[feannigvogten]

Bismillahir Rahmanir Rahim
Salaam alaikum

Since the issue of ta'addud seems to be springing up on this site, I thought I would ask for nasiha and assistance.

I have discussed with my wife that in a few years, I should marry another wife. We have been married for about 5 years, and al hamdulillah everything is going quite well with usual ups and downs. But we have seriously discussed this we both think it is a good thing, for a variety of reasons. One is that we keep hearing stories about poor sisters who get played around with and treated badly by husbands, and that after they become divorced there is a stigma attached to this.
The main reason for me to get a second wife is not for sexual fulfillment, or something that I am lacking in my present marriage (I am very blessed with my wife), but my reasons for wanting to have a second wife are th following:
- in our area, there are no muslims at all. Just me, my wife, and my child (and any other children on the way. We think that by having more wives, more children will be brought up as muslims and this area will become Islamic (since where I live there are not many people PERIOD).
- I am afraid that as my wife and I get older, one of us will eventually die, and the other will be left alone. One thing I seen in Africa where men had multiple wives, there were no lonely old people, as they had atleast one other person their own age that was a close friend. I see that to be more important in this type of area.
Anyway, there are other reasons too that can be discussed, but basically I am looking for any advice on this, and also what to do physically in actually seeking a second wife? There is no masjid here and no local community, so any help at all from brothers or sisters would be much appreciated. Jazakumullah khair, Ramadan mubarak.

[ViaplyVuple]

Bismillahir Rahmanir Rahim
Salaam alaikum

Since the issue of ta'addud seems to be springing up on this site, I thought I would ask for nasiha and assistance.

I have discussed with my wife that in a few years, I should marry another wife. We have been married for about 5 years, and al hamdulillah everything is going quite well with usual ups and downs. But we have seriously discussed this we both think it is a good thing, for a variety of reasons. One is that we keep hearing stories about poor sisters who get played around with and treated badly by husbands, and that after they become divorced there is a stigma attached to this.
The main reason for me to get a second wife is not for sexual fulfillment, or something that I am lacking in my present marriage (I am very blessed with my wife), but my reasons for wanting to have a second wife are th following:
- in our area, there are no muslims at all. Just me, my wife, and my child (and any other children on the way. We think that by having more wives, more children will be brought up as muslims and this area will become Islamic (since where I live there are not many people PERIOD).
- I am afraid that as my wife and I get older, one of us will eventually die, and the other will be left alone. One thing I seen in Africa where men had multiple wives, there were no lonely old people, as they had atleast one other person their own age that was a close friend. I see that to be more important in this type of area.
Anyway, there are other reasons too that can be discussed, but basically I am looking for any advice on this, and also what to do physically in actually seeking a second wife? There is no masjid here and no local community, so any help at all from brothers or sisters would be much appreciated. Jazakumullah khair, Ramadan mubarak.

Make istikharrah and then:



Ask the Ummat here maybe they know sisters interested. Allah swt make it easy for you, ameen.

[ViaplyVuple]

Also, ask the Mujadid of Polygamy Moulana Taliban for advices he may be able to assist you.

[feannigvogten]

Also, ask the Mujadid of Polygamy Moulana Taliban for advices he may be able to assist you.

Salaam alaikum,

Jazakallah for your advices sidi, I don't know this Mawlana, if someone can let him know for me who knows him, it would be much appreciated.

[feannigvogten]

Salaam alaikum,

And I agree with Sidi Fusus, that if anyone has advices in this qawm or any directions it would be helpful. I and my wife feel that Muslims living in the west are at an extreme disadvantage and real danger with the ensuing collapse of the western governments. The only way to be independent from this society (as Rasulullah salallahu alaihi wa salim has said he who seeks independence shall be granted it by Allah) is to live out of the cities, and to be in the rural areas, growing your own food, animals, etc, which we are doing now. The problem with this in the west is that there are no muslims in the rural areas, so we are alone, but the only people around us are non-muslim people who's intentions when everything collapses are dubious at best. So by having bigger families, one creates a network of people who can be trusted (this is why people had big families in the first place, or atleast one of the reasons). As our din allows us more than one wife, I feel it allows mercy on the women, as some women in the western world have had 18 kids, and I don't think this is wise for a single woman in the long run. I'm just trying to give some of our thinking so maybe others can assist.

[q9h9pPne]

Salaam alaikum,

Jazakallah for your advices sidi, I don't know this Mawlana, if someone can let him know for me who knows him, it would be much appreciated.

he will be there in few hours inshallah =)

[ViaplyVuple]

Moulana Polygamy aka Moulana Taliban is like a muakkil; once you mention polygamy he appears fairly quickly ready to offer his services.

