[codespokerbonus]

Hello muslims,

Im here cause i need help, dont worry its only a few words.

I have two parents, a mom that cant walk, cant do anything without someone helping her, and a dad a crazy dad, who cant speak, who nearly walks on his own, but wehen he gets mad all of a sudden starts to act like a monster who wants to punch mom and anyone disagree with him in anyway.

Ok my problem is this I CANT HELP MYSELF ANYMORE, my life is the worst life you may have ever heard but whatever, this began since i was a child, oh by the way i live with my sister older than me (shes the one with my mom all the time) if shes not here i stay at home, my sister is miserable but try to get over it everyday, imagine someones help her mom like 25 times a day (everyday) day/night eating, brushing sleeping, going to toilet (which is the hardest) and many things...

Anyway i dont blame them as God did this to them or chose them to be like this (right ????) so what can i do about it, im getting crazy like my dad I CANT STAND THE PRESSURE.

Waiting for true muslims to answer if not then dont bother.

Note: we have another brother that doesnt bother about our family (he got married and visit us just to play on my pc and thats it)

[TerAlelmlor]

Hello

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. I can't imagine what it's like. May Allah make it easy for you. I will remember you in dua.

How old are you, by the way?

[P1international]

"No calamity befalls a Muslim but that Allah expiates some of his sins because of it, even though it were the prick he receives from a thorn."
(Bukhari)

"The believing man or woman continues to have affliction in person, property and children so that they may finally meet Allah, free from sin."
(Tirmidhi)

"Truly the reward of the Hereafter will be greater if they only realize (this)! (They are) those who persevere in patience and put their trust on their Lord."
(Quran 16:41-42)

[Morageort]

Salam,

I am a severly disabled woman like your mom.

This really saddens me.
I wonder how old you are. When you were little didn't your mom do all those things for you, feed you, clothe you, change you. Now that she is in need it is your turn to do that for her. Yes its hard, wasn't it hard for her to do everything for you when you were little too. Islamically you are supposed to serve your mom. You can look up the relevant verses in the Quran and look up the hadith. What if you got hit by a car and got paralyzed today, if she was healthy don't you think she would care for you, how would you feel in that situation if you were paralyzed and your mom didn't woant to care for you and just left you on the street or stuck you in a nursing home.

And you think you have the worst life because you need to care for your mom? Astaghfirullah, how do you think SHE feels being disabled, how would you feel if you suddenly lost the ability to walk? wouldn't that be worse than what you are currently going through? how about kids that are beaten and molested by their parents, or starving in Africa and dying because they dont have food or a sip of water, or those living in war zones and bombs are falling and their homes and families are destroyed. There are alot of people who have it worse than you, our religion teaches us to be grateful and look at those who have less. Many people would be so glad to have their mom alive and honored to care for her. That is the islamic attitude

Being a caregiver can be very difficult. If possible you should try to find someone to help care for your mom. Pay someone some money to come and help her or do some housekeeping. If you can't afford it try to see if any friends or relatives or community members will come sometimes to help just for pleasure of Allah. Talk to your imam and see if anyone in the community will be able to help once in awhile. If they can't come regularly, at least someone bringing some cooked foods or doing some errands may give your family at least some relief. there are many people in similar caregiving situations like you, getting in contact with them may help you realize you are not in a rare or unique situation and help you cope.

All the family members should split the caretaking duties, the married brother should be reminded of his responsibility and also help. When he comes to the house don't let him just play video games, ask him to do some errand or housework or whatever needs to be done for mom, if he can he should also give some money to hire a caretaker. Your family should also consider joining support groups for caregivers and get some counseling to help deal with the pressure and feelings.

Your father may need some psychological help since you say he is a "crazy dad" I don't know if he has a mental illness or just can't cope with the stress, but he should be encouraged to get help as well. Is there a relative that he trusts like a uncle, aunty, grandmother, imam or community memeber that could have a talk with him. Don't accuse him of mental illness, rather suggest that the family join a caregiver support group or get family counseling to deal with the stress of having a sick family member. Make sure he knows it is normal and common for caregivers to be under alot of stress, and their are specialists who help you cope and deal with these feelings, and there is nothing wrong with going to them.

Of course also keep up with prayers, Quran, and duas.
And I dont know what you mean by calling people on this forum "so called muslims" its very rude and insulting, as far as I know there are mostly muslims on here.

Hello so called muslims,

Im here cause i need help, dont worry its only a few words.

