[TimoDass]

I turned 25 yesterday and I have some stuff to get off my chest. I believe the feedback I receive from muslims will be relevant and more helpful than if I were to ask my non-muslim friends.

I have never dated a girl so I'm definitely a virgin. Throughout college I prayed at least 4 times a day but would miss one prayer for some reason. I Never drank alcohol and stayed away from drugs. Slowly and gradually I became submerged in work after graduating and didnt have time for Islamic duties. When I noticed guys younger than me in relationships and enjoying their youth, I started to regret that I didn't take advantage of the younger years.

I have met with muslims who probably did everything from sleeping with 10+ women to drinking their hearts out but in the end they end up exactly where I am but with more "fun" in their history. They go back to their countries to marry virgins and have no issue getting back to the roots. I envy them immensely. I also believe it allowed them to mature faster once they started living a liberal lifestyle. Maybe it's just the people I met but religious muslims would come off as rude and condescending. Some weren't that religious and would do "halal dating" which is complete bull**** as far the faith goes.

I don't know much but sooner or later everyone asks for forgiveness and they pretty much get away with it. I'm jealous and angry that I didn't do that. I cant believe I turned down girl ( the very few and brave that did consider me) for islamic reasons. I find no peace in deen nowadays because for some reason it just doesnt affect me like it did back then. Islam is a great religion but I think somewhere somehow the muslims of today lost the real thing ( im one of them).

I read a story about about a man who killed 100 people (im gonna make it short) but he seeks forgiveness and never does get to the town where he is supposed to go. His intention alone grants him heaven even though he never asks for it. So now I have a question, a man who sleeps/drinks cant be worse

than him can he? if Allah is forgiving a man who destroyed 100 families would he not forgive the fornicators? To those who say marriage is the answer..What guarantee do I have that the woman I will marry would be right for me? I dont know im confused as heck. I try look into the lives of reverts and reading things like" Yeah I was a player back then but now i realize how much better islam is" doesn't help. I dont know the touch of woman and reading things like that doesn't make things more appealing. Those who advocate marriage still dont get it. Marrying is a HUGE responsibility and hooking up doesn't come with baggage. Also, if it doesnt work out a single phone call can end things. Cant do that when you are married..

I see married couples and very few of them seem truly happy. Maybe they're being modest but when I see muslims going on dates they seem pretty enthusiastic. What happens to all of that? Why is something haram more fulfilling than something Allah has made halal?I also believe that if I were to marry a woman who did spend her life "freely" then I probably wouldnt be able to love her also because I didn’t. Yes this is selfish but im just being honest.

The point of this is that there is a woman who is eager to hang out with me and I have been invited to a party. There will be alcohol and im sick of being a loner. I know where this will go but i guess my muslim roots are still holding on to something. What should I do? How did you deal with this in your early twenties?

[22CreessGah]

May Allah grant you istiqamah.

The problem with saying something like, "I'll ask for forgiveness later," already sets a precedence of lack of sincerity. Only Allah knows whose repentance is sincere and whose isn't. Furthermore, we don't know when we'll die so what guarantee is there that there will be a time when one would be able to be sincere about his or her repentance?

A similar example would be a person who is a kaafir, is convinced of Islam, but does not want to become a Muslim because of the laws of Allah and his Rasool ., not because he dislikes or hates the laws but because he thinks that he won't be able to do things that he likes, such as zina, drinking, gambling, etc. He would keep putting off his conversion, believing that he'd be able to declare his Islam on his deathbed and get a clean slate. The problem, again, is the lack of guarantee. We're humans. We're prone to forgetfulness. We also don't know how instantaneous our deaths will be.

Yes, marriage is THE answer to your problems if done right. If you marry a righteous muslimah, you won't see the same problems in families around you. It is a statistical fact that marriages that are enacted after "dating" or worse premarital relationships end up in a rut and lead to divorce. That is why divorce rates are drastically high in non-Muslim countries and communities. You'll find divorce rates are low amongst practicing Muslims when compared to non-Muslims or compared to those Muslims that approached marriage in the same way that non-Muslims do (i.e. dating, premarital relationships, etc.).

A man who is going on a date is obviously going to be enthusiastic because it is a free ticket to physical relationship without responsibilities.

It also appears to me that your environment is one where dating and drinking amongst Muslims is seen as the norm. I would highly advise you to move to a better environment for Muslims. There are many communities in the UK or US (if you're from either of these countries) where the environment is conducive to living a Muslim lifestyle. Friends who are also conscious of their deen help enormously in improving our own selves become more conscious of Allah .

[pageup85]

ASWW
Tough one this.
Once a woman came to the Prophet SAW and confessed to adultery and that she wanted redemption by being stoned. As she was pregnant at the time she went away to have the baby, came back and was stoned to death.
Dont misunderstand Allah s warning on adultery / fornication and for that any sin.
Marry, my brother, get married!! Thats the simple answer.
I was once in the same predicament as you and now looking back the only way I can justify why I was not allowed to indulge by Allah was that He loved me more. Yes, more than others!!
So wait for the day brother, for their will be no injustice on that day!!
Thats a promise!!
Parables are just that !! Nothing else!!