I hear you bro will make dua for you insha'Allah. Maybe the bros/sis from west who are on here can help recommend people.

[feannigvogten]

he will be there in few hours inshallah =)

Ok jazakallah khair sidi;

Another point is that today a lot of muslimas have been hurt emotionally in a variety of ways; either coming from families that raised them with non-islamic, gender biased cultural mindsets that made the sister feel hurt. Then what I notice in the west, these girls (and boys) end up in haram situations where they are taken advantage of and abused by either husbands who have the same type of cultural mindset, or by 'boyfriends' who take advantage of these sisters and use them. This leaves these poor sisters broken, which only opens up more possibilities to be abused. This fiction presented by hollywood and copied by mutant offspring such as bollywood would have these sisters (and brothers) believe that there is that special someone in this world who you will fall in love with and everything will be like romeo and juliet. Reality, when you get right down to it, being in love with someone is being able to trust them with your own vulnerabilities. Love is not in its essence sexual or romantic, but it is protection and trust. It is comfort and a feeling of security. Now, if people want to follow the absurd, fabricated notion presented by the shaiyateen of the west that one man, one woman full stop, is the way it is, if you are a woman, you have nearly condemned yourself to a life without a spouse. I find this sad and depressing, because, in the end, no one wants to grow old alone. Parents die, siblings move and have lives of their own, friends busy themselves and disappear, and you're alone, because of this sick fantasy spun by the shaiyateen that say, this is the way it must be. Allah save us from this.

[TaxSheemaSter]

Bismillah
Walaikum assalam ww
maashaaAllah you have a good intention and pretty straight forward. Let Allah SWT grant you pious wives and children and exalt you people in both the worlds. Amin

[feannigvogten]

Moulana Polygamy aka Moulana Taliban is like a muakkil; once you mention polygamy he appears fairly quickly ready to offer his services.

I hear you bro will make dua for you insha'Allah. Maybe the bros/sis from west who are on here can help recommend people.

Salaam Sidi,
Masha'allah, he is doing something very good. Allah reward him for that.
Make du'a for me Sidi, many things are happening, and swiftly this is drawing to a close. There is no safety but with Allah and His Rasul salallahu alaihi wa salim, make du'a I die with conviction in this.

[feannigvogten]

Bismillah
Walaikum assalam ww
maashaaAllah you have a good intention and pretty straight forward. Let Allah SWT grant you pious wives and children and exalt you people in both the worlds. Amin

Salaam sayyidati,
Please make du'a for us in Ramadan, as all I have are imperfect deeds and struggling hopes. This life is hardship, Allah make us all of the people of steadfastness.

[TaxSheemaSter]

Salaam sayyidati,
Please make du'a for us in Ramadan, as all I have are imperfect deeds and struggling hopes. This life is hardship, Allah make us all of the people of steadfastness.

Bismillah
inshaaAllah I will make duaa for you but you too should remember me in your duas.

[feannigvogten]

Bismillah
inshaaAllah I will make duaa for you but you too should remember me in your duas.

Allah give you jannah, amin.

[feannigvogten]

I know it must be difficult for women to have a co-wife, but I think that the image of marriage presented by the west has made it more difficult than what has to be.

[pobrierce]

I know it must be difficult for women to have a co-wife, but I think that the image of marriage presented by the west has made it more difficult than what has to be.

true... not just a second wife but all those hoors in jannah. We women even get jealous of them, well, most of us anyway.

May Allah make it easy for you to carry out your objective. Ameen

[feannigvogten]

true... not just a second wife but all those hoors in jannah. We women even get jealous of them, well, most of us anyway.

May Allah make it easy for you to carry out your objective. Ameen

Salaam alaikum sayyidati,

I think a deep rooted problem of this jealousy issue atleast today, is that women don't understand how honored they are by Allah. The west teaches (in the past openly and now subtly) that a woman's worth is to be judged by the man, and so she feels slighted when a man would have a second wife, as she feels she is being insulted and put down, oppressed, etc. But Islam teaches us that a woman's worth is not subject to a man, but rather Allah has made her honor a part of her essence. Think how much honor is given to the feminine aspect of humanity in Islam. Even the divine names in arabic, many are from a feminine root, Rahman, Rahim, Halim, Wadud, etc. A woman in Islam always deserves the highest respect from men, as every man had a mother, and we all know paradise is at her feet. Rasulullah salallahu alaihi wa salim honored women and crashed so many horrid stereotypes that the jahili arabs had in regards to women.

All problems we have are based on our drifting away from Islam, whether physically, mentally, or spiritually, and replacing it with foreign ideas and ghastly, failed attempts at pseudo-truth.