I have two parents, a mom that cant walk, cant do anything without someone helping her, and a dad a crazy dad, who cant speak, who nearly walks on his own, but wehen he gets mad all of a sudden starts to act like a monster who wants to punch mom and anyone disagree with him in anyway.

Ok my problem is this I CANT HELP MYSELF ANYMORE, my life is the worst life you may have ever heard but whatever, this began since i was a child, oh by the way i live with my sister older than me (shes the one with my mom all the time) if shes not here i stay at home, my sister is miserable but try to get over it everyday, imagine someones help her mom like 25 times a day (everyday) day/night eating, brushing sleeping, going to toilet (which is the hardest) and many things...

Anyway i dont blame them as God did this to them or chose them to be like this (right ????) so what can i do about it, im getting crazy like my dad I CANT STAND THE PRESSURE.

Waiting for true muslims to answer if not then dont bother.

Note: we have another brother that doesnt bother about our family (he got married and visit us just to play on my pc and thats it)

[P1international]

Abu Hurayra reported that the Prophet said, "Disgrace! Disgrace! Disgrace!"
They said, "Messenger of Allah, who?"
He said, "The one who fails his parents or one of them when they are old will enter the Fire."
[Mufrad Al Bukhari]

Brother, what you taking care of your parents is a beautiful act. Be patient and reap the benefits that Allah will give you .

Also learn why a Butcher is the companion of Prophet Musa(as) in Jannah.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AM4NKJ-WVBQ

[Arrecteve]

bro

have you tried getting help regarding your dad? he might be bipolar or may have some other problem. Once on meds, the correct meds and correct dosage, insha'allah he should be able to control attitude/behaviour alot better.

we all have our own tests/trials/tribulation. Insha'allah exercise patience as they are your parents and you will be rewarded immensely. Attaining Jannah is not easy.

brother amr123 posted some hadiths, try to find sme comfort in them.

some more to ponder over

One of the most distinguishing characteristics of the true Muslim is his respectful and kind treatment of his parents, because to treat parents with kindness is one of the greatest commandments of Islam, as is clearly confirmed in the Qur'an [Baqarah 2:233],

Abdullah ibn Mas'ud said, 'I asked the Prophet [s], "Which deed is most liked by Allah?" He said, "Prayer offered on time." I asked him, "Then what?" He said, "Kindness and respect towards parents." I asked him, "Then what?" He said, "Jihad for the sake of Allah."'

A man came and asked the Prophet [s] for permission to participate in Jihad. He asked him, 'Are your parents alive?' He said, 'yes,' so the Prophet [s] told him, 'perform Jihad by taking care of them.' [Muslim vol. 4 Hadith no. 6184]

You have been bless brother, not burdened.

[Frjrbefd]

how old are you brother?

[codespokerbonus]

Thx to all who responded to my post, im deeply sorry about what i said before, my intention of this thread is to get back at this thread whenever im depressed or angry, cause i have never talked about my problem with anyone before, just wanted some words that could heal my injury.

Nchallah you all go to heaven my brothers and sisters in islam.

Edit: Im 23 but it doesnt matter my situation is not as bad as i think but l hamddoullilah about everything, life aint that easy, i think my real problem is within me, nchallah illl try to find my way into islam and islam will only cure my problems.

[Adeniinteme]

Thx to all who responded to my post, im deeply sorry about what i said before, my intention of this thread is to get back at this thread whenever im depressed or angry, cause i have never talked about my problem with anyone before, just wanted some words that could heal my injury.

Nchallah you all go to heaven my brothers and sisters in islam.

The comments and links here are very touching, what a beautiful reminder for you (and others in similar situations) to have whenever you need it. May Allah (SWT) reward you greatly for all you do for your parents. Ameen.

[Mehntswx]

im sorry to hear of your situation
something that will help you to deal with this is changing how you think of your situation, firstly your life is not the worst life, there are many many people who are in a far worse situation than you are, sometimes we let our situations make us so depressed that we become oblivious to all the blessings Allah has given us, secondly you can see this as an opportunity to recieve great reward, heping your mother in her time of need is no doubt a very noble thing and Allah ta'alah will reward you immensely

[Morageort]

Salam,
If I could make a few more suggestions,
please try to make your house handicap accessible. If your mom can't use a regular wheelchair by herself, can you get her an automatic one, then she can get around a little on her own. Also, I dont know if she is completely paralyzed or can use her arms, if she can use her arms try to keep things within her reach so she can get them on her own. Also, make things accessible like set up a bath bench so its easier for her to bathe and stuff like that. Keep pathways clear for a wheelchair. Try to evaluate your house and she what adjustments can be made to make things more reachable for her.