[Belindanan]

I never slept with anyone and I'm a convert.

There is no guarantee that;
A) anyone who sins will be able to repent
B) anyone who repents will be able to repent sincerely.

So to regret that you have not spent a lot of time sinning, is among the strangest statements I have heard...

[NvrNoNowX]

Asalaam
Never regret the good you do and never wish to be in sin. No matter how appealing sin may seem there is always some form of deviance with any sin having the possibility to take you away from Allah. It is the favour of Allah that he has safeguarded your chastity and kept you steadfast, the effect of sin could have easily distracted you from your studies, left you with no job and no prospects. Wishing and regretting will lead to frustration to anger to not letting you having peace in life wishing that your brothers who previously sinned are destroyed. You are for yourself, if you make the enjoyment of youth your objective no matter how much enjoyment you took it will end and leave you in nostalgia, wishing or regret. Make deen your objective and try to find ways to learn and excel in the many areas. More can be elaborated if you change the mentality of frustration over what seems like loss in the world and change to hope over improving YOURSELF.

This is from experience you need to change your outlook its not your situation that is the problem.
Feel free to reply back to my post.
Wasalaam

[22CreessGah]

Can the moderators please ban Kasinova? Brother MuslimFA came to ask advice from Muslims, not non-Muslims who are not even 25 and think they have their entire life and all of Islam figured out.

[NvrNoNowX]

Some online resources on some of your spiritual ailments:
http://www.khanqah.org/books/en
http://www.khanqah.org/books/show/re...n-of-character
http://www.khanqah.org/books/show/purpose-of-life
http://www.khanqah.org/books/show/treatment-for-anger
http://www.khanqah.org/books/show/a-life-of-piety

Loner, what about pious brothers near where you live. Good environment will make a person more inclined to good actions and be more patient.

[NvrNoNowX]

Encouraging a brother towards sin and participate in gathering where there will be open alcohol and where the brother would be tempted is something we should avoid.

[22CreessGah]

It's my sincere advice. And no where have I ever said I think I have "my life and Islam all figured out". Get off your high horse.

If the mods are more tolerant than you, then they won't ban me or delete my posts.

It is very ironic that you use a phrase like that because your entire post has been about degrading Muslims and salient features of Islam. He asked for sincere advice from Muslims. A Muslim is one who submits to what Allah commands, not to his own whims. He may or may not practice upon it, but he would at least believe that what has been commanded should not be disobeyed. You on the other hand are an extreme rebel who not only does not practice upon what Allah and his messenger commanded but you reject these commands.

[resegooredo]

It is very ironic that you use a phrase like that because your entire post has been about degrading Muslims and salient features of Islam. He asked for sincere advice from Muslims. A Muslim is one who submits to what Allah commands, not to his own whims. He may or may not practice upon it, but he would at least believe that what has been commanded should not be disobeyed. You on the other hand are an extreme rebel who not only does not practice upon what Allah and his messenger commanded but you reject these commands.

Whatever, I'm not going to argue with you because I don't want to derail the thread. All I will say is that the OP has advice from different perspectives and he'll make use of it the way he sees fit.

We can agree to disagree for now. Assalmu'alaykum.

[TimoDass]

May Allah grant you istiqamah.

The problem with saying something like, "I'll ask for forgiveness later," already sets a precedence of lack of sincerity. Only Allah knows whose repentance is sincere and whose isn't. Furthermore, we don't know when we'll die so what guarantee is there that there will be a time when one would be able to be sincere about his or her repentance?

A similar example would be a person who is a kaafir, is convinced of Islam, but does not want to become a Muslim because of the laws of Allah and his Rasool ., not because he dislikes or hates the laws but because he thinks that he won't be able to do things that he likes, such as zina, drinking, gambling, etc. He would keep putting off his conversion, believing that he'd be able to declare his Islam on his deathbed and get a clean slate. The problem, again, is the lack of guarantee. We're humans. We're prone to forgetfulness. We also don't know how instantaneous our deaths will be.

Yes, marriage is THE answer to your problems if done right. If you marry a righteous muslimah, you won't see the same problems in families around you. It is a statistical fact that marriages that are enacted after "dating" or worse premarital relationships end up in a rut and lead to divorce. That is why divorce rates are drastically high in non-Muslim countries and communities. You'll find divorce rates are low amongst practicing Muslims when compared to non-Muslims or compared to those Muslims that approached marriage in the same way that non-Muslims do (i.e. dating, premarital relationships, etc.).

A man who is going on a date is obviously going to be enthusiastic because it is a free ticket to physical relationship without responsibilities.

It also appears to me that your environment is one where dating and drinking amongst Muslims is seen as the norm. I would highly advise you to move to a better environment for Muslims. There are many communities in the UK or US (if you're from either of these countries) where the environment is conducive to living a Muslim lifestyle. Friends who are also conscious of their deen help enormously in improving our own selves become more conscious of Allah .

