[boanuatiguali]

Since the past few days I have been going through tough times since I watched this pic...
http://i1091.photobucket.com/albums/...6_24665769.jpgI have been unable to concentrate in namaz, or anything else for that matter, don't know why 'coz I have watched the pic before, 2 years back, I follow the boston big picture every year at Ramadhan, yet this time its been something else altogether, its quite embarrassing for me to be saying all this here.

Yet, I have a niece around that age as the kid, and I can't bear to, lets cut a long story short, have made niyyah to adopt a kid esp. females, 'coz they can be exploited (prostitution etc) and go through much tougher times than the males, I see my niece in that pic rather than the kid, and I feel its more important to actually adopt the kid, be a real father/mother to him rather than just funding his/her upbringing at an orphan home, I want to give a normal upbringing, I'm no warren buffet nor am I looking at my finances for the funds, I'm looking at Allah's treasure and ask for His help, and at the moment the intention is just for 1 kid, I ask Allah SWT to give me taufeeq to be able to fulfill my intentions, aamen. I'm working, I earn, thats no problem. I spoke to mom regarding this and though at first she looked sort of ok with it, the second time she gave me an awkward look, I think the first time she thought I was moved by the pic and just acting accordingly, building castles in the air or something...

I can only recall this quote of Ml Ilyasji rh here: "Our success lies in fulfilling our responsibilities"
So I want to do all I can

I have some questions for which I need suggestions, answers:
a. how to convince parents? is there a bayan lecture which I could make them listen to?
b. how to convince future parents in law? future wife?
c. do you think I'm being too enthusiastic for now and should put this off for a later date? post marriage?
d. if I adopt now would it seem awkward? me being unmarried and all?
e. if I adopt now and get the kid to be taken care of at some other place and later after getting married get the kid home?
>e1. how to convince future wife/parents in law if something like this does occur?

No, I'm not waiting for an afghan or iraqi kid, I'll adopt one from my own place, but really is it possible to adopt from those places? Do anyone of you know? Any ideas? 'coz these are war-torn countries and adopting from these places seems a little bit better, 'coz of the exploitation and stuff...

I ask Allah SWT that in my lifetime He should make me see, come across that poor girl in better times, please, summa aamen. Allah SWT has power over everything, wish somehow, I could adopt that girl...I'll love her more than my own niece I'll forget that I ever had a niece, I'll love her so much

there are 2 reasons I posted this here:
1. for your opinion.
2. who knows even you may feel the same and may adopt too.

I have cried over that kid totally to say this. One things certain adoption will happen some way or the other. Its only matter of time.

[casinobonbone]

: (

[itaspCatCriny]

I don't know much about 'adoption' in Islam and how it would work in these circumstances but I think we as an ummah have a collective responsibility towards each and every child since each one of them is Muslim, regardless of where they live - starting with those children who are under the care of Muslim governments.

That said, you probably should not rush into this - I think it is wise to wait to marry before you take on the care of an orphan and this is probably something you should inform your future wife about too since caring for orphans requires an extra gentle, caring, patient hand. Also, there are considerations you might want to research, list and prepare yourself for. For example, will the young girl be considered your non-mahram and have to cover herself when she reaches puberty? If you decide to care for a boy, will your wife have to take extra precautions at home to remain covered at all times when the young boy reaches a certain age? Caring for orphans is a part of our deen but I don't think everyone has the patience to take on the care of an orphan... it is a big responsibility but one that is necessary non-the-less. Just imagine, if every Muslim family cared for 1 orphan or poverty-stricken family - ensuring they have food, water, clothing, shelter and access to healthcare and education... how much stronger our ummah would be!

In the meantime, have you considered volunteering at an orphanage or helping a poverty-stricken family you might know about? You might want to start with your relatives and neighbours first.

All said and done... your intentions are very noble masha'Allah. May Allah (SWT) make it easy for you to reach out to the children of our ummah and may He reward you abundantly for your efforts and care for them and our ummah. Ameen.

