[omaculer]

Aslam U Alaikum
People im not sure if ive posted in the right section but im guessing you all here could help me out as i feel confused and stressed thinking myself, i cant rely on other peoples views as i dont know there real mazhab and i believe every point here is made from a sunni and you all wil give me the right answer as i am also a sunni.

1st of all i know what im going to say is going to sound wrong, i know what im doing is wrong & totally know its against Islam. But i hope u all understand wer i come from.

So in my life ive neva realy spoke to guys, never chilled with them face to face...even in school i use to stay totally away from them because my mum said keep away from them but she didnt say totally stop talkin. She sed u can do salaam but dont get out of the limet, but i never use to even do salaam...i use to totally stay out of there way, use to get bullied but it never affected me and Alhumdolillah im proud of my decision, im glad i neva spoke to them because if i did then even in college i would be seeking for guy mates to bring fun school days back but i dont.

Then after school wen i came to college i never spoke to guys face to face, still dont and i keep away BUT i started speaking to some guy mates online...i use to add and delete but ONLY use to speak to couple of decent guys, didnt like talking to toomany guys because i use to remember my mums words that "if u speak to a guy today then in future wen ur on the road with ur husband he could come up to u n say hi and what jawaab wil u give to ur husband?" i always rememberd that but she didnt knw i speak to guys... Yes again i know its gunaah but dont knw why i spoke to them, i had a crush on one, then another n then another but it was a little thing, nothing big to me...but ive never looked at a guy with a buri neeyat.

Then about a year ago i started speaking to this other guy, now let me tell u lot...i always wanted a hard working guy, always wanted a guy whus punjabi/urdu speaking like me, whos decent, whu has a small little family and keep to themselves but are jolly at the same time, mix in with cuzins and joke as in hasti mazaak.A guy who has no temper but is very soft hearted. So this guy i started talking to..in the begining he didnt attract me, well his picture did but when i saw him on cam i was thinking no but then agen i saw him on cam and as time went i didnt realise i started falling for him. He's strict towards me, his stubborn, he speaks urdu with me and thats something i love...but his punjabi n same time his mp aswell...maybe something i didnt want? he's got a BAD temper problem but i never raise my voice to him, i give him loads of respect cuz my mums taught me *If one person says something to u and u give them jawaab then the matter only gets worse so u should stay quite, and thats exactly what i do*, (by the way we are both brought up in uk). I wanted a guy who has a small family and gets along with the whole family cuzins and all? But his is opposite...they have a world of there own only with theyr mother n her side of the family but a big family as in alot of siblings MashAllah.

Now the thing is i really really like him and i know this is gunaah but i cant get my mind of him, i met him for abit couple of month ago and mashAllah his a really nice person and we didnt do anything wrong. Btw he likes me too. Neways his temper, looks, family nothing at all makes a difference to me, Instead when he talks about his family it feels his familys my family cuz when i think about his mum n sisters i think of them as my own.
Now i like this guy alot and he doesnt tell me anything properly, apparenntly some family relative has done jadu on him and i believe him but his jadus reali reali bad. He gets full body pain, chest pain, pain in his brain, he cant think right at all. There be's time when he thinks whu are u? he be's confused that how does he know me but then theres times when he be's so lovey dovey with me. He says to me keep away from him, he says to me that his not gd enough for me but still i wana go running to him, he says inshAllah ul get someone beter then me but when he says all this it hurts me. He goes me n him are from totally opposite worlds...ive seen happiness and he hasnt.

Eversince i started speaking to him, i stopped talking to all the other guys i know because he didnt like it, i dont go on my undercover facebook account n deleted everything because he didnt like it but now i appreciate it, ii would thanks him because without seeing his temper n strictness towards it i wouldnt av been able to stop talking to them. Ive gotten away from ALLLLLL my girl mates which again Alhumdolillah im glad because when i get married i dont want to think about them but i want to think about my husband and his family not my friends.

Ive personally done alot for him n only i know it but the thing is everytime he says different things n it confuses he, his got stuff in him and sometimes it makes me think r they making him say that he loves me to? because one day he loves me and cuple weeks later he acts weird.

Now the problem is his trying to push me away from him because he dont wana hurt me, he says he wont be able to keep me happy n neither does he see a future with me. I stopped alot of things for him, i backed out alot for him but right now it hurts me when i think n i can c myself loosing him, i dont want to lose him. I respect my parents alot they mean my world but that guy also means alot too me...if i tel my parents nnothings going to be good, i want to marry this but he said until he dont get beter properly he wont get married n he dont know howmany years that will be.

