2 questions about divorce - DiscussWorldIssues - Socio-Economic Religion and Political Uncensored Debate

**xIuvyAuT** · 11-10-2011, 03:55 AM

Assalamu Alaykoum wa Rahmatullah wa BarakatuHu.

During a fight with my husband, I felt full of anger and at the same time full of fear. Anger because during arguments (also useless and stupid arguments) he uses to offend me and my family. Fear because sometimes he threatens me, with words or with gestures, to hurts me. And sometimes he hurts me.
That day I was sure to be right and I could not accept that he was offending me and going towards me with the intention of hurting me. He is a coleric person. Everyday he says that I make him angry because I'm full of faults at home as a woman and as a wife (not good in anything, according to him: cooking, washing, being a woman etc..). According to me, I m just very tired (and often sad because of his anger) and I only ask understanding and acceptance of my weakness like I accept him with his problems.
Anyway, during that bad argument I felt exausted and I cried to him "Stop! Now it's over, please tell me that it's over, tell me that you divorce me" And he told me "if you want it, divorce" He says something like that and after that he repeated that I was the one who asked and wanted divorce.

But I DON T WANT DIVORCE.
He says and he repeated IF YOU WANTS, YOU ARE THE ONE WHO WANTS IT...and I know (even if sometimes I m full of doubts) that I don t want it.
So, is that a divorce?

I don t want divorce even if we have big problems because I always hope that things can be better, that he and me can improve ourselves, inshallah and getting better persons. We argue a lot but we also are able to make peace and to go on.
And also I don t want divorce because I m a new muslim (I was educated as christian in Italy) and he is the only muslim person in my life and where I live. Even if he has faults he is a good muslim and a good person. I m afraid of being alone, in a world anti islamic and that can affects me.

There is another question: it s not the first time he says that, I remember maybe another time, but he says that he doesn t remember it. So, if he told me "Divorce" another time in the past but he doesn t remember and I remember it, what we have to do?

Thank you very much,
Jazakoum Allah khayran.

**herawaq** · 11-10-2011, 04:05 AM

wa alaykumussalaam wa rahmatullah wa barakatuh,

Sister, divorce cases are very sensitive. One tiny difference in the wording or in the circumstances can change the whole verdict. Scholars don't post here regularly so I suggest you contact a real scholar.

Whatever the case is: if he did divorce you, he can take you back in the waiting period.

If you remember that he once said it before too (i.e. he uttered the word divorce to you), then still your husband has one divorce left, and could have taken you back during the waiting period, with a touch of lust or telling you that he has taking you as a wife again.

**xIuvyAuT** · 11-10-2011, 04:13 AM

Jazaka Allahu khayran for your quick answer. Where can I find a real scholar?

**rbVmVlQ2** · 11-10-2011, 04:38 AM

Anyway, during that bad argument I felt exausted and I cried to him "Stop! Now it's over, please tell me that it's over, tell me that you divorce me" And he told me "if you want it, divorce" He says somethinglike that and after that he repeated that I was the onewho asked and wanted divorce.

-
Wit ur last statement it seems/clear dat he had given divorce to u

-
He says and he repeated IFYOU WANTS, YOU ARE THE ONE WHO WANTS IT..

-
Same here as u mention above. And here ur saying dat he repeated it, d question is how many times.? However if one time also mean its i.e divorce is done as Further ur saying in second question dat

-
"it s not the first time he says that, I remember maybe another time, but he says that he doesn t remember it."

-
and Finally wit ur last statement ur saying dat he had given u divorce b4 also. So, wit my mere knowledge he had given u 3 or more divorce n now u can't stay wit him anymore now.
And ur answer is also here, plz read dis (Quran:2:230)
Note: Consult any scholar or wait for some other replies

**biannaruh** · 11-10-2011, 05:03 AM

Dont listed to the posts above, contact an aalim, listed below are 3 legit organisations you could contact for fatawa:
http://www.darulihsan.com/index.php?...926&Itemid=252
http://alhaadi.org.za/contactus/12-c...epartment.html
http://www.askimam.org/

**herawaq** · 11-10-2011, 05:12 AM

and Finally wit ur last statement ur saying dat he had given u divorce b4 also. So, wit my mere knowledge he had given u 3 or more divorce n now u can't stay wit him anymore now.
And ur answer is also here, plz read dis (Quran:2:230)
Note: Consult any scholar or wait for some other replies

Brother, read the post CAREFULLY. How can you come to the conclusion that 3 divorces are given???