Thank you brother, I have read your comment a couple of times to make sure I didn't miss anything. Unfortunately in my current state of employment I cannot move to an area with more muslims. I interact with non-muslims more and can defiantly feel that their ways are being "transferred" to me somehow. I am not repulsed by some of their actions but that probably because I have been exposed to it so much. Deep down I know that what i'm thinking is wrong but somehow I can't stop myself from blocking it out of my head. I need to be more sincere and find others who can help me out. You are right, I have no guarantee of life or a chance to ask for repentance if I go wrong. Alhumdulillah I still haven't done anything but life is getting very hard and zina is very easy around here . Please keep me in your prayers.

[resegooredo]

Well it looks like Mods deleted my post. Oh well. Maybe things will change for the better in the future.

[TimoDass]

I would like to meet muslims who are't outrageously lax with their deen but also aren't spending every waking moment of their life in the masjid. I hope that didn't sound rude but what I am trying to find in friends is a balance between world and deen. Yes it is easier to go down from the middle but people like that will have my attention more. I would be able to relate them easily. Brother it's very easy to stay away from zina in you are in a mosque/ muslim country compared to being in the wild such as the US.

[TimoDass]

I know. I feel very guilty for this thread too. I will delete it after saving the helpful comments. I dont want people to come and get ideas like I did

[Belindanan]

I would like to meet muslims who are't outrageously lax with their deen but also aren't spending every waking moment of their life in the masjid. I hope that didn't sound rude but what I am trying to find in friends is a balance between world and deen. Yes it is easier to go down from the middle but people like that will have my attention more. I would be able to relate them easily. Brother it's very easy to stay away from zina in you are in a mosque/ muslim country compared to being in the wild such as the US.

Where do you live in the US?

[space-on-s]

Brother, your still not old only 25 you still have a lot of time for your good deeds to outweigh your bad. So don't get all depressed, and about the women you should be thankful because now you
wont have the urge to be having sex with them, even though you still might fornicate you know.. what i mean and don't do it because that's just as bad. And there's many types of ways of sinning not
just those that are obviouse for example not swearing even if it's not that bad of a word or seeing a commercial with a lady with cleavage LOOK AWAY. Ask yourself what would RasoolAllah SallAllahu
wa Salam do? Exactly......... now try to be as much like him as you can, because like Allah Subhanau wa Ta'ala said he's the best example for Mankind.

[TimoDass]

Asalaam
Never regret the good you do and never wish to be in sin. No matter how appealing sin may seem there is always some form of deviance with any sin having the possibility to take you away from Allah. It is the favour of Allah that he has safeguarded your chastity and kept you steadfast, the effect of sin could have easily distracted you from your studies, left you with no job and no prospects. Wishing and regretting will lead to frustration to anger to not letting you having peace in life wishing that your brothers who previously sinned are destroyed. You are for yourself, if you make the enjoyment of youth your objective no matter how much enjoyment you took it will end and leave you in nostalgia, wishing or regret. Make deen your objective and try to find ways to learn and excel in the many areas. More can be elaborated if you change the mentality of frustration over what seems like loss in the world and change to hope over improving YOURSELF.

This is from experience you need to change your outlook its not your situation that is the problem.
Feel free to reply back to my post.
Wasalaam

Thank you for the comment. I have been thinking a lot lately and more of it is about why i'm thinking about all of this now as opposed to the late teens and early twenties. I do not regret being piouos. I will never regret that but I wish I had experience a little bit of both. Maybe it's a mirage and not that great once someone becomes a part of it. For now I will be sticking it out. I waited this long and im sure Allah (saw) will empower me to do it for a little longer. Pray for me as im on shaky grounds my friend

[TimoDass]

Where do you live in the US?

major city where alcohol is probably cheaper than water and women are a dime a dozen. The local masjid is just a place to pray and there are no events to go to. It has been hard meeting new people especially muslims now that i'm working full time. Loneliness is getting to me pretty fast

[Belindanan]

major city where alcohol is probably cheaper than water and women are a dime a dozen. The local masjid is just a place to pray and there are no events to go to. It has been hard meeting new people especially muslims now that i'm working full time. Loneliness is getting to me pretty fast

If you live where I am, perhaps I could introduce you to some people. But 'there are no events to go to' does not sound like my city... ah well.

[space-on-s]

And about the "fun" of alcohol and drugs their fun for a little but then they just get dumb and all your doing is wasting your money on weed everyday and whatever else. Iv'e been through this
my dad let me drink since i was 13 freely and the first time i had a shot of vodka was when i was like 5, then when i turned 12 i started smoking weed i know a lot of people will try to fight
me and say yeah yeah but its actually not that bad WELL guess what it's bad for your pocket and i know its not the worst thing you can do but like i said anything mind altering is haram and that's the
worst thing you can do to yourself, i smoked medical ate edibles WHATEVER its all a waste of time unless you absolutely need it for health reason's and what not. Get your
Taqwa and Deen up and you'll see this is better then anything you can have in this dunya.