[Zvmwissq]

Title explains it all...Why "sex" is SUCH a big taboo in Islam? People can't even discuss this topic with "elders" ... Muslims behave as if their sons and specially their daughters don't have feelings or hormones. EVERYONE of us has some body needs or desires. Sexual depression cause frustration,tensions and intolerance in the society and that is what we see in many Muslim societies.'Sexual tension' MUST be relieved and body should be health. Too much sexual repression can have devastating effects.How many cases we have seen in countries like Pakistan where people raped young girls , had sex with deadbodies etc? Sexual repression effects your psychology. If God didn't want us to do sex then why he made our body as such? In today's age,we can't afford to marry our children at the age of 14/15 ....Muslim societies have alot of 'out-of-marriage' sex and we all know it but no one is even ready to talk on this issue. What halal alternatives we can provide to Muslim youths?

How about having Nikkah at an early age (16/17) but girl should keep in living in her parent house? Just like people here in USA have "Girl Friend/Boy friend" relationships.This would be a halal way of doing that.Also encourage and educate your teens about sex and tell them not to have kids UNTIL they can support them? As teens are often emotional , expect more 'divorces' than normal is such cases..societies should become more 'acceptable' for divorces and Muslim men should not look down upon divorced girl.. As a young guy living in the West that have friends in Pakistan too..I can tell u this..This IS a SERIOUS social problem..not only for the Muslims in the West but also Muslim teenagers/youngsters living all over the world.I myself have some very noble girl friends (not girlfriends) who didn't even know about "sex" when they were tricked into having sex . . .

Also , please be practical and don't post things like "fast as our prophet said" ...or keep your gaze down etc.. I'm not talking like that...one can not fast all his life.. or keep his gaze down...interaction with females is inevitable...what are practical solutions of this?

Discuss..

[maxuilg]

http://www.daruliftaa.com/searchresult?q=sex

http://islamicbookslibrary.wordpress...10/12/19/1693/

[DrJonson]

Title explains it all...Why "sex" is SUCH a big taboo in Islam? People can't even discuss this topic with "elders" ... Muslims behave as if their sons and specially their daughters don't have feelings or hormones. EVERYONE of us has some body needs or desires. Sexual depression cause frustration,tensions and intolerance in the society and that is what we see in many Muslim societies.'Sexual tension' MUST be relieved and body should be health. Too much sexual repression can have devastating effects.How many cases we have seen in countries like Pakistan where people raped young girls , had sex with deadbodies etc? Sexual repression effects your psychology. If God didn't want us to do sex then why he made our body as such? In today's age,we can't afford to marry our children at the age of 14/15 ....Muslim societies have alot of 'out-of-marriage' sex and we all know it but no one is even ready to talk on this issue. What halal alternatives we can provide to Muslim youths?

How about having Nikkah at an early age (16/17) but girl should keep in living in her parent house? Just like people here in USA have "Girl Friend/Boy friend" relationships.This would be a halal way of doing that.Also encourage and educate your teens about sex and tell them not to have kids UNTIL they can support them? As teens are often emotional , expect more 'divorces' than normal is such cases..societies should become more 'acceptable' for divorces and Muslim men should not look down upon divorced girl.. As a young guy living in the West that have friends in Pakistan too..I can tell u this..This IS a SERIOUS social problem..not only for the Muslims in the West but also Muslim teenagers/youngsters living all over the world.I myself have some very noble girl friends (not girlfriends) who didn't even know about "sex" when they were tricked into having sex . . .

Also , please be practical and don't post things like "fast as our prophet said" ...or keep your gaze down etc.. I'm not talking like that...one can not fast all his life.. or keep his gaze down...interaction with females is inevitable...what are practical solutions of this?

Discuss..

Brother you have a lot of wrong ideas on this issue.

for a start you say..I myself have some very noble girl friends (not girlfriends) - stay away from non-mahram girls it is contrary to Islam to have girlfriends be they sexual ones or just chums.

Prophet (saws) told us that baaligh/mature people with sexual feelings should marry.

Delaying marriage is not the way of Islam it is the way of the kuffar.

you say we can't afford to marry our children at the age of 14/15 - Islam teaches that if they are physically and emotionally mature at this age they should marry. On the other hand, if they are not physically and emotionally mature then they should obviously not do so for many good reasons, marriage is not a game and it is about far more than sex.

