[gundos]

Assalamualkyum Bros & Sisters,

I want to get something off my chest. I lost many friends and have had a hard time socializing in college ( just graduated ,ny, 23 y/o) because I didnt want to go to bars/club or even halal places because of the female presence among the muslims( it's amazing how hijabis are there too ) and we all know how it's a subtle way to "mix and meet" . Unfortunately the religious guys dont do anything it seems or have tight cliches of their own. Most salafis are annoying because I dont want to argue about being hanafi or having to explain why he must wash his feet during wudu if he decided to lead a prayer since some of us dont believe that it's sufficient( I digress).

I keep reading on this forum how you should be close to Allah(swa) but unfortunately when I see other hangs out and have fun it kind of reminds me of "my" days when I was having fun too. The problem is that Im not liberal enough to accept the western ways here in the US(haram venues) but i'm also no religious enough to just do Islamicy stuff all the time. I watch movies and sports although I dont listen to music that much(no concerts/I dont know what a club looks like even after being in nyc most of my life).

How do I make good muslim friends? where do you guys even meet? I have social anciety now and feel left out most of the time.

I sometimes wonder who would even notice if I died this moment let alone count the number of true friends at my wedding :/ . I dont know how to go about this and I feel pathetic when asking for friends in my duaa. I am grateful for my family although my cousins live far and I dont have a big family circle anyway. I dont think marrying will help me because I dont want responsibilities(job+bills) on top on what i have already. Alhumdulillah I have trained myself to avoid haram so nowifey-no problem for now ( if I didnt do haram it in college why would I do it now? although I have seen people slip later on...)

All the ibadah in the world doesnt quinch the thirst for a friend that I really need right now or maybe im not doing it right. I want to talk to people and share experiences. Sometimes I feel bad for thinking like this because the muslims back home have it much much worse than me but I'm human. I blame it on my upbringing (I moved a lot too) as well since my mother really sheltered me for my "betterment". I give her grief sometimes when she asks why I dont have friends to go to and hang out. The weekends are spent at home doing nothing. I am now considering business during the weekends to keep me busy. SO now ill be working 7 days a week. What kind of life is this anyway? The bros in tabligh jamaat disappear as soon as you stop going with them so I suppose I need better environment yet the TJ is a good one as I am told. It's so weird when I go the masjid and see everyone but very few people my age and even fewer who would talk or say something. The community seems broken. meetup.com has a bunch of desi meetups but they are guitar weilding/skirt wearing folk so I rather not go there

what do you guys do to remain socially healthy? Our Rasool (SAW) had friends as well ( the 4 best buddies ). Most of what I wrote is such throwing stuff out there but I suppose muslims reading it would bring about better responses rather than the non-muslims who just tell you to go have "fun and party".

[forexsoft]

Assalamualkyum Bros & Sisters,

I want to get something off my chest. I lost many friends and have had a hard time socializing in college ( just graduated ,ny, 23 y/o) because I didnt want to go to bars/club or even halal places because of the female presence among the muslims( it's amazing how hijabis are there too ) and we all know how it's a subtle way to "mix and meet" . Unfortunately the religious guys dont do anything it seems or have tight cliches of their own. Most salafis are annoying because I dont want to argue about being hanafi or having to explain why he must wash his feet during wudu if he decided to lead a prayer since some of us dont believe that it's sufficient( I digress).

I keep reading on this forum how you should be close to Allah(swa) but unfortunately when I see other hangs out and have fun it kind of reminds me of "my" days when I was having fun too. The problem is that Im not liberal enough to accept the western ways here in the US(haram venues) but i'm also no religious enough to just do Islamicy stuff all the time. I watch movies and sports although I dont listen to music that much(no concerts/I dont know what a club looks like even after being in nyc most of my life).

How do I make good muslim friends? where do you guys even meet? I have social anciety now and feel left out most of the time.

I sometimes wonder who would even notice if I died this moment let alone count the number of true friends at my wedding :/ . I dont know how to go about this and I feel pathetic when asking for friends in my duaa. I am grateful for my family although my cousins live far and I dont have a big family circle anyway. I dont think marrying will help me because I dont want responsibilities(job+bills) on top on what i have already. Alhumdulillah I have trained myself to avoid haram so nowifey-no problem for now ( if I didnt do haram it in college why would I do it now? although I have seen people slip later on...)