"He says and he repeated IFYOU WANTS, YOU ARE THE ONE WHO WANTS IT.." refers to the particular case of divorce. How can that constitute a separate divorce?

Think before you post about such delicate issues. Better to delete your post.

**xIuvyAuT** · 11-11-2011, 01:31 AM

Brother, read the post CAREFULLY. How can you come to the conclusion that 3 divorces are given???

"He says and he repeated IFYOU WANTS, YOU ARE THE ONE WHO WANTS IT.." refers to the particular case of divorce. How can that constitute a separate divorce?

Think before you post about such delicate issues. Better to delete your post.

I ll ask an Alim, inshAllah
I don t really know how is the situation.

**rbVmVlQ2** · 11-11-2011, 02:18 AM

"He says and he repeated IFYOU WANTS, YOU ARE THE ONE WHO WANTS IT.."
-
what u conclude wit ''He says'' and "he repeated" isn't dat Divorce.? Howeve ur view may also be correct n more appropriate as u said below here dat he was discussing on d matter dat happened but not given divorce.
-
"He says and he repeated IFYOU WANTS, YOU ARE THE ONE WHO WANTS IT.." refers to the particular case of divorce. How can that constitute a separate divorce?
-
Think before you post about such delicate issues. Better to delete your post.
- i don't del, as i just expressed my views and i also asked/requested her to consult wit a scholar - -> Note: Consult any scholar or wait for some other replies
jazakallah for pointing dat

**biannaruh** · 11-11-2011, 02:27 AM

Abû Hurayrah relates that Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) said: “Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should speak a good word or remain silent. And whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should show hospitality to his neighbor. And whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should show hospitality to his guest.” [ Sahîh al-Bukhârî and Sahîh Muslim ]

The importance of this hadith:

This hadith discusses some of the ways a Muslim's faith should affect the way he relates to others. Ibn Hajar al-`Asqalânî writes: “This hadith speaks about three matters, and in doing so it brings together everything that good manners entail with respect to both word and deed.”

Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day…

This is a conditional sentence. It is repeated three times in this hadith, each time with a different condition. The first of these three conditions is to either speak a good word or remain silent, the second is to show hospitality to one's neighbors, and the third is to show hospitality to one's guests. This hadith is showing us that these three qualities are among the many qualities of faith. A person who fails to fulfill any of these conditions is a person whose faith is incomplete and in want of improvement.

Speaking a good word or remaining silent:

This is an encouragement to speak what is good and beneficial; at the same time it is a warning, cautioning us to be careful in what we say, lest we say something that is harmful or false.

It is part of a Muslim's faith to speak the truth and to say things that bring about benefit to others. Allah says: “O you who believe! Fear Allah and speak a word that is right. He will set right for you your deeds and forgive you your sins. And whoever obeys Allah and His Messenger has certainly attained a great achievement.” [ Sûrah al-Ahzâb : 70-71]

Allah informs us in the Qur'ân some of what constitutes good in our speech and benefits other people. He says: “No good is there in much of their private conversation, except for those who enjoin charity or that which is right, or bring reconciliation between people. And whoever does that seeking Allah's pleasure, then we shall grant him a great reward.” [ Sûrah al-Nisâ' : 114]

When we have nothing beneficial to say, silence is golden. Once, Mu`âdh b. Jabal asked the Prophet (peace be upon him) to inform him of some good work that would admit him into Paradise and distance him from the Hellfire. The Prophet (peace be upon him) mentioned to him the virtues of many good deeds, then said: “Shall I inform you of the foundation of all of that?”

