[TheBestCheapestOEM]

Please forgive me if this has already been asked, I tried many searches but couldn't find the exact question & answers.

I'm a male and I converted to Islam many years ago while I was living with a female room-mate. As I was fairly new to Islam, I was unaware of the severity of sexual intercourse before marriage. Even after becoming a Muslim, she and I ended up having full sexual intercourse. I knew I was doing something wrong but was unaware of how severe it was.

I'm now fully aware of how disgraceful this act was and have sworn never to repeat it again.

My questions now are:

1. Am I forbidden from marrying a chaste (virgin) sister?
2. Am I now cursed?
3. Is there anything I can do to reverse the consequences of the above two questions?

Please provide sources for your answers so I can understand.

I feel sick to my stomach for what I've done. I feel like my life is ruined...

May Allah reward those of you who have the strength to avoid such a hideous act.

[mr.memo]

In a nutshell,

a) You may marry whoever you wish
b) You are not cursed
c) Just make sincere tawba never to commit this and any sin again.

Allah forgives, don't despair and be despondent.

Welcome to the forum, and Eed Mubarak!

[TheBestCheapestOEM]

Alhamdulillah, this is a huge relief for me. But just to be sure, I want to go back to my first question. May Allah forgive me if I've misinterpreted this, but according to Surah An-Nur (Ayah 3),

"The adulterer-fornicator marries not but an aldulteress-fornicatress"

I want to make it clear that I was NOT married at the time of intercourse. So does this still apply to me? Can I only marry a sister who has also had intercourse outside of marriage?

[hansen384cbh]

Also brother refrain from revealing your bad deeds to others.
Make sincere repentance to Allah. Even if we do sins as large as mountains Allah's Mercy is much larger than it.

For the best dua for forgiveness: Sayyidul Istighfar - http://www.sunniforum.com/forum/show...-and-Magrib%29

I want to make it clear that I was NOT married at the time of intercourse. So does this still apply to me? Can I only marry a sister who has also had intercourse outside of marriage?

Don't worry about that. Marry whoever you like. Its all Allah's Decree.

[Muramoursuard]

Here is the explanation from Tafseer Anwarul Bayaan


TRANSLATION: 3. An adulterer should marry only an adulteress or an idolatress and only an adulterer or an idolater should marry an adulteress. This is forbidden for the believers.
MARRIAGE OF THE ADULTEROUS BELIEVERS

Many commentators have mentioned that the above verse applied only before the Hijrah. It was thereafter abrogated and the Mu'mineen were later permitted to marry adulterous Muslims when necessary. Of course, the prohibition against marrying idolaters still applies to this day. They maintain that the verse was cancelled by a later verse which reads, “Marry those from you who are unmarried and those slave men and women who are righteous. If they be poor then Allaah will make each of them wealthy by His grace. Allaah is of ample means, All Knowing.” [Surah Noor (24), verse 32]

Many narratives have been reported about this verse, all of which denote that this law was temporary. One of these, narrated by many commentators, tell us that when the Muhajireen (R.A) arrived in Madinah, they were extremely poor. They had no wealth, no family and no wives. There were many prostitutes in Madinah at the time, so some requested permission from Rasulullaah (sallallaahu-alayhi-wa-sallam) to marry these women so that they could benefit from their wealth. The above verse was revealed on this occasion, forbidding them from this. [“Ma’aalimut Tanzeel” Vol.3 Pg.323]

[TheBestCheapestOEM]

Alhamdulillah. BarakAllahu feekum, all of you.

[chadnezzrr]

In a nutshell,

a) You may marry whoever you wish
b) You are not cursed
c) Just make sincere tawba never to commit this and any sin again.

Allah forgives, don't despair and be despondent.

Welcome to the forum, and Eed Mubarak!

Does the same thing apply to women in Islam?

[9V42h1eT]

Does the same thing apply to women in Islam?

Yes it is.

Why do you think that is not, if I may ask?

[chadnezzrr]

Yes it is.

Why do you think that is not, if I may ask?

THere seems to be more of an emphasis of female virginity going into marriage than male, some people are of the opinion that a womans virginity can be proven whereaas a males cannot, that is actually not the case for women. Is that a cultural or religious thing?

[Zmniubqr]

THere seems to be more of an emphasis of female virginity going into marriage than male, some people are of the opinion that a womans virginity can be proven whereaas a males cannot, that is actually not the case for women. Is that a cultural or religious thing?

It's multinational

[EarnestKS]

THere seems to be more of an emphasis of female virginity going into marriage than male, some people are of the opinion that a womans virginity can be proven whereaas a males cannot, that is actually not the case for women. Is that a cultural or religious thing?

Nearly all the wives of Rasoolullah were not virgins at the time of marriage.