All the ibadah in the world doesnt quinch the thirst for a friend that I really need right now or maybe im not doing it right. I want to talk to people and share experiences. Sometimes I feel bad for thinking like this because the muslims back home have it much much worse than me but I'm human. I blame it on my upbringing (I moved a lot too) as well since my mother really sheltered me for my "betterment". I give her grief sometimes when she asks why I dont have friends to go to and hang out. The weekends are spent at home doing nothing. I am now considering business during the weekends to keep me busy. SO now ill be working 7 days a week. What kind of life is this anyway? The bros in tabligh jamaat disappear as soon as you stop going with them so I suppose I need better environment yet the TJ is a good one as I am told. It's so weird when I go the masjid and see everyone but very few people my age and even fewer who would talk or say something. The community seems broken. meetup.com has a bunch of desi meetups but they are guitar weilding/skirt wearing folk so I rather not go there

what do you guys do to remain socially healthy? Our Rasool (SAW) had friends as well ( the 4 best buddies ). Most of what I wrote is such throwing stuff out there but I suppose muslims reading it would bring about better responses rather than the non-muslims who just tell you to go have "fun and party".

ASWW
Brother InshaAllah I feel for you and without simplyfying the problem/ solution... maybe start some sort of a social muslim youth club or a magazine or a periodical or a library where brothers and sisters can borrow books / kitaabs or a soup kitchen or become a prison chaplain or volunteer for abroad missions or... InshaAllah!

[Heacechig]

brother,

First of all, as twisted as it sounds, I would like to congratulate you on losing most of your friends. In this day and age, that means you're doing something right deen-wise. It sort of comes with starting to practice the deen, or reverting to Islam for an ex non-Muslim. I'm not sure how long you've been 'practicing' and how long ago you gave up everything else you used to do (nor do I want to know nor should you say it), but all I can tell you is Alhamdulillah it gets easier as time passes.

When I started practicing the deen more and more, I didn't know how to act around people anymore. I didn't know if I should hang out with my 'friends' to "make dawah", and if yes then how should I talk to them, etc etc. I just kept making dua to Allah to teach me how to talk to people properly and to give me wisdom and understanding (still do), and Alhamdulillah with time I have gotten better at dealing with people to where I'm not just coming across as "the molvi who's always bitter" but yet I stand firm in my beliefs Alhamdulillah and I don't compromise my deen for anyone. Do I have any friends? Hardly any from my 'previous' days, I still talk to them once in a very blue moon. Do I have any new friends? Sure, and many of them are 'uncles' from the Masjid, but hey it's all good.

One thing I can tell you is that if you're a 23 year old in NYC, Subhan'Allah there is no shortage whatsoever of young Muslim brothers there. It would be worse if you lived in some little town in the middle of nowhere and had to drive two hours just to get to a masjid, however in NYC that is not the case at all Alhamdulillah.

I want to get something off my chest. I lost many friends and have had a hard time socializing in college ( just graduated ,ny, 23 y/o) because I didnt want to go to bars/club or even halal places because of the female presence among the muslims( it's amazing how hijabis are there too ) and we all know how it's a subtle way to "mix and meet" . You're absolutely right in doing this and whether you realize it or not, Alhamdulillah, Insha'Allah you are being rewarded for this by Allah swt. You're right about those "halal places" which have the same mixed gatherings and the only difference is that (some of) the females are wearing hijab (very colorful ones at that). So if you feel that you have nowhere to go and nowhere where you feel comfortable hanging out and not destroy the deen, then Alhamdulillah thank Allah swt for He has given you the sort of understanding which is lacking in our Ummah today.

