[Aizutox]

Don't be fooled by what you think. The hijaab is the divine command of the Most High.
How will a woman who disobeys her lord, obey her husband???
So pick and choose wisely where you want the piety to manifest....
Sure, character is a very important aspect for all, but so is the hijaab.
The prophet never said that hijaab is not incumbant on those who lack good character. It may only take a second to wear the hijaab but it can be that second that takes you to jannah.
Be wise, we all sin.... which sins can you deal with???
Yes, we all do sin, but thats not a ticket to sin further, neither is it a ticket to sin openly & nor is it a ticket to justify our sins.
A woman who obey's ALLAH by wearing the hijaab, is more likely to obey ALLAH by having a good character and controlling her anger.... Don't you think so?
And no body's perfect but we all have to try....
The hijaab is the identity of a muslim woman. It denotes the modesty of a female. It proclaims her obedience to her lord. It shows the world that as a muslima, her priorities are first and foremost to her lord. And anyway, hijaab and character cannot be compared, just as salaah and zakaah cannot be compared. They're both the commands of the creator - something to be obeyed! You can't justify the omittance of one by claiming that ''the other is not fulfilled.''
A woman who doesn't find it important to please her creator and please HIM will not find it important to obey HIS creation and please them.... And if she does, then its worse than having a bad character and getting angry, much - because the creation CANNOT have preference over the CREATOR.
So pick and choose wisely.... Yes! Pick and choose wisely.

Hijab is not the golden standard for a pious woman, which most people try to make it out to be. Love of Allah and His Messenger is a golden standard, there was a companion who struggled with alcohol, and the companions bashed him for it, the Messenger of Allah (sallahu alayhi wa salam) said “let him be for he loves Allah and His Messenger.”

I am not trying to belittle any commandment of Allah. In my younger years, I was among those who felt hijab was the golden standard for a pious woman… But as I started to get to know the Muslims, both men and women, I realized we all had different weakness and strengths. Everybody has their own mujahada with particular rulings. I knew a sister who struggled with Hijab but she prayed five times a day. 10 years later she overcame that and she wears hijab now. Al hamdullah. I also know many sisters, who use to wear hijab back in the day and use to criticize that other sister, and some of them don’t wear hijab now.

Because of my personal experience, I don’t criticize anybody and characterize this sister as having more piety than another sister because she wears hijab and the other sister doesn’t. Because that one sister I know is wearing hijab now, and that other sister who use to wear hijab isn’t. Allah knows best who has more taqwa.
My whole point is no one knows who has more taqwa than another… And to simply base it on hijab and to make that the golden standard for a pious woman… Doesn’t make sense to me… I know muslim sisters today who don’t wear hijab but pray five times a day and I also know muslim sisters who do wear hijab and don’t pray five times a day.

I personally think, if you can find a sister or brother, who adhere to the five pillars and loves Allah and His Messenger (sallahu alayhi wa salam), then you have a winner, get married. These are basic foundation of a muslim… I say the five pillars because of the hadith of the Bedouin. And I say loves Allah and His Messenger because of the hadith of the alcoholic.

I don’t think hijab is the golden standard for a pious woman…

[ñàéäèíã]

Hijab is not the golden standard for a pious woman, which most people try to make it out to be. Love of Allah and His Messenger is a golden standard, there was a companion who struggled with alcohol, and the companions bashed him for it, the Messenger of Allah (sallahu alayhi wa salam) said “let him be for he loves Allah and His Messenger.”
I am not trying to belittle any commandment of Allah. In my younger years, I was among those who felt hijab was the golden standard for a pious woman… But as I started to get to know the Muslims, both men and women, I realized we all had different weakness and strengths. Everybody has their own mujahada with particular rulings. I knew a sister who struggled with Hijab but she prayed five times a day. 10 years later she overcame that and she wears hijab now. Al hamdullah. I also know many sisters, who use to wear hijab back in the day and use to criticize that other sister, and some of them don’t wear hijab now.

Because of my personal experience, I don’t criticize anybody and characterize this sister as having more piety than another sister because she wears hijab and the other sister doesn’t. Because that one sister I know is wearing hijab now, and that other sister who use to wear hijab isn’t. Allah knows best who has more taqwa.
My whole point is no one knows who has more taqwa than another… And to simply base it on hijab and to make that the golden standard for a pious woman… Doesn’t make sense to me… I know muslim sisters today who don’t wear hijab but pray five times a day and I also know muslim sisters who do wear hijab and don’t pray five times a day.

