[23tommy]

Salam dear brothers & sister

I have a huge problem & I really hope that some of you can advise me!

Ok it may sound a bit weird but quite frankly I'm desperate to get married! Before you misinterpret my statement, please let me elaborate.

First of all alhamdulilah Allah has blessed me with a lot. I have an amazing family, great friends, great health, good education & work. And lastly, based on other people's opinion, Allah also blessed me with good looks & good personality as well alhamdulilah.

My only downfall is when it comes to men. I never done anything haram but I met quite a few potential husbands. However every time I get comfortable with the idea that I found the right partner, things go outta hand and we end up breaking up. I'm now 26 and way over the age I wanted to be married :-(
I don't know what's wrong with me or what I'm doing wrong. Some people say I'm jinxed but I refuse to believe that. All I want is get married, settle down and have a lively small family & live according to the sunnah of prophet SAW. I'm not even a demanding person cos I don't even mind to share my man, as long as he can stand his ground & live up to his responsibly.

All my friends are married and I'm scared that I am the only one that ends up as spinster!!!! Do you guys think that reading Qur'an on me would help?I'm considering to go to an Imaan but don't know how to go about it! Please, any advise is highly appreciated!

[topbonuscasino]

If you wouldn't mind elaborating...what exactly has caused these breakups? And were youy seeing these guys with the intention of getting married...from the get-go...or later in the relationship? Just wondering...

Wa Salam,

Tempest Desh

[isogeople]

Salam dear brothers & sister

I have a huge problem & I really hope that some of you can advise me!

Ok it may sound a bit weird but quite frankly I'm desperate to get married! Before you misinterpret my statement, please let me elaborate.

First of all alhamdulilah Allah has blessed me with a lot. I have an amazing family, great friends, great health, good education & work. And lastly, based on other people's opinion, Allah also blessed me with good looks & good personality as well alhamdulilah.

My only downfall is when it comes to men. I never done anything haram but I met quite a few potential husbands. However every time I get comfortable with the idea that I found the right partner, things go outta hand and we end up breaking up. I'm now 26 and way over the age I wanted to be married :-(
I don't know what's wrong with me or what I'm doing wrong. Some people say I'm jinxed but I refuse to believe that. All I want is get married, settle down and have a lively small family & live according to the sunnah of prophet SAW. I'm not even a demanding person cos I don't even mind to share my man, as long as he can stand his ground & live up to his responsibly.

All my friends are married and I'm scared that I am the only one that ends up as spinster!!!! Do you guys think that reading Qur'an on me would help?I'm considering to go to an Imaan but don't know how to go about it! Please, any advise is highly appreciated!

If you have a brother or father, some mehram, put your mehram in front and tell them what kind of husband you are looking for and then let them find one for you. If you happen to meet a brother at school or wherever then direct the brother to your mehram and let the mehram take over from there. Do not search for nor talk to guys on your own. You dont need to go see any imaam or have anything blown on you. If you want to then after every fardh salaah recite Ya Lateefu 125x and make dua for a pious spouse.

[isogeople]

Salam dear brothers & sister

I have a huge problem & I really hope that some of you can advise me!

Ok it may sound a bit weird but quite frankly I'm desperate to get married! Before you misinterpret my statement, please let me elaborate.

First of all alhamdulilah Allah has blessed me with a lot. I have an amazing family, great friends, great health, good education & work. And lastly, based on other people's opinion, Allah also blessed me with good looks & good personality as well alhamdulilah.

My only downfall is when it comes to men. I never done anything haram but I met quite a few potential husbands. However every time I get comfortable with the idea that I found the right partner, things go outta hand and we end up breaking up. I'm now 26 and way over the age I wanted to be married :-(
I don't know what's wrong with me or what I'm doing wrong. Some people say I'm jinxed but I refuse to believe that. All I want is get married, settle down and have a lively small family & live according to the sunnah of prophet SAW. I'm not even a demanding person cos I don't even mind to share my man, as long as he can stand his ground & live up to his responsibly.

All my friends are married and I'm scared that I am the only one that ends up as spinster!!!! Do you guys think that reading Qur'an on me would help?I'm considering to go to an Imaan but don't know how to go about it! Please, any advise is highly appreciated!

Also, please refrain in future from saying that you are desperate to get married - think what respect a guy is gonna have for you after reading that? Always maintain your hayaa and make yourself exclusive, not free and open that any man can come talk to you. You are a Muslim woman, a treasured pearl so try to adopt those qualities. Only a diver risking his life should put forth tremendous effort to come find you.