Unfortunately the religious guys dont do anything it seems or have tight cliches of their own. Most salafis are annoying because I dont want to argue about being hanafi or having to explain why he must wash his feet during wudu if he decided to lead a prayer since some of us dont believe that it's sufficient( I digress). One thing I learned (and am still learning) is that don't pay attention to "groups", such as "salafis" or this and that. As long as they are not committing shirk, thank Allah swt that they are involved with the deen, making salat, etc, when the majority of the Ummah has completely thrown away the deen out of their lives. There may be disagreement on the finer points of different things such as making wudu, salat, etc, amongst the different schools of thoughts & salafis etc, but realize that Subhan'Allah they are all present in the masajid and actively practicing the deen for there to even be disagreement and differences. It is better for everyone to practice the deen and have some differences here and there, rather than for a small group of people to practice the deen and have no difference on anything among each other. So next time you see someone who you think is doing something 'wrong', or not in the way which you were taught, say to yourself "at least he's trying to practice the deen", "at least he's in the Masjid Masha'Allah, when he could be out like all these other people involved in sin".

Regarding the example you gave about you having to explain about washing feet before such a brother can lead you in prayer, I know it was just an example, but nonetheless Insha'Allah I should point out here that the imam's wudu has no effect on the validity of the prayer of someone praying behind them, so you need not question it or wonder about it. If a brother comes to lead the prayer, and he meets the criteria to be able to lead others in prayer, then you pray behind him and don't inquire whether he has wudu or not, or whether he washed his feet or not. He is accountable for that and your prayer is Insha'Allah valid regardless. Here is a Fatwa explaining the same: http://www.islamweb.net/emainpage/in...waId&Id=120800.

I keep reading on this forum how you should be close to Allah(swa) but unfortunately when I see other hangs out and have fun it kind of reminds me of "my" days when I was having fun too. I agree, it's tough to see others having fun and seeing all the "fun" places and staying away from them. That's why first and foremost you need to completely disconnect yourself from such people and such places, at least as much as possible. If you must pass by a place which used to be "fun" for you, on your way to school/work or whatever, and there's no other way you can take, then it is what it is, but don't unnecessarily pass by these places, or speak to these people who remind and invite you to sin. Always remember death. If the thought even crosses your mind that such and such place would be so much 'fun' if you weren't trying to be all 'religious' and could just go wherever you wanted like your friends (or ex-friends), then make sure to tell yourself that you and everyone else will one day die and then these sins will become a burden which no one wants to bear. Similarly, reassure yourself that (for example) the fact that you're choosing to go to the masjid for salat-ul-Isha on Friday night while your friends are going to the "hookah joint" to have a "blast", that the reward for this for you is Insha'Allah great, while those who're choosing to indulge in sin instead are in great loss. That doesn't mean that you start hating your friends and considering them "sinners", rather you should always be making dua to Allah to give them all hidayat as well and to put it in their heart to understand the difference between right and wrong, between evil and good. Hate the actions of your brothers, the evil deeds of your brothers, the evil environment which makes your brothers indulge in sin, but do not hate your brothers themselves.

The problem is that Im not liberal enough to accept the western ways here in the US(haram venues) but i'm also no religious enough to just do Islamicy stuff all the time. I watch movies and sports although I dont listen to music that much(no concerts/I dont know what a club looks like even after being in nyc most of my life). I can tell you from experience that if you're going to try to "balance" between deen and "liberal" stuff, then eventually one will take over the other. You have to give up movies completely. You have to give up watching sports completely (unless they contain no music, no uncovered females, and no other disobeying of Allah's commandments, hard to find these days). You have to give up listening to music completely. Consider it a blessing from Allah swt that you don't know what a club looks like after living in NYC most of your life, make sure you thank Allah swt for that as not everyone is that fortunate. It is harder to give up something having seen and experienced it rather than just never becoming involved with it in the first place. Replace the movies and the music with the Quran. Listen to the Quran while driving, walking, on the train, bus, whatever... Alhamdulillah so many apps are available these days on smartphones and what not, with amazing recitors, you will literally wash your heart each time you listen to the Quran while following the etiquettes (pay attention when listening, don't put it as "background" sound, etc), and Insha'Allah you will gain tremendous reward with Allah swt while bringing so much barakah into your life.

"O you who have believed, enter into Islam completely [and perfectly] and do not follow the footsteps of Satan. Indeed, he is to you a clear enemy." Quran 2:208

While I'm not a scholar, I do like to use the above quoted ayat in these instances. Allah swt tells us to enter into Islam completely. Not 99%, but 100%. That means submitting to Allah swt's commands completely, regardless of your own desires. So, it doesn't matter if you want to watch a movie, if it contains haram elements (most if not all do these days), then you can't watch it. Same goes for watching (and even playing some) sports, listening to music, etc, etc. It is not a matter of choice. It becomes easier once you completely submit to Allah. Of course you have to seek help from Allah swt, as nothing can happen without His will.