[MasdMnPa]

THere seems to be more of an emphasis of female virginity going into marriage than male, some people are of the opinion that a womans virginity can be proven whereaas a males cannot, that is actually not the case for women. Is that a cultural or religious thing?

virgins are more desirable, but there is no injunction in islam belittling non virgin women

[chadnezzrr]

It's multinational

What do you mean by that? Multinational?

[Zmniubqr]

Is that a cultural or religious thing?

It's multinational

The thing you said is universal not just specific to one country or society.

Btw, why don't you accept Islam?

[darieBarexish]

In all honesty, it wouldn't be fair to a practicing Muslimah, who had abstained (especially as hard as it is these days) from fornication, for her to be married off to some guy who had committed that act, whether or not he had 'repented'. The act still stands...as it has changed you. Spirituall you may be forgiven, but temporally speaking it's still there, as you no longer have that state that a virgin would have...no need to explain the loss of innocence, etc. If you do want to get married, I'd say it would be best (in order to prevent the kind of hurt and uneasiness that results from marriages between virgins and non-virgins, especially these days where people sleep around way more than was the case in the past) for you to marry a non-virgin woman...at least, if that's considered as a factor (it probably should, imo...due to all the ramifications involved). I'm speaking not only about possible STD's, but also the emotional damage you will force said woman to undergo, knowing you've already given yourself to someone else on that deep of a level and that they'll never be your first and thus never occupy that high of a level in your heart. And all that eating away at them, as they have to go through year after year of dealing with their spouse and his faults...with the thought "He didn't wait for me...I could be any other woman...why do I put up with this?" This has probably destroyed enough marriages as it is...so think carefully before you take that plunge.

[chadnezzrr]

The thing you said is universal not just specific to one country or society.

Btw, why don't you accept Islam?

Actually the reverse is opposite in some cultures which is quite unforunate and it is thought that the more experience one has has sexually the better. There are many young people who are laughed at for being a virgin at a certain age. I personally was laughed at because of my stance on virginity. I am grateful that I have only been with my Husband sexually and no other man.

I am deciding at the moment whether Islam is for me. My search goes on for the real Islam. What has escalated that search at the moment is the fact that I am pregnant. The best example that I can find at the moment of good muslim is my Husband, but having said that we still would disagree on a lot of issues. My child will be muslin, inshallah, so i owe it to them at least to educate myself. As is with christianity, if you dont practice walk the walk, what is the point?

[MasdMnPa]

In all honesty, it wouldn't be fair to a practicing Muslimah, who had abstained (especially as hard as it is these days) from fornication, for her to be married off to some guy who had committed that act, whether or not he had 'repented'. The act still stands...as it has changed you. Spirituall you may be forgiven, but temporally speaking it's still there, as you no longer have that state that a virgin would have...no need to explain the loss of innocence, etc. If you do want to get married, I'd say it would be best (in order to prevent the kind of hurt and uneasiness that results from marriages between virgins and non-virgins, especially these days where people sleep around way more than was the case in the past) for you to marry a non-virgin woman...at least, if that's considered as a factor (it probably should, imo...due to all the ramifications involved). I'm speaking not only about possible STD's, but also the emotional damage you will force said woman to undergo, knowing you've already given yourself to someone else on that deep of a level and that they'll never be your first and thus never occupy that high of a level in your heart. And all that eating away at them, as they have to go through year after year of dealing with their spouse and his faults...with the thought "He didn't wait for me...I could be any other woman...why do I put up with this?" This has probably destroyed enough marriages as it is...so think carefully before you take that plunge.

thats a decision for the sister to make

[MasdMnPa]

Actually the reverse is opposite in some cultures which is quite unforunate and it is thought that the more experience one has has sexually the better. There are many young people who are laughed at for being a virgin at a certain age. I personally was laughed at because of my stance on virginity. I am grateful that I have only been with my Husband sexually and no other man.

I am deciding at the moment whether Islam is for me. My search goes on for the real Islam. What has escalated that search at the moment is the fact that I am pregnant. The best example that I can find at the moment of good muslim is my Husband, but having said that we still would disagree on a lot of issues. My child will be muslin, inshallah, so i owe it to them at least to educate myself. As is with christianity, if you dont practice walk the walk, what is the point?

im very happy to hear you are researching islam. Im a western convert and faced the same thing growing up, it suncool to be a virgin at 16 and everyone is desperate to lose their virginity ASAP just so they can say they arent virgins, a sad product of the society we live in unfortunately. We grew up on american pie and such like so we were influenced heavily by that.

many in the west wish to do all they can to destory islam and make us believe there is no god or day of judgement etc, they wish us to become hedonists and dislike that we reject this way of life that we must have at least 20 sexual partners, must be a single mum (as its uncool for men to want children, he's supposed to be "scared of committment"), we're supposed to want to destory our liver every weekend, and the list goes on. They will stop at nothing to attack islam. Allah has told us of this:

