[WaicurtaitfuT]

Salamu alaikum wr wb,
I was speaking to someone and they said that I cannot say that I'd rather not be married to a man who wants or plans on possibly taking a second wife. My understanding of polygamy according to Islam is that a man can have more than 1 wife, up to four, out of societal necessity (such as she has orphaned children who needs a father, or she needs a mans support, etc.) , not just out of sexual desire for more than one woman. Also, multiple marriages are not desired or recommended unless absolutely necessary. It is also my understanding that if a woman has foreseeable hardship that will negatively impact the 1st marriage if her husband takes a second wife, she has the right to ask him to agree in the marriage contract not to marry a second wife. Is this correct? Does she have this right?

I also checked various sources and they all said that she has the right to request that he agree not to take a wife after her for the duration of their marriage. The following is an excerpt from on of the sources:

(a) Polygyny

If a woman does not feel that she could allow her husband to marry more than one woman at the same time, then Islam allows her the right to refuse him permission to do this at the outset of their marriage, however, she must indicate this preference in the Prenuptial Agreement or she will forfeit this right under the Islamic Law. If she is uncertain as to whether or not she will be opposed to her husband marrying a second wife later on, then she could include that in the agreement and thus make it binding upon her husband that he must consult her at that time and that he must then abide by her wishes. To say nothing, however, could possibly invite more pain than gain as far as her desires are concerned.

In the West, polygamy (4) is illegal. Even so, the woman may still request that her husband not marry a second wife, and put this in the contract. This sort of request would be considered spurious in the Prenuptial Contract because men in the west are already forbidden polygyny. Nonetheless it might still prove to be a useful addition to the contract at this time because later on the couple might possibly move to a country where polygyny is legal.

Jazakallah for your answers.
Salam

[Tapupah]

Salamu alaikum wr wb,
I was speaking to someone and they said that I cannot say that I'd rather not be married to a man who wants or plans on possibly taking a second wife. My understanding of polygamy according to Islam is that a man can have more than 1 wife, up to four, out of societal necessity (such as she has orphaned children who needs a father, or she needs a mans support, etc.) , not just out of sexual desire for more than one woman. Also, multiple marriages are not desired or recommended unless absolutely necessary. It is also my understanding that if a woman has foreseeable hardship that will negatively impact the 1st marriage if her husband takes a second wife, she has the right to ask him to agree in the marriage contract not to marry a second wife. Is this correct? Does she have this right?

I also checked various sources and they all said that she has the right to request that he agree not to take a wife after her for the duration of their marriage. The following is an excerpt from on of the sources:

(a) Polygyny

If a woman does not feel that she could allow her husband to marry more than one woman at the same time, then Islam allows her the right to refuse him permission to do this at the outset of their marriage, however, she must indicate this preference in the Prenuptial Agreement or she will forfeit this right under the Islamic Law. If she is uncertain as to whether or not she will be opposed to her husband marrying a second wife later on, then she could include that in the agreement and thus make it binding upon her husband that he must consult her at that time and that he must then abide by her wishes. To say nothing, however, could possibly invite more pain than gain as far as her desires are concerned.

In the West, polygamy (4) is illegal. Even so, the woman may still request that her husband not marry a second wife, and put this in the contract. This sort of request would be considered spurious in the Prenuptial Contract because men in the west are already forbidden polygyny. Nonetheless it might still prove to be a useful addition to the contract at this time because later on the couple might possibly move to a country where polygyny is legal.

Jazakallah for your answers.
Salam

a) What if a woman does not accept polygamy?

First of all, marriage in one of its phases is a legal contract between the wife and the husband. Both partners have the right to add any condition that they think it will help them to protect their future life. So, if a woman thinks polygamy is against her interest, then she has the full right to announce her objection during the marriage contract as a condition and a right for a valid contract or else it will be nullified. Based on that, the husband has to commit to that condition or he would have no right to keep her as a wife if she decides to get divorced and was approved by the Islamic court, especially if divorcing the husband is controlled by the wife.
And Allah knows best. http://www.islamology.com/Overview/W...in%20Islam.htm

Yeah, so basically if you don't want your husband to marry another wife then talk about it with him and write it in the contract. I have to say tho that some scholars say it is best not to prevent your husband from doing something halaal (that its makrouh) - but others say it's allowed. So if I get married I'm doing it!

In the West polygamy doesn't have to be legal bcuz the guy can have as many girlfriends as he wants. That way he fulfills his desire without having any sort of responsibilities added to the relationship.

Hope I helped!

