[PetraCromlich]

Salaam

Why is divorce so easy especially if it is something that Allah dislikes immensely?

Why is divorce so easy that an entire family can break apart in one second of an angry outburst?

Seriously, this feels like an oppression and Islam is not opressive so why this?

To get married one needs witnesses, means for a mahr, and preferably to put in writing, yet a divorce, which is much more serious and has a lot more riding on it, comes into effect whether one really wants it or not because the words have been said out loud.

Why?

Hello its a huge test for the husband. You dont think in aakhirat people are going to be asked about what they said (in anger or out of love)? Of course they are.

And nikkah is more serious than talaaq, think about it.

[PetraCromlich]

The best person to answer this question is Nabi Musa (as). Is nikkah easier than talaq? You will be surprised.

Nikkah process is made more difficult than talaq so that the man realizes "Hey! This blessing came to me after some toil and struggle so I better hang on to it and not use the T word so easily."

[InsManKV]

Salaam

Why is divorce so easy especially if it is something that Allah dislikes immensely?

Why is divorce so easy that an entire family can break apart in one second of an angry outburst?

Seriously, this feels like an oppression and Islam is not opressive so why this?

To get married one needs witnesses, means for a mahr, and preferably to put in writing, yet a divorce, which is much more serious and has a lot more riding on it, comes into effect whether one really wants it or not because the words have been said out loud.

Why?

Wa Alayk.
Divorce is easy because Islam is easy.
We do not think about it otherwise Nikah too is very easy.
Nikah precedes a lot of responsibilities. We do not worry as to why such a thing that comes with so many responsibilities is so easy.
Indeed Divorce too comes with serious consequences. Islam does not ignore them.
And if we think that Islam ignores them then it is our fault to think that.
There are a whole set of Traditions that try to maintain Nikah.
The very fact that Divorce is the most disliked halal thing near Allah(SWT) is a tribute to the fact that Divorce is not a game in Islam.
So the technical process being simple is not an indication that the road and route to is is as easy.
I hope that helps.

[Ocqljudq]

Very recently I went through an experience that had me asking these very same questions. What followed was a severe mental anguish and turmoil. I took a few moments to tell Allah swt what it felt like and immediately my heart was filled with relief. What I have realised is everything is a test from Allah.

As far as divorce is concerned, although the process is easy I have seen so many men who put with really angry and quarellsome wives but never utter the words. Whereas others do even if there are no serious problems, so it isn't the sharia that is responsible but us muslims.

I don't know if I am right but it certainly helps me understand, even divorce is a test from Allah swt. The woman who keeps patience will be greatly rewarded inshaAllah ta'la. If the family breaks apart because of the husband's impulsiveness then Allah swt will take care of the family but the husband, may Allah swt forgive him, will have to answer for his actions.

may Allah swt save us all from anger and it's ill consequences.

[Amoniustauns]

ASWW
I think what people must do is give alternatives -to divorce proceedings - as opposed to what is in the Quran - then we can talk about it...

[blogforlovxr]

salam

Some words of encouragement at the end after silly argument in the middle. Thankyou.

If divorce and reconciliation has happened twice, so now it's third srike and it's over, can the husband put any conditions on himself about issuing a third and irrevocable divorce in future, knowing his temperament, family situation, knowing he doesn't want a marriage break-up i.e. would it be permissible and valid for a husband to say/write or say in front of witnesses that a talaq by him is issued only after he has written down the words or are such conditions not valid in shariah After all it is extremely easy to get pen and paper and write down then and there, as easy as saying but just requiring more effort and therefore consideration. It is not as if divorce has become difficult for the husband if that is what he truly really intends.

[Amoniustauns]

ASWW
Sister, our Allah SWT created us and designed us and He knows exactly how we will be behaving. Remember deen for the majority is for the poor and illiterate. The fine prints about writing down things can also be misinterpreted and debated and complexities outmare issues. What is interesting is how Allah in His infinite wisdom made the aftermath of divorce (for the husband) a nightmare. (By the way there is another thread here somewhere about "why only men are allowed to divorce"- please check out the interesting discussions). Also the three "strikes" as you put it may not be used all at one go. Its only our ignorance and stupidity... no human feelings.. thats all.
Anyway let narrate a story :
Once a man who had a very beautiful wife gave her divorce and he then he started feeling remorseful. He started to feel regret and got immensely confused about what to do. Someone suggested he approach his blind friend to marry her for one night and "release" her the next morning. The blind man agreed and the plan went along well.
In the morning, after the newly weds had slept together, the former husband went to "collect" his former wife. The blind man welcomed him and shouted to his wife that his former husband had come to collect her.
"Dont do it" said the lady."My life is just beginning. I will look after you"

[bixlewlyimila]

Wasnt there a heela to make the words of the husband useless, by attaching some conditions in stating the words of talaaq?

