[WGRocky]

Hi brothers and sisters. I'm a really anxiety prone guy with ADHD who really gets borderline psychotic when it comes to Islam. In the past 2 years I have tried to better myself as a Muslim, and I've nearly been driven crazy by it due to anxiety/waswasa.

I follow the Hanafi madhhaab, and as I read more and more I keep coming up on new information that totally goes against what I learned in almost 8 years or Quranic/Sunday school at my mosque. I have a huge issue with pronouncing things right and remembering how to pronounce them (staying consistent throughout rakhs) and I also have a huge problem with doubt and forgetting really small things in EVERY salat in almost every rakh because I just can't concentrate. Some times I go in a cycle where I would just keep redoing the prayer again and again and again for hours till I feel sick to my stomach and am ready to collapse from the mental exhaustion.

The latest piece of information I have come across is point 39 in the following link about praying aloud.

http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.a...ID=1014&CATE=4

"If a prayer which has to be offered silently is offered in a loud voice, the forgetfulness prostration will have to be made irrespective of whether the person is a munfarid or an imam"

Now I have a huge issue with pronunciation and concentrating, so I pray ALL my salat from the Fard to the nalf aloud, from Fajr to Isha, every single word. It's my saving grace in saying everything right. It's become so bad that I can't do salat silently. I have tried to do the sunnah prayers and whatnot in the mosque after a fard and it just ends up coming out as jibberish. Not sure if its my breathing skills or what.

For example I'll be reciting a surah and it will come out all distorted if I try to whisper it. The only time I can say something silently is if I'm only moving my lips with no words coming out at all (hard to explain, like not even whispering, just moving the lips to look like it's a word, etc and I'm not sure if this is permissible).

Also point 8

"To recite another Surah (after Surah Faatihah) in all the rakaats of sunnah and nafl prayer is wajib. If a person forgets to recite another Surah in any of the rakaats, he will have to make the forgetfulness prostration. "

No one ever told me that it's WAJIB to recite a surah in every rakah of sunnah and nafl prayers. I was told that the surah is sunnah in the first place (told to us by our hanafi teachers), but it seems not.

I'm so confused, I'm hoping someone can clarify these things and give me a piece of mind. Sometimes I hate myself for even stumbling upon a link and finding out the past 14 years of you salat/etc was wrong. It hurts (I'm 26 btw).