[23tommy]

Also, please refrain in future from saying that you are desperate to get married - think what respect a guy is gonna have for you after reading that? Always maintain your hayaa and make yourself exclusive, not free and open that any man can come talk to you. You are a Muslim woman, a treasured pearl so try to adopt those qualities. Only a diver risking his life should put forth tremendous effort to come find you.

JzaKALLAH for your valuable response. I did meet thus guys in presence of my mehrem but when things get serious always get scared and find excuses not to enter the marriage. After things are over I regret my decision but then it's too late :-( btw it's not common in our culture to aak your geothermal or father to look for you a spouse that really is desperate. Also I'm not desperate in the sense that I'm desperate it's just that my biological clock is ticking and I have commitment issues.

[GtmFeqJJ]

JzaKALLAH for your valuable response. I did meet thus guys in presence of my mehrem but when things get serious always get scared and find excuses not to enter the marriage. After things are over I regret my decision but then it's too late :-( btw it's not common in our culture to aak your geothermal or father to look for you a spouse that really is desperate. Also I'm not desperate in the sense that I'm desperate it's just that my biological clock is ticking and I have commitment issues.

Bismillah

You should always pray istikhara and rely on Allah SWT.
If you have a spiritual guide, you can seek his help and go with his decision without thinking too much.
One advise from elder sister of this forum. When we see three things, we should just go for it after praying istikhara
1) the person is deeni
2) you like him
3) parents approve
We should not think too much lest shaitan takes over our mind and keeps confusing leaving us distressed. So just go with the decision of someone whom you trust if you cant decide on yourself after praying to Allah SWT and just rely on Allah SWT that there will be khair in it. Also continuous making duas that your marriage be filled with piety and pray for afiyah in both the worlds. Allahu alam
I hope someone can advise you better.
wassalam

[23tommy]

JzaKALLAH for your valuable response. I did meet thus guys in presence of my mehrem but when things get serious always get scared and find excuses not to enter the marriage. After things are over I regret my decision but then it's too late :-( btw it's not common in our culture to aak your geothermal or father to look for you a spouse that really is desperate. Also I'm not desperate in the sense that I'm desperate it's just that my biological clock is ticking and I have commitment issues.

Btw I wouldn't say in public where people know me that I'm desperate but this is the Internet and noone knows me and I'm not planning to meet anyone on here either. So I express my true feelings to get appropriate advice.

[topbonuscasino]

Well, another thing to ask would be: "Have you restricted yourself to one specific ethnic group or another, when it comes to seeking out a spouse? And have most of these guys been of an age where you could expect some serious level of maturity (i.e. that which is required for such a thing as marriage) from them? Just a couple of things that popped into my mind. You don't have to answer them...just thought they might be things that would be useful to consider is all...

Wa Salam,

Tempest Desh

[23tommy]

Bismillah

You should always pray istikhara and rely on Allah SWT.
If you have a spiritual guide, you can seek his help and go with his decision without thinking too much.
One advise from elder sister of this forum. When we see three things, we should just go for it after praying istikhara
1) the person is deeni
2) you like him
3) parents approve
We should not think too much lest shaitan takes over our mind and keeps confusing leaving us distressed. So just go with the decision of someone whom you trust if you cant decide on yourself after praying to Allah SWT and just rely on Allah SWT that there will be khair in it. Also continuous making duas that your marriage be filled with piety and pray for afiyah in both the worlds. Allahu alam
I hope someone can advise you better.
wassalam

JzaKALLAH sister that's really helpful. I know that satan is playing mind games with me and that's what makes me so frustrated. I do pray a lot as well. Maybe I should let quraan read on me? Some people tell me that one of the guys I turned down might have put a spell on me.

Btw Sis just out of curiosity, I have promised to donate a lump sum to a local mosque last Ramadan. And the imaan prayed for me that I find a odious husband. However I still didn't get around to pay the money. Could that be a reason why Allah is punishing me now for this?

[23tommy]

Well, another thing to ask would be: "Have you restricted yourself to one specific ethnic group or another, when it comes to seeking out a spouse? And have most of these guys been of an age where you could expect some serious level of maturity (i.e. that which is required for such a thing as marriage) from them? Just a couple of things that popped into my mind. You don't have to answer them...just thought they might be things that would be useful to consider is all...

Wa Salam,

Tempest Desh

Obviously Sis... Everyone wants to get married to his own kind. Interracial or cultural marriages never work! I would never consider a man who is not from my country & tribe.

