[Dayreive]

[QUOTE=saihah;650497]

May Allah help you through this and make this a means of forgiveness in akhirah.

Sister, hang in there. I don't know about all men, but mine certainly does get on my nerves very frequently What I find is helpful is make lots and lots of dua, like the brothers here mentioned; be very very calm, the more anxious one gets, more aggressive the other one becomes (in my case atleast). And give him his space, which I am sure you do, but make some changes there. And best of all, talk to him.

Don't worry sister, it will all be fine inshaAllah.

salam sister

well yesterday he apology to me told me to not leave .. that he cant live without me etc. than today he was on the way home but stoped in germany ... funny he changed his number ... and told me that the trust is my own problem and hang on. i simply dont understand that guy. one day he is so good and the next he change 360 degree. he say that i need to make so i trust him ... and he dont understand why i dont. pls how can i get thrue to him?

[Dayreive]

ameen ameen al ameen.
thank u for your respond sis ... well i know sis that i have to give in marriage to ... and i am sister .. normal i would not agree for him to go on bussines trips, but every time i give him little finger but he eats all my hand.
may allah swt reward u for your help. ameen

Dear Sister, felt sad reading your post. But, remember, there is always a hope, no matter what! When you ask Allah for something sincerely, and expecially when in pain of any kind, he surely listens to your plea. I know of a few Duas that can help you, but before that I would like to tell you something.

As you asked in your post that "..Is this normal in Islamic Rules?" , lemme tell you that, a person's behaviour cant be and shouldnt be associated with the religion. I mean, if your hubby behaves this way then, its HIM & HIS behaviour, and not the religion.
For example, if there is a car, and the person who is driving it is not a good driver and after few hits & misses, goes ahead to cause an accident. Now, whom would you blame for this? The Driver or the Car? Ofcourse, the Driver! If the driver didnt know about the way the car is to be drived, then HE is a bad driver, HE is to be blamed & not the car.
Similarly, if a muslim, like your hubby, does anything wrong or behaves harshly with you and all that you said, then its HE who is to be blamed, for he doesnt know about the way the husband is to behave in Islam, HE is a bad husband and not the religion! I hope that point is clear.


Next, to throw some more light on the aspect of matrimonial relationaship & wife's rights in Islam, please read this article : http://sunnah.org/msaec/articles/res...es_husband.htm.
I hope after reading this, your misconception will be cleared


Coming nxt to your question, as to what YOU should do. Sister, first and fore most, there might be reasons to what ever is happenign between both of you. And those reasons are surely unknown to us. Firstly, think about them. What has lead to all this. What has made hisbehaviour change. I am sure, there are mistakes which BOTH of you have done. Think about yours. Think where all were you wrong. Ask forgiveness from Allah (S.W.T) for that. Next, just remember that, as a wife, you should not just 'Expect' but also 'Accept'. Accept that your husband should be given some time, Accept that he should be given some space. Accept that he should be given respect & honor. Accept his decisions calmly at times, even if you are not agreeing with it. And if its serious, then put your opinion forward in a way as if your giving a suggestion and helping him to get the best out of it, speak in his terms, and not in a tone & way like 'I want it to be like this....'. Always remember, for a happy married life, it should always be 'We' and not 'I'. It kinda gives the husbands a feeling that you are trying to be dominating, and men usually dont tolerate that ! its a universal truth.

Try to be adjusting, at times even if he is harsh, keep quite, and have patience (sabr), for its the best virtue. Allah sees all, and loves the ones who have patience. And remember, love can win it all. Do things that he likes, cook what he loves to eat, & Just be loving, polite & calm, how much ever harsh he tries to be. Its gonna be very tough, but also worth it !!!!! I hope you will follow these simple lil steps

Finally, here are a few Duas that will sureshot help you out. Here goes :


1. To create or develop love between man and his wife:

1. Recite Surah Yasin 7 times and every time blow breath through the palm of the right hand on 7 almonds separately and give them to your spouse for eating all of them.

2. BISMILLAHIR RAHMAN NIR RAHIM 786 times on a glass of clean (pure) water and give it to your spouse for drinking.

3. Recite Surah An-Nisa 7 times a day.


2. To remove misunderstanding and discord and instead create love and understanding between man and wife:

1. Recite Surah Jumah (chapter 62) on Friday and invoke the Almighty Allah to fulfill your desire.

2. Recite the Allah's name "AL MAANI-U" (meaning: The Preventer) as many times as possible.

3. Recite the following portion of verse 54 of al Ma-idah on some sweet eatables and let both of them eat it.:

He loves them and who love Him, humble towards the believers, mighty against the infidels.

