. If the unwanted behavior continues, confide in the youth pastor, video him on your iphone and save to your computer (but not that he knows you are). You are not paranoid, something is weird.

[Phywhewashect]

Quote:

[GentlieGant]

Thank you for the replies. I knew it was creeping me out, for some reason, especially him looking at the aerial photo. That does have a real stalker quality to it. Of course, everything he has said has been said with a laugh, and I am sure he would say he was joking. But it just hasn't felt right. I have been accused so many times in the past (by my abusers) of over-reacting, (which I wasn't. Was actually under-reacting) that it just gives me more confidence to have your feedback.

[RooxiaNof]

Ya, it's strange behavior. He is trying to get too close, looking too much at you....he may have developed feelings for you, but as a pastor, he should know better.

I would keep your distance and if he asks, just be honest and tell him, "Sorry, but you are making me uncomfortable." You can't help your feelings, and that is the truth. He needs to back off, and stop getting so close.

I realize this church and the church members/community are a big part of your life, but you should probably branch into other areas of interest aswell....I don't want to say find a new church, but if it continues, you will eventually have to.

I hope it works out for you.

[Phywhewashect]

[quote=debbiesee;42743]Discover how to build up never about relationship have to worry about that
problems ever again: [quote]



Discover how I am about to hack your laptop if you dont get your spamming butt out of here

[RooxiaNof]

Quote:

[AblemTee]

While you're at it doofus, put a huge pictures of manboobs on their desktop.

[GentlieGant]

LOL!

Well, for an update, I wasn't planning to attend service yesterday, just took my grandson to SS; but the other pianist was sick, so he (preacher) called and asked me to be there. I went. He couldn't have acted more indifferent toward me. Even at the pot luck dinner after service. Made me feel somewhat better about the whole situation. I was thinking maybe I did over-react/read him wrong. But thinking about it during the afternoon, it occurred to me that his wife was there. So I'm not dismissing the creepy feelings just yet.

[Xfxhbcxp]

Always trust your gut, it usually turns out to be right. If he gets really bad I'd change to another church, there are probably plenty of others in your area that don't have Chester the Molester as the pastor.

[j2Y6Ysmb]

I would move to another church before he really becomes fixated on you. He does sound creepy. Totally out of line.

One of the problems some of these so called "men of God" have is a twisted opinion of what he is entitled to. They forget they are suppose to be servants to their congregation. Not the congregation serving them! They forget their whole mission is suppose to be preaching the word and making God's requirements known to mankind.

He is testing the water. T&L..get far away from this weirdo.

[GentlieGant]

This is really terrible to say, but . . . His wife has a chronic medical condition that she will most likely not survive long term, if it's not gotten under control. And so far, they haven't gotten it under control. She is sick a great deal of the time. I almost feel like he's looking for a replacement, for if the worst happens. I know that sounds like really twisted thinking on my part - but that's my gut feeling. If I'm right, that's really twisted thinking on his part.

Holikdad, I usually do trust my gut instincts. And it's usually not wrong. But it is reassuring to get input from others. Esp. others with experience in dealing with trust issues, like everyone here. (I've spent a significant portion of my life being 'gaslighted' by those closest to me - parents, S/O's, etc., so sometimes I just need reassurance that I'm not off-track.)

[FloareTraurne]

He was flirting with you--no doubt about it. Trust your gut instinct. And then he "cooled it" when his wife was around. I've been around men who like to flirt when the wife isn't there. And they may or may not be cheaters I guess.

If he says something strange again with his usual laugh, I would just look at him puzzled and say "I'm surprised you said that". He'll get the message.