[boanuatiguali]

In the meantime, have you considered volunteering at an orphanage or helping a poverty-stricken family you might know about? You might want to start with your relatives and neighbours first.

May Allah SWT grant and save my ikhlaas, amen but my parents are already doing that, yes, but I want to do something personally.....just funding I sort of feel bad about it

[itaspCatCriny]

May Allah SWT grant and save my ikhlaas, amen but my parents are already doing that, yes, but I want to do something personally.....just funding I sort of feel bad about it

Ameen.

Your parents are helping but are you? Sorry, I was not just referring to funding - I mean going to them, spending time to read with them, taking walks with them, giving them hugs, helping them with their learning etc. etc. ... hands-on care in addition to financial help.

[MYMcvBgl]

give a man a fish, feed him for a day,
teach him how to fish, feed him for life.

conclusion: Teach

[itaspCatCriny]

Yes but its more than that, its like that video another brother posted on the RANDOM thread of a child climbing all over the man (presumably the father) - that kind of connection (patience and understanding). Something lasting - life-long mentorship/friendship and a part of that is teaching/learning for sure.

[itaspCatCriny]

I've been wanting to do more for a very long time too. I can not personally reach the children in Afghanistan, Iraq, Chechnya etc. but I would like to do something here.

While you work towards your long-term goal to care for an orphan, why don't we all take on a personal challenge on SF? Some of us probably do these types of things already but perhaps some of us need a little motivation to get going... not knowing quite where to start. We could leave suggestions under this thread or perhaps you'd like to start a separate one for it. What do you think?

I called it a challenge but really it isn't a competition with one another to see who does and doesn't help or a race to out-do each other. No one needs to do anything or even reply. Anyone who wants to participate can do so silently or openly, whatever - insha'Allah with the intention to hold the hand of a child or a family, lift that child's spirits, show them love and care, and teach them something in the process, all for the pleasure of Allah (SWT).

I remember one thread where a young brother was talking about the difficulties he and his sister faced without a father in the home and it sounded like there wasn't a whole lot of constructive community help in their case. I personally know of such situations too. There are children in non-Muslim families who are also suffering and struggling. There is definitely a lot to do, people requiring various degrees of help and this is not a problem confined to a few areas but is something that is everywhere (though some areas are much, much worse than others).

For me, this thread is inspiring and motivating. Insha'Allah it is for others too.

[maxfieldj1]

I would love to adopt a child from a poverty stricken country or even from here in the west just to male sure one less muslim child is in the care of the government here.

I feel bad cuz im scared. I dont know how il cope. I already find it hard with one child and now that i have to work full time coping with taking care of a child on top, i feel i may not do justice. But one has to think that child will still be better off than starving?? But adopting is not so easy here. Not sure where you are but here im pretty sure you cant be a single mom or dad and would require your existing children to be of same age as the adopted child did not get lonely. If the government didnt think you could do justice to the child they will not let you adopt or bring one from another country. So good starting point would be to look into these matters and see where you stand.

[itaspCatCriny]

I would love to adopt a child from a poverty stricken country or even from here in the west just to male sure one less muslim child is in the care of the government here.

I feel bad cuz im scared. I dont know how il cope. I already find it hard with one child and now that i have to work full time coping with taking care of a child on top, i feel i may not do justice. But one has to think that child will still be better off than starving?? But adopting is not so easy here. Not sure where you are but here im pretty sure you cant be a single mom or dad and would require your existing children to be of same age as the adopted child did not get lonely. If the government didnt think you could do justice to the child they will not let you adopt or bring one from another country. So good starting point would be to look into these matters and see where you stand.

