[PhillipHer]

Right bro.
I remember a small poster stuck on the wall when I attend Haji Shakil's majlis. It says in Urdu, "Jo mawjood nahin, uska zikr nahin".
Translation: "No discussing someone who is absent".
Probably the best way to avoid gheebah.

I was reading a book (Spiritual Discourses, I think)by Mufti Taqi Usmani and it said that saying something that hurts your brother even in front of him is ghebat. Is this correct or am I forgetting what was written in the book ?

[Aztegjpl]

Cut all backbiting from your life. Every time you say or think something about someone, even if it's a simple sentence like "man that brother had some weird shoes on" (just the first example which pops into my head), where all you're doing from your perspective is pointing out something "little" and your intention is not to backbite at all... really think to yourself if you will be backbiting by making this statement, before you say it. Would you say this same statement to this person's face? If it constitutes backbiting, then do not say it, no matter how badly you want to say it. If you are sitting in a situation where backbiting is being done, leave if possible, cover your ears if possible (literally), or if none of those are possible then try your best to think about something else, do Dhikr of Allah , and try not paying attention to what is being said at all.

Thats a thought provoking post

On the authority of Hadrat Abu Hurairah, the Holy Prophet defined Gheebat as follows:
“It is talking of your brother in a way irksome to him.” It was asked: “What, if the defect being talked of is present in my brother ?” The Holy Prophet replied: “If it is present in him, it would be Gheebat; if it is not there, it would be slandering him.”
(abu dawud)

[eXC3Kvnn]

Expect the least

This is wonderfull technique and you will never be hurt.

For example we get good projects for work.. when we start following them.. I tell to my self and my employees to expect that this project is not going to come to us (and this is the least case). We definitely put all the hard work but we will never feel that this project is definitely going to come. When we feel like this, we will never bother about what we lost, because we are already prepared for that.

I suggested the same thing to my wife when she was newly married... Don't expect that everyone (especially my jealous cousins ) is going to give you lot of respect here.. Just feel that you are going to face hard time from these people and you will be getting "Zero" respect. When she really came across those jealous comments, she told me "'if you wouldn't have told me to expect the least and be prepared, i would have been definitely hurt by those comments)