[cypedembeda]

I am writing this after having a argument with my mother. My family (parents and grandfather) are influenced by the barelwi movement, but they are way worse than barelwis.
Background

My grandfather came to the UK from pakistan. He met a pir("shaykh"). So my Grandad gave bayah to him. The thing is he was a fake sufi(or whatever you call them), he told my grandad that he doesn't have to read Salah. Anyway them my father gave bayah to my grandfather, now he doesn't have to read "salah" (not that he ever did before).

My mum is semi-practicing sometimes she reads salah, not really 5 times a day, but the thing is that her father is just like my grandfather, deviated who has the same beleifs. And she says what her father is doing is correct, because that is what here murshid told him to do.

I could go on and on but here is what i have heard from them :

-Hadrat Ali(ra) was given secret knowledge by the Prophet(sallahu alahi wasalam) which no one knows of.

-That pirs dont have to follow shariah(even tho my Dad fasts the month of ramadaan and goes jummah, my grandad went to hajj)

-That when Allah(swt) asks them about their salah, there pir will come or something like that.

-That what the sufis teach isn't recorded in books, like they tell stories of great shakyhs such as Abdal Qadir Jalani which they have no proof of, they say that you dont need proof.

-Everytime you show them a ayah or hadith they say "aaw you dont the real meaning of this, there is a secret meaning of this as well"

-that whoever doesnt do khatam(food one) isn't a sunni, who ever doesnt do urs isnt a sunni. That whoever doesnt do these are a wahabi.

-I have even heard my Grandad say that Allah is Muhammad(sallahu alahi wasalam), and i saw my Dad nodding and affirming this is true. (not sure if they believe this anymore tho)

-I have heard that, Allah(swt),Ali(ra),Muhammad(sallahu alahi wasalam) are all one.

-That if you want something you should ask for something with the "zaat" of paag taan.

-They love qawwali.

-They do sajda to graves at darbaar.

-They dont want me to gain to much knowledge because i will become a wahabi.


I have tried talking to them whenever i have the guts, but it just ends in a argument so most times i just stay quite. Because islamically am sure i cant yell at my parents.

Also if i say anything bad about there fake pir then my Dad will probably fight me and kick me out of his house.(I am student under the age of 20)

I really didnt want to make this thread, but i really need some counseling because this is really affecting my life.

Also when it comes to marriage they probably wont let me marry anyone except a barelwi who does khatams. Also my Mum wants me to live with her, which i dont want to because i want to get away from there shirk.(Like live in a different house, but still visit them to look after them).

-So in conclusion what can a person like me do ? I guess i can just make du'a and cry.

I have seen people like this before and they never change and die like this. (I am not saying that Allah(swt) cant change them)

-I always keep on thinking what is going to happen to them in the afterlife.

Sorry for making such a long thread, but i had to let this out. And please everyone do du'a for me and them.

[Anypeny]

These are the suggestions of how to help your loving parents that Allah has given you. First of all you should have respect for your parents. Listen to their commands like if they tell you to clean up your room, wash the dishes, help them clean the car, sweep the floor, clean the table, vacuum the floor. Do their chores like help them throw the garbage out. Obey them. Be obedient and helpful with all their problems they have. Give them medicine when they are sick.

Give them your love. Do well in studies to make your parents proud of you. You should try to pay back what your parents do for you. Like when they cook for you, wash your clothes, buy new clothes for you, work for you, help you in education and they give you their love. We are very lucky because some childrens don’t have caring parents like our parents.

To disobey one’s parents, to ignore their feelings, or to disregard their comfort and happiness in any other way has been characterized by Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) a grievous sin. Don’t upset them by watching too much television, steal and not get involved in fights when they told you not to.

When you do a chore for them be happy to do it, not sad. Never disobey them by things that you were asked not to do. Sometimes you are tired and sleepy so you disturb your parents by annoying them, making trouble when they are doing something important like when they are writing a resume for work.

But they don’t have the respect they need to have. If you ever have something like that try to avoid it. This by the way happens to lots of people all around the world. Most of them are bad so don’t do that.

Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) said that if you do good deeds with your parents it is worth Salah, Zakah, Fasting, Hajj, Umra and Jihad. We shall obey our parents with a good behavior like show respect when your parents are talking. It is our duty to look after their needs and comfort them with your respect.

We should talk to them with a low voice as respect. When they are old we shall take care of them so that they will never feel neglected. We should ask forgiveness to our parents when we commit a mistake knowingly or annoyingly.