Sister Hayya, I'm in the same boat as you. I've wanted to for such a long time but I know the chances of me doing so right now are next to nil. However... nothing stops you and I from reaching out to children and families in our communities. I don't know where you are but here in Canada major cities usually have some sort of immigrant services centre where you can sign up to be the host for a family or you can join ladies' circles and get to know the women (or men for brothers) - not always Muslim but my experience has been that there usually is at least 1 Muslim family who needs help if that is where you want to focus your assistance. Aside from that... there are so many children and since every child is a Muslim... there are organizations such as Big Sisters & Big Brothers that we could even go through. Though I understand that mixing is an issue in some of these situations, I am sure there will always be avenues through which single women can contribute without unnecessary mixing too.

As for couples... there is the option of legal adoption and there is also foster-parenting options in the West. Not only that, if we are fortunate enough to have extra space available to us there definitely are families that could use help that way too. etc. etc. solutions are abundant, almost as abundant as problems. Aside from adopting, there is so much we can do.

[itaspCatCriny]

http://bewley.virtualave.net/riyad2.html#orphans

http://bewley.virtualave.net/riyad4.html#ithar

[johnsonjunior]

Since the past few days I have been going through tough times since I watched this pic...
http://i1091.photobucket.com/albums/...6_24665769.jpgI have been unable to concentrate in namaz, or anything else for that matter, don't know why 'coz I have watched the pic before, 2 years back, I follow the boston big picture every year at Ramadhan, yet this time its been something else altogether, its quite embarrassing for me to be saying all this here.

Yet, I have a niece around that age as the kid, and I can't bear to, lets cut a long story short, have made niyyah to adopt a kid esp. females, 'coz they can be exploited (prostitution etc) and go through much tougher times than the males, I see my niece in that pic rather than the kid, and I feel its more important to actually adopt the kid, be a real father/mother to him rather than just funding his/her upbringing at an orphan home, I want to give a normal upbringing, I'm no warren buffet nor am I looking at my finances for the funds, I'm looking at Allah's treasure and ask for His help, and at the moment the intention is just for 1 kid, I ask Allah SWT to give me taufeeq to be able to fulfill my intentions, aamen. I'm working, I earn, thats no problem. I spoke to mom regarding this and though at first she looked sort of ok with it, the second time she gave me an awkward look, I think the first time she thought I was moved by the pic and just acting accordingly, building castles in the air or something...

I can only recall this quote of Ml Ilyasji rh here: "Our success lies in fulfilling our responsibilities"
So I want to do all I can

I have some questions for which I need suggestions, answers:
a. how to convince parents? is there a bayan lecture which I could make them listen to?
b. how to convince future parents in law? future wife?
c. do you think I'm being too enthusiastic for now and should put this off for a later date? post marriage?
d. if I adopt now would it seem awkward? me being unmarried and all?
e. if I adopt now and get the kid to be taken care of at some other place and later after getting married get the kid home?
>e1. how to convince future wife/parents in law if something like this does occur?

No, I'm not waiting for an afghan or iraqi kid, I'll adopt one from my own place, but really is it possible to adopt from those places? Do anyone of you know? Any ideas? 'coz these are war-torn countries and adopting from these places seems a little bit better, 'coz of the exploitation and stuff...

I ask Allah SWT that in my lifetime He should make me see, come across that poor girl in better times, please, summa aamen. Allah SWT has power over everything, wish somehow, I could adopt that girl...I'll love her more than my own niece I'll forget that I ever had a niece, I'll love her so much

there are 2 reasons I posted this here:
1. for your opinion.
2. who knows even you may feel the same and may adopt too.

I have cried over that kid totally to say this. One things certain adoption will happen some way or the other. Its only matter of time.

