[Dayreive]

Salam aleikum wr wb. I am a revert that got married in 2008 hamdulillah to arbic guy. In the beginning our marriage was good. We was doing things together, enjoyed spending time together etc. the lasy 2 years we run into a lot of problems. First of all i would like to say we live with his parents. Have done it 2,5 year. Waiting for appartement. couse of that we run in a lot of problems in our relationship as his parents allmoust always take his side. I was by imam couple of times to get advice about our marriage, and the imam gave me right. First time i took my husband with me but since than he dont want to go. Our problem is that i dont trust him ... he have been lying to me about a lot of things. Even about buying a car or where he is ... . I have found on webhistory in our computer that there have been watched on dirty movies. He said its not him. He always critiseze me ... from being a wife/mum/muslimah ... he tell me am ugly, cant cook ... dont do anything. Onec in a while he tells me something sweet. But than i dont believe it couse i dont trust him ... i dont feel any love from his side in the marriage even he tells me he loves me ... but when he gets angry he hates me and am the worsed women on earth. He calls me bad names. Tells me to go to hell and words am a shame write here.
9 days ago he went on a bussines trip to Scandinavia ... he said it takes 3 days ,,, after being there 2 days he told me he cant come day after but he will the next day ... he didnt ... and like that it have been since. 2 days ago he promised he was going to come yesterday ... i called him he said he just need to take shower and than he and his friend drive. i didnt hear anything 4 hours ... so i sended sms where i wrote and? he wrote they are on the way ... than some hours later he sended they was 150 km from a city, than another sms that they sleep in a hotel there and drive in the morning today. So hours after he send me sms that if i dont tell to his parents he will tell me the true. well he was in another country in europe ... his bussinesfriend left him there ... lol. and he will come after 2 days. i got angry, hurt and felt like a fool. Why he lied to me? what more he is hiding? how can i trust him again? he after the talk wrote sms to me that i control him to mutch and he dont care about me and if not for kids he would left me long time ago. He wrote again that am not good and i make him lie to me. I said i need u to make me trust u .. and he said he will not do that ... he give me last chance. Is this normal within islamic rules?
Hours after he chenged to a loving husband ... but i just cant manage it anymore. How to trust this guy again. He makes decissions without me ... he lie to me ... he hide things from me ... pls help me. my eyes hurt of crying.

[st01en_lox]

May Allah ease your problems. Ameen

• Do istikhara
• Make Dua in Tahajjud
• Tell him his attitude is hurting you
• Read this dua 100 times after fajr daily: Ya Muqallibal Quloobi, Qallib Qalbahu Ilayya!

[Dayreive]

ameen. and shukran brother. may allah swt reward you for that. ameen. ))

[st01en_lox]

ameen. and shukran brother. may allah swt reward you for that. ameen. ))

رحم الله امرء قال امين

[ResuNezily]

رحم الله امرء قال امين

Assalaamoalaykum-w-w
Sister. May Allah SWT ease your suffering and pain. Us men are not good most of the time and you have to pray for us.
Allah SWT is going to reward you tremendously for your patience InshaAllah.

[Dayreive]

inshallah. but why he lie and why he tells me this horribel words? he knows it hurts me ... is this love? when he is angry he is sooooo bad and than hours later he change ... like 2 differents persons.

[new-nickname-zanovo]

This dua will help



p.s. This Dua is applicable for righteous husband also.

[Dayreive]

salam brother ... thank u so mutch for this duaa i will put it on our screansaver inshallah. so we can read it everytime. ramadan kareem.

[new-nickname-zanovo]

salam brother ... thank u so mutch for this duaa i will put it on our screansaver inshallah. so we can read it everytime. ramadan kareem.

remember me in your duas sister.

[Dayreive]

inshallah brother i will do that. ))

[Donadoni1809]

May Allah help you through this and make this a means of forgiveness in akhirah.

Sister, hang in there. I don't know about all men, but mine certainly does get on my nerves very frequently What I find is helpful is make lots and lots of dua, like the brothers here mentioned; be very very calm, the more anxious one gets, more aggressive the other one becomes (in my case atleast). And give him his space, which I am sure you do, but make some changes there. And best of all, talk to him.

Don't worry sister, it will all be fine inshaAllah.

Wasalaam

[tofRobbroolve]

inshallah. but why he lie and why he tells me this horribel words? he knows it hurts me ... is this love? when he is angry he is sooooo bad and than hours later he change ... like 2 differents persons.