Mu`âdh said: “Certainly.”

The Prophet (peace be upon him) took hold of his tongue and said: “Restrain yourself from this.”

Mu`âdh then asked: “O Prophet of Allah! Are we held to task for the things that we say?”

The Prophet (peace be upon him) replied: “May your mother be bereaved of you, O Mu`âdh! Does anything topple people headlong into the Hellfire save the harvests of their tongues?” [ Sunan al-Tirmidhî and Sunan Ibn Mâjah ]

We should avoid speaking ill of others. We should rather remain silent unless we are seeking justice for some wrong that has been perpetrated against us. Allah says: “Allah does not like that evil should be mentioned in public except by one who has been done injustice. And Allah is all-hearing, all-knowing.” [ Sûrah al-Nisâ' : 148]

Our tongues are like double-edges swords. They can work for us and against us, both in this world and the Hereafter. We will be held accountable for what we say. Allah tells us: “He does not utter a statement except that there is an observer by him ready to record it.” [ Sûrah Qâf : 18]

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “Indeed a servant will speak a word pleasing to Allah that he thinks to be insignificant, but because of it Allah raises him by many degrees. And indeed a servant will speak a word displeasing to Allah that he thinks to be insignificant, but because of it, He will consign him to the Hellfire.” [ Sahîh al-Bukhârî ]

We must be vigilant not to speak falsehood. We must think about what we are saying and the possible consequences of our words before we go ahead and speak. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “A man might speak a word without thinking about its implications, but because of it, he will plunge into the Hellfire further than the distance between the east and west.” [ Sahîh al-Bukhârî and Sahîh Muslim ]

Al-Nawawî comments on the meaning of this hadith, saying: “This hadith encourages us to guard our tongues. A person who wants to speak should think upon what he is about to say before he utters it. If it then shows itself to have some benefit to it, he may speak it; otherwise he should refrain from doing so.”

Showing hospitality to the neighbor and the guest:

From the perfection of a person's faith is his showing kindness to those with whom he has dealings, especially his neighbors and his guests.

Allah says: “Worship Allah and associate nothing with Him, and show kindness to parents, relatives, orphans, the poor, the near neighbor, the distant neighbor, the companion at your side, the traveler, and those whom your right hands possess. Indeed, Allah does not like those who are conceited and boastful.” [ Sûrah al-Nisâ' : 36]

Islam emphasizes the right of the neighbor. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “Gabriel continued to impress upon me the rights of the neighbor until I thought that he would soon confer upon him the right of inheritance.” [Sahîh al-Bukhârî and Sahîh Muslim]

There are many forms that this hospitality can take. It can take the form of help in times of need. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “He is not a believer who lets himself be satiated while his neighbor goes hungry.” [ Mustadrak al-Hâkim ]

It can mean making allowances for the neighbor's needs, even by waiving some of one's own rights. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “None of you should prevent his neighbor from placing his rafter in his wall.” [ Sahîh al-Bukhârî and Sahîh Muslim ]

It can take the form of gift giving. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “O Muslim women! None of you should consider insignificant a gift that you give to your neighbor, even if it is but the trotters of a sheep.” [ Sahîh al-Bukhârî and Sahîh Muslim ]

Islam teaches us to be generous and hospitable to those who come to us as guests. Indeed, those who come to our homes have a right over us. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should show hospitality to his guest according to his right.”

He was asked: “What is his right, O Messenger of Allah?”