UH'IBBUHUM WA YUH'IBBOONAHOOO AD'ILLATIN A'LAL MOOMINEENA A-I'ZZATIN A'LAL KAAFIREEN


3. If the husband is displeased with the wife:

1. Recite the following verse 165 of Surah Al Baqarah on some sweat eatables and give it to him to eat. Inshaallah soon there will be positive result :

And yet there are some among men who take for themselves objects of worship besides Allah whom they love as they love Allah; but the believers are stronger in love from Allah. And if those who are unjust could only see when they see the punishment, that to Allah belongs all powers, and verily Allah is severe in punishment.

WA MINAN NAASI MAY YATTAKHID'U MIN DOONILLAAHI ANDAADAY YUH'IBBOONAHUM KAH'UBBILLAAH WALLAD'EENA AAMANOOO ASHADDU H'UBBAL LILLAAH WA LAW YARAL LAD'EENA Z'ALAMOOD ID'YARAWNAL A'D'AABA ANNAL QUWWATA LILLAAHI JAMEE-A'W WA ANNALLAAHA SHADEEDUL A'D'AAB

2. Recite 30 times verse 129 of Surah al Bara-at during the Friday night, keeping in mind the name of the displeased spouse. Inshallah, there will be harmony between the two spouses again.

But if they turn away, say: “Allah suffices me. There is no god but He. On Him do I rely, and He is the Lord of the great throne.”

FA-IN TAWALLAW FAQUL H'ASBIYALLAAHU LAAA ILAAHA ILLAA HUW A'LAYHI TAWAKKALTU WA HUWA RABBUL A'RSHIL A'Z'EEM

Then say name of spouse with mother

O my Allah, You are (my) Lord, be sufficient for me to make her heart yield to me and submit to me in (love and affection).

ALLAAHUMMA ANTA YAA RABBI 'ASBEE A'LAA (mention the name of the spouse with mother's name) QA-T'IF QALBAHAA A'LAYYA WA D'ALLIHAA LEE


4. To make a bad tempered and wicked husband docile and gentle:

1. recite the following du-a'a on some sweet eatables and give it to him to eat:

O everliving, O self-subsisting, O beneficent, O merciful (help me) by Your mercy, O the most merciful.

YAA H'AYYU YAA QAYYOOM YAA RAH'MAANU YAA RAHEEM BIRAH'MATIKA YAA ARH'AMAR RAAHIMEEN

All this will surely help you. Allah (S.W.T) is the most high, most merciful !!
--------------------------

Also, you can read this article for your encouragement, which will give you hope & build up for belief in the power of Duas & asking from Allah (S.W.T), the most high :
http://ifirdous.hubpages.com/hub/howduachangedmylife


May Allah (S.W.T) help you and all the muslim couples (also the future ones) in life and bless them with the love & respect similar to the one that was there between Rasulullah Muhammed (S.A.W) and his beloved wives, and with lots & lots of happiness.

Also, may he guide all the men & women to realise their duties & rights towards their spouse & lead a happy & peaceful life in line with Shariah.

Ameen, Ya Rabbal Aalameen !!

[Dayreive]

ameen ameen al ameen.
thank u for your respond sis ... well i know sis that i have to give in marriage to ... and i am sister .. normal i would not agree for him to go on bussines trips, but every time i give him little finger but he eats all my hand.
may allah swt reward u for your help. ameen

Dear Sister, felt sad reading your post. But, remember, there is always a hope, no matter what! When you ask Allah for something sincerely, and expecially when in pain of any kind, he surely listens to your plea. I know of a few Duas that can help you, but before that I would like to tell you something.

As you asked in your post that "..Is this normal in Islamic Rules?" , lemme tell you that, a person's behaviour cant be and shouldnt be associated with the religion. I mean, if your hubby behaves this way then, its HIM & HIS behaviour, and not the religion.
For example, if there is a car, and the person who is driving it is not a good driver and after few hits & misses, goes ahead to cause an accident. Now, whom would you blame for this? The Driver or the Car? Ofcourse, the Driver! If the driver didnt know about the way the car is to be drived, then HE is a bad driver, HE is to be blamed & not the car.
Similarly, if a muslim, like your hubby, does anything wrong or behaves harshly with you and all that you said, then its HE who is to be blamed, for he doesnt know about the way the husband is to behave in Islam, HE is a bad husband and not the religion! I hope that point is clear.