Salam alikum sister,

may allah lead you!

w salam

[MgpojuWy]

Dear Sister, felt sad reading your post. But, remember, there is always a hope, no matter what! When you ask Allah for something sincerely, and expecially when in pain of any kind, he surely listens to your plea. I know of a few Duas that can help you, but before that I would like to tell you something.

As you asked in your post that "..Is this normal in Islamic Rules?" , lemme tell you that, a person's behaviour cant be and shouldnt be associated with the religion. I mean, if your hubby behaves this way then, its HIM & HIS behaviour, and not the religion.
For example, if there is a car, and the person who is driving it is not a good driver and after few hits & misses, goes ahead to cause an accident. Now, whom would you blame for this? The Driver or the Car? Ofcourse, the Driver! If the driver didnt know about the way the car is to be drived, then HE is a bad driver, HE is to be blamed & not the car.
Similarly, if a muslim, like your hubby, does anything wrong or behaves harshly with you and all that you said, then its HE who is to be blamed, for he doesnt know about the way the husband is to behave in Islam, HE is a bad husband and not the religion! I hope that point is clear.


Next, to throw some more light on the aspect of matrimonial relationaship & wife's rights in Islam, please read this article : http://sunnah.org/msaec/articles/res...es_husband.htm.
I hope after reading this, your misconception will be cleared


Coming nxt to your question, as to what YOU should do. Sister, first and fore most, there might be reasons to what ever is happenign between both of you. And those reasons are surely unknown to us. Firstly, think about them. What has lead to all this. What has made hisbehaviour change. I am sure, there are mistakes which BOTH of you have done. Think about yours. Think where all were you wrong. Ask forgiveness from Allah (S.W.T) for that. Next, just remember that, as a wife, you should not just 'Expect' but also 'Accept'. Accept that your husband should be given some time, Accept that he should be given some space. Accept that he should be given respect & honor. Accept his decisions calmly at times, even if you are not agreeing with it. And if its serious, then put your opinion forward in a way as if your giving a suggestion and helping him to get the best out of it, speak in his terms, and not in a tone & way like 'I want it to be like this....'. Always remember, for a happy married life, it should always be 'We' and not 'I'. It kinda gives the husbands a feeling that you are trying to be dominating, and men usually dont tolerate that ! its a universal truth.

Try to be adjusting, at times even if he is harsh, keep quite, and have patience (sabr), for its the best virtue. Allah sees all, and loves the ones who have patience. And remember, love can win it all. Do things that he likes, cook what he loves to eat, & Just be loving, polite & calm, how much ever harsh he tries to be. Its gonna be very tough, but also worth it !!!!! I hope you will follow these simple lil steps

Finally, here are a few Duas that will sureshot help you out. Here goes :


1. To create or develop love between man and his wife:

1. Recite Surah Yasin 7 times and every time blow breath through the palm of the right hand on 7 almonds separately and give them to your spouse for eating all of them.

2. BISMILLAHIR RAHMAN NIR RAHIM 786 times on a glass of clean (pure) water and give it to your spouse for drinking.

3. Recite Surah An-Nisa 7 times a day.


2. To remove misunderstanding and discord and instead create love and understanding between man and wife:

1. Recite Surah Jumah (chapter 62) on Friday and invoke the Almighty Allah to fulfill your desire.

2. Recite the Allah's name "AL MAANI-U" (meaning: The Preventer) as many times as possible.

3. Recite the following portion of verse 54 of al Ma-idah on some sweet eatables and let both of them eat it.:

He loves them and who love Him, humble towards the believers, mighty against the infidels.

UH'IBBUHUM WA YUH'IBBOONAHOOO AD'ILLATIN A'LAL MOOMINEENA A-I'ZZATIN A'LAL KAAFIREEN


3. If the husband is displeased with the wife:

1. Recite the following verse 165 of Surah Al Baqarah on some sweat eatables and give it to him to eat. Inshaallah soon there will be positive result :

And yet there are some among men who take for themselves objects of worship besides Allah whom they love as they love Allah; but the believers are stronger in love from Allah. And if those who are unjust could only see when they see the punishment, that to Allah belongs all powers, and verily Allah is severe in punishment.

WA MINAN NAASI MAY YATTAKHID'U MIN DOONILLAAHI ANDAADAY YUH'IBBOONAHUM KAH'UBBILLAAH WALLAD'EENA AAMANOOO ASHADDU H'UBBAL LILLAAH WA LAW YARAL LAD'EENA Z'ALAMOOD ID'YARAWNAL A'D'AABA ANNAL QUWWATA LILLAAHI JAMEE-A'W WA ANNALLAAHA SHADEEDUL A'D'AAB

2. Recite 30 times verse 129 of Surah al Bara-at during the Friday night, keeping in mind the name of the displeased spouse. Inshallah, there will be harmony between the two spouses again.