"And of them there are some who listen to you; but We have set veils on their hearts, so they understand it not, and deafness in their ears; if they see every one of the Ayât (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.) they will not believe therein; to the point that when they come to you to argue with you, the disbelievers say: "These are nothing but tales of the men of old." (Al-An'am 6:25)

"And they prevent others from him (from following Prophet Muhammad SAW) and they themselves keep away from him, and (by doing so) they destroy not but their ownselves, yet they perceive (it) not." (Al-An'am 6:26)



the next verse tells us the different tone they will take after their few decades of hedonism comes to an end and they pass from this life:


"If you could but see when they will be held over the (Hell) Fire! They will say: "Would that we were but sent back (to the world)! Then we would not deny the Ayât (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons, revelations, etc.) of our Lord, and we would be of the believers!" (Al-An'am 6:27)

Here is what Allah says about another group of mankind that we hope to be from inshAllah:

"And We send not the Messengers but as givers of glad tidings and as warners. So whosoever believes and does righteous good deeds, upon such shall come no fear, nor shall they grieve" (Al-An'am 6:48)

(suratul an'am, the 6th surah of the qur'an has many benefits for someone interested inl earning islam so i recommend to read it).

My advice, look at teh two ways of life. Look at teh two belief systems. Consider which group you wish to be from when you pass away, those who turned away from Allahs ayaat, who will be in regret, or to be from those who lived a pious life in devout worship of Allah, not worshipping anything except Allah, being a shining example of a mother and wife and valued member of the muslim community. I swear by Allah that Islam is the most beautiful way of life, you will not regret leaving what was before in favour of accepting islam.

Regarding "true islam", keep it simple, dont worry about those issues. Stick to the authentic sources and learn them from good scholars, always look at their evidences, start from the basics, learn to pray, basic beliefs, gets some basic books for new muslims on the life of the prophet, beliefs f the muslim etc, attend muslim gatherings and meet and learn from the muslim sisters etc.

I promise you that you wont regret it.

regarding the question of previous sins, the same surah we were just learning from, also says:


"When those who believe in Our Ayât (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.) come to you, say: "Salâmun 'Alaikum" (peace be on you); your Lord has written Mercy for Himself, so that, if any of you does evil in ignorance, and thereafter repents and does righteous good deeds (by obeying Allâh), then surely, He is Oft*Forgiving, Most Merciful" (Al-An'am 6:54)


Regarding reading the qur'an. It was revealed in stages. It is ordered fromthe larger surahs down to the very small surahs. The large surahs in the begining contain fiqh rulings and are very long, I recommend to read the small surahs in teh back if you wish to read from the qur'an. Also, in teh qur'an it wiull tell you whether a surah was revealed in makkan period or madinan period. I recommend the makkan period surahs first, they deal with issues of belief and stories of teh prophets etc. the madinan surahs were when faith had settled in the believers hearts and they needed to know rulings on how to fast, pray etc in detail. Your priotiry is to know the beliefs of islam, which are mainly in the small surahs at teh back plus any makkan surahs, so its good to start with the small surahs, plus when you start to memorise qur'an you will start with the small surahs so its nice to know what your memorising.

I ask Allah to guide you to the truth, to make you not only a muslimah, but a shining example that will be an inpsiration to other muslims, and that you find peace and tranquility under the shade of islam.

if you have any questions that are preventing you from becoming muslim, please feel free to hsare them so we can try and deal with them inshAllah.

If and when you feel ready to take shahada, with sisters in the local gatherings will be nice inshALlah so i recommend to do that. If you become muslim, i recommend the name aminah, its a beautiful name me thinks

[SallythePearl]

to ftannouss
Hi, do not research too much by your mind and try to ask your heart to the same extend.... will give you lot of answers if it is open

[Zmniubqr]

Actually the reverse is opposite in some cultures which is quite unforunate and it is thought that the more experience one has has sexually the better. There are many young people who are laughed at for being a virgin at a certain age. I personally was laughed at because of my stance on virginity. I am grateful that I have only been with my Husband sexually and no other man.

I am deciding at the moment whether Islam is for me. My search goes on for the real Islam. What has escalated that search at the moment is the fact that I am pregnant. The best example that I can find at the moment of good muslim is my Husband, but having said that we still would disagree on a lot of issues. My child will be muslin, inshallah, so i owe it to them at least to educate myself. As is with christianity, if you dont practice walk the walk, what is the point?

The point is that atleast you will not spend your eternity in Jahannum. You can start practicing gradually. Every muslim will eventually end up in Heaven after getting punished for his sins. But the disbelievers will stay in hell for eternity.

I am 100% sure that you know in the depth of your hearts that Islam is the true religion!