[GtmFeqJJ]

JzaKALLAH sister that's really helpful. I know that satan is playing mind games with me and that's what makes me so frustrated. I do pray a lot as well. Maybe I should let quraan read on me? Some people tell me that one of the guys I turned down might have put a spell on me.

Btw Sis just out of curiosity, I have promised to donate a lump sum to a local mosque last Ramadan. And the imaan prayed for me that I find a odious husband. However I still didn't get around to pay the money. Could that be a reason why Allah is punishing me now for this?

Bismillah

Sister, if you have made a promise then do try to fulfill as soon as possible as a muslim is bound to keep his/her promise. At the same time, let these thoughts not take over you that it could be a punishment or someone did spell or anything. Even these thoughts can be from shaitan. Sometimes when we are worried, these sort of thoughts pop up to make us more distressed and more worried and shaitan loves that. Just remember that Allah SWT is All kind and Merciful and you can just seek forgiveness from Him SWT more and more and trust Allah SWT that He SWT would forgive you for He SWT loves forgiving His SWT slaves and ever merciful to His SWT slaves.

Anyway do make lots of duas for a pious spouse. Make duaa in the last third of night for it is very effective. To get rid of negative thoughts, a spiritual guide advised to recite WAllahu ghalibun ala amrihi wa la kinna aktharannaasi la'yaalamuun (And Allah is predominant over His affair, but most of the people do not know.Al-Quran: 12:21) -313 times with durood 11 times in the beginning and in the end for 11 days and Alhamdulillah this really helped me. So kindly do try this amal and this can be read at any part of the day. I hope you keep up with duas and adhkar prescribed by our beloved Prophet SAW morning and evening. Do recite Quran too for that wards off shaitan and hence the waswasa and I hope you would have heard of manzil that has selected ayats from Quran which is powerful against waswasa, spell, evil eyes and many other things bi idnillah. You can read that daily, blow in water and drink it.

Always turn to Allah SWT to help you getting married to someone pious soon. I read in a hadith somewhere that when a slave prays for some spouse to lead a life in a halal way, Allah SWT never rejects the duaa. So just trust Allah SWT that your duaa is answered.

When you get a proposal and you find the guy deeni and you like him, pray istikhara and also ask your parents to pray istikhara for you. As you have these negative thoughts troubling you with decision and don't want to rely on yourself, you can ask Allah SWT that whatever be the best decision which only You know, make that easy for me and let me trust my parents decision as Your decision. You can contact some spiritual guide too and take his opinion. In this way, you can neglect negative thoughts when they pop up even after your parents accepted, trusting Allah SWT that there should be khair in it adn just proceed. Don't react immediately allowing the negative thought to affect your decision, instead be patient without being haste and keep making duas. Allahu alam

If someone more knowledgeable advise you better, do take that advice. Whatever be the case, let there be khair in it.

Sorry for the long post. Let Allah SWT be with you always, guide you all the time,grant you a pious spouse soon, keep you happy and relieve you from the stress. Amin

[23tommy]

Bismillah

Sister, if you have made a promise then do try to fulfill as soon as possible as a muslim is bound to keep his/her promise. At the same time, let these thoughts not take over you that it could be a punishment or someone did spell or anything. Even these thoughts can be from shaitan. Sometimes when we are worried, these sort of thoughts pop up to make us more distressed and more worried and shaitan loves that. Just remember that Allah SWT is All kind and Merciful and you can just seek forgiveness from Him SWT more and more and trust Allah SWT that He SWT would forgive you for He SWT loves forgiving His SWT slaves and ever merciful to His SWT slaves.

Anyway do make lots of duas for a pious spouse. Make duaa in the last third of night for it is very effective. To get rid of negative thoughts, a spiritual guide advised to recite WAllahu ghalibun ala amrihi wa la kinna aktharannaasi la'yaalamuun (And Allah is predominant over His affair, but most of the people do not know.Al-Quran: 12:21) -313 times with durood 11 times in the beginning and in the end for 11 days and Alhamdulillah this really helped me. So kindly do try this amal and this can be read at any part of the day. I hope you keep up with duas and adhkar prescribed by our beloved Prophet SAW morning and evening. Do recite Quran too for that wards off shaitan and hence the waswasa and I hope you would have heard of manzil that has selected ayats from Quran which is powerful against waswasa, spell, evil eyes and many other things bi idnillah. You can read that daily, blow in water and drink it.

Always turn to Allah SWT to help you getting married to someone pious soon. I read in a hadith somewhere that when a slave prays for some spouse to lead a life in a halal way, Allah SWT never rejects the duaa. So just trust Allah SWT that your duaa is answered.