Mashallah gr8 thread ... yes you can bro , here in my locality people take responsibility of a kid , orphan etc. pay their education fees , clothing etc...
You too can do whatever is in your scope and ability.
Muslims should be active in suck programs and help the poor. just take responsibility of one kid inshallah poverty will be erased from this ummah

[boanuatiguali]

@sister Acacia, glad you brought up Shariah, I did research this, please see here

@others, It'd be just wonderful if we all do our bit, actually now is the time to do extra...

adoption comes with great responsibilities, yes, but now is the time for the ummah to take even more responsibilities than ever, just look around, you'll know what I mean.

when we look at that kid closely, observe that she is not looking at the food, she's looking for someone , look at her tired eyes, tired body... maybe she is looking for her mom? dad? sis? bro? maybe they are all dead... (may ALLAH SWT forbid, amen) has she had her polio drops? all vaccines that a kid her age is getting elsewhere? what about hygiene? look at her surroundings, look at the ground she has sat on, look at the surroundings she'd have to grow up, maulana tariq jameel once said that when the rich don't pay the zakat as it needs to be paid, then the kids (he esp. referred to women) of the Muslim ummah become prey (all sorts of exploitation) for the sick men to fulfill their desires, and this is happening already...

but this thread is not to blame others, or americans, etc but more so to be responsible and act responsibly, do all you can and leave the rest to Allah SWT,

@sister hayya, make niyyah and put in the effort, do mashwara and go ahead, Allah SWT will show you the way, amen.

to others who may already have kids, see if you can do more for the ummah, if not, sponsor a kid even if its just one, do it the right way, better do it in war torn countries (my humble opinion) get your relatives or friends you trust, do something, we can live without an ipad, can't we? ever since I watched that kid, i haven't eaten out i plan to stay that way, honestly i have been unable to, whenever i plan to eat out, i remember the kid, and..., may Allah SWT grant me steadfastness, amen.

can somebody please tell me...has she had her breakfast?

[Joircarm]

@sister Acacia, glad you brought up Shariah, I did research this, please see here

@others, It'd be just wonderful if we all do our bit, actually now is the time to do extra...

adoption comes with great responsibilities, yes, but now is the time for the ummah to take even more responsibilities than ever, just look around, you'll know what I mean.

when we look at that kid closely, observe that she is not looking at the food, she's looking for someone , look at her tired eyes, tired body... maybe she is looking for her mom? dad? sis? bro? maybe they are all dead... (may ALLAH SWT forbid, amen) has she had her polio drops? all vaccines that a kid her age is getting elsewhere? what about hygiene? look at her surroundings, look at the ground she has sat on, look at the surroundings she'd have to grow up, maulana tariq jameel once said that when the rich don't pay the zakat as it needs to be paid, then the kids (he esp. referred to women) of the Muslim ummah become prey (all sorts of exploitation) for the sick men to fulfill their desires, and this is happening already...

but this thread is not to blame others, or americans, etc but more so to be responsible and act responsibly, do all you can and leave the rest to Allah SWT,

@sister hayya, make niyyah and put in the effort, do mashwara and go ahead, Allah SWT will show you the way, amen.

to others who may already have kids, see if you can do more for the ummah, if not, sponsor a kid even if its just one, do it the right way, better do it in war torn countries (my humble opinion) get your relatives or friends you trust, do something, we can live without an ipad, can't we? ever since I watched that kid, i haven't eaten out i plan to stay that way, honestly i have been unable to, whenever i plan to eat out, i remember the kid, and..., may Allah SWT grant me steadfastness, amen.

can somebody please tell me...has she had her breakfast?

You know I have been sponsoring a little girl in Pakistan for almost a year now. I was like you, saw a very similar photograph and it broke my heart. I decided to do something about it. I wanted to make a difference in her life. I hear from my little sponsor child through an aid worker a couple of times a year. She draws me a picture and her aid worker writes to let me know how she is getting on. To know that I can help her in anyway I can whilst living on the other side of the world makes my heart feel happy. I think about her almost every day like she was my own daughter and if anything ever happened to her family I would welcome her with open arms to my own family. You can make a difference, I've seen it and I am so humbled by this little girl. Whenever I feel miserable or down I look at her photograph and say how blessed I am to have her sent into my life. She is my inspiration to make me want to be a better person.