The Prophet (peace be upon him) answered: “It is (to offer the best) for a day and a night, and hospitality extends for three days. What is beyond that is charity.” [ Sahîh al-Bukhârî and Sahîh Muslim ]

--
http://en.islamtoday.net/artshow-427-3256.htm

11-10-2011, 03:55 AM	#1
xIuvyAuT Join Date Nov 2005 Posts 550 Senior Member	2 questions about divorce Assalamu Alaykoum wa Rahmatullah wa BarakatuHu. During a fight with my husband, I felt full of anger and at the same time full of fear. Anger because during arguments (also useless and stupid arguments) he uses to offend me and my family. Fear because sometimes he threatens me, with words or with gestures, to hurts me. And sometimes he hurts me. That day I was sure to be right and I could not accept that he was offending me and going towards me with the intention of hurting me. He is a coleric person. Everyday he says that I make him angry because I'm full of faults at home as a woman and as a wife (not good in anything, according to him: cooking, washing, being a woman etc..). According to me, I m just very tired (and often sad because of his anger) and I only ask understanding and acceptance of my weakness like I accept him with his problems. Anyway, during that bad argument I felt exausted and I cried to him "Stop! Now it's over, please tell me that it's over, tell me that you divorce me" And he told me "if you want it, divorce" He says something like that and after that he repeated that I was the one who asked and wanted divorce. But I DON T WANT DIVORCE. He says and he repeated IF YOU WANTS, YOU ARE THE ONE WHO WANTS IT...and I know (even if sometimes I m full of doubts) that I don t want it. So, is that a divorce? I don t want divorce even if we have big problems because I always hope that things can be better, that he and me can improve ourselves, inshallah and getting better persons. We argue a lot but we also are able to make peace and to go on. And also I don t want divorce because I m a new muslim (I was educated as christian in Italy) and he is the only muslim person in my life and where I live. Even if he has faults he is a good muslim and a good person. I m afraid of being alone, in a world anti islamic and that can affects me. There is another question: it s not the first time he says that, I remember maybe another time, but he says that he doesn t remember it. So, if he told me "Divorce" another time in the past but he doesn t remember and I remember it, what we have to do? Thank you very much, Jazakoum Allah khayran. Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter
	Quote

11-10-2011, 04:05 AM	#2
herawaq Join Date Oct 2005 Posts 563 Senior Member	wa alaykumussalaam wa rahmatullah wa barakatuh, Sister, divorce cases are very sensitive. One tiny difference in the wording or in the circumstances can change the whole verdict. Scholars don't post here regularly so I suggest you contact a real scholar. Whatever the case is: if he did divorce you, he can take you back in the waiting period. If you remember that he once said it before too (i.e. he uttered the word divorce to you), then still your husband has one divorce left, and could have taken you back during the waiting period, with a touch of lust or telling you that he has taking you as a wife again. Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter
	Quote

11-10-2011, 04:13 AM	#3
xIuvyAuT Join Date Nov 2005 Posts 550 Senior Member	Jazaka Allahu khayran for your quick answer. Where can I find a real scholar? Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter
	Quote

11-10-2011, 04:38 AM	#4
rbVmVlQ2 Join Date Oct 2005 Posts 463 Senior Member	Anyway, during that bad argument I felt exausted and I cried to him "Stop! Now it's over, please tell me that it's over, tell me that you divorce me" And he told me "if you want it, divorce" He says somethinglike that and after that he repeated that I was the onewho asked and wanted divorce. - Wit ur last statement it seems/clear dat he had given divorce to u - He says and he repeated IFYOU WANTS, YOU ARE THE ONE WHO WANTS IT.. - Same here as u mention above. And here ur saying dat he repeated it, d question is how many times.? However if one time also mean its i.e divorce is done as Further ur saying in second question dat - "it s not the first time he says that, I remember maybe another time, but he says that he doesn t remember it." - and Finally wit ur last statement ur saying dat he had given u divorce b4 also. So, wit my mere knowledge he had given u 3 or more divorce n now u can't stay wit him anymore now. And ur answer is also here, plz read dis (Quran:2:230) Note: Consult any scholar or wait for some other replies Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter
	Quote

11-10-2011, 05:03 AM	#5
biannaruh Join Date Nov 2005 Posts 445 Senior Member	Dont listed to the posts above, contact an aalim, listed below are 3 legit organisations you could contact for fatawa: http://www.darulihsan.com/index.php?...926&Itemid=252 http://alhaadi.org.za/contactus/12-c...epartment.html http://www.askimam.org/ Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter
	Quote