Also try to get her access to a computer if she doesnt already have one. Even people with no arm function can use a computer by head movements, using a mouth stick, and there are other ways for the handicapped to use one. You can load Quran, Islamic lectures on a computer for her to read or listen to in bed.

And make sure you get help with her care, either by paying someone to help out or finding more relatives/friends/volunteers to come and help. Everyone needs to split duties so everyone can get a break. If just one person is doing everything it will be too overwhelming, so everyone needs to chip in. Also if you have access to a school counselor or psychologist it may help to talk to someone, and make sure your Imam knows you need help at home, whether its with cooking, cleaning, or just someone to visit and sit with your mom and keep her company. Hopefully some community members will come occassionally, there is a lot of reward in Islam for visiting the sick. Also try to get extended family involved with helping out, if they can't do it regularly at least once in a while.

[StevenS]

BROTHER.. Mash'Allah it sounds as if your working really hard to help your mum. KEEP IT UP! They say if our Mums dont give us their blessings.. non of us will ever go to paradise. But you are helping them in sickness.. Subhan'Allah ..

In life things get difficult.. for all off us.. we hate life and think why us.. why us. But what helps me is.. just think.. that you are lucky, well off.. were nt dieing of hunger like others.. were not poor.. yeah living in the recession may make us feel like being poor but that is rubbish.. we have EVERYTHING but we are too blind to see it.. just remember we are lucky ALHAMDULILAH.. things could be alot worse trust.

But my brother.. you've got to be a soldier.. and fight through these awful thoughts and feelings.. and be happy that you can look after your mum.. it may be tough but one day it will pay of insh'Allah .. I promise you this.. so many people would give anything too be able to look after their parents as they may have passed away. So you are really lucky..do everything and anything your mum wants and needs.. They deserve it, every mother does.. they gave birth too you.. and endured the worst pain ever! Nothing can ever match this pain.. and nothing we can do can repay our Mums for giving birth too us. Our MUMS are just.. I dont know how too explain it because there is no word.. they love us so so so much.. its just naturall.. they would do anything for us and give anything for us.

But we can at least 'Try.. broo.. start making DUA.. Allah Paak is the only ONE who can AND will help you and make things easier for you.. Nobody on this planet can help you or harm you..only if its the will of Allah Paak .. put your 100% trust in them.. also regarding your dad.. dads can be monsters sometime.. MEN can be like this unfortunatley.. speak to your dad.. try talking too him and tell him how you feel.. start practicing your religion bro and this may encourage your dad to practice also.


THINGS WILL GET BETTER.. THEY WILL.. I PROMISE.. JUST DONT LOOSE HOPE.. PUT YOUR TRUST IN YOUR CREATOR.. THATS ALL YOU NEED.

I truly wish for you and make dua for you that May Allah Paak help you.. and all others who are in simillar positions. Brother you are in my duas, stay strong and smile.. through every dark night.. theres a brighter day.. remember that.. so keep ya head up

thats what this place is for.. questions.. queries.. a place to let loose of your emotions and feelings I guess.. so dont be shy.. tell us.. tell me.. I will listen.. I feel your pain brother I really do as I live with my mum who is a single parent and I have to be the MAN.. and I have learnt too enjoy it..it is tough but its worth it in the long run.. and I really do.. just do the above and what others have stated and all will be well. May Allah Paak give your parents health.. wellbeing and faith and same for you and your family and everyone.

Good Luck bruvz

[GillTeepbew]

Brother, the way you are treating your parents now, continue treating them like this. Insha'allah, you are getting a tremendous reward for this and many of your sins are being wiped away.

Abu 'Amr ash-Shaybani said, "The owner of this house (and he pointed at the house of 'Abdullah ibn Mas'ud) said, "I asked the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, which action Allah loves best. He replied, 'Prayer at its proper time.' 'Then what?' I asked. He said, 'Then kindness to parents." I asked, 'Then what?' He replied, 'Then jihad in the Way of Allah.'" He added, "He told me about these things. If I had asked him to tell me more, he would have told me more."

Bahz ibn Hakim's grandfather said, "I asked, 'Messenger of Allah, to whom should I be dutiful?' 'Your mother,' he replied. I asked, 'Then whom?' 'Your mother,' he replied. I asked, 'Then whom?' 'Your mother,' he replied. I asked, 'Then to whom should I be dutiful?' 'Your father,' he replied, 'and then the next closest relative and then the next.'"

Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honour. And, out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say: My Lord! Bestow on them thy Mercy even as they cherished me in childhood. (17:23)

[Adeniinteme]

...hamddoullilah about everything, life aint that easy, i think my real problem is within me, nchallah illl try to find my way into islam and islam will only cure my problems.

Insha'Allah brother. And insha'Allah you have some community around you for support too (as in other Muslims and a mosque).

[interznakinfo]

Mother is the best friend ever in my life.I think you also love your mother.
So i need a friendship of you.will you accept it?

[mirex]

Hello muslims,

Im here cause i need help, dont worry its only a few words.

I have two parents, a mom that cant walk, cant do anything without someone helping her, and a dad a crazy dad, who cant speak, who nearly walks on his own, but wehen he gets mad all of a sudden starts to act like a monster who wants to punch mom and anyone disagree with him in anyway.

Ok my problem is this I CANT HELP MYSELF ANYMORE, my life is the worst life you may have ever heard but whatever, this began since i was a child, oh by the way i live with my sister older than me (shes the one with my mom all the time) if shes not here i stay at home, my sister is miserable but try to get over it everyday, imagine someones help her mom like 25 times a day (everyday) day/night eating, brushing sleeping, going to toilet (which is the hardest) and many things...

Anyway i dont blame them as God did this to them or chose them to be like this (right ????) so what can i do about it, im getting crazy like my dad I CANT STAND THE PRESSURE.

Waiting for true muslims to answer if not then dont bother.

Note: we have another brother that doesnt bother about our family (he got married and visit us just to play on my pc and thats it)

We are happy that we can provide you at least this much service that you can come here and let off some steam and pressure from a very emotionally/physically/mentally draining situation at home.

[mirex]

It is obvious you need some professional help, have you looked into it? I think if you turned to some family counseling it could open many doors for you. Family counselor can suggest many options that could make it a lot easier on you and your family. Our community does very little for disabled individuals. The last thing a disabled individual wants to be is a burden on others, they usually have a very high sense of honor and self respect but the issue comes with their physical impairment which obviously is beyond their control. Imagine how frustrating that can be?

[Trotoleterm]

Hello muslims,

Im here cause i need help, dont worry its only a few words.

I have two parents, a mom that cant walk, cant do anything without someone helping her, and a dad a crazy dad, who cant speak, who nearly walks on his own, but wehen he gets mad all of a sudden starts to act like a monster who wants to punch mom and anyone disagree with him in anyway.

Ok my problem is this I CANT HELP MYSELF ANYMORE, my life is the worst life you may have ever heard but whatever, this began since i was a child, oh by the way i live with my sister older than me (shes the one with my mom all the time) if shes not here i stay at home, my sister is miserable but try to get over it everyday, imagine someones help her mom like 25 times a day (everyday) day/night eating, brushing sleeping, going to toilet (which is the hardest) and many things...

Anyway i dont blame them as God did this to them or chose them to be like this (right ????) so what can i do about it, im getting crazy like my dad I CANT STAND THE PRESSURE.

Waiting for true muslims to answer if not then dont bother.

Note: we have another brother that doesnt bother about our family (he got married and visit us just to play on my pc and thats it)

Assalamu Alaikum

dear brother

sometimes when Allah puts us in a position we find difficult its because He like us.

Sa‘d ibn Abî Waqqâs (raa) said:

“I asked the Prophet (saws) who among the people are most severely tried?

He said, ‘The Prophets, then the right acting people, and so on down through various categories of people. Man will be tested according to the strength of his faith. The stronger his faith, the more severe his trial, and the weaker his faith, the lighter his trial. The believer will be continually tested until he walks on earth with all his wrong actions forgiven’.”

(al-Bukhârî)

__________________________________________________ _____

sometimes our difficult times are ways in which Allah is helping us develop as human beings.
__________________________________________________ _____

A chickpea in a pot leaps from the flame,
out from the boiling water,
Crying, "Why do you set fire to me?
You chose me, bought me, brought me home for this?"
The cook hits it with her spoon into the pot.
"No! Boil nicely, don't jump away from the one who makes the fire.
I don't boil you out of hatred.
Through boiling you may grow flavorful, nourishing,
and united with vital human spirit.
I don't inflict this suffering out of spite.
Once green and fresh, you drank rain in the garden;
you drank for the sake of this fire.

God's mercy precedes His wrath;
by God's mercy the sick ones suffer.
It has always been so; this is how God creates all that exists.
Without pleasure, no creatures would come into being.
Without creatures,
what could the burning love of the Friend consume?
Such sorrow may come that you might wish
to be free of this life.
yet the Grace of God will overtake His wrath,
once you are washed clean in the river of suffering.