Also check out this article on TV/movies:

http://yunuspatel.co.za/articles-inf...television.php

How do I make good muslim friends? where do you guys even meet? I have social anciety now and feel left out most of the time.

I sometimes wonder who would even notice if I died this moment let alone count the number of true friends at my wedding :/ . I dont know how to go about this and I feel pathetic when asking for friends in my duaa. I am grateful for my family although my cousins live far and I dont have a big family circle anyway. I dont think marrying will help me because I dont want responsibilities(job+bills) on top on what i have already. Alhumdulillah I have trained myself to avoid haram so nowifey-no problem for now ( if I didnt do haram it in college why would I do it now? although I have seen people slip later on...) First of all, stop telling yourself that you need "friends" to be socially acceptable (whether to yourself or in front of others). I know everyone is different and not everyone can cut all contact with society and be all cool about it, but there's something to be said about that regardless. As far as where to make Muslim friends, the obvious answer is the Masjid. However, I don't know where you live exactly in NYC, as many masajid do have more of a younger attendance while others just have our elder uncles (may Allah swt bless them all!) there 24/7. Regardless, I'm not sure of your involvement in your local masjid, but if you're not already, you need to be there for Isha + Fajr there daily, without fail. Of course, if that doesn't work with your schedule for some reason (work/school) then any salat is fine Insha'Allah, but you need to be in your masjid every single day without fail. It should take some really extraordinary circumstances for you to miss a day at the masjid, such as if you happen to be out of town (in which case you should find the local masjid wherever you are, very easy to do online these days Masha'Allah, and attend salat there). Find out when (and if) your masjid has taleem (hadith reading), daily mashwara, etc, and become involved. What will happen with this Insha'Allah is that you will become closer to Allah swt, and you will start meeting new people. You won't have new friends overnight, but Insha'Allah by going to the masjid daily, people will start to notice you and start talking to you, and you will eventually get to know the people. That also depends on how friendly and forward you are, there are people who can easily mingle with new people the first time they meet them, exchange #'s and the whole 9, and then there are the quiet ones (kinda like how I was) who can be going to the same masjid daily for months and months before people start to notice hey this guy is here all the time Masha'Allah, who is he? and then they start talking to you and before you know it you all of the sudden have a whole bunch of new friends. Either way, the main benefit of this is that you will be in Allah swt's house on a daily basis and will reap so much benefit both in this life and in the hereafter, even if you don't end up making any new friends.

Secondly, though I don't remember or have the exact hadith, I remember having read somewhere (more or less the meaning) that the most fortunate of believers is the one who no one really knows, and he just stays engaged in worship of Allah swt and when he dies no one really knows of him and he gets buried as a regular, "just another" person. Now that doesn't mean that we become a lonely, social outcast on purpose, but rather that it's actually not such a bad thing if you don't have many friends right now and you wonder who would notice if you died etc.

All the ibadah in the world doesnt quinch the thirst for a friend that I really need right now or maybe im not doing it right. I want to talk to people and share experiences. Sometimes I feel bad for thinking like this because the muslims back home have it much much worse than me but I'm human. I blame it on my upbringing (I moved a lot too) as well since my mother really sheltered me for my "betterment". I give her grief sometimes when she asks why I dont have friends to go to and hang out. The weekends are spent at home doing nothing. I am now considering business during the weekends to keep me busy. SO now ill be working 7 days a week. What kind of life is this anyway? The bros in tabligh jamaat disappear as soon as you stop going with them so I suppose I need better environment yet the TJ is a good one as I am told. It's so weird when I go the masjid and see everyone but very few people my age and even fewer who would talk or say something. The community seems broken. meetup.com has a bunch of desi meetups but they are guitar weilding/skirt wearing folk so I rather not go there Again, if you've got Allah swt as your Friend, then you should feel fortunate and not long for any other friends. Don't blame anything on your 'upbringing' or on your parents. Everything is written (Qadr) and it wouldn't/couldn't have happened any differently. Maybe if your upbringing was 'different', you would be like those people you're talking about who're at clubs and bars instead of at the Masjid. Allah knows best. Though it's a completely different topic, cherish your mother and do khidmat (serve her) as much as humanly possible because with her lies your ticket to Jannah. Ask the one who has lost his mother and they will tell you. Even our Prophet used to grieve that only if his mother was around, he would do so much khidmat of her and what not. Remember that. Same goes for your father.