Next, to throw some more light on the aspect of matrimonial relationaship & wife's rights in Islam, please read this article : http://sunnah.org/msaec/articles/res...es_husband.htm.
I hope after reading this, your misconception will be cleared


Coming nxt to your question, as to what YOU should do. Sister, first and fore most, there might be reasons to what ever is happenign between both of you. And those reasons are surely unknown to us. Firstly, think about them. What has lead to all this. What has made hisbehaviour change. I am sure, there are mistakes which BOTH of you have done. Think about yours. Think where all were you wrong. Ask forgiveness from Allah (S.W.T) for that. Next, just remember that, as a wife, you should not just 'Expect' but also 'Accept'. Accept that your husband should be given some time, Accept that he should be given some space. Accept that he should be given respect & honor. Accept his decisions calmly at times, even if you are not agreeing with it. And if its serious, then put your opinion forward in a way as if your giving a suggestion and helping him to get the best out of it, speak in his terms, and not in a tone & way like 'I want it to be like this....'. Always remember, for a happy married life, it should always be 'We' and not 'I'. It kinda gives the husbands a feeling that you are trying to be dominating, and men usually dont tolerate that ! its a universal truth.

Try to be adjusting, at times even if he is harsh, keep quite, and have patience (sabr), for its the best virtue. Allah sees all, and loves the ones who have patience. And remember, love can win it all. Do things that he likes, cook what he loves to eat, & Just be loving, polite & calm, how much ever harsh he tries to be. Its gonna be very tough, but also worth it !!!!! I hope you will follow these simple lil steps

Finally, here are a few Duas that will sureshot help you out. Here goes :


1. To create or develop love between man and his wife:

1. Recite Surah Yasin 7 times and every time blow breath through the palm of the right hand on 7 almonds separately and give them to your spouse for eating all of them.

2. BISMILLAHIR RAHMAN NIR RAHIM 786 times on a glass of clean (pure) water and give it to your spouse for drinking.

3. Recite Surah An-Nisa 7 times a day.


2. To remove misunderstanding and discord and instead create love and understanding between man and wife:

1. Recite Surah Jumah (chapter 62) on Friday and invoke the Almighty Allah to fulfill your desire.

2. Recite the Allah's name "AL MAANI-U" (meaning: The Preventer) as many times as possible.

3. Recite the following portion of verse 54 of al Ma-idah on some sweet eatables and let both of them eat it.:

He loves them and who love Him, humble towards the believers, mighty against the infidels.

UH'IBBUHUM WA YUH'IBBOONAHOOO AD'ILLATIN A'LAL MOOMINEENA A-I'ZZATIN A'LAL KAAFIREEN


3. If the husband is displeased with the wife:

1. Recite the following verse 165 of Surah Al Baqarah on some sweat eatables and give it to him to eat. Inshaallah soon there will be positive result :

And yet there are some among men who take for themselves objects of worship besides Allah whom they love as they love Allah; but the believers are stronger in love from Allah. And if those who are unjust could only see when they see the punishment, that to Allah belongs all powers, and verily Allah is severe in punishment.

WA MINAN NAASI MAY YATTAKHID'U MIN DOONILLAAHI ANDAADAY YUH'IBBOONAHUM KAH'UBBILLAAH WALLAD'EENA AAMANOOO ASHADDU H'UBBAL LILLAAH WA LAW YARAL LAD'EENA Z'ALAMOOD ID'YARAWNAL A'D'AABA ANNAL QUWWATA LILLAAHI JAMEE-A'W WA ANNALLAAHA SHADEEDUL A'D'AAB

2. Recite 30 times verse 129 of Surah al Bara-at during the Friday night, keeping in mind the name of the displeased spouse. Inshallah, there will be harmony between the two spouses again.

But if they turn away, say: “Allah suffices me. There is no god but He. On Him do I rely, and He is the Lord of the great throne.”

FA-IN TAWALLAW FAQUL H'ASBIYALLAAHU LAAA ILAAHA ILLAA HUW A'LAYHI TAWAKKALTU WA HUWA RABBUL A'RSHIL A'Z'EEM

Then say name of spouse with mother

O my Allah, You are (my) Lord, be sufficient for me to make her heart yield to me and submit to me in (love and affection).

ALLAAHUMMA ANTA YAA RABBI 'ASBEE A'LAA (mention the name of the spouse with mother's name) QA-T'IF QALBAHAA A'LAYYA WA D'ALLIHAA LEE


4. To make a bad tempered and wicked husband docile and gentle:

1. recite the following du-a'a on some sweet eatables and give it to him to eat:

O everliving, O self-subsisting, O beneficent, O merciful (help me) by Your mercy, O the most merciful.

