[TaxSheemaSter]

This is not an answer to the questions I asked, is it supposed to be?

Bismillah
I think she was just commenting on the brothers post and not as an answer to your post. Also as your questions are more specific to that brother about his comment, I think only he can answer and you should have patience till he replies. Allahu alam

[onlyfun_biziness]

Salaam sayyidati,
Please make du'a for us in Ramadan, as all I have are imperfect deeds and struggling hopes. This life is hardship, Allah make us all of the people of steadfastness.

Masha'Allah, May Allah azza wa jal reward you and your wife for your intentions and make it easy for you to achieve the things you want..ameen

[Adimos]

[QUOTE=naqshbandiosmanli;653093]Bismillahir Rahmanir Rahim
Salaam alaikum

I have discussed with my wife that in a few years, I should marry another wife. We have been married for about 5 years, and al hamdulillah everything is going quite well with usual ups and downs. But we have seriously discussed this we both think it is a good thing, for a variety of reasons. [QUOTE]


Im having difficulty believing this! lol. your wife really thinks its a good idea for you to re-marry...? mashallah.

[TaxSheemaSter]

Im having difficulty believing this! lol. your wife really thinks its a good idea for you to re-marry...? mashallah.

Bismillah
If one thinks based on deen, these things will be bit easy and normal. Perhaps our minds are so corrupted that make most of us feel difficult. Allahu alam

[Adimos]

Bismillah
If one thinks based on deen, these things will be bit easy and normal. Perhaps our minds are so corrupted that make most of us feel difficult. Allahu alam

okayyy! yeah, i guess.

[chadnezzrr]

Bismillah
If one thinks based on deen, these things will be bit easy and normal. Perhaps our minds are so corrupted that make most of us feel difficult. Allahu alam

Is a womans mind corrupted if she doesnt want her husband to have another wife. I think there would be something wrong if a woman just went along with it and didnt show anger & jealousy. A man would feel this if the situation was reversed. It is human nature after all!!

[TaxSheemaSter]

Is a womans mind corrupted if she doesnt want her husband to have another wife. I think there would be something wrong if a woman just went along with it and didnt show anger & jealousy. A man would feel this if the situation was reversed. It is human nature after all!!

Bismillah
Yes it is human nature to have jealousy be it man or woman but when one subjects to Islam, there is something called acceptable behavior and unacceptable behavior that you created a thread on this and unacceptable behavior comes from islamically corrupted heart. You should have patience till the brother explains to you after ramadhan. I too dont want to waste too much of time here when someone more knowledgeable people are here to answer on that subject.
Bye
Let Allah SWT guide us all. Amin

[feannigvogten]

Is a womans mind corrupted if she doesnt want her husband to have another wife. I think there would be something wrong if a woman just went along with it and didnt show anger & jealousy. A man would feel this if the situation was reversed. It is human nature after all!!

Hi,

No, a woman is not corrupt if she only wants her husband to have one wife, nor if she doesn't mind, nor if she is supportive of it. She is not corrupt even is she doesn't want to get married at all.

A man would feel angry/jealous the same as a woman, but others would not, it depends on the individuals notion of what marriage is. Is it based on a particular emotional idea of marriage, or is it based on a more reasoned notion. You are absolutely right, having things the way we want them and disliking things is based on te animal aspect of human nature. I don't disagree with you at all.

[feannigvogten]

There are so many judgements in here about western marriage. If I did they same about polygamy on this forum, I would never hear the end of it.

Can you please elaborate on what you have already said, I am particularly interested in what you have to say about 'Now, if people want to follow the absurd, fabricated notion presented by the shaiyateen of the west that one man, one woman full stop'. What do you mean by this.

And also what do you mean by the following? 'Then what I notice in the west, these girls (and boys) end up in haram situations where they are taken advantage of and abused by either husbands who have the same type of cultural mindset, or by 'boyfriends' who take advantage of these sisters and use them'

Hi,
I really appreciate your taking the time to ask questions and point out certain things that were unclear. I appreciate it, as sometimes I'm not clear in what I'm trying to say. I'll try to clarify, and if there is anything else, please let me know.

Yes I have judged western style marriage or the presented hollywood version of marriage due to the results I see; it is often superficially based, it often ends in divorce (which is common place now), often the husband or wife cheats on the other. These are things that I have seen happen to non-muslim family members, and in the end only breaks men and women emotionally. Remember I'm only criticizing the illusory,fantasy aspect that is associated with marriage (stemming from the west, but anywhere it occurs it is the same).

I believe that saying the only moral thing is for one man to be married to one woman at a time is wrong. If this was the reality, most women would never have a husband, never have children, etc. I don't agree I think that if this notion is made the only option, then it is extremely cruel.

