[SasortFkire]

Greetings to all In Christ Jesus,

I have been battling for about 4 years with entering into the Church. The primary issue has been my wife who flat out can't stand being at Liturgy. During those four years, amid a few periods of drifting, I have studied only Orthodox writings, and to the extent that I have learned, believe the Orthodox faith to be the one true Church as passed down from the Apostles, who received it from the Lord. About 4 months ago, it was finally determined in my household that I would be attending the Liturgy, while my wife continues at the Baptist Church in which we met 7 years ago. I have spoken with the Priest, and will likely begin regular meetings this fall to prepare for my Chrismation.

My issue (for lack of better word), is that I, for the first time in the 14 years that I have been in 'Christendom', I don't quite know what to consider myself, nor exactly where I am on my path to salvation... Coming from a Protestant/Evangelical background for my first 10 years, I never thought about it, because I had believed, therefore I was saved. (Though I never 100% bought the idea of a verbal confession alone being sufficient...) Since speaking with +Fr. Michael W., I have been endeavoring to live more and more as an Orthodox Christian, but the thought that troubles me is this: If the Holy Spirit is given through Chrismation, and through this, grace; and then only afterwards can I truly partake of Communion for the first time, have I even entered into communion with the Lord at all? I think of Cornelius, who believed, but was not given the Spirit until Peter preached to him and baptised him, and also of the Samaritans who had received John's baptism, but did not receive the Spirit until the Apostles preached to them and layed hands on them.

Don't get me wrong here... I am not pulling out my hair with stress... it is just a 'weird' position to be in. I also do not throw aside the verse that says that Christ will not cast out any who comes to Him. I believe what it is, is that only now have I begun to see what real Christianity is. It is not up to me to be the arbitor of what the faith is... to my shame I admit that I jumped Churches many times over the years because I thought they were off-base in this or that. I know that one cannot do that with Orthodoxy. The Church is what it is regardless what I think. In that I find comfort.

Thanks for reading. Grace to all in Christ Jesus. â€*