[jagxj12]

Salaams All.. something really bad happned a couple of months ago so I started a thread about it.. please have a look at the link below and try to help me now and also make Dua.


http://www.sunniforum.com/forum/show...s-please-helpp

I am 18 and my younger sister is almost 16.
As much as I want too make up with my sister and put things in the past.. honestly with all my heart I do.. but I cant.. My heart feels sick.
She really broke my heart. I never knew it was possible for my own sister to break my heart. I think and remember it everyday.. but I dont dwell on it anymore.. I just occupy my self with other things rather than have to suffer the pain again. I hate my self in many ways.. and blame my self I still do and no matter what anyone says.. my wrong doings and actions have had a big negative impact on my familys life.
I feel as if I can never ever speak to her again.. although that is completley stupid but thats just how I feel.

Whenever Mum makes breakfast or lunch etc.. I ask mum to tell her to go upstairs or into the other room whilst I eat.. Mum hates it.. and cant bare it.. but I either avoid talking about it with them or just tell them im not intrested. -I love my Mum to bits.. no woman will ever be able to be in there place and I also wish too make up with my sis for mums sake.. but I cant.. my heart wont let it be.

They say the best healer is time. and thats what im giving it and im also making dua.. This has been the biggest test of my life so far!!

I feel like crying whenever I think about it.. I cant bare it or stand it.. I felt suicidal when it first happned if Im entirley honest with you.
Its a big hole in my heart. Knowing and having to think that..about your baby sister.. having to picture 'other men .. we all know how the shaytaan is when he puts things in our heads.. and its discusting. I cant explain to you how I still feel.. I feel the same since its happned but I just ignore it I guess.


Please remember me in your duas.. Allah Paak is our Lord and they know best.. I leave everything to them and insh'Allah sooner or later .. ONE DAY. things will be back to normal .. but I dont see them being normal for a very long time.

I pray that this never ever happens too any brothers or sisters or parents.
Brothers give much love and attention too your sisters and mothers.. because thats who deserve it the most.. if we dont give it then unfortunatley the way society is potrayed nowadays.. 'oh you need a boyfriend or a man etc and also the lack of imaan.. then they will seek it elsewhere and through haram ways and acts.
Please please I urge you.. I never ever want anybody too feel the way I do and for this too happen to them. So prevent it from happening by manning up and talking to your sisters and not being shy..because as men we are scared to open up. Also sisters and mothers.. build relationships and friendships with your brothers and sons.. we are also seeking comfort and affection.. we just dont show it.

I would'nt call it a calamity.. I wish I could but it's not.. theres people dying of hunger and in alot more worser positions than me.. so that makes it a tiny little bit better. but it still hurts

the funny thing is, a teacher teaches the lesson first and then you sit the exam.
Whereas as Allah Paak most beautiful.. gives us the exam and then the lesson.

The worst thing is not having anybody too talk too..friends are just fakes..not trustworthy at all and theres nobody who I could ever trust to talk about something like this. So it's pretty hard having too keep everything inside.. but then I think who needs friends. I have Allah Paak although they may hate me for my awful sins and the way I couduct my self sometimes. and too be honest I would never ever want to disclose that with anyone.. because no matter what happens behind close doors.. I truly do belive that it should be a rose tinted view infront of others.. some may argue but im not after a debate and this may seem ignorant but I would'nt want my sister or family or even me in that sense to be shamed.
I dont know if you'll understand.. I guess its just a sense of respect..

I guess this is my only means off letting it out.. it helps a bit.. and I know this sounds stupid but sometimes..times like this.. it would be loveley to have someone who just listens and tells you everything will be ok and gives you a cuddle. lol im a grown man..adolescent man and saying I need a hug!!!.. we all need comfort sometimes wether we admit it or not and trust me.. and the only reason im writing all this is because nobody knows who I am.

Maybe one day which I do hope and pray that ill find a friend who I can talk to about anything, who wont judge me and will just be real and honest with me and be able to let EVERYTHING OUT.. because theres a heck of alot too let out.
For some of my 'so called friends I would do just about 'Anything for within reason.. I really would and have done in the past.. but then I know they probabbly would'nt do the same.. and they say the people who arent worth it.. you should take them out of your lives.
But in actual fact.. if I did that then I would'nt have anybody left.

Dont ever judge anybody by there appearences.. as humans we are quick to judge... try not too because after reading all this you will have already made a mental image up of me and trust me if you ever seen me around..100% fact you would be SHOCKED. Im potrayed as the 'young macho lad.. Im actually a bodybuilder.. so as you would guess I am big lad mash'Allah . I always smile.. no matter what.. so that other people may see how happy I am and give them a reason too smile.. also its Sunnah and I never get emotional or anything with anyone.
So dont judge a man till you've walked a mile in his shoes people!!