When you get a proposal and you find the guy deeni and you like him, pray istikhara and also ask your parents to pray istikhara for you. As you have these negative thoughts troubling you with decision and don't want to rely on yourself, you can ask Allah SWT that whatever be the best decision which only You know, make that easy for me and let me trust my parents decision as Your decision. You can contact some spiritual guide too and take his opinion. In this way, you can neglect negative thoughts when they pop up even after your parents accepted, trusting Allah SWT that there should be khair in it adn just proceed. Don't react immediately allowing the negative thought to affect your decision, instead be patient without being haste and keep making duas. Allahu alam

If someone more knowledgeable advise you better, do take that advice. Whatever be the case, let there be khair in it.

Sorry for the long post. Let Allah SWT be with you always, guide you all the time,grant you a pious spouse soon, keep you happy and relieve you from the stress. Amin

JzaKALLAH sister that was so helpful MashaAllah. May Allah reward u for ur kind advice. I'll try everything u mentioned.

Btw hun the money i promised to donate was last year Ramadan so I think that makes an impact. I never had the intention not to pay but really and truly I had the money but just spend on other things like a new car and stuff.

[freeprescriptionplanrrx]

Obviously Sis... Everyone wants to get married to his own kind. Interracial or cultural marriages never work! I would never consider a man who is not from my country & tribe.

Interracial marriages do work for Muslims if we live our life according to the sunnah, we have this huge factor in common with all Muslims so i dont see why it would not work.

also you are limiting your options somewhat with the whole tribe thing, if your parents do not have a problem with you looking for someone outside of your tribe or race i would really give that a shot, your main criteria should be piety

also always ask Allah for guidance and do istikhara and then whatever happens know that it was for the best for you, If you prayed isitkhara for all the potentials that have passed then have faith in Allah and know that Allah turned you away from them because it would have been something which was not good for you

make good use of your time whilst you are single, you have a lot of free time for ibadah and also you have time to gain knowledge on your deen, when you get married inshaAllah and have children you won't get much time for these things, it will also serve as a distraction from depressive thoughts inshaAllah

May Allah azza wa jal grant you a pious husband...Aameen

[23tommy]

Interracial marriages do work for Muslims if we live our life according to the sunnah, we have this huge factor in common with all Muslims so i dont see why it would not work.

also you are limiting your options somewhat with the whole tribe thing, if your parents do not have a problem with you looking for someone outside of your tribe or race i would really give that a shot, your main criteria should be piety

also always ask Allah for guidance and do istikhara and then whatever happens know that it was for the best for you, If you prayed isitkhara for all the potentials that have passed then have faith in Allah and know that Allah turned you away from them because it would have been something which was not good for you

make good use of your time whilst you are single, you have a lot of free time for ibadah and also you have time to gain knowledge on your deen, when you get married inshaAllah and have children you won't get much time for these things, it will also serve as a distraction from depressive thoughts inshaAllah

May Allah azza wa jal grant you a pious husband...Aameen

No Sis history tells us that interracial marriages are doomed to failure. Too many differences and cultural barriers are a strain to every strong faithful couples. I wouldn't advice anyone dear to me to marry outside their race. As we also know even if the couple are willing to make it work, the family usually is the devils advocate. It's sad but it's the truth in our society. My cousins are married to other races and I've seen hell break lose in their marriages.

[freeprescriptionplanrrx]

No Sis history tells us that interracial marriages are doomed to failure. Too many differences and cultural barriers are a strain to every strong faithful couples. I wouldn't advice anyone dear to me to marry outside their race. As we also know even if the couple are willing to make it work, the family usually is the devils advocate. It's sad but it's the truth in our society. My cousins are married to other races and I've seen hell break lose in their marriages.

its not so much the cultural barriers etc that make marriages fail its because we are far away from the teachings of Islam
Some of us put our cultures before Islam and look down on other races and cultures

Khair, if you believe this will cause problems within your family then i understand

do somali tribes have very different cultures?

[Drugmachine]

No Sis history tells us that interracial marriages are doomed to failure. Too many differences and cultural barriers are a strain to every strong faithful couples. I wouldn't advice anyone dear to me to marry outside their race. As we also know even if the couple are willing to make it work, the family usually is the devils advocate. It's sad but it's the truth in our society. My cousins are married to other races and I've seen hell break lose in their marriages.