As to the last point, women get abused in this society. They are stepped on and taken advantage of by men, who act like animals because they have also been abused and don't know right from wrong. I'm not sure what else to elaborate, as I believe the previous post from which these lines were quoted explained the context. But let me know if I can do anything else.

[feannigvogten]

Masha'Allah, May Allah azza wa jal reward you and your wife for your intentions and make it easy for you to achieve the things you want..ameen

Salaam alaiki sayyidati,

Allah bless all the muslims in these evil times, especially the children, these days are filled with grief and they are filled with sorrow. Allah keep us safe until we meet Him.

[feannigvogten]

Im having difficulty believing this! lol. your wife really thinks its a good idea for you to re-marry...? mashallah.

Salaam alaikum sayyidati,

Yes she does, and if she told me tomorrow that she felt badly about it, I would drop it out of respect for her. She was the one who even suggested it.

[feannigvogten]

mashallah!

w alikum assalam

Masha'allah to you, barakallah fiki, salaam alaikum.

[chadnezzrr]

Salaam alaikum sayyidati,

I think a deep rooted problem of this jealousy issue atleast today, is that women don't understand how honored they are by Allah. The west teaches (in the past openly and now subtly) that a woman's worth is to be judged by the man, and so she feels slighted when a man would have a second wife, as she feels she is being insulted and put down, oppressed, etc. But Islam teaches us that a woman's worth is not subject to a man, but rather Allah has made her honor a part of her essence. Think how much honor is given to the feminine aspect of humanity in Islam. Even the divine names in arabic, many are from a feminine root, Rahman, Rahim, Halim, Wadud, etc. A woman in Islam always deserves the highest respect from men, as every man had a mother, and we all know paradise is at her feet. Rasulullah salallahu alaihi wa salim honored women and crashed so many horrid stereotypes that the jahili arabs had in regards to women.

All problems we have are based on our drifting away from Islam, whether physically, mentally, or spiritually, and replacing it with foreign ideas and ghastly, failed attempts at pseudo-truth.

I read over and over again the women are honored in Islam. I am trying to open my mind to it all but I cant think of a bigger contradiction on one hand to say women are honored and on the other hand to say that a man can have up to 4 wives, and as some have already said to me they dont even need their 1st wifes consent.

[myhackingtosh_ws]

I read over and over again the women are honored in Islam. I am trying to open my mind to it all but I cant think of a bigger contradiction on one hand to say women are honored and on the other hand to say that a man can have up to 4 wives, and as some have already said to me they dont even need their 1st wifes consent.

So that a man can honor 4 wives and not let them survive all alone in this evil world.

[myhackingtosh_ws]

Bismillahir Rahmanir Rahim
Salaam alaikum

Since the issue of ta'addud seems to be springing up on this site, I thought I would ask for nasiha and assistance.

I have discussed with my wife that in a few years, I should marry another wife. We have been married for about 5 years, and al hamdulillah everything is going quite well with usual ups and downs. But we have seriously discussed this we both think it is a good thing, for a variety of reasons. One is that we keep hearing stories about poor sisters who get played around with and treated badly by husbands, and that after they become divorced there is a stigma attached to this.
The main reason for me to get a second wife is not for sexual fulfillment, or something that I am lacking in my present marriage (I am very blessed with my wife), but my reasons for wanting to have a second wife are th following:
- in our area, there are no muslims at all. Just me, my wife, and my child (and any other children on the way. We think that by having more wives, more children will be brought up as muslims and this area will become Islamic (since where I live there are not many people PERIOD).
- I am afraid that as my wife and I get older, one of us will eventually die, and the other will be left alone. One thing I seen in Africa where men had multiple wives, there were no lonely old people, as they had atleast one other person their own age that was a close friend. I see that to be more important in this type of area.
Anyway, there are other reasons too that can be discussed, but basically I am looking for any advice on this, and also what to do physically in actually seeking a second wife? There is no masjid here and no local community, so any help at all from brothers or sisters would be much appreciated. Jazakumullah khair, Ramadan mubarak.

May Allah help you in reviving a blessed Sunnah, Ameen.

This looks like a Matrimonial ad :P

Register on a matrimonial website If you don't have any help locally. Contact Imams from other places. Contact Madressahs. Make dua.

Make ur intentions right. The first intention should be to fulfill a dead sunnah. Other things come later.

I'll let you know if I find someone.

[chadnezzrr]

So that a man can honor 4 wives and not let them survive all alone in this evil world.

Women are not children. They are more than capable of looking after themselves and living independently. This is a cultural thing. I managed to live alone until I got married without being corrupted.

[feannigvogten]

I read over and over again the women are honored in Islam. I am trying to open my mind to it all but I cant think of a bigger contradiction on one hand to say women are honored and on the other hand to say that a man can have up to 4 wives, and as some have already said to me they dont even need their 1st wifes consent.

