[mynaflzak]

As salaamu alaaikum

Im a student still, about to start medical college soon InshaAllah. I have a terrible weakness which im afraid i find very difficult to control.
I find that i NEED the company of a male. its not an entirely physical need- but one which extends emotionally and mentally...iv had this problem for a long time and i want to avoid this problem. honestly speaking- i have had relationships in the past when i didnt know islam properly and fear of retribution wasn't in my heart.
InshaAllah now things are different and im tryin to find a way to curb these strange strong desires.

im doubly afraid because ill be living alone in a foreign country soon to study medicine.i wanted to get married before i go but since im about to start an extremely vigorous educational venture- my parents do not want me to marry early as they fear that ii may mess up my studies.

so what do i do now? im very troubled at heart and i dont know what to do.
please help me.

jazaakallah khair

[TaliaJack]

You can marry whenever you want sister no need to rush, whenever your ready then do it. But since you say you have these desires then fight them you'll reap great reward with Allah tabarakAllah, and if
you cant then well.. get married you can always visit your husband or find someone you like while your doing your medical studies.

[mynaflzak]

But since you say you have these desires then fight them you'll reap great reward with Allah tabarakAllah,

how exactly could one fight these brother?

[TaliaJack]

Sallam Alaikum wa Rahmatu Allah, Just like i am : ) its easy you just need patience and determination.

[mynaflzak]

like u are?? but what are u doing with patience and determination??? do u mean the abstaining part??

but wht do u do when u feel lonely?!

sorry im asking seemilngly obvious questions brother, forgive me... but my mind is twirling with confusion//

[TaliaJack]

Yes the abstaining, nope i never feel lonely i have a brother, and a sister who's married to an awesome guy hes like my other brother. Just recite Qur'an do Dhikr and you'll feel better then any of this stupid
stuff trust me.

[uneniaPhenits]

As salaamu alaaikum

im doubly afraid because ill be living alone in a foreign country soon to study medicine.i wanted to get married before i go but since im about to start an extremely vigorous educational venture- my parents do not want me to marry early as they fear that ii may mess up my studies.

My personal advice is - get married. Medicine takes a lot of ones times, but if one plans accordingly there is enough free time for family. Make Dua to Allah to give Barakah in time. One shouldn't put career before ones life.

[mynaflzak]

Yes the abstaining, nope i never feel lonely i have a brother, and a sister who's married to an awesome guy hes like my other brother. Just recite Qur'an do Dhikr and you'll feel better then any of this stupid
stuff trust me.

uv given me strength brother- May Allah bless you for that...
i will strive as u do too unti the time is favourable for me to marry...

@broher amr123- unfortunately marriage is not an option here, my parents wouldnt agree..i will have to follow brother Murad h's method

jazaakallah khair

[amagmasia]

You can marry whenever you want sister no need to rush, whenever your ready then do it. But since you say you have these desires then fight them you'll reap great reward with Allah tabarakAllah, and if
you cant then well.. get married you can always visit your husband or find someone you like while your doing your medical studies.

Well there is duty towards your body and fullfilling halal desires also reap rewards ....
Getting married saves you from lot of fitnahs too
I also second brothers Amr's advice that One shouldn't put career before ones life.
May Allah make it easy for you

[mynaflzak]

Well there is duty towards your body and fullfilling halal desires also reap rewards ....
Getting married saves you from lot of fitnahs too
I also second brothers Amr's advice that One shouldn't put career before ones life.
May Allah make it easy for you

jazaakallah brother

[anxpuna]

Well there is duty towards your body and fullfilling halal desires also reap rewards ....
Getting married saves you from lot of fitnahs too
I also second brothers Amr's advice that One shouldn't put career before ones life.
May Allah make it easy for you

Brother, today people are too busy and devoted to "career". Career is compulsory, where Deen is optional.

[Maphpseurse]

sister,

May Allah swt reward you immensely for taking steps to protect yourself from sin. Ameen.

1. Salat. Guard your 5 daily salats no matter what, regardless of where you are, who you're with, what kind of situation you're in. Salat gets priority over everything else, period. This is a no-brainer which we neglect way too often. Insha'Allah salat keeps sin away from us.

2. Always be doing Zikr. Make it a habit to always, always, always be reciting "Allahu Akbar", "Subhan Allah", "Alhamdulillah", any surahs you know by heart, and any type of Zikr of Allah :swt:. While you're walking, sitting, eating, driving, in the bus... Just anything except for being in the bathroom etc, do Zikr. Do it aloud when possible, in your heart otherwise. Do it so much that it becomes tough to control it from happening while you're in the bathroom or somewhere you should rather not do it.

3. Tahajjud. Even if it means waking up 15 minutes before Fajr and praying 2 rakats before fajr time enters.

Praying at night in loneliness and begging Allah swt to keep you steadfast and on the right track is a major key to Insha'Allah staying steadfast when you're out and about during the day and come across opportunities to get involved in something you shouldn't.

4. Fasting. This is also very, very important. Ideally try to make it part of your routine to fast 2-3 times weekly. Fasting on Mondays and Thursdays is sunnah so maybe Insha'Allah adapt that habit. If not, then once a week, once bi-weekly, "here and there", just make sure fasting is a consistent part of your life.