I am Sorry but your approach isn’t correct and I know a little about Somali communities. I had a good friend of mine (Indian) and he wanted to marry a Somali girl but the father refused saying, “You are Indian and my daughter is Somali” so it wouldn’t work.

Fact of the matter is that Somali Sisters are very nice and there is no reason why people shouldn’t marry them.

All of this cross-cultural mumbo-jumbo needs to be CRUSHED so if someone is saying that cross-cultural relationships don’t work, then it should spur us (as Muslims) to PROVE THEM WRONG!
If our Brothers & Sisters continue to get bothered about culture and ethnicities then how will so many Sisters and brothers get married.

Allah (SWT) has made all us different and given us different physical attributes to please people of different tastes and different likings.

Moreover Allah (SWT) has given men the right to have four (4) wives so there is nothing wrong with having wives from four (4) cultures!

Our culture is I-S-L-A-M and if somebody thinks otherwise, go out and prove them wrong!

[w3QHxwNb]

Interracial marriages are not doomed to fail.

If we Muslims, destroy our Idols - Nationalism, Culture, Society - our lives will become much more peaceful.

To be more specific, if we accept interracial marriages, if we accept Ta'addud, if we accept marrying widows and divorcees (and don't see it as a curse), if we accept marrying older women.. If we accept all this WHOLE HEARTEDLY, the problems related to marriages will eradicate insha'Allah and our SISTERS will stop worrying about spending their lives alone (or with kids if widows and divorced)..

Secondly, most of us Pakistanis find Somalians very nice people. I lived with somalians in Pakistan. They are very nice,loyal, hard working and have many more qualities.

So If a Pakistani wants to marry a Somali girl, her father should not refuse because:

1) He really wants to marry her otherwise he wouldn't go against his own culture of NOT marrying outside
2) He will give her alot of respect!

That's all I have to say regarding this topic!

فاعتبروا يا اولي الابصار

[Prarnenoexpog]

As Salaamu Alaykum

I can't believe you guys are talking about different race marriage. What about people who dont allow marriage from the same race just because they are a different tribe or just because they aren't cousins. Also somali community is careful not to marry their daughters to someone they dont know. In our culture we like your pops to approach us for our daught hand in marriage (your pops,uncle as your representattive)

[23tommy]

I am Sorry but your approach isn’t correct and I know a little about Somali communities. I had a good friend of mine (Indian) and he wanted to marry a Somali girl but the father refused saying, “You are Indian and my daughter is Somali” so it wouldn’t work.

Fact of the matter is that Somali Sisters are very nice and there is no reason why people shouldn’t marry them.

All of this cross-cultural mumbo-jumbo needs to be CRUSHED so if someone is saying that cross-cultural relationships don’t work, then it should spur us (as Muslims) to PROVE THEM WRONG!
If our Brothers & Sisters continue to get bothered about culture and ethnicities then how will so many Sisters and brothers get married.

Allah (SWT) has made all us different and given us different physical attributes to please people of different tastes and different likings.

Moreover Allah (SWT) has given men the right to have four (4) wives so there is nothing wrong with having wives from four (4) cultures!

Our culture is I-S-L-A-M and if somebody thinks otherwise, go out and prove them wrong!

Well said but sadly that's not the case. No matter how hard we try to eradicate prejudice and follow the prophets sunnah SAW, as long as there are humans there will be prejudice.

[23tommy]

Interracial marriages are not doomed to fail.

If we Muslims, destroy our Idols - Nationalism, Culture, Society - our lives will become much more peaceful.

To be more specific, if we accept interracial marriages, if we accept Ta'addud, if we accept marrying widows and divorcees (and don't see it as a curse), if we accept marrying older women.. If we accept all this WHOLE HEARTEDLY, the problems related to marriages will eradicate insha'Allah and our SISTERS will stop worrying about spending their lives alone (or with kids if widows and divorced)..

Secondly, most of us Pakistanis find Somalians very nice people. I lived with somalians in Pakistan. They are very nice,loyal, hard working and have many more qualities.

So If a Pakistani wants to marry a Somali girl, her father should not refuse because:

1) He really wants to marry her otherwise he wouldn't go against his own culture of NOT marrying outside
2) He will give her alot of respect!

That's all I have to say regarding this topic!

فاعتبروا يا اولي الابصار

Again in an ideal world that would be the case. But as sad as it seems we don't live in an ideal world. My cousin wanted to marry an Arab guy but both families refused to acknowledge the marriage, so there's nothing left but to decide between family or guy/girl. Any reasonable person would go for the family even if they family is in the wrong.