In regards to when she asks you why you don't have anyone to hang with, tell her the truth. Tell her that if she wants you to be at a club and bar getting drunk, then you will gladly go out. If she says that there must be people 'hanging out' at 'halal' places, tell her the truth about what goes on at these places and that you would rather not be involved in all that sin and you're better off staying home and spending time with her. Also, as I said before, you need to make the masjid your hang-out spot. It doesn't matter if you're the only youngster there along with a bunch of old uncles... stay there, make salat, read Quran, read books, take your iPad or smartphone there and surf the net (halal stuff of course ), etc, etc. Don't know how active your masjid is but again you live in NYC and even if your closest masjid is not open 24/7 like that you can certainly find one still close enough which is. Don't mess with meetup.com and all that, like you said most probably nothing good can come out of it. Are you sure the bros in TJ disappear as soon as you stop going with them, or is it that you don't keep in touch? Do you call/text/email them just to say Salam and ask how they're doing, when they'll be at the masjid next time, if they want to grab a bite to eat, etc?

what do you guys do to remain socially healthy? Our Rasool (SAW) had friends as well ( the 4 best buddies ). Most of what I wrote is such throwing stuff out there but I suppose muslims reading it would bring about better responses rather than the non-muslims who just tell you to go have "fun and party". Also, don't be embarrassed to ask Allah swt for friends, and whatever else (halal) you desire in this life and in there hereafter. He is the one who we can be 100% open with. Pray few rakat tahajjud at night, lock your door, and cry away to our Creator. Shed your tears like a little baby, ask for His forgiveness, tell Him that you don't know what you're doing and that you need His help in understanding how to handle all these situations. Tell Him that you feel like a socially disconnected and you're not sure how to approach the situation, beg Him to show you the right path in regards to this and every situation in your life. Make dua for your friends, family, and all of mankind to get hidayat. One sheikh once said something to the effect of "never think that what you're asking Allah for is too great, as He is the Greatest and nothing is too great for Him". The example I like to use is that let's say a person wants 10 top of the line cars, but he starts making dua to Allah for one or two cars at first, because he thinks 10 is too many. No, that is wrong. He should go and ask Allah for 10 cars, 20 cars, 100 cars, whatever, because obviously it is nothing for Allah swt to give him that and more.

Bottom line, become involved with your local Masjid. I speak from experience. Insha'Allah you will notice a difference. If you're free on weekends, spend them in the Masjid, go on jamaat. Masjid AlFalah in Corona, Queens has a big shab-e-Jummah program Masha'Allah every Thursday night. Bayan right after Maghrib, then dinner after Isha. Lots of young people there as well, especially when school is out. Lots of good mingling with brothers. Go there and spend the night there, talk to people and ask them how they socialize while keeping in line with the deen of Allah swt. I don't get to go there much as I live kind of far, but the few times I have been there, Alhamdulillah it was a good experience.

Also, though kind of far, I think they are having an ijtema (gathering) at Al-Falah from June 29th to July 1st. It is being talked about everywhere so Insha'Allah it will be huge. Lots of brothers will be there, from all over NY and of all ages, it will be a good chance to mingle and make new friends Insha'Allah. They also have jamaats go out of there every weekend, I think 3rd of 4th weekend they get out "student jamaats" every month, which basically means youngsters. Go with one of those jamaats and you will Insha'Allah make new friends your age. Just walk into the masjid and talk to the imaam or any brother and they will be happy to set you up with one of the jamaats, it is the markaz afterall.

Just about every Masjid Alhamdulillah has programs during the week and especially on the weekends, find out when they're happening in your local masjid and other masajid in your area and be there for each of them. Be there with first and foremost with the intention of improving yourself as a slave of Allah swt, and secondly with the intention of possibly meeting new brothers and making friends.