Islamic marriage is not expensive, the costs of marriage that you imagine are nothing to do with Islam and are nothing that Islam approves of.

the problems you are bringing up are

1. the fault of non-Muslim authorities and westernized Muslim parents who cause marriage to be delayed for a long time after youths reach sexual maturity - this causes many problems as you have pointed out.

2. the fault of haughty Muslim families who have turned marriage into an expensive way to show off - this is against the Sunnah and against the way of the Sahaba who had simple marriages that were affordable.

[JessePex]

Also , please be practical and don't post things like "fast as our prophet said" ...or keep your gaze down etc.. I'm not talking like that...one can not fast all his life.. or keep his gaze down...interaction with females is inevitable...what are practical solutions of this?


ALLAHUAKBAR

Brother Islam came some 1400 years ago and what Nabi Karim (Salaho Alihai Wa Alihay Wasalam) taught us, Is to remain for whole ummet and for all eras till day of judgement, If you can not fast and lower your gaze may ALLAH help you, but if you are thinking that nauzubillah we can bring new ahadith and teaching of Islam to satisfy lust of this new age then I am sorry you are wrong, and I can see as you mentioned the societies are troubled in west and if you can not bare it then you can leave west and move to some muslim country, because you chose to live in west it was your chose or your parents,ALLAH and his Prophet (Salaho Alihai Wa Alihay Wasalam) did not imposed it on you.

I am not sorry If I sound harsh because somethings are not tolerated and adultery is a sin and any form it is not accepted in Islam, may ALLAH save us all from it.ameen

Brother may ALLAH help you,ameen

[Zvmwissq]

Brother you have a lot of wrong ideas on this issue.

for a start you say..I myself have some very noble girl friends (not girlfriends) - stay away from non-mahram girls it is contrary to Islam to have girlfriends be they sexual ones or just chums.

Well they weren't my girlfriends...they were the girls I knew and we were "friends" in a sense that we talked to eachother...nothing more than that. And you can't 'stay away' from girls...that is why I said to be practical. If you're a student , you have to interact , talk and discuss with girls...Isolation of girls and boys isn't a good idea in today's world.
Prophet (saws) told us that baaligh/mature people with sexual feelings should marry.

Delaying marriage is not the way of Islam it is the way of the kuffar. Well , 'sexual feelings' start coming at VERY early age (in terms of marriage)..By the time you're 13 , you are 'baligh' but definitely you can't get married at this age.

you say we can't afford to marry our children at the age of 14/15 - Islam teaches that if they are physically and emotionally mature at this age they should marry. On the other hand, if they are not physically and emotionally mature then they should obviously not do so for many good reasons, marriage is not a game and it is about far more than sex. Again , a 17-18 year old girl/boy can never be "emotionally mature" enough to get married. That is what I'm saying..if you're gonna have marriages in these ages...get ready for higher divorce rates...and this shouldn't be a problem..but since most Muslim societies are oppressive towards women..a divorced girl will be looked down upon...unlike the divorced guy...

Islamic marriage is not expensive, the costs of marriage that you imagine are nothing to do with Islam and are nothing that Islam approves of.

the problems you are bringing up are

1. the fault of non-Muslim authorities and westernized Muslim parents who cause marriage to be delayed for a long time after youths reach sexual maturity - this causes many problems as you have pointed out.

2. the fault of haughty Muslim families who have turned marriage into an expensive way to show off - this is against the Sunnah and against the way of the Sahaba who had simple marriages that were affordable. Yeah , Islamic marriage shouldn't be expensive...and in early marriages , having sex on the first night isn't a good idea..but then again..isn't it against Islam?

[Zvmwissq]

Also , please be practical and don't post things like "fast as our prophet said" ...or keep your gaze down etc.. I'm not talking like that...one can not fast all his life.. or keep his gaze down...interaction with females is inevitable...what are practical solutions of this?


ALLAHUAKBAR

Brother Islam came some 1400 years ago and what Nabi Karim (Salaho Alihai Wa Alihay Wasalam) taught us, Is to remain for whole ummet and for all eras till day of judgement, If you can not fast and lower your gaze may ALLAH help you, but if you are thinking that nauzubillah we can bring new ahadith and teaching of Islam to satisfy lust of this new age then I am sorry you are wrong, and I can see as you mentioned the societies are troubled in west and if you can not bare it then you can leave west and move to some muslim country, because you chose to live in west it was your chose or your parents,ALLAH and his Prophet (Salaho Alihai Wa Alihay Wasalam) did not imposed it on you.