Sorry If iv'e bored you.. brothers and sisters and respected elders.. Im not after replys.
Like I said.. theres people in much worser situations..so I cant complain. Im not after sympathy votes.. just TRYING to release some emotions. Shukar Alhamdulilah for everything I have. Remember me in your duas if you can. I will pray for all the UMMAH Insh'Allah

Jazak'Allah

[fkisjjdhh]

Don't remove yourself from your sisters life bro... you have to be a positive male influence to her

[IRYzouNv]

Salaam-

This made me cry

I am sister also, and I have too wronged my family in many ways, but my brothers are really close with me, and I am able to have open conversations with them and how to be a good role model to them, you are right you need to be there friend, because otherwise its hard- i tried so hard to be there friend and talk about things that have happen outside like drugs, and other fitnah- alhumdolilia with ALLAH swt guidance they are not misguided.

But inshaaALLAH with time brother things will get better i promise you that, I love my brothers they are younger than me- but i dont know what i would do without them they are my friends and right now i am going through a difficulty but i have my family for support.

Please you need to talk to your sister, you need to tell her how you are feeling, dont block her out, people make mistakes all the time, you can encourage her to repent and better her self its never too late to change..

Will remember you in my prayers
but if you need to talk than you can always message us on here- noone is here to judge anyone and ALLAH SWT knows best,

[jagxj12]

Jazak'Allah brother ahmad.. I know I am the rolde model of my sister in her life.. infact the ONLY MALE role model. Thats why it makes it even so much more difficult and puts so much pressure on too me.

also Jazak'Allah too you sister myasin.. we all make mistakes.. we just need to learn from them. Life is a complete learning curve. Thank you it means alot.. you will be in my duas also. and yes you also need to keep things tight with your little bros. I hope everything works out for you.. we just need to change our selfs as idivduals .. then the goodness shall rub off on our familys and the one's around us. Good luck yeah

Im gathering my courage up in order to approach my sister and to make an ammense.

It's so so so hard.. I really dont want too.. my mind is set, it knows what it has too do .. my heart just wont let it be. But time is close... soon ish'Allah.. remember me in your duas and with the strength from the Almighty Allah Paak I will man up and put everything in the past and look to a better future.

[VYholden]

You have to give it some time. Taking abrupt steps can make things worse. Take small steps. One of the best ways to develop love and affection within yourself and your sister is by giving gifts. It has been greatly emphasized by our elders. You can buy small gifts which she likes and just leave them in her room, on her desk, once a week, or once a month, without saying anything about the gifts. And overtime, in'sha Allah, things will get better.

Most of the times we talk, like saying sorry to the person, but then the next day we end up doing the same things again to hurt each other. So we have to take practical steps to change ourselves from the inside and this takes time.

[Cuccuccaltefe]

Salaams

Salaams

Human beings are creatures of their environment, and when we are young we are very foolish, it is only Allah swt who protects a person and guides them. Most of us are bound to fall into bad habits unless we are very fortunate. As you say none of us are perfect. You must forgive your sister, just like we all hope to be forgiven by Allah for all our wrong doing on the Last Day.

Your sister needs your guidance, given in a non hostile, non judgemental manner. Many Muslim girls are naive and live in a fantasy world, it is a failure of Muslim parents me included in educating our children. They think having men admire you and being popular is important, if we were educated to believe in self fulfilment and being self aware we would not feel like this. Young girls tend to have a deep need to be noticed and admired...if they knew that they have a treasure within their own soul they would not care what others think of them. This way of being has been put into us by the state school system and we need to be aware of this and build our defences against it. Someone might say that Muslim Girls schools also produce similar characters...which may be true, but this too is because of the general environment in which we live. We are kept dumb and dependent by the state and its various systems.

May we all be Guided to the Truth, Protected, Forgiven and given Peace. Ameen

[FreeDownloadOEMsoftware]

I just have a few things to say...and inshAllah they will be helpful for you.

First of all, not only was this incident a test from Allah for your sister and mother, but surely it was and is a test for you. How you handle this sensitive situation can make or break your family...and their future. You are mashAllah the man of the house...you are your sister`s older brother. She looks up to you...if not now...sooner or later, she will see a role model in you. If you open up to her (to an extent) and explain to her the bliss of imaan is to leave these sins...and she sees that how strong you are by leaving your past behind, repenting, changing your ways, LEAVING the bad company..... she will be influenced inshAllah.

inshAllah you shouldn`t wait any longer to speak to her. Explain to her the importance of being pure in thoughts and actions, and how keeping the bad company can ruin your life forever. First you should become a trusting friend to your sister....you both have to become close and supportive for each other. As the sister advised above, give her gifts and a card (tell her how much you love, respect, and care for her). Show it in actions... don`t show her disgust and don`t avoid her... she needs her older brother! (the family support is extremely important for her.... remember how she tried to commit suicide!! Well...just by that incident...one can see the emotional turmoil she is going through... she needs YOU! inshAllah. (That would have been the WORST of all crimes and sins for her.....)
She needs to know that you forgave her...she needs to know that you don`t and won`t judge her based on her past mistakes. Let her know...there`s a life ahead of her to prove herself (there`s always another chance) and you both need to be there for each other inshAllah.

Realize brother, that this is a test for you. Now that this incident has already happened... what will you do about it.. How will you make it better inshAllah. Think about this.