11-10-2011, 05:12 AM	#6
herawaq Join Date Oct 2005 Posts 563 Senior Member	and Finally wit ur last statement ur saying dat he had given u divorce b4 also. So, wit my mere knowledge he had given u 3 or more divorce n now u can't stay wit him anymore now. And ur answer is also here, plz read dis (Quran:2:230) Note: Consult any scholar or wait for some other replies Brother, read the post CAREFULLY. How can you come to the conclusion that 3 divorces are given??? "He says and he repeated IFYOU WANTS, YOU ARE THE ONE WHO WANTS IT.." refers to the particular case of divorce. How can that constitute a separate divorce? Think before you post about such delicate issues. Better to delete your post. Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter
	Quote

11-11-2011, 01:31 AM	#7
xIuvyAuT Join Date Nov 2005 Posts 550 Senior Member	Brother, read the post CAREFULLY. How can you come to the conclusion that 3 divorces are given??? "He says and he repeated IFYOU WANTS, YOU ARE THE ONE WHO WANTS IT.." refers to the particular case of divorce. How can that constitute a separate divorce? Think before you post about such delicate issues. Better to delete your post. I ll ask an Alim, inshAllah I don t really know how is the situation. Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter
	Quote

11-11-2011, 02:18 AM	#8
rbVmVlQ2 Join Date Oct 2005 Posts 463 Senior Member	"He says and he repeated IFYOU WANTS, YOU ARE THE ONE WHO WANTS IT.." - what u conclude wit ''He says'' and "he repeated" isn't dat Divorce.? Howeve ur view may also be correct n more appropriate as u said below here dat he was discussing on d matter dat happened but not given divorce. - "He says and he repeated IFYOU WANTS, YOU ARE THE ONE WHO WANTS IT.." refers to the particular case of divorce. How can that constitute a separate divorce? - Think before you post about such delicate issues. Better to delete your post. - i don't del, as i just expressed my views and i also asked/requested her to consult wit a scholar - -> Note: Consult any scholar or wait for some other replies jazakallah for pointing dat Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter
	Quote