Chickpea, you fed in the springtime;
now pain has become your guest.
Entertain him well, that he may return home grateful,
and speak of your generosity to the King.
Instead of your vision of good fortune,
the One Who Bestows Favor may come to you;
then all true blessings may be drawn to you.

Just as Abraham commanded his son:
'Lay your head before my knife
I see in a dream that I must sacrifice you,'
lay your head before God's knife,
that He may cut your throat like that of Ishmael.
He may cut off your head,
but only the one that is immune to death.
Such submission is the fulfillment of God's purpose
— seek this submission.

Maulana Rumi (ra)

__________________________________________________ ____

a man who has never been through difficult times stays soft like a boy, Allah is making you a man by this InshaAllah
__________________________________________________ ____


Its not easy being a young man in the best of times brother,

but thank Allah that you are not disabled like your mother or an unhappy aging man like your father.

You have to respect your parents but you don't have to cut your nose off to please them.

Keep looking and a good job will come soon InshaAllah and take it even if it is not what you were looking for,

you can always look for something better and it will put you in a different environment all day.

you are a graduate, working in any job can never take this away from you it can only open new doors InshaAllah

once you are working then you can marry and have a wife to console you yes?

At the end of the day your life is in Allah's hands, trust in Him.

[freevideom]

Abu Hurayra reported that the Prophet said, "Disgrace! Disgrace! Disgrace!"
They said, "Messenger of Allah, who?"
He said, "The one who fails his parents or one of them when they are old will enter the Fire."
[Mufrad Al Bukhari]

Brother, what you taking care of your parents is a beautiful act. Be patient and reap the benefits that Allah will give you .

Also learn why a Butcher is the companion of Prophet Musa(as) in Jannah.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AM4NKJ-WVBQ

Mashallah and jazakallah for the wonderful link ..
Brother, If serving mother can land the butcher with Musa As. in paradise, I wonder where will you land if you have the beautiful chance of serving both, your mother and father ...
Inshallah Allah swt will reward you immensely.

[goldcigarettes]

Bismihi Ta’ala

1.) May Allah Ta’ala open up doors of ease, goodness and happiness for you and your family.


2.) Please try and listen to the talks ‘SABR and HOPE’ by Hazrat Maulana Yunus Patel (Rahmatullahi Alayh) – which can be downloaded from the website www.YunusPatel.co.za

Insha-Allah, it will offer you much comfort and consolation.

Try and read the book : Tafweez – The Cure for Depression, from the same website. Alhamdulillah, many have found the book to be very beneficial.

Insha-Allah, the above will be found beneficial to the other family members as well.



3.) Hazrat Maulana Yunus Patel (Rahmatullahi Alayh) had given the following beautiful advice on different occasions:


* "This world is a world of test and trial. However, we should keep in mind that Allah Ta’ala does not burden us more than we can bear:

“ ON NO SOUL DOES ALLAH PLACE A BURDEN GREATER THAN IT CAN BEAR…’



* Rasulullah (Sallallaahu ‘alayhi waSallam) is the most beloved to Allah Ta’ala, the closest to Allah Ta’ala, yet he was tested so much…

Take consolation by reading about the life, the tests and the trials of Rasulullah (Sallallaahu ‘alayhi waSallam), of Hazrat Yusuf (AS) and the other Ambiyaa (AS).
Our tests are nothing next to theirs.



* “Allah Ta’ala mentions in the Qur`aan Shareef : 'Seek help through patience and Salaah.’

We will, Insha-Allah, find this prescription a balm and comfort for all our wounds, our grief and pain…

The person who is weighed down by grief need only stand in Salaah and communicate with Allah Ta’ala, present his grief and the burdens of his heart to Allah Ta’ala – and the experience is that the person finds a great comfort and calm in his heart. He draws strength from that Salaah and in turning to Allah Ta’ala. It is a beautiful, beautiful prescription which is rarely considered as a solution.

Making the Zikr of Allah Ta’ala, within limits, also soothes the heart. It is a balm for broken hearts. Allah Ta'ala is with those with broken hearts. Durood Shareef offers a coolness to the heart."

Hazrat Maulana (RA) would also say that we do not always see the Wisdom in Divine Decisions but we need to believe that Allah Ta’ala’s decisions for us are the best and Maulana (RA) would very often quote one of our pious predecessors, who beautifully described the understanding and approach of a Believer in dealing with the tests of this worldly life :

“In whichever condition He keeps me,
It is the best condition for me;
Through whichever route He takes me,
It is the easiest route for me.’