If you haven't noticed by now, I am kind of 'blaming' you not having good Muslim friends on the fact that you're not involved enough with your local masjid(s). The only reason I say that is because you live in NYC where masajid are Subhan'Allah abundant and so are the brothers your age who attend them, Masha'Allah. You just need to get out there and meet them.

I do admire your steadfastness and may Allah keep you and all of us steadfast in our imaan and deen. Ameen.

Please forgive me if I said anything wrong and remember in your duas.

[ådrrraj]

Shuayb, thats 3000 words you posted ^!!! 3000!! whats your typing speed bro?

@emias, i punched in your username in an anagram generator and look what I got: SEA I'M (at SEA I'M) do read this: Here Imagine her condition...
if you need to talk to someone, i can give you my number thru mods, it'll be nothing personal, you'll do the talking i'll do the listening, anyways i live extremely far from your place, or if you want me to call you, no probs...

better live in solitude than having such friends...

[Gypejeva]

Assalamualkyum Bros & Sisters,

I want to get something off my chest. I lost many friends and have had a hard time socializing in college ( just graduated ,ny, 23 y/o) because I didnt want to go to bars/club or even halal places because of the female presence among the muslims( it's amazing how hijabis are there too ) and we all know how it's a subtle way to "mix and meet" . Unfortunately the religious guys dont do anything it seems or have tight cliches of their own. Most salafis are annoying because I dont want to argue about being hanafi or having to explain why he must wash his feet during wudu if he decided to lead a prayer since some of us dont believe that it's sufficient( I digress).

I keep reading on this forum how you should be close to Allah(swa) but unfortunately when I see other hangs out and have fun it kind of reminds me of "my" days when I was having fun too. The problem is that Im not liberal enough to accept the western ways here in the US(haram venues) but i'm also no religious enough to just do Islamicy stuff all the time. I watch movies and sports although I dont listen to music that much(no concerts/I dont know what a club looks like even after being in nyc most of my life).

How do I make good muslim friends? where do you guys even meet? I have social anciety now and feel left out most of the time.

I sometimes wonder who would even notice if I died this moment let alone count the number of true friends at my wedding :/ . I dont know how to go about this and I feel pathetic when asking for friends in my duaa. I am grateful for my family although my cousins live far and I dont have a big family circle anyway. I dont think marrying will help me because I dont want responsibilities(job+bills) on top on what i have already. Alhumdulillah I have trained myself to avoid haram so nowifey-no problem for now ( if I didnt do haram it in college why would I do it now? although I have seen people slip later on...)

All the ibadah in the world doesnt quinch the thirst for a friend that I really need right now or maybe im not doing it right. I want to talk to people and share experiences. Sometimes I feel bad for thinking like this because the muslims back home have it much much worse than me but I'm human. I blame it on my upbringing (I moved a lot too) as well since my mother really sheltered me for my "betterment". I give her grief sometimes when she asks why I dont have friends to go to and hang out. The weekends are spent at home doing nothing. I am now considering business during the weekends to keep me busy. SO now ill be working 7 days a week. What kind of life is this anyway? The bros in tabligh jamaat disappear as soon as you stop going with them so I suppose I need better environment yet the TJ is a good one as I am told. It's so weird when I go the masjid and see everyone but very few people my age and even fewer who would talk or say something. The community seems broken. meetup.com has a bunch of desi meetups but they are guitar weilding/skirt wearing folk so I rather not go there

what do you guys do to remain socially healthy? Our Rasool (SAW) had friends as well ( the 4 best buddies ). Most of what I wrote is such throwing stuff out there but I suppose muslims reading it would bring about better responses rather than the non-muslims who just tell you to go have "fun and party".

ur post = story of my life, thus my chosen username. But constant dua keeps me going. At least you can join the Tableegh Jamaat, many people in my dad's circle are from TJ, when he decided to change his life he too left many friends, places, activities, but alhamdullilah he now has an entirely new group of friends from TJ.