Hi,

Again, I appreciate your effort to learn and see past your own preconceptions. It is highly commendable, and many Muslims should also learn to do this. You are setting a good example for others to follow, and it is a big thing in this world for someone to be such a way.
Another thing is that I highly admire your honesty. Again, most of us lack this, and to see you writing in such a way that is both respectful and honest sets a good example that must be recognized by Muslims especially.

The problem is I think the issue of where honor comes from. The woman has honor, regardless of here worldly state, be she married, single, mother, daughter, etc, it doesn't matter. She has honor and value, because it has been endowed to her by Allah. Regardless, every woman, muslim or non-muslim, has divinely appointed honor. No one one earth can give it to her and no one on earth can take it away.
Her worth and value as a unique individual created by Allah is not in anyway dependent upon a man. This point must be stressed, because it is an alarming truth that there is a notion that woman must do everything just as man does it to be equal. This is a fallacy of feminism as we know it today; it is trying uplift women's state by holding up to the yardstick of masculinity. I reject that completely, and so should any woman, as she is not subject to man, and she does not require his "permission' as it were to be treated or viewed as 'one of the boys'.

[feannigvogten]

May Allah help you in reviving a blessed Sunnah, Ameen.

This looks like a Matrimonial ad :P

Register on a matrimonial website If you don't have any help locally. Contact Imams from other places. Contact Madressahs. Make dua.

Make ur intentions right. The first intention should be to fulfill a dead sunnah. Other things come later.

I'll let you know if I find someone.

Salaam alaikum Sidi,

I appreciate any assistance in the matter, and your advices are welcome as well.

[myhackingtosh_ws]

Women are not children. They are more than capable of looking after themselves and living independently. This is a cultural thing. I managed to live alone until I got married without being corrupted.

Rules are made for the whole country, for the whole society.. And when made by Allah, they are made for the whole Humanity.

It doesn't happen like for example,

Taliban can drive his car at 160mph
ftannouss can drive it at 200mph
Nomadic should drive at 120mph
Naqshbundi cannot drive more than 80mph

Does this happen?....NO...

So Allah sent Islam and made it's rules considering all of humanity till the day of Qayamat. It is not specific to one country or one society or one culture only. It is there for the whole humanity till the day of Qayamat and not for any specific time.

You managed to live alone without being corrupted, your neighbour couldn't manage and ended up in prostitution, that girl in the other city couldn't manage alone and ended up being used by cheap men. That other girl had no one to look after her, so she had to sell her body to work in an office and ended up being used by the boss.

So Allah made a system. This is the beauty and PROOF of Islam I was talking about. It takes into consideration all times, all societies, all cultures and all humans. AND ONLY ALLAH CAN DO THAT, no human can make such a perfect rule and LAW.

Ta'addud is encouraged by our Prophet Muhammad (My life be sacrificed on him) and his Companions. All the Prophets peace be upon them all, had more than one wife.

This beautiful practice shows us how considerate Islam is that the society is properly balanced. You can see what is happening around the world today. Sex, prostitution... You can debate on this too that what's wrong with it? They do it out of freewill. Nobody does it out of freewill. They are forced to do it. They are forced to earn money. Which woman wouldn't like to live like a Queen at her home instead of being a beggar at the feet of men?

So it is ISLAM who gave women this honor.

Allah knows us best. No one can know us more than Allah. Allah loves us more than our mothers do. Allah allowed Ta'addud because he knew the nature of Men (because he created it) and he knew that there will be more women than men. So to create balance in the society, it is needed to be practiced.

You can debate why Allah made us that way, well that's out of debate. He's Allah and He does what is best for us all.

More can be said..

Insha'Allah in time.

hope you understand.

One request again.. Please read things with an open mind and ask Allah to give you hidayat. If you keep on asking and still you don't receive Hidayat (guidance, which is not possible that u don't get it), then you will have an excuse on the day of judgement. You can say Allah i asked for Hidayat and you didn't give it. But the condition is that, You take it when it comes your way.. You don't reject it!

Thank you.

[feannigvogten]

Women are not children. They are more than capable of looking after themselves and living independently. This is a cultural thing. I managed to live alone until I got married without being corrupted.

Hi,

Yes women are not children or invalids, women are capable of working and looking after themselves. But we are talking about marriage, which in itself is about dependence not independence. Other woman's rights issues should be discussed, but this is talking about multiple wives.

We are looking at things from one perspectives, and you are looking at it from another. There is nothing wrong with that, and I think sometimes superficial things such as saying that a woman can't make it on her own, and other such statements are demeaning to women as it ties back to this dependency upon man, whereas we have an opposite example in Islam. If anyone is dependent upon the other, it is the man upon the woman, this was how it was from the beginning with Adam and Hawa; man was created first and then woman. There is a great wisdom in this and a true sign of the reality of the case if we think about it.