[WaicurtaitfuT]

Ok yes you help out alot, Alhumdulillah,
Jazakallah Brother
-Salamu alaikum wr wb

[Freeptube]

My understanding of polygamy according to Islam is that a man can have more than 1 wife, up to four, out of societal necessity (such as she has orphaned children who needs a father, or she needs a mans support, etc.) , not just out of sexual desire for more than one woman.

What is your evidence for this? If a man has the means to support more than one wife and treat them justly, he can take a second, third and fourth wife, even if it is just to satisfy his sexual desire. After all, isn't that one of the main reasons why Allah and His Messenger encouraged marriage in the first place - so that it provides man a lawful means for fulfilling his natural urges? Islam makes man responsible for his pleasures. So if he wants to take multiples wives, he must also be prepared to face the responsibilities that come with it.

Also, multiple marriages are not desired or recommended unless absolutely necessary. Again, I would like to see your basis for this conclusion. As long as the man is just and has the means, nothing in the Shari'ah has prohibited him from taking more than one wife.

[Tapupah]

Again, I would like to see your basis for this conclusion. As long as the man is just and has the means, nothing in the Shari'ah has prohibited him from taking more than one wife.

She never said it was prohibited, she was just stating that it wasn't recommended, its just allowed. On the other hand, It's sunnah mu'akadah to get married, since the Prophet (PBUH) said in a hadith that when you get married, you fulfill half your deen. When you get married its obviously to one person, you don't marry several people at one time, so that's the utmost part. THEN if the couple talk with each other and the husband wants to help another lady out, he can do so by marriage since thats the easiest (most lawful) way. But if the husband needs several other women to 'satisfy his sexual desires', then thats up to the couple, though I don't see why he would need to do so.

[Freeptube]

She never said it was prohibited, she was just stating that it wasn't recommended, its just allowed. On the other hand, It's sunnah mu'akadah to get married, since the Prophet (PBUH) said in a hadith that when you get married, you fulfill half your deen. When you get married its obviously to one person, you don't marry several people at one time, so that's the utmost part. THEN if the couple talk with each other and the husband wants to help another lady out, he can do so by marriage since thats the easiest (most lawful) way. But if the husband needs several other women to 'satisfy his sexual desires', then thats up to the couple, though I don't see why he would need to do so.

Sorry, prohibited was the wrong word. Even so, 'not recommended' still sounds like it is something bad or disliked in Islam, when it is nothing like that. As a matter of fact, if you fulfill the conditions for taking multiple wives, nothing in Islam remotely suggests having one wife is better.

[Tapupah]

Sorry, prohibited was the wrong word. Even so, 'not recommended' still sounds like it is something bad or disliked in Islam, when it is nothing like that. As a matter of fact, if you fulfill the conditions for taking multiple wives, nothing in Islam remotely suggests having one wife is better.

Yes, but nothing suggests that having more than one wife is better either.

Not recommended can mean different things... but the main meaning I think she was using was that there will be no extra reward in doing so... or having more than one wife won't make you any diff from other men who have only one... kinda like that.

And it is actually better to have one wife because having others is a big responsibility for you have to treat each the same way and it can be verrryyy hard to do so, and its rare nowadays to find a husband that is equally fair among his wives

[Freeptube]

Yes, but nothing suggests that having more than one wife is better either.

I wouldn't be so sure about that. There are many circumstances when it is actually encouraged to marry more than once, some of which have already been mentioned. But let's take the most 'trivial' one as an example : if a man isn't satisfied with one wife alone and he feels he fulfills the conditions for taking more wives, then it is better for him to marry than stay monogamous and try to control his desires.

And it is actually better to have one wife because having others is a big responsibility for you have to treat each the same way and it can be verrryyy hard to do so, and its rare nowadays to find a husband that is equally fair among his wives I think a lot of the time, it has to do with what his own wives deem as 'fair'.

[Tapupah]

I wouldn't be so sure about that. There are many circumstances when it is actually encouraged to marry more than once, some of which have already been mentioned. But let's take the most 'trivial' one as an example : if a man isn't satisfied with one wife alone and he feels he fulfills the conditions for taking more wives, then it is better for him to marry than stay monogamous and try to control his desires.

I think a lot of the time, it has to do with what his own wives deem as 'fair'.

Its not all about desires!!! Be grateful you have one respectful wife and focus your attention on other things besides your desires. but my point still stands, getting another wife because one isn't enough is still responsibility, you're going to have twice the kids, and two ladies you have to be fair between...etc..

Oh puh-lease, this has nothing to do with fairness it's common sense lol

[repldoinfo]

If this one wife would have been a muslimat, mu'minat, sadiqat, qanitat, sabirat, hashiat, mutasaddiqat, saimat, hafizat, zakirat, and salihat , then yes she would worth more than 100's of girls and she would be the best blessing for a man in this world after his Iman.