I am not sorry If I sound harsh because somethings are not tolerated and adultery is a sin and any form it is not accepted in Islam, may ALLAH save us all from it.ameen

Brother may ALLAH help you,ameen

Well this was what I was afraid of. Yes , Islam is there and will remain there forever Inshallah but times change. We have to adapt with changes of the world and else you are ......finished! Thats why Allah has the institution of Ijtihad ...Read my post...I am not saying to go against Prophet's hadith..I'm just telling you the practical problem and offering an practical alternative...Don't get too rigid in your approach brother... I am not talking about adultery...probably you wanted to say fornication but I didn't talk about it either...Islam remains same but the application of Islam changes over the time...just like internet has changed the application and now people can get fatwas online..similarly , its time to change or evolve the application of Islam and Muslims should now look at sex from more practical point of view..rather than to tell people to fast and keep gaze lower ...which isn't practical in today's world..Hope you get my point..

[DrJonson]

Well , 'sexual feelings' start coming at VERY early age (in terms of marriage)..By the time you're 13 , you are 'baligh' but definitely you can't get married at this age.

did Allah (SWT) who is the Creator of the human beings say this?

no

did Prophet Muhammad (saws) who was the best of creation say this?

no

did you say this with your infinite wisdom (that was learned in the happy bastion of wisdom that is the west)?

yes

[DrJonson]

Again , a 17-18 year old girl/boy can never be "emotionally mature" enough to get married.

did Allah (SWT) who is the Creator of the human beings say this?

no

did Prophet Muhammad (saws) who was the best of creation say this?

no

did you say this with your special understandings (that were learned in the capital of satanic 'wisdom' that is the west)?

yes

[DrJonson]

adapt with changes of the world and else you are ......finished!

surely you mean or else we are finished

not or else you are finished?

little slip of the tongue there?

[Zvmwissq]

did Allah (SWT) who is the Creator of the human beings say this?

no

did Prophet Muhammad (saws) who was the best of creation say this?

no

did you say this with your infinite wisdom (that was learned in the happy bastion of wisdom that is the west)?

yes

This is circular logic .....

Did Allah gave us brain?

Yes

Did Allah tell us to use that brain to find the secrets of nature?

Yes

Did Humans gained knowledge with Allah's will?

Yes

Does our knowledge tell us that a girl/boy of 13 years age is not mentally , emotionally and even physically ready for a demanding and serious relationship like marriage?

Yes!

So see , Allah didn't say this because he wanted us humans to find it out...and we did. Its common sense...

[DrJonson]

Well this was what I was afraid of. Yes , Islam is there and will remain there forever Inshallah but times change. We have to adapt with changes of the world and else you are ......finished! Thats why Allah has the institution of Ijtihad ...Read my post...I am not saying to go against Prophet's hadith..I'm just telling you the practical problem and offering an practical alternative...Don't get too rigid in your approach brother... I am not talking about adultery...probably you wanted to say fornication but I didn't talk about it either...Islam remains same but the application of Islam changes over the time...just like internet has changed the application and now people can get fatwas online..similarly , its time to change or evolve the application of Islam and Muslims should now look at sex from more practical point of view..rather than to tell people to fast and keep gaze lower ...which isn't practical in today's world..Hope you get my point..

If Muslims follow the Sunnah properly these problems would not be there -

they are there only because Muslims are delaying marriage beyond human nature and against the teachings of Islam

[zoolissentesy]

We have to adapt with changes of the world and else you are ......finished!

That is a whisper of the Shaytaan. Sins like Lust, Zina(adultery) etc are not 'NEW' issues. They are issues since the creation of Man. So the solutions to them are already mentioned in the Quran and Sunnah. Nowadays people don't even try the Islamic way, which worked for centuries, rather they are going behind 'new' obscures methods. Why try to reinvent the wheel.

Islam doesn't stop one from learning the Fiqh of sexual matters. The Sahabah used to ask questions on this topic to Rasoolullah and He used to answer them too. But one shouldn't forget Haya(modesty), it is a part of Imaan. One shouldn't be like 'modern' people who exchange stupid explicit jokes between men and women without any regret whatsoever.

I myself lived a life of 'jahalliyya'. When I started visiting Sunniforum, I realized the importance of lowering the Gaze, and modesty (Haya). I tried to implement it in my life, but it was very difficult initially. But alhamdulillah I m getting used to it and things have changed drastically, even though I m far from perfect. All these years I never tried, when I started making a small effort, I understood the 'efficiency' of solutions mentioned in ISLAM.

