[PefeFoesk]

Please hear me out.
When i joined college i met this beautiful muslim girl , after a few months we started talking and eventually began dating. Unfortunately we fell into haram and felt guilty and she did too but that didn't stop us. For more than a year we continued this way, everything was perfect but then i had a religious revival last summer and ramadan made me a stronger muslim. I told her that i could no longer be with her because she was temptation for me, and she thought we were going to get married and even though we both made mistakes she was a much better person than me. She felt betrayed and used that I had fulfilled my desires and had thrown her away. I loved her a lot but I did it for the sake of ALlah, I started to pray 5 times a day and even though i struggle with that with fajr, i try my best and i know its absolute importance. But now months later its starting to hit me again, i'm still continuing my path with the deen and am becoming stronger in my faith. But she's in my class and i see her everyday and its drawing me back to be with her again. this time there will be absolutely no physical intimacy, not even holding hands. I just want a companion, i wish i could just have a career already and marry her. But i'm aiming for med school and have a long road ahead. Please advise me what to do with her. She hates me for what i did to her but i know theres still a space in her heart for me from the way she sees me. I'm a horrible person for what i did, because i was the one who made the first move..but i pray to ALlah that my past is behind me now so please i need council on this matter.

[highattainlet]

السلام عليكم

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

First of all I would like to congratulate you for taking the right steps and for deciding to stop seeing her and continuing on the Haraam you were involved in. It was only through Allah SWT's grace, bounty and mercy that he opened your heart and made you come back to Islam and start practicing it. The fact that you have taken steps to start praying, to not see the girl is proof that you are honouring the mercy Allah SWT has shown you by doing things which go against your desires. Inshaa Allah this struggle will only cause Allah SWT to love you even more and make it easier for you to do even more good, such as waking up for Fajr.

Regarding your problem with this girl there is only two paths you can take. You can either marry her or leave her. Those are the two options and which you take is completely up to you. I advise you to perform Salaat-ul-Istikhaara and then make a decision.

If you decide not to marry her then you have no choice but to harden your heart against what she is feeling and knowing that at then end of the day, your decision not to see her benefits not only you but her also. It saves both of you committing sins which are detested by Allah SWT. If you really feel that she is hurt, you could write her a letter explaining why you no longer wish to see her, how this helps both of you in the long term in terms of your relationship with Allah SWT. I recommend a letter and not a face to face explanation as you are already finding it difficult to be apart from her and seeing her face to face is not only incorrect given your situation but also will make things that much more difficult. Make that explanation the last contact you have with her and move on and allow your heart to heal, which will undoubtedly take time but be content knowing you are pleasing Allah SWT.

Of course, if you decide to take the route for marriage, then alhamdulillah that would be a good option indeed. Excuses such as studying, lack of money etc etc are not really good excuses. With the help of parents and elders these issues could be overcome, however different people have different circumstances and that is for you and your family to decide.

I hope I have been of some help Inshaa Allah.

و عليكم السلام

[pobrierce]

Perfom Nikah(within days) if you match each other, otherwise say goodbye, switch class and do whatever you can to get rid of this fitnah. After this, go 40 days in the Path of Allah. Allah will make it easy, inshaAllah.

Allahualam

[Oswczrdz]

You cannot start talking to her again. Either get married (assuming she doesn't hate you or hasn't already gotten over you and would still have you), or avoid her at all costs. Those are your only two options. Either way, you did her a favor.

[thighikergove]

I fear for you pal. I really fear for you. Woman don't forget, she won't easily forget what you did to her, she MAY take you back again only to ditch you and make you suffer like how you did to her. She may or may not.

Like it or not,
Its payback time!

I can see that the wheels are already in motion

Be honest, ask forgiveness from Allah SWT and her, accept your mistake (which you already have, good), do mashwara with your elders, not friends.

Fortify your imaan, leave in khurooj, 2 positives (win-win situations) will come out of this:
1. Your love for the world will decrease (the world includes everything) and love for Allah SWT will increase.
2. It'll be easy for you to forget her and move on if things come to that.

Even if you can't marry her now, you at least can get engaged. Though even after getting engaged, its haraam to meet her. But at least you'll feel better.

Now where were we, class?!
Ah! We were reading the hadith which says "It is haraam for man to look at the body or hair of the Non-Mahram women, regardless of whether it is with the intention of pleasure or not, and whether there is a fear of falling into sinful act or not. It is also haraam to look at the faces and the arms, upto the wrists, of such women with the intention of pleasure, or if there is fear of falling into sinful act, and the recommended precaution is that one should not look at their faces or arms even without such an intention."

+

"Jareer ibn ‘Abdullaah said: “I asked the Messenger of Allaah (Peace & Blessings of Allaah be upon Him) about an accidental glance at a woman. He commanded me to turn my gaze away.” (Reported by al-Tirmidhi, who said: This is a saheeh hasan hadeeth. See al-Sunan, 2700)"

Commenting on this hadeeth, al-Mubaarakpoori said: “ ‘Accidental’ means that his gaze fell on a non-mahram woman unintentionally. ‘He commanded me to turn my gaze away’ means that he was not to look a second time, because the first glance was not by choice and would be forgiven, but any further glances would be counted as sin, and he should heed the words of Allaah (interpretation of the meaning): ‘Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things)…’ [al-Noor 24:30]“

[treawittelf]

to think that there is no chance of physical intimacy sounds like whispers of shaytan in your mind...many people also have this same mentality and are sucked into the trap of shaytan...stay away from her...if not for yourself then if you truly love her then think of her aakhirah and her izzah and stay away from her

[thighikergove]

to think that there is no chance of physical intimacy sounds like whispers of shaytan in your mind...

Very true, there is also a related hadith on this...