[TaxSheemaSter]

Salaam alaikum sayyidati,

I think a deep rooted problem of this jealousy issue atleast today, is that women don't understand how honored they are by Allah. The west teaches (in the past openly and now subtly) that a woman's worth is to be judged by the man, and so she feels slighted when a man would have a second wife, as she feels she is being insulted and put down, oppressed, etc. But Islam teaches us that a woman's worth is not subject to a man, but rather Allah has made her honor a part of her essence. Think how much honor is given to the feminine aspect of humanity in Islam. Even the divine names in arabic, many are from a feminine root, Rahman, Rahim, Halim, Wadud, etc. A woman in Islam always deserves the highest respect from men, as every man had a mother, and we all know paradise is at her feet. Rasulullah salallahu alaihi wa salim honored women and crashed so many horrid stereotypes that the jahili arabs had in regards to women.

All problems we have are based on our drifting away from Islam, whether physically, mentally, or spiritually, and replacing it with foreign ideas and ghastly, failed attempts at pseudo-truth.

Bismillah

mashaaAllah your post is very soothing and words full of wisdom. True when one gets closer to Allah SWT and His Prophet SAW all so called misconceptions will be blown away.
jazaakAllahu khayraa

[chadnezzrr]

Ok jazakallah khair sidi;

Another point is that today a lot of muslimas have been hurt emotionally in a variety of ways; either coming from families that raised them with non-islamic, gender biased cultural mindsets that made the sister feel hurt. Then what I notice in the west, these girls (and boys) end up in haram situations where they are taken advantage of and abused by either husbands who have the same type of cultural mindset, or by 'boyfriends' who take advantage of these sisters and use them. This leaves these poor sisters broken, which only opens up more possibilities to be abused. This fiction presented by hollywood and copied by mutant offspring such as bollywood would have these sisters (and brothers) believe that there is that special someone in this world who you will fall in love with and everything will be like romeo and juliet. Reality, when you get right down to it, being in love with someone is being able to trust them with your own vulnerabilities. Love is not in its essence sexual or romantic, but it is protection and trust. It is comfort and a feeling of security. Now, if people want to follow the absurd, fabricated notion presented by the shaiyateen of the west that one man, one woman full stop, is the way it is, if you are a woman, you have nearly condemned yourself to a life without a spouse. I find this sad and depressing, because, in the end, no one wants to grow old alone. Parents die, siblings move and have lives of their own, friends busy themselves and disappear, and you're alone, because of this sick fantasy spun by the shaiyateen that say, this is the way it must be. Allah save us from this.

There are so many judgements in here about western marriage. If I did they same about polygamy on this forum, I would never hear the end of it.

Can you please elaborate on what you have already said, I am particularly interested in what you have to say about 'Now, if people want to follow the absurd, fabricated notion presented by the shaiyateen of the west that one man, one woman full stop'. What do you mean by this.

And also what do you mean by the following? 'Then what I notice in the west, these girls (and boys) end up in haram situations where they are taken advantage of and abused by either husbands who have the same type of cultural mindset, or by 'boyfriends' who take advantage of these sisters and use them'

[SallythePearl]

Bismillahir Rahmanir Rahim
Salaam alaikum

Since the issue of ta'addud seems to be springing up on this site, I thought I would ask for nasiha and assistance.

I have discussed with my wife that in a few years, I should marry another wife. We have been married for about 5 years, and al hamdulillah everything is going quite well with usual ups and downs. But we have seriously discussed this we both think it is a good thing, for a variety of reasons. One is that we keep hearing stories about poor sisters who get played around with and treated badly by husbands, and that after they become divorced there is a stigma attached to this.
The main reason for me to get a second wife is not for sexual fulfillment, or something that I am lacking in my present marriage (I am very blessed with my wife), but my reasons for wanting to have a second wife are th following:
- in our area, there are no muslims at all. Just me, my wife, and my child (and any other children on the way. We think that by having more wives, more children will be brought up as muslims and this area will become Islamic (since where I live there are not many people PERIOD).
- I am afraid that as my wife and I get older, one of us will eventually die, and the other will be left alone. One thing I seen in Africa where men had multiple wives, there were no lonely old people, as they had atleast one other person their own age that was a close friend. I see that to be more important in this type of area.
Anyway, there are other reasons too that can be discussed, but basically I am looking for any advice on this, and also what to do physically in actually seeking a second wife? There is no masjid here and no local community, so any help at all from brothers or sisters would be much appreciated. Jazakumullah khair, Ramadan mubarak.

mashallah!

w alikum assalam

[chadnezzrr]

mashallah!

w alikum assalam

This is not an answer to the questions I asked, is it supposed to be?