[rojettafoxx]

Salaamu Alykum all,

Moreso, this thread is aimed for the sisters on the forum. However due to the forum being a place where knowledgable brothers also reside then welcome also to give comments.

What's it like being a house-wife? How do you get around the matter of requesting financial assistance from a spouse? For me I find that many children raised by moms who stayed at home are more balanced and stabilized in their personalities. However, as someone constantly in studies or work, once I am home, I find it gets to be really boring at times.

I do respect women who dedicate a portion of their lives for raising good and pious children. However, I fear the ability of being unable to do so and in all awkwardness, the inability to be dependent on a spouse. How do you do it? I realize it could be a matter of illicit pride because the Muslim women of our past did not have a problem in this, but then again, maybe they did, because some of the Muslim women also worked? Do share some insights on being a good house-wife and also any related being a good mother and wife whilst being a good professional. How did you strike the right balance, duties and demands for everything required?

[M4tHkBw2]

just luk how prophets wives lived............

[fashikn]

Wa'alaikum assalaam sis,

Muslims living in the west have been subject to all manner of cultural pressures, and the expectation of women to do anything other than being housewives is just one example of this. If you think about it, even in western society this has only been the case since the last century with the rise of the feminist movement, but humankind have become arrogant in believing that we know it all and that these changes and 'modernity' are beneficial for us. Has the human race not managed just fine for the last 2000 years with women staying at home? Has modernity not, in fact, brought about disastrous consequences, with women being made to believe that they should also be working, thus impacting negatively not only on the tarbiyya of the following generations (which has knock-on effects which snowball to cause a huge breakdown in the moral fabric of society), but also more women working and the technology revolution means that there aren't enough jobs for the men, which leads to massive unemployment and increases the gap between rich and poor as some families have both parents as high earning professionals and others have a father struggling to find a job at all.

Being a housewife is the natural role for a woman. It fits in with our gentle, feminine nature which is conducive to raising kids and to organising and personalising a home to make it a calm, clean and comfortable place for the whole family, alive with the spirit of Islam. I am recently married but yet to have children, so the examples I am drawing on are from those in my family, particularly my mum who has always been a housewife (after getting married after uni) and has had 6 children mashaAllah. From her experiences, I can tell you that being a stay-at-home mum is not only the most noble thing for a woman to do, but in fact it is even harder that doing a job outside the house - it's a 24 hours, 7 days a week long marathon for years and years until your children have grown to maturity, and diverting your attention elsewhere because of a job is really not worth it.

How do you get around the matter of requesting financial assistance from a spouse? For me I find that many children raised by moms who stayed at home are more balanced and stabilized in their personalities. However, as someone constantly in studies or work, once I am home, I find it gets to be really boring at times.

I do respect women who dedicate a portion of their lives for raising good and pious children. However, I fear the ability of being unable to do so and in all awkwardness, the inability to be dependent on a spouse.

These worries are caused by us being influences by some of the values of western society. A relationship is about trust and understanding, women shouldn't be feeling that being financially dependent is awkward or makes them somehow feel a lack of empowerment. This is the natural order of things, men are qawwamun for a reason. Plus, everything you need is obligated upon your husband to provide as one of the basic rights of the wife in marriage, and if you do feel that you want some more pocket money than your husband is able to give you, then whatever you earn on the side is your own, but we shouldn't be treating this as being needed so that we are independent of our husbands. How do you think that makes men feel? "oh I appreciate that your job is to look after me but I'd rather look after myself thanks". This will destroy a man's confidence as women are supposed to be cared for by their men. Imagine a man saying that he doesn't want his wife doing anything in the house, doesn't want to eat the food she makes and doesn't want to spend time intimately with her, and instead goes to great lengths to do all of the housework himself and meanwhile his work and his job are suffering... backwards right? How rejected would the woman feel? One of the results of this feminist movement is generations and generations of weak men who have lost the 'hunter-gatherer' instinct and sense of responsibility because the women are acting like men instead. There is so much on the web to read about these sorts of things.

As for boredom, sister there is soo much that we don't know about the deen, everyone has a lot to improve on, and as the saying goes, an intelligent person never gets bored. Studying the deen is one of the most beneficial things that a sister who stays at home can do, not only for the reward for herself for seeking knowledge, but also for the benefits that it will ultimately have for the tarbiya of her children. Life is short and trying to think of 'things to do' except trying to draw close to Allah (swt) before we are brought before him is probably not a very valuable use of time...

Finally, although I'm clearly of a certain view, that's not to say I don't think women should work at all. For some professions there is a fard kifaya of women working, such as medicine, teaching, and many other things that women can do from their own homes, such as private tutoring, health and beauty (such as hairdressing or mendhi/henna) etc which I think are all absolutely fine and to be encouraged provided that women have their priorities straight and are not failing in their duties to their families.

These are just my humble opinions, and allahu'allam. It's always best to approach people of knowledge in these matters.

[rojettafoxx]

brother and sister for your responses. I particularly appreciated a thoughtful response like yours sister! I agree, we should not strive in changing the natural order of things that has been assigned to us, although I have met some not-so-gentle women before perhaps it's external conditioning or a set of circumstances that made them like this.

Maybe, I really need to take things one step at a time, and trust Allah. Another question of mines,

Do a female need her husband's or father's permission to do social charity work ?