I want to do dua and ask Allah swt for this guy i like, i want to ask Allah swt for forgiveness but same time i want to do dua for this guys health i want him to get beter. Only he knows what his gowing through and i cant c him gowing through all this, he wantes to be a gd muslim he wants to practice Islam but the things in him dont let him. I always do dua for his health, for him to get better and for me n him to be together...his gowing away from me, i want to do dua that he comes back to me again and thinks positive. He thinks ALOT about negative but hardly thinks about positive.
Is there any dua i can read? Powerfull dua?
I know me liking this guy is Gunaah but how do i keep myself away from him? Is it gunaah me asking Allah swt for him? Asking Allah swt to bring him closer to me again?

I think this story has gone long but im really confused with what to do...

I feel i have no1 to pour out my heart to...but ive told u the situation with this guy now u all tell me what shall i do?

JazakAllah

[cepAceryTem]

Bismihee Ta'aala

Asalamualaikum


Who do you love more Allah (SWT) or this boy your not married to? Boys come and go, but Allah (SWT) will always be there. Allah (SWT) has done so much for you (all of us in fact). How can we displease Allah (SWT) for a boy or girl?

How loving and caring Allah (SWT), but yet we neglect his rights for our pleasures? We have to remember that this life is temporary. The hereafter is permanent.

dear sister, leave this brother for the sake of Allah (SWT). Your story is like so many other people I know. You will be with him for a couple of years and then who knows? Earlier today there was a sister in her 30s that posted her story about being with a man for 5 years and then his parents told him he can't marry her and now she is devastated. She admitted to doing things with this man on top of that, but now she feels so guilty. When are we going to learn from other people's mistakes?

Repent to Allah (SWT) and turn towards him for guidance. Remember Allah (SWT) is always going to be there unlike these people.


The truth is no matter what you do, you will always think about this guy or someone else. That is the nature of human beings. We all want to be loved. The thing is that we have to be sincere in our actions and turn towards Allah (SWT). We have to be strong and fight against our desires. We just have to make sincere dua to Allah (SWT) to help and not commit these sins.

Make sure you don't ponder about these thoughts, that is the key. Right when these thoughts come in your mind, immediately get them out. The less you ponder, the less it will bother you.


And Allah (SWT) knows best

[StevenS]

Bismihee Ta'aala

Asalamualaikum


Who do you love more Allah (SWT) or this boy your not married to? Boys come and go, but Allah (SWT) will always be there. Allah (SWT) has done so much for you (all of us in fact). How can we displease Allah (SWT) for a boy or girl?

How loving and caring Allah (SWT), but yet we neglect his rights for our pleasures? We have to remember that this life is temporary. The hereafter is permanent.

dear sister, leave this brother for the sake of Allah (SWT). Your story is like so many other people I know. You will be with him for a couple of years and then who knows? Earlier today there was a sister in her 30s that posted her story about being with a man for 5 years and then his parents told him he can't marry her and now she is devastated. She admitted to doing things with this man on top of that, but now she feels so guilty. When are we going to learn from other people's mistakes?

Repent to Allah (SWT) and turn towards him for guidance. Remember Allah (SWT) is always going to be there unlike these people.


The truth is no matter what you do, you will always think about this guy or someone else. That is the nature of human beings. We all want to be loved. The thing is that we have to be sincere in our actions and turn towards Allah (SWT). We have to be strong and fight against our desires. We just have to make sincere dua to Allah (SWT) to help and not commit these sins.

Make sure you don't ponder about these thoughts, that is the key. Right when these thoughts come in your mind, immediately get them out. The less you ponder, the less it will bother you.


And Allah (SWT) knows best

Very wise advice... Marsha Allah...I pray the sister take heed.

[SantaGanstag]

Salam

Yes, be a realist. Guys will come and go. The more you loose yourself out completely to a guy in this manner the more it will get tougher to get out of it. Its like drugs.

So keep all the emotions aside and think whether the guy is good in his religion. Check the family background is good in their religion. Check whether he can meet your monetary needs. If your of marriageable age, then you should get the guy to make a proposal officially to your parents as a gentleman would do.

If your not of marriageable age, then your wasting your time. If he is not good in his religion, then its a threat to your own religion.

Also look at it in this way. You know your doing something that is not halal. Do you think something prohibited would lead you to something good ? Can there be any good outcome hoped by doing something prohibited? It is satan that makes attractive the door of prohibition and tempts you to open it and there is no good to be hoped for by entering the door of prohibition.

Allah has given halal methods of getting married. Make use of it. Life is short and this world is mere a travellers route to the real world. So don't miss or divert away from the goal, by temporary attractions along the way. Instead, make the goal of your travel firm and clear, and everything else around you including your marriage or relationships should be used as tool to help you with this goal of your travel.