YAA H'AYYU YAA QAYYOOM YAA RAH'MAANU YAA RAHEEM BIRAH'MATIKA YAA ARH'AMAR RAAHIMEEN

All this will surely help you. Allah (S.W.T) is the most high, most merciful !!
--------------------------

Also, you can read this article for your encouragement, which will give you hope & build up for belief in the power of Duas & asking from Allah (S.W.T), the most high :
http://ifirdous.hubpages.com/hub/howduachangedmylife


May Allah (S.W.T) help you and all the muslim couples (also the future ones) in life and bless them with the love & respect similar to the one that was there between Rasulullah Muhammed (S.A.W) and his beloved wives, and with lots & lots of happiness.

Also, may he guide all the men & women to realise their duties & rights towards their spouse & lead a happy & peaceful life in line with Shariah.

Ameen, Ya Rabbal Aalameen !!

[Dayreive]

salam aleikum

thank u brother it means a lot to me ... and mashallah there are brothers out there that show their feelings. and treat women right.

i just read my eyes hurt becuz of crying..... i feel sad in my heart ..............I hope that u find a soultion

[Dayreive]

ameen ...
well i havent done anything else than crying to allah swt few times a week ... now for 2 years.
he is like 2 persons in one. i trully dont know him anymore.

Sister, He is being a baby, but If Allah gives him hidayat or a spiritual awakening he will become fine. So your best bet is just shed some tears infront of Allah for somedays, and beg Allah to give him such a hidayat that his whole life changes upside down and his character and morals gets reformed according to Sunnah.May Allah correct his and ours bad character traits .

[Dayreive]

ameen

thanks u for your advices brother. may allah swt bless you. ameen.

@Taliban
Istikhara for what Hadhrat? To me this does not seem to be a situation requiring Istikhara.
@Sister Muslimah79
Please sister exercise your tawakkul in Allah(SWT).
Make only moderate amount of inquiry about his activities-then exercise your own judgment and restraint.
Pay enough attention to your personal appearance (good dressing, personal hygiene and make-up) and fitness-join a female gym if it is feasible other wise get some exercise equipment at home. If he asks about your new hobby then just tell him that it is for him-no appeasement, no pretension. And make lots of duas, lots of them. May Allah(SWT) return his focus to you and may He make him more responsible.
Wassalam

[Dayreive]

shukran my brother ... i will try this one inshallah.
)))

Sister, please read this dua (its from the Holy Quran). You will be in my dua's. Never leave the 5 times prayers and as far as possible whenever he is at home, both of you have food from the same dish > THIS REALLY WORKS. Insha'Allah it'll work for you too. And, please STAY ROOTED IN ISLAM. And I don't think things can get better if you behave in the same way as he does (I know you aren't), whenever he starts shouting etc, just keep silent or better walk away. And, may I suggest frequent Sadqah (in the name of Allah SWT) to ward of the difficulties, how much ever possible, no burdening yourself.

Have faith in Allah SWT.

[flower-buy]

ameen ...
well i havent done anything else than crying to allah swt few times a week ... now for 2 years.
he is like 2 persons in one. i trully dont know him anymore.

InshAllah your reward will be great. Keep showing Sabr to Allah and he will change the conditions in your life InshAllah. All the conditions are in his control. The heart of your husband is in his control . If Allah wills he can make any change at any second. But Allah tests us all in this life. For you your husband is a test , for him this marriage is a test. InshAllah just keep on praying and asking Allah that you do all the right actions needed as per this tough time you are going through. Also keep working on your self also , increase your own connection with Allah as much as you can, the higher your spiritual level will be with Allah , the more your husband will also be cautious that not to mess around with you, in the end he is a muslim too and understands things. May Allah make these tests of life easy for all of us. Wasalam

[entaifsfets]

Isn't there any influential man in your family/community your husband trusts and that could improve things ?

[Dayreive]

salam aleiku wr wb

well i give him a lot of space ... he is out all day long even at night sometimes. He is on bussines trip now .... should go just for 3 days but today is 12.
He promise me to change and understand ... even by the imam, and than next day he do what he did before. He calls me bad names tells me how worthless i am as a mum, muslimah, wife and how bad is my shape. I am lossing my weight couse of stress and he tells me to gain. it. Right now i am so depressed that i dont even have more power to fight for this marriage. I have fighted alone for 2 years. He can be nice but than something gets into him and he is like shaitan. He is sooooo cold person ... havent been in the begining. Funny enough he changed his number on the bussines trip. Couse of what reason i dont know. Than he sended me sms that he dont want me to leave him ... and yesterday he again baceme this cold distand person. Hid fam hurt me a lot to ... his mum and dad take allmoust his place telling me i have to sacrifise my self for him. His mum told to him many times that he got what he took an europian ... it hurts me a lot that every time i try to get my rights they use it against me. Is this normal?