Never argue with your parents or else Allah will be very angry and upset at you. Whenever you do something do not let your parents feel upset and angry by our behavior towards them.

You could help your parents by so many ways. But the one that gives you the most sawabs, impresses Allah and the best one is to be obedient and have respect for them. That’s why I talked about those two the most. I’m not saying other stuff is bad and only do those stuff. What I am saying is that other ones are good but those two are the best ones.

Make dua for them in your prayers so you thank Allah for your parents. The Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) said that whoever pleases their parents pleases Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala and whoever angers their parents angers Allah subhanahu wa Ta’ala. So be good to your parents.

One-day three people were stuck in a cave with a big stone in the way to get out. They said let’s make dua and tell the best thing we did in our dua then Allah will get us out of the cave. Two people said their best deed they had done and nothing happened. So the third person said the best deed he had done. He said that the best thing I did was when I used to bring milk for my parents and children everyday. But one day he brought only some milk. So he gave the milk to his parents and not to his children. He then massaged his parents feet and took care of them. Then he made dua. Allah (s.w.t) heard that deed and moved the big rock out of the way and the three people went out of the cave. So if you help your parents like how this man did you could get out of big troubles like this one and other big ones.

If you read all day salah, Qur’an or anything and if somebody takes care of their parents the one who is taking care of their parents is getting more sawab. You can never be an Imam or Shaykh if you were bad to your parents that’s haram in Islam. Our deeds shall be the pleasure of our parents and of Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala.

If you were good to your parents and when you grow up your kids will be good to you. If you were bad to your parents and when you grow up your kids will be bad to you. So if you were good to them it’s good for you too not only your parents.

[Patamuta]

for that, Yes i understand that we have to obey our parents weather they are muslim or kaffir.

But i am finding it hard to love them alot because of their kufr, lies about RasullAllah(sallahu alahi wasalam), misguidance.

And they even want me to believe they are right. So what does one do here ?

[Finkevannon]

If anyone tells you to do something Against Rasulalah , Then DO NOT listen to them ! try to change their Opinion

[iouiyyut]

If anyone tells you to do something Against Rasulalah , Then DO NOT listen to them ! try to change their Opinion

but like i said in my first post, they wont listen or change they just think they are right.

[Keeriewof]

Give them your love.

I don't think this applies to parents who've commited blasphemy and apostasy. The beliefs stated by ukbaz certainly place people beyond the pale of Islam.

[soitlyobserty]

I don't think this applies to parents who've commited blasphemy and apostasy. The beliefs stated by ukbaz certainly place people beyond the pale of Islam.

even an elder has talked to them, but still they wont change and they just argue. I am convinced that no one can do dawah to these people. Proper brainwashed.

[IRYzouNv]

If anyone tells you to do something Against Rasulalah , Then DO NOT listen to them ! try to change their Opinion

i think you should stay quiet sometimes....

[FreeDownloadOEMsoftware]

^ Allah Ta'ala may accept his intention for helping his brother and maybe pleased with him for that post. Besides what's wrong with what he has posted?

even an elder has talked to them, but still they wont change and they just argue. I am convinced that no one can do dawah to these people. Proper brainwashed. Even the worst enemies of Islam can become the walis (friends) of Allah, please stay steadfast in your Duas and obedience to them. Show them the truth by your good character, and keep faith in Allah. Your obedience to them is a command in the Quran by Allah, regardless of how they are, you will be questioned about it. Humble yourself towards them without accepting their beliefs, and sincerely try your best to protect them from hellfire. This was the mission of our beloved prophet , and this is what will please your Creator (InshaAllah). Wallahu A'alum.

[Clielldub]

Avoid arguments with your parents at all costs, i think its best to first try to bring them back to salah, leave the other issues to one side for now
Try to find them evidences from barewli scholars who they may accept to tell them that salah is still fardh for them, im pretty sure most barelwis don't believe that salah is maaf on anyone

what i have found with barelwi elders is that at times they do not know how to answer questions as their deeni and fiqhi knowledge is quite minimal, so when they don't know the answers they often resort to strange comments which they probably don't even realize are very damaging to their Eemaan but they feel that they need to justify their belief somehow, therefore don't get into these discussions with them as it forces them to utter things which can take them outside of Islam without them realizing, instead you must use hikmah when talking to them on deeni matters, may Allah make things easy for you and guide us all...ameen

[TimEricsson]

see best thing is not to debate with them. There are some brelvi scholars who have spoken up against such practices. Try and find such scholars.