[QQQQQ-Trek]

Great thread, brother Pluto. I cannot express my happiness.

May Allah accept your endeavour. I request du'aa as well, for this wish has been one of mine and my husband's for more than a few years.

when we look at that kid closely, observe that she is not looking at the food, she's looking for someone , look at her tired eyes, tired body... maybe she is looking for her mom? dad? sis? bro? This quote is extremely poignant. Food, money, shelter. It will not give a child the love that he/she wants.

[itaspCatCriny]

... adoption comes with great responsibilities, yes, but now is the time for the ummah to take even more responsibilities than ever, just look around, you'll know what I mean...

Yes, and it is a very important and necessary task for the ummah to undertake however, not everyone is suited for adoption or the personal care of an orphan in their homes in which case it is important to keep in mind that just because a person doesn't or can't adopt doesn't mean there is nothing more for them to do. There are other options.

The link on Adoption in Islam lists everything nicely and in connection with ^ lets remember and not take this responsibility lightly:

6. The adopted child should not be treated in a different way. It is important to treat the adopted child with love and affection, especially if the child is helpless or in need of more attention. If a person feels that he\she can not maintain a good relationship with an adopted child, then they should not adopt, because instead of being worthy of reward he\she will be regarded as being sinful. I have had the unfortunate experience of seeing first hand how 'adopted' children can be mistreated starting at a very young age, used as servants/maids, kept home from school, kept in tattered clothes, not permitted to play and laugh with other children, no cuddles or positive expressions of love and care, beatings... it really is crucial that people understand the responsibility fully.

We all need to do something, in one way or another. like how your parents have been helping... sister Clearwater has been sponsoring a child... others have been volunteering to assist families and tutor them in their lessons... others volunteer in hospitals where sick orphans are cared for... others deliver food to those in need... some open their homes to families in distress so that the children do not have to be separated from their parents.... whatever a person is able, comfortable and committed to doing.

Whatever our abilities, there is always something we can do.

[casinobonbone]

You know I have been sponsoring a little girl in Pakistan for almost a year now. I was like you, saw a very similar photograph and it broke my heart. I decided to do something about it. I wanted to make a difference in her life. I hear from my little sponsor child through an aid worker a couple of times a year. She draws me a picture and her aid worker writes to let me know how she is getting on. To know that I can help her in anyway I can whilst living on the other side of the world makes my heart feel happy. I think about her almost every day like she was my own daughter and if anything ever happened to her family I would welcome her with open arms to my own family. You can make a difference, I've seen it and I am so humbled by this little girl. Whenever I feel miserable or down I look at her photograph and say how blessed I am to have her sent into my life. She is my inspiration to make me want to be a better person.

aoa,
you are a great inspiration to do (and be) good.
but the reward ,we must remember, is with Allah (SWT). hence our niyat (intention) should always be to do (and be) good for Him alone.
: )

[Ubgvuncd]

http://i1091.photobucket.com/albums/...6_24665769.jpg

for helping me to bring tears on my eyes.

[QQQQQ-Trek]

^ Is that so? Most people I know from the subcontinent are very averse to adoption, and very verbose about it. Just yesterday I had such a conversation. It was quite painful to hear the generalization and the reasons why one should not adopt. I find it irritating hearing the words "Be patient, you will be granted your own child", when the adoption idea was never about having ones own child, but rather to take care of one who has no parents.

After the child has completed his/her education, is he/she still treated as an adopted child?

[Joircarm]

aoa,
you are a great inspiration to do (and be) good.
but the reward ,we must remember, is with Allah (SWT). hence our niyat (intention) should always be to do (and be) good for Him alone.
: )

Thank you brother. I have only been a Muslima for little over a month. I am still learning. I could have sponsored any child from any country, but I chose to sponsor a Muslim child from Pakistan. I pray that Allah (swt) sees me doing this out of compassion for another human being and that I am being good for Him alone.