[Gintovtosik]

Wa 'alaikum assalam wa rahmatullah,

You know, I went through something similar at college. I had salafi friends whom I had to let go of due to the differences and their intolerance of my views and general difference. I was very sick with grief for a few months. Energy for ibadah started to go down and I realised only after that period that the grief had stolen some energy I really needed. Throughout I did make du'aa to Allah to give me better companions. Now mashaa Allah my friends are amazing, they are similar to me and although we don't go out often but we help each other and love each other's company. I can tell them they are almost backbiting and they will stop without getting mad at me. Al hamdu lillah for such friends : )

Just keep on making du'aa. At the end of the day, I realised that technically we don't real human friends. Try and spend time with the Qur'an. Maybe join an Islamic course or something. Gain knowledge and inshaa Allah somebody similar might come around by the will of Allah. Do give salaam to the brothers you meet. You never know that salaam may lead to friendship as salaam binds the hearts of the believers.

When you are doing your ibadah understand who you are doing it for. Perhaps increase in dhikr and Qur'an recitation. When the love for Allah exceeds, you shall see inshaa Allah that solitude won't be a problem inshaa Allah. I know you are thirsty for a friend, but don't worry focus on Allah for now and inshaa Allah, Allah will replace your old companions for wonderful new companions. Don't worry inshaa Allah all will be fine very soon. I felt that thirst as well, but when I busied myself with other things, naturally the grief started to go off a little bit al hamdu lillah. Allah gave me a very good companion: the Qur'an and no companion can go close to the Qur'an. In the Qur'an Allah advises us, warns and gives us glad tidings. Such a friend is amazing.

May Allah make it easy for you. Ameen.

[Wachearex]

MashaAllah, may Allah reward you for commenting the concern of this brother, espesially brother Shuayb. Allahuakbar, what a lengty answer with fiqr. May Allah make Dunya and Akhirah easy for all of us. Amiin.

[BostonDoctorTTT]

When you feel alone, it is usually a trick of the nafs it starts to chatter 'I am all alone', 'I have nobody' etc. etc., you can either ignore this or make positive affirmations instead say to yourself and think...I am Witnessed by Allah swt, Allah is always with me, His nearness to me is closer than my own self, Allah swt Loves me, He has Mercy for me. etc. etc. Positive thoughts like these if brought to mind constantly will make the nafs tranquil. Long periods of aloneness can be used to strengthen oneself. Any passing thoughts about missing out on life can be 'accepted' without judgement (oh no this is bad I must not think like this etc.) and let go...do not try to fight the thoughts or repress them just let them pass through your mind and 'observe' them, notice that you are observing the thoughts passing through your mind and can either accept them as true or just let them pass as 'thoughts' that are short lived. No big deal you do not want to go back to your previous life anyway its attractions are illusory, they may give temporary pleasure but they eventually cause one to be harmed. It is like an itch the more you scratch the more you itch.

I hope that helps insha Allah.

[Navzrrqt]

Assalamu Alaikum w.b,
Brother emias, i have made a thread for this purpose only, please read it here.
Inshallaah you will find it helpful

[SashaLionx]

WOW! what great answers May ALLAH TA'AALA make easy for the OP

[AlabamaBoyz]

assalam alikum wa rahmat Allah,

My dear brother, I wish I was like you when I was your age.
I do not have any friends but honestly often times I find myself that I run away from people. Don't get me wrong , I love people but do not have time for anyone
I tell you some things that keeps me busy inshAllah just as a brotherly talk may be it will give some ideas too .
first you haver to get married. don't even live one day without marriage that is sunnah especially if you live in NY.it takes about a year to adopt her to your life style don't scare if it did not work or you did not like her just divorce her. get another one. if you did not like her divorce her too and get another one dont scare but dont live alone. that is the start of your adult life you have to shed the teenage thing inshallah.
I do three or four evening dawah work in prisons
once or twice night fishing. alhamdulillah I get enough fish for whole week ( you can rent a patch of land and do farming, gardening raise flower )
try to help homeless or other needy people that show up in the masjid(giveing them ride finding job for strangers, helping musafir etc)
contemplative reading of quran. find treasures read very slowly try to do every day
memorize quran continiously
find one of the gaiants of islam(saintly men) imam gazali, ibn gayem, ibn jawziah, sirhandi, ibn attaAllah, there are thousands of them alhamdulillah.and go through their work slowly and if you can set a teelim class to explain to others even better
go to nature for long walk and dhikr (mountains, ocean, rivers, state parks. nature needs momeneen too . go evening when most others are in disco clubs..
dont go to business it will drag you to wrong side of life .modest income is enough
come visit me in Miami I'll teach you fishing.