[monologue]

Bismillahi
I dont know about every point you wrote, but some of the points are what my paternal uncle and some aunts believe in.
My uncle just prays mureed's salah in the tahajjud time and rest he leaves out. The aunt says that it is not farz for them to offer farz salah. Nauzubillah. They say that as they are mureed and their chain goes to Sheikh abdul Qadir Jeelani (Raheemahullah), they will be saved from hell fire and they can save others too whom they like from hell recommending to Allah SWT. This is quite a daring thought with no fear. Let Allah SWT save us. They even have the peer's photo in the room and they have small diya in the front. Once the peer visited them and I didn't go in front of him but one of my cousins asked him about hanging the pictures and how angels won't come as I told her. I was hearing him keenly from the room and he was saying something like that picture is to do with drawing with hands while this digital picture carries the noor of the sheikh with it as it was captured. Ya Allah!
Anyway on hearing azan, the pir went to the masjid to offer salah and the mureed, my uncle as usual didn't go and peer didn't even ask him to accompany him.
The problem is they are very deep in such beliefs. If we say something, they say your path is different than ours so let us leave that and they plainly reject whatever we say.
I too don't know how to change them. They are very loving and affectionate people, very generous and so on. I am just praying to Allah and I do not know what to do but i am worried. I am not that good in dawah too. Let Allah guide us all. Amin

[paypaltoegold1]

Avoid arguments with your parents at all costs, i think its best to first try to bring them back to salah, leave the other issues to one side for now
Try to find them evidences from barewli scholars who they may accept to tell them that salah is still fardh for them, im pretty sure most barelwis don't believe that salah is maaf on anyone

what i have found with barelwi elders is that at times they do not know how to answer questions as their deeni and fiqhi knowledge is quite minimal, so when they don't know the answers they often resort to strange comments which they probably don't even realize are very damaging to their Eemaan but they feel that they need to justify their belief somehow, therefore don't get into these discussions with them as it forces them to utter things which can take them outside of Islam without them realizing, instead you must use hikmah when talking to them on deeni matters, may Allah make things easy for you and guide us all...ameen

for that advise sister but ...

they dont really accept any scholars weather barelwi or not, they just say that these molvi's dont no the path we are one.

[BuyCheapest]

Think about it in this manner:
Allah Ta'alaa has granted their child guidance so he may in turn become a means of their guidance.
Your love, service and humbleness towards them will in shaa Allah be the door to their tawfeeq.

Allah Ta'alaa could have left you with beliefs similar to theirs, but He has chosen to do otherwise, it is not a matter of luck, rather it's a deliberate decision from Allah ta'alaa himself; it does not matter how long it takes...keep being humble and kind towards them, they will eventually realize how much you care about them and will eventually question you about their inappropriate beliefs.

If you are harsh to them or look down upon them, you will be deprived of guidance...may Allah protect you from such a state...

We ask Allah ta'alaa to guide them towards piety and righteousness, through His kindness and attention. amine.

Mukhtar

[Rndouglas]

for that advise sister but ...

they dont really accept any scholars weather barelwi or not, they just say that these molvi's dont no the path we are one.

Its sad. Make Lots of Dua, Dua is the weapon of the believer. they will come to the right path.

[amehoubFomo]

for that advise sister but ...

they dont really accept any scholars weather barelwi or not, they just say that these molvi's dont no the path we are one.

Its sad to read of your situation. From what you say its apparent that they have gone out of the fold of Islam. May Allah guide them and protect us all from such a fitna.

You should still give them their rights as parents. And I would advise that you call them to Islam just like we would call other non-Muslims to Islam.

Start with discussing tawheed (and if necessary the rational basis of it). Then go on to the need for revelation and Prophets, and their purpose. Emphasise on the point that Islam is about submitting not just merely knowing, because Shaytan also knows Allah is One and he also knows of the Prophets yet he is an enemy of Islam.

May Allah make it easy for you.

[giftbestcom]

as people get older they get more stubborn especially those inclined to extreme barelwism.

personally, if they didn't accept what i had to tell them, i'd leave them to it because they just get very angry when you offer advice.

"To you your Deen and to me mine"

P.S. what is the status of someone who never prays Salah other than Jummah, when told to pray Salah their response is "pray if you can , if not no big deal".

[Roferurse]

but like i said in my first post, they wont listen or change they just think they are right.

Asalamoaliykum Brother!

Subhan'Allah, I went through the exact same thing a few years ago, however just a little different but more or less the same. I'll explain what it was and what I did and how I am now. Hopefully it may help you also, insha'Allah.