11-11-2011, 02:27 AM	#9
biannaruh Join Date Nov 2005 Posts 445 Senior Member	Abû Hurayrah relates that Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) said: “Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should speak a good word or remain silent. And whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should show hospitality to his neighbor. And whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should show hospitality to his guest.” [ Sahîh al-Bukhârî and Sahîh Muslim ] The importance of this hadith: This hadith discusses some of the ways a Muslim's faith should affect the way he relates to others. Ibn Hajar al-`Asqalânî writes: “This hadith speaks about three matters, and in doing so it brings together everything that good manners entail with respect to both word and deed.” Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day… This is a conditional sentence. It is repeated three times in this hadith, each time with a different condition. The first of these three conditions is to either speak a good word or remain silent, the second is to show hospitality to one's neighbors, and the third is to show hospitality to one's guests. This hadith is showing us that these three qualities are among the many qualities of faith. A person who fails to fulfill any of these conditions is a person whose faith is incomplete and in want of improvement. Speaking a good word or remaining silent: This is an encouragement to speak what is good and beneficial; at the same time it is a warning, cautioning us to be careful in what we say, lest we say something that is harmful or false. It is part of a Muslim's faith to speak the truth and to say things that bring about benefit to others. Allah says: “O you who believe! Fear Allah and speak a word that is right. He will set right for you your deeds and forgive you your sins. And whoever obeys Allah and His Messenger has certainly attained a great achievement.” [ Sûrah al-Ahzâb : 70-71] Allah informs us in the Qur'ân some of what constitutes good in our speech and benefits other people. He says: “No good is there in much of their private conversation, except for those who enjoin charity or that which is right, or bring reconciliation between people. And whoever does that seeking Allah's pleasure, then we shall grant him a great reward.” [ Sûrah al-Nisâ' : 114] When we have nothing beneficial to say, silence is golden. Once, Mu`âdh b. Jabal asked the Prophet (peace be upon him) to inform him of some good work that would admit him into Paradise and distance him from the Hellfire. The Prophet (peace be upon him) mentioned to him the virtues of many good deeds, then said: “Shall I inform you of the foundation of all of that?” Mu`âdh said: “Certainly.” The Prophet (peace be upon him) took hold of his tongue and said: “Restrain yourself from this.” Mu`âdh then asked: “O Prophet of Allah! Are we held to task for the things that we say?” The Prophet (peace be upon him) replied: “May your mother be bereaved of you, O Mu`âdh! Does anything topple people headlong into the Hellfire save the harvests of their tongues?” [ Sunan al-Tirmidhî and Sunan Ibn Mâjah ] We should avoid speaking ill of others. We should rather remain silent unless we are seeking justice for some wrong that has been perpetrated against us. Allah says: “Allah does not like that evil should be mentioned in public except by one who has been done injustice. And Allah is all-hearing, all-knowing.” [ Sûrah al-Nisâ' : 148] Our tongues are like double-edges swords. They can work for us and against us, both in this world and the Hereafter. We will be held accountable for what we say. Allah tells us: “He does not utter a statement except that there is an observer by him ready to record it.” [ Sûrah Qâf : 18] The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “Indeed a servant will speak a word pleasing to Allah that he thinks to be insignificant, but because of it Allah raises him by many degrees. And indeed a servant will speak a word displeasing to Allah that he thinks to be insignificant, but because of it, He will consign him to the Hellfire.” [ Sahîh al-Bukhârî ] We must be vigilant not to speak falsehood. We must think about what we are saying and the possible consequences of our words before we go ahead and speak. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “A man might speak a word without thinking about its implications, but because of it, he will plunge into the Hellfire further than the distance between the east and west.” [ Sahîh al-Bukhârî and Sahîh Muslim ] Al-Nawawî comments on the meaning of this hadith, saying: “This hadith encourages us to guard our tongues. A person who wants to speak should think upon what he is about to say before he utters it. If it then shows itself to have some benefit to it, he may speak it; otherwise he should refrain from doing so.” Showing hospitality to the neighbor and the guest: From the perfection of a person's faith is his showing kindness to those with whom he has dealings, especially his neighbors and his guests. Allah says: “Worship Allah and associate nothing with Him, and show kindness to parents, relatives, orphans, the poor, the near neighbor, the distant neighbor, the companion at your side, the traveler, and those whom your right hands possess. Indeed, Allah does not like those who are conceited and boastful.” [ Sûrah al-Nisâ' : 36] Islam emphasizes the right of the neighbor. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “Gabriel continued to impress upon me the rights of the neighbor until I thought that he would soon confer upon him the right of inheritance.” [Sahîh al-Bukhârî and Sahîh Muslim] There are many forms that this hospitality can take. It can take the form of help in times of need. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “He is not a believer who lets himself be satiated while his neighbor goes hungry.” [ Mustadrak al-Hâkim ] It can mean making allowances for the neighbor's needs, even by waiving some of one's own rights. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “None of you should prevent his neighbor from placing his rafter in his wall.” [ Sahîh al-Bukhârî and Sahîh Muslim ] It can take the form of gift giving. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “O Muslim women! None of you should consider insignificant a gift that you give to your neighbor, even if it is but the trotters of a sheep.” [ Sahîh al-Bukhârî and Sahîh Muslim ] Islam teaches us to be generous and hospitable to those who come to us as guests. Indeed, those who come to our homes have a right over us. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should show hospitality to his guest according to his right.” He was asked: “What is his right, O Messenger of Allah?” The Prophet (peace be upon him) answered: “It is (to offer the best) for a day and a night, and hospitality extends for three days. What is beyond that is charity.” [ Sahîh al-Bukhârî and Sahîh Muslim ] -- http://en.islamtoday.net/artshow-427-3256.htm Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter
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