5. The friends you make. This can make or break you. Keep a very limited amount of female friends, ideally those who also practice the deen like, Masha'Allah, you do. If you have an option between having 100 random friends or having 1 practicing Muslim (female) friend, go with the 1 friend. If for some reason all the females at that school are "party girls" (highly unlikely but to make my point), then have no friends and be a 'loner'. Remember you have Allah swt and all that He has given you, and in the end He is the only one you need to please. Those are suggestions for female friends. When it comes to male friends, you need to understand that that is out of the question... No ifs, ands, or buts. If Allah swt has decreed for you to meet your husband at this school, then you will meet him regardless, even if you try with all your might to avoid him. ONLY communicate with males when necessary in regards to school work, and that's it. No one on one meetings with males, only in group settings with both genders regarding school work... No going for dinner/hanging out in mixed gatherings. You get the idea.

6. Educate yourself on matters of deen. Read Quran with tafsir, Hadith, and other books. Alhamdulillah, an abundance of good reading material is available online, via phone apps and what not these days. Take advantage of these things and read whatever free few min you get here and there, even if it's a few lines of a book at a time on your phone while you're running around during the day. Implement as many Sunnahs into your life as possible.

7. Dua, dua, dua. Always, always, always. If Allah :swt: doesn't help us, then we are in trouble. Always, always ask, rather beg Him, to keep you away from bad and close to good. The second you have a bad thought, start doing Zikr. Make ayat-ul-kursi one which you recite abundantly, as part of your ongoing Zikr.

8. Most importantly, remember we are all going in the grave sooner or later... just always keep that in your head whenever a bad thought to do something which you shouldn't do crosses your head.

May Allah swt forgive me if I said anything wrong.

Please make dua to Allah swt to give you, me, and all of us the tawfeeq to implement these virtuous acts into our lives. Ameen.

[mynaflzak]

jazaakallah brother Shuayb Abdul-Khaaliq ,

you have very kindly adviced me in great detail and im immensely grateful for that. May Allah bless you... i will InshaAllah try my best to implement this advice. i will ask dua for u too InshaAllah

[eduptultyt]

Almost all people are told by their parents to finish studies before marrying, but there are many people who are strong and insist they will not risk their deen and still get married.

I think this is the best solution here. Even if your husband is in another place if you are married you can still communicate, visit etc even if just nikkah is done.

[eduptultyt]

This is a talk on marriage by Mufti ibn Adam.

But before his main talk, there is an interesting talk by Sister Khola Hassan, she describes how she got married during her first or second year of uni and even though it was difficult at times she still recommends that it is both possible and the right thing to do:

http://video.google.com/videoplay?do...82537535755604

[fkisjjdhh]

Brother, today people are too busy and devoted to "career". Career is compulsory, where Deen is optional.

Salam 'Aleykum,

Problem is in my society, if you don't save enough money in these hard economic conditions, no one will give me their daughter for marriage Am still 23 But This Sucks!!!

[anxpuna]

Salam 'Aleykum,

Problem is in my society, if you don't save enough money in these hard economic conditions, no one will give me their daughter for marriage Am still 23 But This Sucks!!!

Definitely. In fact I realized this reality later. At first I was fully determined to live a life like Sahaba (no particular occupation, no money saving, no eagerness for building house etc). But this is the society where it is asked first- What does the guy do? If he is pious or not- it is the second question. We listen the story of Mubarak , father of Abdullah Ibn Mubarak but do not make intention to practise in our own life.

[Glipseagrilia]

Dear brother I would advise that you finish any studies and have a career to support your wife and then marry. You are rather young so you have time inshallah. Not all women require money and it is not sunnah to demand a high dowry and gold. I married my husband with one dress, a silver wedding band and a promise of £50 when he had it. The important thing to remember is that if she is the right one for you Allah will make it easy.

[fkisjjdhh]

Dear brother I would advise that you finish any studies and have a career to support your wife and then marry. You are rather young so you have time inshallah. Not all women require money and it is not sunnah to demand a high dowry and gold. I married my husband with one dress, a silver wedding band and a promise of £50 when he had it. The important thing to remember is that if she is the right one for you Allah will make it easy.

Salam 'Aleykum,

The problem is not with the sisters, they're wonderful and modest, the problem is with their parents who only care about (Do you have a well paid job, do you own a house, do you own a car, do you own a boat ect...) Then there's the dowry and the gold that she's supposed to wear and you'll have to pay in the Khutbah, then in Katb al-Kitab, then in The wedding ceremony which is pretty much throwing a party...

Ok that's enough of me moaning and complaining you'd have to be lucky to find reasonable parents these days, it still hasn't sunk in that the economic conditions are VERY BAD all over the world, so in the near future maybe the wife will return to living with her mother in law like the old days... It's as if you're marrying the parents not the girl.

May Allah make it easy on those who wish to marry.

[anxpuna]

Dear brother I would advise that you finish any studies and have a career to support your wife and then marry. You are rather young so you have time inshallah. Not all women require money and it is not sunnah to demand a high dowry and gold. I married my husband with one dress, a silver wedding band and a promise of £50 when he had it. The important thing to remember is that if she is the right one for you Allah will make it easy.

SubhaanAllaah! If every parents and women would have the same mentality!