I personally think, if you can find a sister or brother, who adhere to the five pillars and loves Allah and His Messenger (sallahu alayhi wa salam), then you have a winner, get married. These are basic foundation of a muslim… I say the five pillars because of the hadith of the Bedouin. And I say loves Allah and His Messenger because of the hadith of the alcoholic.

I don’t think hijab is the golden standard for a pious woman…

and insha'Allah the sister and brother can help each other and grow together in their deen.

[AlabamaBoyz]

think about compatibility and observe her natural hayaa and nature if talking with her before marriage talks,in presence of both parents of course

[Aizutox]

and insha'Allah the sister and brother can help each other and grow together in their deen.

Exactly.

[Aizutox]

think about compatibility and observe her natural hayaa and nature if talking with her before marriage talks,in presence of both parents of course

These things are so important... Many people don't think of these things...

[Aizutox]

Did you ever stop to think, what made the rude lady wear hijaab in the first place? Wasn't it imaan to begin with???
11-18

Sometimes it's iman and other times it might because they don't want to get their parents to yell at them... So it is difficult say why anybody does anything...
If you wanted to have a good opinion you could say it is iman...

But in reality I don't know.

[alecaf]

istikhara should play a vital part in choosing a spouse

[Aizutox]

istikhara should play a vital part in choosing a spouse

Istikhara is probably the most important thing when choosing, because of our inability to see the future... While it may appear that the woman we have choosen appear to be the best pick... Allah knows best in these matters, so put it in His hands and let him be the deciding the factor...

Also consulting older and wiser brothers and sisters when choosing... Sometime our young blinds us to reality.....

[CaseyFronczekHomie]

I don't recall the hadith but I believe it was by hadrat Umar (ra) and something to the effect that don't judge a person by his prayer or fasts but look at his akhlaq (may Allah swt forgive me if I have the incorrect hadith, someone please correct me if I am wrong)

If the girl doesn't wear hijab now it is possible that she will later if you make the right effort but if she has bad akhlaq then no hijab or abaya will save you, because hijab can be acquired but akhlaq is very hard to change.

Make lots of dua and do isthikhara. May Allah swt bless you with a pious wife.

[GrolmangHat27]

i am getting married but i don't actually know her well how can i tell she is pious...she does not even wear hijab so and advise

Getting married is a test of your piety. What you should be concerned about is; Am i Pious?

Of course, one should look for a pious women.

The first verse of Surah An Nisa, which is recited in the Khutba of Nikah gives the recipe of a successful marriage. Piety

O men, fear your Lord who created you from a single soul, and from it created its match, and spread many men and women from the two. Fear Allah in whose name you ask each other (for your rights), and fear (the violation of the rights of) the womb-relations. Surely, Allah is watchful over you. (1)

Indeed, there is a great lesson in this verse.

"When Allah's servant marries he has completed one half of the Religion. Thereafter let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half." - al-Bayhaqi in Shu`ab al-Iman

Marriage is a test of one's piety.

[sbrthrds]

This is a very thoughtful question. I wonder why we don't ask more such questions to Ulema's* these days.

1. I once asked this to a senior elderly person / ulema, and he replied "See if the girl's mother is a practicing woman, things like:
a. Namaz / Salaah
b. Hijab,
c. Her talk in general,
d. The way she's kept her home (tidy & all)
e. General stuff. (I don't remember in the order he said)

All this would have a positive affect on the girl and better chances that the girl herself is a practicing muslimah".

2. Don't ask me questions like "How would a guy can come across all these things about the girls' mother??" Of-course not, the scholar didn't ask me to look at the girl's mom, this is applicable in arranged marriages where-in the boy's parents + relatives meet up.

3. As far as I know, istikarah is only applicable after this.

4. Did someone ask why? Good question.

Well, assuming for ex. I come across a girl (for marriage) and I know she is no good with the daily prayers, no good with the hijab, etc., would any person in his right mind want to marry her?

Hope you get the point.

*Another reason why you should stay connected with the pious elders and Ulema.

