[pavilionnotebook]

I’ve been a member of the THP for a couple of years now, but re-registered for this special post for reasons of anonymity and paranoia.

First of all, my wife is a wonderful woman. She’s been a terrific mother to our two children – now grown- and has been a great life’s partner. This is not a “my wife’s an unreasonable b*&^h post.” She's not. We've been married for over 25years, and have had very few arguments.

A couple of nights ago we had the latest in an ongoing series of “you love golf more than me” discussions. This one, though, was the most serious. She asked me if I still wanted to be married. She said that she has considered moving out and getting an apartment in our old hometown.

Frankly, she’s got a point. Though I would not say that I love golf more than her, the fact is that I pretty much would rather spend my free time playing golf than doing things with her. We usually have one date night a week where we’ll do the dinner and a movie deal, and my weekend play generally consists of an early a.m. round, but she’s right when she says that most of my time off from work is spent on the golf course. Typically we’ll have dinner together, and then I’ll go out to the course. It’s more of an issue during the summer with the longer days.

We used to live on a golf course, so it actually was a little bit worse, but at that time we lived some place else where she had friends in the neighborhood. A couple of years ago we moved to a different city, and it would be safe to say that mentally she still hasn’t quite made the move. She still goes back “home” a couple times a month for doctors’ appointments and to spend time with her friends. She doesn’t work outside the home, so as she sees it, she spends most of the day at home alone, and at least during the summer, most of the nights as well.

She’s got a point. A good one, actually. She’s more right than wrong. But the fact is that I really don’t want to change my lifestyle. I probably will, but I know I’ll resent it. I will not be happy being a recreational 2-3 times a week player. What I enjoy about playing golf is trying to do it to the best of my ability. I don’t enjoy playing golf; I enjoy playing it well. I know that if I cut down on how much I play, I also will not play it as well, and if that’s the case, I’d just as soon not play at all. My current GHIN handicap is a 0.3, and I know I wouldn’t be happy just hacking the ball around.

This is not a she’s wrong and I’m right deal. If anything, it’s probably the other way around. She didn’t give me an ultimatum – not in so many words anyway – but I know that we can’t go on like this.

Thoughts?

[Aztegjpl]

I guess it really all comes down to you and your priorities. The only person that can make that decision is you. For me, my wife is wonderful and we have a open and honest relationship and if I am doing something that bothers her, she let's me know and we compromise. If you honestly feel that cutting back on some golf and spending more time with her will make you resent her, then there is only one thing you can do. There is nothing worse than resentment because it doesn't get better, it just keeps getting worse and worse. Is there no compromise you are willing to make with her?

[pataagusata]

Well I think she'd be able to find out if it was you, by looking at the post. No new name needed.

[gugamotina]

Im very confused why you re-registered for this post. THP only allows one screen name per user. Is there an issue posting this under your regular screen name?

[Aztegjpl]

Im very confused why you re-registered for this post. THP only allows one screen name per user. Is there an issue posting this under your regular screen name?

Anonymity is what he said.

[pataagusata]

From what though? If he is scared of his wife, I think she'd be able to put two and two together.

Anonymity is what he said.

[Aztegjpl]

From what though? If he is scared of his wife, I think she'd be able to put two and two together.

I would assume so. It is not me so I cannot answer..lol That would be just too weird if it was me and I responded to it..lol

[teridbruse]

Does she play? Can you adjust your schedule top play when she goes "home" those several times a month? While it wont be the only times u golf, that will at least reduce the amt of time shes home alone. Can you join a club where she can meet other wives and hang out at the pool, tennis, etc?

[tousuarshatly]

Im very confused why you re-registered for this post. THP only allows one screen name per user. Is there an issue posting this under your regular screen name?

hahahaha....ddec changed screen names?

[pataagusata]

Lol good point.

I'd take golf though to answer the question.

I would assume so. It is not me so I cannot answer..lol That would be just too weird if it was me and I responded to it..lol

[Aztegjpl]

Lol good point.

I'd take golf though to answer the question.

As much as I love golf, I enjoy doing something else more (not something I would do with a golf club unless she asked..lol)

[dfuzioniag]

to be honest, if you played 2-3 times a week and your hndp went up to a 2 would that be the end of the world? I also wouldn't say that by only playing 2-3 times a week you would become a guy who just goes out there and hacks the ball around. To each his own, I guess I'm just confused

[Yb4bulVR]

Does your wife have hobbies? She probably feels left out because first of all she is in a place she is uncomfortable with and maybe she doesn't have the same connection with an actiivity of hobby that you have with golf. It sounds like you take your golf serious but if it's affecting your relationship this much you may need to reevalute the situation. You don't want to resent her and vice versa.

[dfuzioniag]

hahahaha....ddec changed screen names?

busted!

though being married for over 25 years and only bing 27 is quite the accomplishment

[gugamotina]

For what its worth, I would give up the game in a second for my wife.
Marriage to me is about being with my best friend every day.
I gave up golf a while back for my career at the time and would do so again in a minute if that choice was presented to me.

If the choice is golf or marriage and someone is even thinking about the options, then there are more issues at stake than just the game of golf. They are just being cloaked by an easy target.

[Aztegjpl]

busted!

though being married for over 25 years and only bing 27 is quite the accomplishment

Man your wife gives a new meaning to cradle robber.

[dfuzioniag]

For what its worth, I would give up the game in a second for my wife.
Marriage to me is about being with my best friend every day.
I gave up golf a while back for my career at the time and would do so again in a minute if that choice was presented to me.

If the choice is golf or marriage and someone is even thinking about the options, then there are more issues at stake than just the game of golf. They are just being cloaked by an easy target.

well said JB

[Aztegjpl]

For what its worth, I would give up the game in a second for my wife.
Marriage to me is about being with my best friend every day.
I gave up golf a while back for my career at the time and would do so again in a minute if that choice was presented to me.

If the choice is golf or marriage and someone is even thinking about the options, then there are more issues at stake than just the game of golf. They are just being cloaked by an easy target.

I was trying to say that delicately as to not hurt feelings but that was perfectly put.

[leyliana]

Relationships = compromise. If you're not willing to do that than maybe you shouldn't be in one. From experience, the seed has been planted in her head and that doesn't appear or disappear easily. Figure out what's important to you and do it. No need to be unhappy.

[tousuarshatly]

Give up marriage. You will only have one golfing buddy but there are millions of women out there.