People should adapt to ISLAM. that will solve alot of problems.

[DrJonson]

This is circular logic .....

Did Allah gave us brain? YesDid Allah tell us to use that brain to find the secrets of nature?Yes Did Humans gained knowledge with Allah's will?Yes
Does our knowledge tell us that a girl/boy of 13 years age is not mentally , emotionally and even physically ready for a demanding and serious relationship like marriage? Yes!So see , Allah didn't say this because he wanted us humans to find it out...and we did. Its common sense...

its funny I know someone else on here who refers to things as circular logic when they aren't - he says even more controversial things than you are doing

its funny how Allah allowed baligh people to get married at thirteen but you imply He was wrong and ignorant to do so

its funny how the sahaba during the time of Prophet Muhammad (saws) allowed baligh people to get married at thirteen but you imply they were wrong and ignorant to do so

its funny how the bani Israel during the time of the earlier Prophets (as) allowed baligh people to get married at thirteen but you imply they were wrong and ignorant to do so

we didn't have to find out this out through big brainwork,

because we already knew through the established Sunnah of Islam

[DrJonson]

'O young people! Whoever among you is able to marry, should marry,

and whoever is not able to marry, is recommended to fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power. [/I]

Prophet Muhammad (saws) the best of creation

Sheikh bin Baz (ra) explained this issue very well in relation to the modern world when he said..

"What is required is to hasten to get married,

and no young man or young woman should delay marriage for the sake of studies,

because marriage does not prevent any such thing.

It is possible for a young man to get married in order to protect his religious commitment and morals, and enable him to lower his gaze.

Marriage serves many purposes, especially in this day and age.

Because delaying it is harmful for both young women and young men,

every young man and every young woman should hasten to get married (with someone compatible)"

[DrJonson]

That is what I'm saying..if you're gonna have marriages in these ages...get ready for higher divorce rates.

this is not true in the Arab countries, so it may not be true amongst the Muslims of the west either

in any case divorce is permitted and is halal whilst zina is amongst the greatest of sins,

the risk of divorce is better than the risk of zina

[fubyFrery]

in any case divorce is permitted and is halal whilst zina is amongst the greatest of sins,

the risk of divorce is better than the risk of zina nail in the head

[LoloLibia]

Yes marriage is the answer, but good luck with trying to find the right person to marry. If we assume that you are mature and knowledgeable you will struggle to find a suitable person to marry. Gone are the days where women were trained to support the husband and to be a solid unity. People have been dumbed down by the state education system generally. Boys too are no longer trained to be manly they shun responsibility and behave like macho cavemen or the other extreme like women (into fashion, gossip etc.).

[DrJonson]

People have been dumbed down by the state education system generally.

Assalamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullah

I couldn't agree with you more about what the modern education systems are doing to people in many places.

It has a lot to do with the capitalist system needing to train people into being passive consumers as adults and to stop them ever thinking out of the materialist-secularist-liberal box.

If you look amongst the more religious families there are still many boys and girls with the Islamic personality who habitually behave properly who are good for those youths looking to marry, even in Western countries.

They are found in those families without televisions, where men have beards and kufi/topi women and girls wear good hijab and where the families are enlightened by habitual study through groups such as Tablighi Jamaat etc.

Anyway in a way it is good that there are some 'modernized' Muslim boys, so that there is someone to be compatible with 'modernized' Muslim girls .

[encunnibriG]

Yes marriage is the answer, but good luck with trying to find the right person to marry. If we assume that you are mature and knowledgeable you will struggle to find a suitable person to marry. Gone are the days where women were trained to support the husband and to be a solid unity. People have been dumbed down by the state education system generally. Boys too are no longer trained to be manly they shun responsibility and behave like macho cavemen or the other extreme like women (into fashion, gossip etc.).

Well said. masha'Allah. To further add, rights and duties are viewed in a marriage (even in practising individuals) from a Western perspective (individualistic, selfish) as opposed to the conceptualisation of rights and duties from the Islamic perspective (collectivist, greater-good).

[DrJonson]

I think maybe some of you brothers are just making excuses not to get married.

I know of several religious good young women in their 20s and early 30s who cannot find a husband, and they are not divorcees.

I'm sure that there are many other brothers and sisters on here who can say the same.

The important thing is just get married to someone you can get on with and make it your philosophy to be tolerant with them and look after them for the rest of your life. Forget all that romantic cow dung that you have probably been exposed to.