[HootSnori]

get married

[bestonline]

Many Are Afraid To Share The Experiences And After Reading The Lengthy Answer Above, Many May Feel A Bit Relieved And Have A Solution And Can Be Boosted By Reading The Lengthy Post,

May Allah Make It Easy For All

[www.forumsovetov.ru]

You can make many friends in jamaat so go for 40 days .

[Heacechig]

Shuayb, thats 3000 words you posted ^!!! 3000!! whats your typing speed bro?

... Lol... Alhamdulillah, for the complement brother Pluto. I didn't realize it was 3000 words. I have been known to ramble in person and even more so when I get my hands on a keyboard. My typing speed is somewhere up there Alhamdulillah, I haven't tested it in ages. There's actually a very heartfelt story behind how I learned how to type, but we'll leave that for another day.

better live in solitude than having such friends... ^^ Solid advice. I probably could have said this instead of the 3000 words I typed and it would've served the purpose.

[w4WBthjv]

hmm.. u know what brother... when i was in schooll.. although i could make friends (females)... yet i didnt.. for they used to talk filthy.. and talk a lot gossip a lot and so.. and now when the school is over i sometimes feel that i dunt have anyfriends.. and sometimes feel down.. ..but whenever something happens like that i try to think of the good things i have like family.. sunniforum sisters.. and most important Allah.. the others have worldly pleasures of friends...and i Alhamdulllah have " ALLAH" u too have him and u know what make HIM ur bestfriend.. it will give u happiness when u will talk to him like u wud with anyof ur friend like i ate this toda it was so delicious the so ans so thread on sunniforum is so good..with Alhandulillah

p.s this down feeling maybe a threat from shaytan..

s

[w4WBthjv]

brother Shuayb Abdul-Khaaliq wud u mind sharing ur typing story somewhen..
might be a inspiration fr me

[viagracheapest]

I live alone at a single room in our hostel. I have no neighbours also. So what? The Masjid is near and I'm with SF and piles of books!

[w4WBthjv]

even at home sometimes when my family is buzy. i EDIT: :sit with some papers where some txt is written.. (i do reading) and tht makes me feel really good.

[gundos]

everyone. I am sorry for not replying in time to your kind words. My email update mentioned only one reply and I figured this thread didn't attract anyone. FYI I was born a muslim and for the most part have been practicing although I did miss many salats which I am making up for right now. Reading the comments here made me feel a bit relaxed about the situation I posted about and I believe a lot of muslims are going through this and many of you mentioned going through this phase. I congratulate you on your will power and pray that it grows stronger.

@Shuayb Abdul-Khaaliq- After I finished reading what you wrote I couldn't wait to back and read it again in case I missed something the first time. You are correct in saying that I don't go to the masjid all the time and should probably make that a permanent part of my daily routine for salats. I plan on going with the TJ a few times more with an intention to stay towards deen and make good friends along the way. Alhumdulillah I am grateful that Allah (swa) has given me a loving family but I suppose the environment has it's effects. No matter how much a person stays out of the puddle the rain drops will get you even with an umbrella and that's how it is this dunya. I pray that Allah make the tests easy on us because sometimes they feel overwhelming. I hope your post helps out other bros/sis out there going through the same issues.

@pluto, emias = every muslim is a soldier ( of righteousness)

@Salikah Muslimah , Please dont feel upset as I know what you're going through. It seems that some people grow out of haram and just continue being muslims later but I doubt that it would be the same. The reason why some people stop doing haram is because they are no longer young and energetic enough to afford that lifestyle. Their precious years are wasted in clubs and around filthy people and are totally dead inside. Many non-muslims feel the same way as well and I know a few christians who stopped drinking for this very reason. Mashallah you have friends now so that's awesome. Pray that I find brothers like that too

@Abu Zakir - loneliness is a terrible thing. I try not to let it get to me but sometimes it's hard. Hopefully things will get better.

If you have any recommendations for Islamic books please feel free to add them here. English is preferred.

Once again. Thank you for your kind words. Please keep me in your prayer.