[QUOTE=muslimah79;650805]

May Allah help you through this and make this a means of forgiveness in akhirah.

Sister, hang in there. I don't know about all men, but mine certainly does get on my nerves very frequently What I find is helpful is make lots and lots of dua, like the brothers here mentioned; be very very calm, the more anxious one gets, more aggressive the other one becomes (in my case atleast). And give him his space, which I am sure you do, but make some changes there. And best of all, talk to him.

Don't worry sister, it will all be fine inshaAllah.

salam sister

well yesterday he apology to me told me to not leave .. that he cant live without me etc. than today he was on the way home but stoped in germany ... funny he changed his number ... and told me that the trust is my own problem and hang on. i simply dont understand that guy. one day he is so good and the next he change 360 degree. he say that i need to make so i trust him ... and he dont understand why i dont. pls how can i get thrue to him?

[Donadoni1809]

Sister,

Your post is indeed very heart wrenching and it hurts me to see a sister in so much pain and distress. May Allah guide you and give you patience, and may HE make things easy for you.

Sister, first and foremost do not despair. I know it is tough and women are naturally inclined to taking a lot of stress. But please try to keep despair away, it's like a parasite that will eat you away in no time. I say this because I myself have been through tough times myself. So first you need to calm down and try to bring the stress level down.

Second, stop thinking about "why he did this? and why he did that?". Sometimes people are the way they are and no matter how much you tell them or express, they just won't change. and you are left worrying about "why this?, why that??" and neglecting your health, while the other person is busy carrying on his daily routine like nothing happenned. You mentioned that you are depressed and losing weight. I am worried about you here, please please don't let this get into your mind. Divert your mind away from husband for a while, stop thinking about 'why he's doing this or why he changed his number or why he is gone for 12 days'. Stop thinking about him and his actions for a few days, divert your attention to Allah and your kids. I am very sure this will ease your mind.

I have personally seen a couple where the husband became very distant, cold and ignorant. Initially the wife had the same problem, "why is he so cold?" and distant? and she used to ask her husband and argue and her in-laws would support the husband. She eventually ended up in the hospital for depression. When she got back she decided to focus all her attention to Allah. She never again asked her husband 'why he is doing so', all she did was pray and make dua. And Alahmdulillah things got better. Allah guided the husband and now the problems are gradually vanishing.

So, sister sometimes we cannot correct things. Here, the best approach would be to make dua and just stay calm. Avoid any argument or any fights, just so you could stay away from depression and sikness. STOP thinking about why he is doing this. Think about you first. After that Allah will guide you, inshaAllah.

Abour your rights, if men knew about women's rights or vice versa, wouldn't this world be a happier place. What I have seen is when one asks for one's rights, nobody usually gets it. Because if the other person wanted to give rights, problems wouldn't have arisen in the first place. If he or his parents are being ignorant, then there's nothing we can do except for telling them, which usually doesn't help. Ask Allah for your rights.

I am not advising you to be a victim or be opressed, but rather come out of the depression first and then think clearly. If you still cannot handle it or if there is any kind of abuse involved, then seek counsel of family members or elders of the community and make istikhara, inshaAllah.

Most of all, have faith in Allah, everything is going to be fine inshaAllah

[QUOTE]

salam aleiku wr wb

well i give him a lot of space ... he is out all day long even at night sometimes. He is on bussines trip now .... should go just for 3 days but today is 12.
He promise me to change and understand ... even by the imam, and than next day he do what he did before. He calls me bad names tells me how worthless i am as a mum, muslimah, wife and how bad is my shape. I am lossing my weight couse of stress and he tells me to gain. it. Right now i am so depressed that i dont even have more power to fight for this marriage. I have fighted alone for 2 years. He can be nice but than something gets into him and he is like shaitan. He is sooooo cold person ... havent been in the begining. Funny enough he changed his number on the bussines trip. Couse of what reason i dont know. Than he sended me sms that he dont want me to leave him ... and yesterday he again baceme this cold distand person. Hid fam hurt me a lot to ... his mum and dad take allmoust his place telling me i have to sacrifise my self for him. His mum told to him many times that he got what he took an europian ... it hurts me a lot that every time i try to get my rights they use it against me. Is this normal?