My family:-
My mums side are proper Sunni Hanafi's, which is all good, masha'Allah and they all offer their Salaah's, however due to my dad and his family, the only thing she doesn't do is wear hijab, rest she does. Dad doesn't like it. As for dad, his thinking is more like wahabis, he listens to Dr Zakir Naik, he believes that our Aqaa, Muhammad Sallalahu Alaiyhi Wasalam was our prophet but he is dead as was human, Naudhubillah. He doesn't offer his Salaah except for Jummah (but he does believe in offering Salaah's, just that he doesn't), however he goes to mazaar, but doesn't believe in Peers. My Grandmother was exactly like my mums family, yet Grandfather was like my dad. My dad's side of the family are so modern and I was like that, my beliefs were like mums but i just never practised.

Anyway 4 years ago, I decided enough is enough and Allah subhana ta'ala guided me, I decided to wear my hijab, I used to be the most craziest girl when it came to music, friends (never went out with no one or smoked or drank), I was very modern. When I decided to wear my hijab, the day i wore it, it was taken off, literally PULLED OFF by my dads side of the family.... I was crying I didn't want to talk to no one. I went through hell. My mum was so pleased but even she was upset for me as to what my dad and his side of the family were doing. They kept calling me names (hijabi, ninja, old woman....list goes on), then I started to hear comments like no one will marry you, you're turning extreme, someone has done magic on you, you are becoming backwards. I also tried to explain how I felt, why I did this, with proof in the most respectful way but it was thrown back on my face. My mum had tried all her life to do the same, but with me my dad and his side of the family just didn't want to accept the change.

Then I had decided to do Hifz of the Qur'an (I was 19 then), they didn't say a word. I would sit down and pray not saying a word, basically I did what I needed to do, but I never asked or said a word in regards to Islam because I knew if I was to say anything, I don't want him/them to get gunnah if they were to say or do anything wrong, it would hurt me tremendously to see what they are doing. But I thought I will do what I need to do to better myself, I deleted all music, all pictures, facebook account (my whole family is on there), I stopped talking to all my guy mates, I only have like 6-7 sisters who I speak to and my fiance. They went even more mad. I still stood strong Alhumdulillah, but I carried on praying RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM, reading books aloud, talking to mum about Islam and everything. So I carried on, and they eventually stopped talking, no arguments, just looked at me, listened, and now after 4 years they ask me questions about what am I doing but WITH INTEREST!

Brother, although this may not work for you, but I feel your pain, I have been through this and I know it really does kill. But you will have to remain quiet, don't talk about anything. Do what you need to do, carry on insha'Allah. And ask Allah Subhana Ta'ala to guide our familes, go down into Sajda after every Salaah and sincerely cry and make Du'aa. And make Du'aa in such a way that 'Ya Rabb, our Aqaa Muhammad Sallalahu Alaiyhi Wasalam is our Waseela, for His sake please Aceept my Du'aas'. Believe me since I have started to make Du'aas when saying this and actually meaning it too, Allah Ta'ala has helped me so much. The only thing at the moment I also fear as you do too is about my marriage. They have found an educated, rich person who doesn't practice at all, and the person who I was interested in is a Hafiz too, not educated but masha'Allah he is practising and all, they are not accepting him.

Please just remain focused with your deen, with your Salaah's and another thing, always recite Darood-Sharif. ALWAYS!!!!! Whenever you can, whatever you're doing, recite Darood Sharif. I always recited this one 300 times and then made Du'aa for myself and my family to be guided and to keep me strong.

Qalat heelatii anta waseelati adriknii ya Rasoolallah Sallalahu Alaiyhi wasalam.
The meaning of this is also the same as I mentioned above.

I hope this has helped even a little. May Allah ta'ala guide us all. Ameen Suma Ameen.
Wasalam

[M_Marked]

for the replies.

I am still in my teens, it just seems this is affecting me alot like when i start thinking about it i cant sleep etc.

Also how will this affect me in the future like how will a pious muslima marry me when my family are like this ?

[Abraham]

Allah swt guide whom He swt wills. My father is stuck in his ways. A whole life gets spent in siding with the wrong, it becomes part of their existence. And no matter what you say, they will always think their way is better. So fear Allah swt as anyone can come under this, even the greatest among us. Shaytaan & our Nafs are constantly fighting us. So always take time out to correct yourself, make sure you don't let pride get involved with your Ibadaah. And that you do your best as a servant to Allah swt, as a child to your parents, good spouse to your partner, a good father/mother neighbor etc.. insha'Allah it will go well for you, I will keep you in my dua's.