This would be very helpful for those husbands who get angry quickly.

I believe Ml. Mujahid al-Qasimi talked about it. Not sure.

[didrexx]

I can't help but think that all of these suggestions are just complicating something that is quite straight forward - Allah (SWT) knows best.

[hitaEtela]

In human terms, in terms of any notion of justice, the unilateral, arbitrary and whimsical right of a Muslim male to divorce his wife in an instant – a letter, telegram, telephone, telex, fax even an SMS would do – cannot be described as anything but inhuman and anti-women.

In rational terms it defies any definition of justice or equity. Triple talaq l because it is so blatantly unjust, unfair, arbitrary and discriminatory.

Even theologically, it is difficult to digest the position long held by the ulema and that Though bad in theology (sinful), triple talaq is good in law".

What this means in simple terms is that the moment a Muslim male utters talaq, talaq, talaq, his wife becomes unlawful to him, even if he has uttered those words under coercion, in a fit of rage or in a drunken state and regrets his utterance the very next moment. The only way out for the couple to resume their marital relation, the ulema say, is through halala: the woman must marry someone else, consummate the marriage, get the second husband to divorce her and then remarry the first husband.

It is repeatedly claimed, that justice and equality are the key social message of Islam. How can the practice of triple talaq be squared with any notion of justice or equity?

But this is Islam, and if you have a problem with this that is your problem, allah knows his creation better than you, no matter what you think.

Islam gives men and women equal rights, the woman is free to go to a judge and seek khula.

[InsManKV]

In human terms, in terms of any notion of justice, the unilateral, arbitrary and whimsical right of a Muslim male to divorce his wife in an instant – a letter, telegram, telephone, telex, fax even an SMS would do – cannot be described as anything but inhuman and anti-women.

In rational terms it defies any definition of justice or equity. Triple talaq l because it is so blatantly unjust, unfair, arbitrary and discriminatory.

Even theologically, it is difficult to digest the position long held by the ulema and that Though bad in theology (sinful), triple talaq is good in law".

What this means in simple terms is that the moment a Muslim male utters talaq, talaq, talaq, his wife becomes unlawful to him, even if he has uttered those words under coercion, in a fit of rage or in a drunken state and regrets his utterance the very next moment. The only way out for the couple to resume their marital relation, the ulema say, is through halala: the woman must marry someone else, consummate the marriage, get the second husband to divorce her and then remarry the first husband.

It is repeatedly claimed, that justice and equality are the key social message of Islam. How can the practice of triple talaq be squared with any notion of justice or equity?

It is good that you have expressed your feelings openly. Now cool down and look at your own words with patience. You shall realize that you are objecting to Shariah. Objecting to something that is ordained by Allah(SWT) is a very serious business. There was a women whose four sons were martyred but she was not perturbed. You are perturbed, rather seriously, by a prospect which may or may not be expressly relevant for you. Let us ponder over the reality. Divorce rates in Muslims are not famous for being high. Girl survival in Muslims is better than the majority community in India. Muslims have not reduced the institution of a marriage to a sham as in the west. Unfortunately even in Muslim society there is some feeling that the western deal of independence of woman is better than what Islam offers. This is a folly - everybody knows about the western degradation of women but even then they are rushing for it. This is the only alternative that anybody has in his mind when blasting Islam. And in deed the alternative is horrendous.

Finally if a man comes to the realization that he is not willing to carry on a marriage then it is pointless to make any effort to force him to continue with it. Marriage is not a trivial institution or commitment. And please leave those fickle minded people who can utter a word three times a fit of rage - it is unlikely that otherwise also they shall carry the responsibility of marriage with elan.

Finally about equality. Hasn't Allah(SWT) said that man and women are equal? Perhaps you want to thwart the tie breaker in which Allah(SWT) says that man has slight upper hand over woman. My suggestion to you brother will be not to try that and fool yourself. I have heard it from more than one women that they want to be possessed. And this psyche has been put there by Lord Most High - do not fight it and create impossible alternatives.

Since the points are intricate I might have missed something crucial so my apologies in advance and I am present for clarifications.

[InsManKV]

Because some time women can do a person head in. When we come home, the last thing we need is petty argument and winging wives. I am not defending the husbend who are abusive but some sisters have a chip on their shoulder. I think it is test of forbearance a husbend holds his tounge against a spiteful women folks. Women are beautiful but can be worse then dragon in their mannerism.

More restrain akhi - any forthright assessment only invites the payment in kind. Peace.