[Alexeryy]

1. I once asked this to a senior elderly person / ulema, and he replied "See if the girl's mother is a practicing woman, things like:
a. Namaz / Salaah
b. Hijab,
c. Her talk in general,
d. The way she's kept her home (tidy & all)
e. General stuff. (I don't remember in the order he said)

with all due respect to the ulemah...i have often heard statements such as these...i have often heard the ulemah advising people to marry from pious families...to look at the characteristics of parents and siblings of that person

so what happens to those people who come from families who are not practising? a brother goes to her house...to find her mahram clean shaven...her mum without proper hijaab...maybe they have pictures in the house...maybe there is some bollywood song playing in the background somewhere...so the judgement is made upon her

although she may not agree with any of this but does not have the power to change her family....the cycle continues...she must now marry into a similar family as her own and again be exposed to the same things...houses full of pictures...bollywood films and songs playing constantly..free mixing etc her children will also then be exposed to this stuff all because she was judged by the sins of others

khair...

to the OP....find out if the girl is interested in wearing hijaab in the future...if she prays...if she does not pray...does she wish to pray in the future...does she feel she needs to be a better Muslim? If she acknowledges her weaknesses in deen and would like to improve then these are good signs...wallahu alam

[sbrthrds]

with all due respect to the ulemah...i have often heard statements such as these...i have often heard the ulemah advising people to marry from pious families...to look at the characteristics of parents and siblings of that person

so what happens to those people who come from families who are not practising? a brother goes to her house...to find her mahram clean shaven...her mum without proper hijaab...maybe they have pictures in the house...maybe there is some bollywood song playing in the background somewhere...so the judgement is made upon her

although she may not agree with any of this but does not have the power to change her family....the cycle continues...she must now marry into a similar family as her own and again be exposed to the same things...houses full of pictures...bollywood films and songs playing constantly..free mixing etc her children will also then be exposed to this stuff all because she was judged by the sins of others

khair...

to the OP....find out if the girl is interested in wearing hijaab in the future...if she prays...if she does not pray...does she wish to pray in the future...does she feel she needs to be a better Muslim? If she acknowledges her weaknesses in deen and would like to improve then these are good signs...wallahu alam

Very thoughtful question. Again. I knew this was coming.

But sis, don't you think these are specific cases, applicable only for a small minuscule percentage?? What the scholar said is in more general terms.

[sbrthrds]

to the OP....find out if the girl is interested in wearing hijaab in the future...if she prays...if she does not pray...does she wish to pray in the future...does she feel she needs to be a better Muslim? If she acknowledges her weaknesses in deen and would like to improve then these are good signs...wallahu alam

Yet, I* feel nothing wrong with this approach.

*I'm a nobody, its just my opinion. I'm not a scholar nor I'm pious.

[GrolmangHat27]

Yet, I* feel nothing with this approach.

*I'm a nobody, its just my opinion. I'm not a scholar nor I'm pious.

Isn't your own piety of a greater concern than your spouses'.

[bF8CCmmr]

Very thoughtful question. Again. I knew this was coming.

But sis, don't you think these are specific cases, applicable only for a small minuscule percentage?? What the scholar said is in more general terms.

Assalamu alaykum

i don't think it is a small percentage nearly all the practising brothers i know come from families that don't practise islam. maybe in india it is different.

[Alexeryy]

Assalamu alaykum

i don't think it is a small percentage nearly all the practising brothers i know come from families that don't practise islam. maybe in india it is different.

walaykum asalaam

this is true...especially for the west...and also in the west it is very common to find different people in the household following different scholars...so you may find a salafi or deobandi in a barelwi family and vice versa

thing with the ulemah is sometimes they don't understand these things as they talk from a personal perspective...they have been brought up in religious families...been surrounded by other people who also come from religious homes...they marryinto religious families...and that cycle also continues

[sbrthrds]

Isn't your own piety of a greater concern than your spouses'.

bro, if it was not, would I care?

[sbrthrds]

Assalamu alaykum

i don't think it is a small percentage nearly all the practising brothers i know come from families that don't practise islam. maybe in india it is different.

Then in that case, aren't the Ulemas' advice even more applicable here? In Tabligh, we are constantly reminded to create an atmosphere of Deen in your home (wife & kids) so that it becomes easier for you to practice upon Deen, easier for you to give mujahidah in the path of Allah SWT, et al. For a practicing guy coming from a non-practicing one, it becomes even more essential to try and get married to a deeni girl, because he is still starting out, still in his baby steps, to achieve steadfastness, believe me there are many who fall apart along the way. Allahu Alam.