But if they turn away, say: “Allah suffices me. There is no god but He. On Him do I rely, and He is the Lord of the great throne.”

FA-IN TAWALLAW FAQUL H'ASBIYALLAAHU LAAA ILAAHA ILLAA HUW A'LAYHI TAWAKKALTU WA HUWA RABBUL A'RSHIL A'Z'EEM

Then say name of spouse with mother

O my Allah, You are (my) Lord, be sufficient for me to make her heart yield to me and submit to me in (love and affection).

ALLAAHUMMA ANTA YAA RABBI 'ASBEE A'LAA (mention the name of the spouse with mother's name) QA-T'IF QALBAHAA A'LAYYA WA D'ALLIHAA LEE


4. To make a bad tempered and wicked husband docile and gentle:

1. recite the following du-a'a on some sweet eatables and give it to him to eat:

O everliving, O self-subsisting, O beneficent, O merciful (help me) by Your mercy, O the most merciful.

YAA H'AYYU YAA QAYYOOM YAA RAH'MAANU YAA RAHEEM BIRAH'MATIKA YAA ARH'AMAR RAAHIMEEN

All this will surely help you. Allah (S.W.T) is the most high, most merciful !!
--------------------------

Also, you can read this article for your encouragement, which will give you hope & build up for belief in the power of Duas & asking from Allah (S.W.T), the most high :
http://ifirdous.hubpages.com/hub/howduachangedmylife


May Allah (S.W.T) help you and all the muslim couples (also the future ones) in life and bless them with the love & respect similar to the one that was there between Rasulullah Muhammed (S.A.W) and his beloved wives, and with lots & lots of happiness.

Also, may he guide all the men & women to realise their duties & rights towards their spouse & lead a happy & peaceful life in line with Shariah.

Ameen, Ya Rabbal Aalameen !!

[Rufio]

i just read my eyes hurt becuz of crying..... i feel sad in my heart ..............I hope that u find a soultion

[flower-buy]

inshallah. but why he lie and why he tells me this horribel words? he knows it hurts me ... is this love? when he is angry he is sooooo bad and than hours later he change ... like 2 differents persons.

Sister, He is being a baby, but If Allah gives him hidayat or a spiritual awakening he will become fine. So your best bet is just shed some tears infront of Allah for somedays, and beg Allah to give him such a hidayat that his whole life changes upside down and his character and morals gets reformed according to Sunnah.May Allah correct his and ours bad character traits .

[CtEkM8Vq]

@Taliban
Istikhara for what Hadhrat? To me this does not seem to be a situation requiring Istikhara.
@Sister Muslimah79
Please sister exercise your tawakkul in Allah(SWT).
Make only moderate amount of inquiry about his activities-then exercise your own judgment and restraint.
Pay enough attention to your personal appearance (good dressing, personal hygiene and make-up) and fitness-join a female gym if it is feasible other wise get some exercise equipment at home. If he asks about your new hobby then just tell him that it is for him-no appeasement, no pretension. And make lots of duas, lots of them. May Allah(SWT) return his focus to you and may He make him more responsible.
Wassalam

[st01en_lox]

@Taliban
Istikhara for what Hadhrat? To me this does not seem to be a situation requiring Istikhara.

To ask Allah for khair in whatever steps she takes

[PebydataFeents]

Sister, please read this dua (its from the Holy Quran). You will be in my dua's. Never leave the 5 times prayers and as far as possible whenever he is at home, both of you have food from the same dish > THIS REALLY WORKS. Insha'Allah it'll work for you too. And, please STAY ROOTED IN ISLAM. And I don't think things can get better if you behave in the same way as he does (I know you aren't), whenever he starts shouting etc, just keep silent or better walk away. And, may I suggest frequent Sadqah (in the name of Allah SWT) to ward of the difficulties, how much ever possible, no burdening yourself.

Have faith in Allah SWT.

[VINPELA]

May Allah make things easy for you sister

[ultramDoctoo]

May Allah make ease for you in your time of distress and pain. Trust Allah ta'ala..and ask Him to help your situation. You should seek assistance in your situation from your family, the local Islamic scholars in your area who can sit down with you and question you and your husband and give you sound advice based upon a fair assessment of your situation. If their are no qualified scholars in your area, you should seek out help from scholars who may not be in your immediate locale...And Allah knows best..

Khalil