[JennyStewarta]

Because some time women can do a person head in. When we come home, the last thing we need is petty argument and winging wives. I am not defending the husbend who are abusive but some sisters have a chip on their shoulder. I think it is test of forbearance a husbend holds his tounge against a spiteful women folks. Women are beautiful but can be worse then dragon in their mannerism.

If we don't winging to our husband, to who else we are going to winging, apart from Allah swt of course. And I like to argue with my husband and sort out the issue we got once and for all. If that mean me telling him off and he telling me off, that's what we will do. Otherwise it will take longer than we think to understand each other. And to avoid divorce in any circumstances is to have emaan. Although we might be anger at one another, but me and my husband take it as our weakness as human being. We had to solves our differences and agree to disagree. And husband had to understand that staying home 24/7 is not an easy task as they think it is. Many working woman know that it's harder to stay home than go to work. At least going to work mean you will have break time, paid holiday and pension.

[PRengin]

If we don't winging to our husband, to who else we are going to winging, apart from Allah swt of course. And I like to argue with my husband and sort out the issue we got once and for all. If that mean me telling him off and he telling me off, that's what we will do. Otherwise it will take longer than we think to understand each other. And to avoid divorce in any circumstances is to have emaan. Although we might be anger at one another, but me and my husband take it as our weakness as human being. We had to solves our differences and agree to disagree. And husband had to understand that staying home 24/7 is not an easy task as they think it is. Many working woman know that it's harder to stay home than go to work. At least going to work mean you will have break time, paid holiday and pension.

Yes.. its fun to fight with wife.. at least on silly reasons. me and my wife keep on fighting whole day along about whose family is good and whose not. my wife sometimes even comments on our daughter which makes me angry

If people expect their wives to be calm like dumb people infront of husbands.. .then I bet that they have no life.

[didrexx]

More restrain akhi - any forthright assessment only invites the payment in kind. Peace.

[Seesspoxy]

It is good that you have expressed your feelings openly. Now cool down and look at your own words with patience. You shall realize that you are objecting to Shariah. Objecting to something that is ordained by Allah(SWT) is a very serious business. There was a women whose four sons were martyred but she was not perturbed. You are perturbed, rather seriously, by a prospect which may or may not be expressly relevant for you. Let us ponder over the reality. Divorce rates in Muslims are not famous for being high. Girl survival in Muslims is better than the majority community in India. Muslims have not reduced the institution of a marriage to a sham as in the west. Unfortunately even in Muslim society there is some feeling that the western deal of independence of woman is better than what Islam offers. This is a folly - everybody knows about the western degradation of women but even then they are rushing for it. This is the only alternative that anybody has in his mind when blasting Islam. And in deed the alternative is horrendous.

Finally if a man comes to the realization that he is not willing to carry on a marriage then it is pointless to make any effort to force him to continue with it. Marriage is not a trivial institution or commitment. And please leave those fickle minded people who can utter a word three times a fit of rage - it is unlikely that otherwise also they shall carry the responsibility of marriage with elan.

Finally about equality. Hasn't Allah(SWT) said that man and women are equal? Perhaps you want to thwart the tie breaker in which Allah(SWT) says that man has slight upper hand over woman. My suggestion to you brother will be not to try that and fool yourself. I have heard it from more than one women that they want to be possessed. And this psyche has been put there by Lord Most High - do not fight it and create impossible alternatives.

Since the points are intricate I might have missed something crucial so my apologies in advance and I am present for clarifications.

That is what I am saying. We are talking at cross purposes here. I am saying that this fiqhi rule developed by ulema is causing sufering to women. It is based on their human faulty and imperfect understanding of Allah SWT kalam in the Quran. I have noticed that almost any fiqhi ruling is somehow treated as divine as if it was Allah' s very word. fiqhi ruling are a human attempt to understand the message of Allah (SWT) and thus can be wrong. That is why fatwas end up with "Allah knows best".
Why do different madhabs have different rulings on issues ? Because all of them are an human attempt to understand Allahs word. Why do people discount the human element in shariah rulings ? Divorce rates are increasing all over the muslim world now. @Maripat we are talking at cross purposes here. Divorce rates are increasing all over the muslim world.
The fiqhi ruling has been developed by ulema based on thier understanding of the Quran and sunnah. Remember this is a human and hence imperfect effort. That is why fatwas end with the line "Allah knows best". I have noticed that each individual fiqhi ruling is treated as divine which it is not. That is why different madhabs have different rulings. any fiqhi ruling causing pain to the weak must be thought over instead of being worshipped. Please ask those women who have suffered instead of pretending that is not a problem.