In this case such a blessed man would be striving his entire life to be like a Sahabi to make sure he is the right match for her.

[Freeptube]

Not recommended can mean different things... but the main meaning I think she was using was that there will be no extra reward in doing so... or having more than one wife won't make you any diff from other men who have only one... kinda like that.

I think there is a difference. A man who marries more than one woman has a far greater responsibility than a man who marries only one. It is also very much likely that the man with more wives has more children, which is encouraged in Islam. And as he fulfills all their rights, so will he reap more rewards from Allah for the greater difficulty he has endured compared to one who has only one wife.

[Tapupah]

I think there is a difference. A man who marries more than one woman has a far greater responsibility than a man who marries only one. It is also very much likely that the man with more wives has more children, which is encouraged in Islam. And as he fulfills all their rights, so will he reap more rewards from Allah for the greater difficulty he has endured compared to one who has only one wife.

Yes, but he also can get bad deeds if not doing all that you stated above which was a trouble reading so yeah.... BUT unlike the man with ONE wife he (the man with one wife lol) won't be taking so many risks. one wife can give enough children and also you can adopt more kids which holds a greater reward for bringing in a yateem and raising him/her

[Freeptube]

Its not all about desires!!! Be grateful you have one respectful wife and focus your attention on other things besides your desires. but my point still stands, getting another wife because one isn't enough is still responsibility, you're going to have twice the kids, and two ladies you have to be fair between...etc..

Hence, the greater reward for the one who fulfills his duties towards them.

Oh puh-lease, this has nothing to do with fairness it's common sense lol I stand by my point. The husband is not the only one who can be unfair in a marriage. Wives can be difficult too because of the jealousy between them.

[Freeptube]

Yes, but he also can get bad deeds if not doing all that you stated above which was a trouble reading so yeah.... BUT unlike the man with ONE wife he (the man with one wife lol) won't be taking so many risks. one wife can give enough children and also you can adopt more kids which holds a greater reward for bringing in a yateem and raising him/her

It's a simple risk-return trade-off. The man with more wives has more to lose but more to gain as well. And yes, he can adopt an orphan, but he will still have to call the child by his real father's name and not as his own son.

[Tapupah]

If this one wife would have been a muslimat, mu'minat, sadiqat, qanitat, sabirat, hashiat, mutasaddiqat, saimat, hafizat, zakirat, and salihat , then yes she would worth more than 100's of girls and she would be the best blessing for a man in this world after his Iman.

In this case such a blessed man would be striving his entire life to be like a Sahabi to make sure he is the right match for her.

EXACTLY!

The majority of us women are already muslimat, mu'minat, sadiqat, qanitat, sabirat, hashiat, mutasaddiqat, saimat, hafizat, zakirat, and salihat

[Tapupah]

It's a simple risk-return trade-off. The man with more wives has more to lose but more to gain as well.

And the man with one wife had a lot less to lose and an much easier way to gain more

[Tapupah]

Hence, the greater reward for the one who fulfills his duties towards them.

I stand by my point. The husband is not the only one who can be unfair in a marriage. Wives can be difficult too because of the jealousy between them.

It's not jealousy it's....... natural

[Freeptube]

And the man with one wife had a lot less to lose and an much easier way to gain more

Well, the Messenger of Allah and the Khulafa-e-Rashideen all had more than one wife, and I'm sure they would've chosen your option if it really was the easier way, so no. Man with more wives wins. The end.

[bettingonosports]

Assalaamu 'Alaykum Wa Rahmatullah.
Dear Brothers and Sisters,
If you solve your problems regarding Deen yourselves by your own understanding and from online, then why are Ulama for? If you are affected by a disease, what do you do? Do you use your own"understanding" for remedy? Or sit in front of PC and take treatment from online? NO, you don't.
SURELY PROBLEM RELATED TO DEEN IS MUCH MORE IMPORTANT THAN PHYSICAL PROBLEM.
Please meet scholars like you meet physicians and solve your problems. May Allah SWT give us tawfeeq to realise. Aameen.

[Tapupah]

Well, the Messenger of Allah and the Khulafa-e-Rashideen all had more than one wife, and I'm sure they would've chosen your option if it really was the easier way, so no. Man with more wives wins. The end.

men nowadays are not like the sahaba and khulafa' alrashideen (rarely) so nope you don't win. if men WERE then women wouldn't really have that much of a problem regarding this.

p.s. its not my option , its majority of women in general