Here are a few more suggestions:
- You should get your sis to start praying (if she doesn`t already). Make it a thing you guys do together...lead her in salah (congregation). Remember prayer keeps you away from evil and immodest things.
-Try to get her to leave her bad company. She needs pious friends...or at least people who haven`t forgotten Allah!
-If you can take charge... In a positive way (with kindness not anger)... delete her facebook account and all her contacts (the guys especially). If she keeps her Facebook.. things won`t change for her (na `uthubillah). She needs to get off facebook!!!!
- Tell your mom to limit her laptop use...or at least she should always use it in front of ur mom. SOMEONE needs to take control.... the privacy she has using her laptop on her own... her cell....her fitnahbook.... etc will not let her win this battle with shaytan. You said she goes to school and comes home and doesn`t go anywhere else. but in this society these things are enough to ruin someone. The bad company in school, the peer pressure, the privacy of using the laptop... all ingredients to fall into the trap your sis fell into! trust me...i have seen it happen to so many people... boys and girls.
-Just like it took time for her to fall into this trap... it will take time and NURTURING for her to get back on track and leave these sins. She needs to be praying her salah, having company of pious people, and family support. inshAllah Allah will make it easy for you and her.


I know how you feel...it is a very difficult thing. Just try to hate the sin and not the sinner. Guide her with your support, love, care and show her you are responsible for her and you want best for her. When she says things about leaving home ...well...that is just showing you that she feels there`s a better place out there for her where she would find that comfort, support and `care`. But inshAllah she will realize SOON how selfish and foolish that is.

make a lot of dua to Allah SWT. He will surely help you and your family in this situation. Remember now you have to be MORE involved with her life... rather than avoid her.

may Allah swt make this test easy for you and your family. may Allah SWT guide each and every one of us in this fitnah-filled world we live in. may Allah give us the company of pious people and protect us from all the evils. ameen

Hope that helps inshAllah. On a personal level, I would suggest you recite this dhikr and make dua to Allah: 15 times durood (the one we recite in salah), Durood Tanjeena 72 times, and 15 times darood again and then make dua inshAllah. There is a lot of blessings in sending darood to RasulAllah s.a.w. Allah will send His mercy on you. inshAllah.

waslaam

[FreeDownloadOEMsoftware]

8201d1273654087-darood-e-tanjeena-darood-e-tanjeena1.jpg

[Mboxmaja]

Don't worry sis. ALLAH is the healer of broken hearts and broken relationships. turn to hm and all your problems will be solved soon. Ameen.

[IRYzouNv]

Salaam, theres no need for thanks! if as humans we are no use to anyone that what is the point really! we all need encouragement now and again and someone to talk too, and i can understand your situation that you can not talk to anyone not a very easy topic to discuss, inshaAllah things will get better, change yourself too, and then inshaAllah you and your sister can talk things through, He is most forgiving you ask Him for forgivness and you will be forgiven, if you ever need to talk or cry your heart there are people that you dont know never seen but they will talk to you, you can always message us on here.. easier since we are strangers only relation we have is Islam

Salaam

[sabbixsweraco]

Let's cut to the chase young brother.

Do you practice what you preach
Are you ensuring salat and azaan is done five times a day
Do you have a set time to have the family sit down and read some Quran / Hadith as a family
Do you have a halal and safe environment for all members of the famiy

If you have ever physically or mentally abused your sister or others in the family realize you are at "fault"

Your post shows some serious metal health issues and abusive mannerisms. Fix yourself before you preach to others

I will sum this up simply
1. Your sister is a woman by her age in Islam
2. You cannot force or abuse her in anyways
3. Abusing and forcing someone to ***love*** Islam. Will never ever work

You act as if this simple issue is the end of the world when innocent people are being slaughtered or simply believing in Allah and his beloved prophet pbuh

[IRYzouNv]

Excuse me brother commodore but your message is uncalled for! There is no need 2 be insensitive!! and regardless of how healthy or haraam free your home enivornment is doesnt mean noone makes mistakes!! he wasnt abusing his sister he is a little boy himself! can you please have some decency!

the 5 things you mentioned do you do them with sincere intentions?? stop judging people its not for you its for ALLAH SWT and he knows our intentions!! its a cry for help he was asking to was trying to talk h is problems to someone!! and your being silly with your message! have you got any sisters im sure you have, he atleast knows what his are upto do you know what yours get upto! stop being so judgemental you need to fix up

[IRYzouNv]

you have completely misunderstood his message!! PLEASE RE-READ WHAT HE SAYS!! HE YOUR IDIOT HAS NOT ABUSED HIS SISTER IN ANYWAY MAN!! HE WAS TALKING ABOUT SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED THAT HE FEELS LIKE HE DOESNT WANT TO KNOW HIS SISTER- RE-READ BEFORE POSTING A REPLY

[IRYzouNv]

LOL SORRY I SHOULDNT HAVE CALLED YOU AN IDIOT NOR BE WRITING IN CAPS LOCK just that your message was uncall for!