[satthackacibe]

I do enjoy popping over to the IMDb messageboards and browsing the boards of movies I've recently seen, if only to see if I can actually find a movie without the token: "WORST MOVIE EVER" or "OMG THIS MOVIE SUCKED" thread.

For example I recently watched Cronos, not the best Guillermo del Toro film I've seen but it does offer an interesting twist on the whole rather tired vampire theme.

A quick look on the Cronos board soon uncovered the token OMG THIS MOVIE SUCKED thread!

Sucked you say? But why!? Fret not! Because poster of the thread does go into great detail on how they came to that conclusion:

I MEAN C´MON ON THE COVER THERE WAS A WOMAN...AND IT JUST ABOUT SOME OLD MEN THE WHOLE TIME IT WAS SOOOOO SLOW AND THE GIRL SAID ONE WORD ; GRANDFATHER

EUGH EUGH EUGH I HATE THIS MOVIE.............

Well I guess they do have a point, the cover just doesn't tell the whole story. They expand on this reasoning later in the thread:

The cover of the movie is what sells the movie for example the spiderman cover had spiderman on it because the movie was about him.

You can't argue with that! [surrender]

Ah the joys of internet messageboards....

[Pedsshuth]

Hey,

If you really want to kill some time by laughing out loud all by yourself as I have, read the comments about the movie BloodRayne by Uwe Boll. Some are genius.

Example: Just kidding...just kidding!! Why, after wasting nearly 2 hours of my life watching this trash, should I waste another hour or so dissing this movie, when everything about it has already been killed stone dead by previous reviewers? Because, dear friends, I am so excited I just had to share with you my delight at finding the "worst cameo of all time", so magnificent in its awfulness that it could (with sheer effort of will) only be equalled, but never beaten.

It was Sunday. Raining. What the hell, "Bloodrayne" sounded good. Hmmm, Masden, Kingsley, Zane...can't be so bad.

After around 20 minutes or so of this "crowning turd" of a movie my "intellectual defence mechanism" automatically kicked-in and took my mind away to my next vacation, what to have for dinner, and the contents of my Partner's trousers. Sailing away on a sea of serenity(did I actually fall asleep?)I thought myself immune and totally protected from the train wreck of a movie unfolding on the other side of my eyelids. But then....wait! What's this? Snippets of dialogue totally unconnected with the Tequilla Sunrise I was drinking began to pervade my mind. Slowly at first, but growing in intensity. Warily, fearful that I may inadvertently catch another glimpse of Ben Kingsley's excruciating acting/staring, I opened one eye. Was I seeing/hearing things? I pulled myself up in the chair and opened the other eye (after assuring myself that Kingsley was nowhere to be seen). There, in front of me...what can never be described by a thousand monkeys on a thousand typewriters for a thousand years. The root canal work of movie making, the Xanadu of awfulness....Meatloaf trying to character-act.

I checked out the other movie-goers...hmmm, not many left....and they were all, very much like myself, staring wide eyed and open mouthed at witnessing the birth of a legend. Seriously, it was like watching the first moon landing all over again. This is one piece of crap for man...a whole turd for mankind.

I am sorry that I go on a little, but I cannot find words to describe the cameo piece by Meatloaf, in fact probably such words do not exist - they must be invented - "discrapungent" - try that one. I can only try to capture the magnificent awfulness by describing the effect that it had on myself and, I suspect, the other viewers.

If you haven't seen it (and I beg you all to do so) cut along to any cinema brave enough to show it and set your alarm clock for around 50 minutes. If you have trouble sleeping at the beginning, don't worry, Ben Kingsley will stare you into blessed catatonia....trust me.

[satthackacibe]

That is classic wizisme, good find!

The following particularly tickled my funny bone:

There, in front of me...what can never be described by a thousand monkeys on a thousand typewriters for a thousand years. The root canal work of movie making, the Xanadu of awfulness....Meatloaf trying to character-act.

[thumbup]

[Pedsshuth]

That specific comment actually drove me (pun intended, I am so creative) out to buy the movie. Fortunately, I found it at GameStop, there were 8 copies there or so. Got it for $3.33.

I have watched it at least 4 times. The ending scene is classic.

Madsen and some other ******* are trying to save BloodRayne (played by Kristtina Loken, the T3 chick) from a room full of bad guys.

Now, ask yourself... if you and one other person were going to fight a large group of people, totally out-numbered, what weapons would you bring? I think the time period is like, the 1600s or so, but you could never tell since they casted a Hispanic woman (Michelle Rodriguez) with a Caribbean Spanish accent as a supporting role. Her old English accent, or whatever the **** it is supposed to be is SOOOOO bad.

Anyways, what weapons would you bring?

Would you bring a two-handed sword or a crossbow for close-range combat? No? Because that is EXACTLY what they brought.

The baddies attack them one at a time until the main bad guy (Kingsley) who was just watching this the whole time, starts fighting BloodRayne. Now, at the beginning of the scene, she was tied up and Kingsley was about to **** her up. But then the heroes stepped in with inappropriate weapons and started tearing **** up. During the action filled battle, the crossbow guy just walks over to BloodRayne and cuts her free. Cool.

I really could go on but I have to get to work.

[Cwvnyfsj]

Wasn't there a thread about how this was going to be the first movie of his that was good - because of the cast?
Some were dubious and, it seems, rightly so.

Thought so - http://futuremark.yougamers.com/foru...ad.php?t=56911

[comprar-espana]

I need to see this film.

[satthackacibe]

Wasn't there a thread about how this was going to be the first movie of his that was good - because of the cast?
Some were dubious and, it seems, rightly so.

Thought so - http://futuremark.yougamers.com/foru...ad.php?t=56911

LOL, and Dirk was really defending it too!

Like kinkyafro, I REALLY need to see this film too! [thumbup]

[Creelaleps]

How does it compare to say, Starship Troopers 2?

[prkddfokic]

Originally Posted by Gordo Wasn't there a thread about how this was going to be the first movie of his that was good - because of the cast?
Some were dubious and, it seems, rightly so.

Thought so - http://futuremark.yougamers.com/foru...ad.php?t=56911

LOL, and Dirk was really defending it too!

Like kinkyafro, I REALLY need to see this film too! [thumbup] Oi, get your facts right, WRONG FILM!

That wasn't Bloodrayne, that is In The Name of The King and isn't even released yet.

And where did I specifically defend it? I questioned someones reply of supposed big stars...but that was it.

[satthackacibe]

Oi, get your facts right, WRONG FILM!

That wasn't Bloodrayne, that is In The Name of The King and isn't even released yet.

And where did I specifically defend it? I questioned someones reply of supposed big stars...but that was it.

Ouch! Sorry guv!

I was guess I was blinded by the sheer amusement of Uwe Boll making his "defining film".

[Pedsshuth]

How does it compare to say, Starship Troopers 2?

BloodRayne is up there with some of the worst movies I have ever seen.

But the cream of the crop.... without the shadow of a doubt, worst movie ever made is Space Truckers.

I mean, just look at the title and infer what you think the movie will be about. I can help you along if you need it.

So, let's begin... Space Truckers, as in Truckers from space. But there are no roads in space... and trucks bring **** from location to location, kind of hard in the vast size of space, eh?

So, what is the cargo? Square Pigs. Enough said.

Who is in it? Steven Dorff, Dennis Hopper... awful.

Go for BloodRayne first. Grab a couple of beers and bask in the humility. Then when you feel like the poor lighting, fast cuts, shaky camera, and piss poor storyline have entertained you as much as you think any bad movie can... get Space Truckers.

This movie is so bad, it will cause an overflow error in your brain and you will think it was good. Masterpiece, on the same plain as Plan 9.

[Pedsshuth]

I need to see this film.

Well, one thing to think about while you watch, BloodRayne is that Kristtina Loken and Michelle Rodriguez are actually dating. They met during the production of the movie and well, that is pretty cool.

[ValdisSeroff]

Space Truckers is the worst, absolutely vile...

[prkddfokic]

Well, one thing to think about while you watch, BloodRayne is that Kristtina Loken and Michelle Rodriguez are actually dating. They met during the production of the movie and well, that is pretty cool.

Meh, as long as Loken stays just Bi, and not exclusively gay, my fantasy is only enhanced

[otheloComRole]

Heheh.

Uwe Boll, worst person to come out of Germany since Hitler.

Why they keep on funding his holocaust amazes me.

[c2siOlIk]

In the Name of the King sucked so bad because Uwe Boll sucks even worse. That movie had so much promise and he just shat all over it. [thumbdown]

[kanchouska]

Worst movie ever goes to '24 Hours to Midnight', I think they could only afford a single camera, so for multiple angles of the same scene they had to re-enact it, leading to massive inconsistencies which actually make the movie borderline fun.

You will never hate another movie after watching this badboy.

As for Internet message boards, I find the Youtube comments to be a little more demoralising than IMDB.

[Abraham]

Heheh.

Uwe Boll, worst person to come out of Germany since Hitler.

Why they keep on funding his holocaust amazes me.

This thread so good it needs an anniversary or somthing? lol

[satthackacibe]

This thread so good it needs an anniversary or somthing? lol

A year on since I posted it? Damn right it needs an anniversary!

[mvjvz]

BloodRayne is up there with some of the worst movies I have ever seen.

But the cream of the crop.... without the shadow of a doubt, worst movie ever made is Space Truckers.

I mean, just look at the title and infer what you think the movie will be about. I can help you along if you need it.

So, let's begin... Space Truckers, as in Truckers from space. But there are no roads in space... and trucks bring **** from location to location, kind of hard in the vast size of space, eh?

So, what is the cargo? Square Pigs. Enough said.

Who is in it? Steven Dorff, Dennis Hopper... awful.

Go for BloodRayne first. Grab a couple of beers and bask in the humility. Then when you feel like the poor lighting, fast cuts, shaky camera, and piss poor storyline have entertained you as much as you think any bad movie can... get Space Truckers.

This movie is so bad, it will cause an overflow error in your brain and you will think it was good. Masterpiece, on the same plain as Plan 9.

holy cow, i thought it was just me, space truckers is my all time worst film, ever.