[WGfg4CCZ]

Assalamu alaykum

yes domestic violence does happen to men from their wives i have personally witnessed this, left me speechless. it also tends to happen to men from subcontinent who get married in uk to british muslim women. the men work and give most of the earnings to the wife. until they get a british passport

[taesrom]

I very humbly request you to please use decent brotherly words and not cause harm to your muslim brothers

...yes very true, especially if the brother in question is the mujaddad of his era...

[trubreTab]

Seems like the domestic violence against men is more than against women

[nvideoe]

Assalamu alaykum

yes domestic violence does happen to men from their wives i have personally witnessed this, left me speechless. it also tends to happen to men from subcontinent who get married in uk to british muslim women. the men work and give most of the earnings to the wife. until they get a british passport

Not so long ago, a man seperated from his wife due to abuse from her (she was british and got him over), even after having two children, when they split up several months down the line this man was walking the streets and she popped out the blue and started kicking him and punching him. Subhan-Allah.

Some of these men work 'grave-yard' shifts and are forced to give their earnings to their wife or in-laws.

Very Sad.

[nvideoe]

Seems like the domestic violence against men is more than against women

Hadhrat, i would say there is a fair bit of amount of both, while domestic violence to women gets noticed but the other goes un-noticed.

But either way both is sickening.

[furious1]

oh right, sorry, i thought it was about husbands not being able to handle having one wife!

Oh yeah! What happened to not being against polygny? Are you going to bring this up whenever the mawlana posts? Seriously, just let it go...or just post on the ta'addud thread.

was-salam

[Queueftof]

I see that you are a non Muslim. The problem is that in non-Muslim societies these days, boys are brainwashed by the education system to despise manliness and to believe that women are their partners and in many cases even superior to them. Whereas the teachings of our Holy Quraan is that men are incharge of women, and women are to be subservient to men.

Due to this brainwashing by the education system, men end up becoming too soft and afraid to be in control of their wife....as a result their wife takes advantage of this and the poor husband becomes a victim of "spousal abuse".... Sad but true....in the Muslim world it is something laughable

To be honest, I don't see it as a muslim vs. non-muslim/ western vs. non-western type of issue. Even if Islam teaches the wife to be "subservient" it does not mean that all women are. (Even in the Christian faith women are taught to "submit" to their husband.) I was on a different Muslim forum some time back, and I will not reveal which one it was, but there was a thread once that asked members about how they deal with their anger. I was quite shocked and amazed at the number of women who confessed to taking out their anger in physically aggressive ways (throwing things, hitting things, etc.). I have never personally known so many physically aggressive women before, and so many of these women seemed like total sweethearts prior to my reading of their confession. I would hate to be the husband who made those women angry!

Abuse comes in forms other than just physical violence. It could be verbal, emotional, psychological.

I was reading some fiqh regarding menstruation one day, and I read something that said if a woman says she is menstruating, but her husband does not believe her, then it is lawful for him to have sexual intercourse with her. My first thought was, "why would a woman lie about menstruating?" And my second thought was, "Why would her husband think she is lying about menstruating?" Then I realized that it must be that there are women who would lie about such things in order to avoid certain things (such as sexual intercourse). I once had a pastor who would call that a form of witchcraft (and a sin) for a woman to do that. It could be argued that for a woman to unjustly deny her husband sexual relations, then it is a form of abuse. There are women out there who use sex as a tool.

That is only one example of a form of abuse that is not physical in nature. You mention that in the Muslim world it is "laughable" to think of a man being abused by his wife. Sadly, this only contributes to the fear men would have in coming forward.

[DumbNelmcrece]

To be honest, I don't see it as a muslim vs. non-muslim/ western vs. non-western type of issue. Even if Islam teaches the wife to be "subservient" it does not mean that all women are. (Even in the Christian faith women are taught to "submit" to their husband.) I was on a different Muslim forum some time back, and I will not reveal which one it was, but there was a thread once that asked members about how they deal with their anger. I was quite shocked and amazed at the number of women who confessed to taking out their anger in physically aggressive ways (throwing things, hitting things, etc.). I have never personally known so many physically aggressive women before, and so many of these women seemed like total sweethearts prior to my reading of their confession. I would hate to be the husband who made those women angry!

Abuse comes in forms other than just physical violence. It could be verbal, emotional, psychological.

I was reading some fiqh regarding menstruation one day, and I read something that said if a woman says she is menstruating, but her husband does not believe her, then it is lawful for him to have sexual intercourse with her. My first thought was, "why would a woman lie about menstruating?" And my second thought was, "Why would her husband think she is lying about menstruating?" Then I realized that it must be that there are women who would lie about such things in order to avoid certain things (such as sexual intercourse). I once had a pastor who would call that a form of witchcraft (and a sin) for a woman to do that. It could be argued that for a woman to unjustly deny her husband sexual relations, then it is a form of abuse. There are women out there who use sex as a tool.

That is only one example of a form of abuse that is not physical in nature. You mention that in the Muslim world it is "laughable" to think of a man being abused by his wife. Sadly, this only contributes to the fear men would have in coming forward.

If men need to come "forward", it means they go to someone they trust, they don't reveal something like this for all and sundry. It could be possible that a man is blind or handicapped and some way and is being abused by his wife. that is understandable. But a healthy man should never be afraid of getting beat by his wife. God made men physically stronger than women

[trowUrillioth]

If men need to come "forward", it means they go to someone they trust, they don't reveal something like this for all and sundry. It could be possible that a man is blind or handicapped and some way and is being abused by his wife. that is understandable. But a healthy man should never be afraid of getting beat by his wife. God made men physically stronger than women

As salam alaikum

Its not always like that brother, but its good to see that you are trying to understand and sympathize.

Domestic violence is usually a learned behavior from one's own upbringing. A man who's father was abused and berated by his mother and never stood up for himself will follow in this way, often without knowing it. As well, societies that have endured the chaos of civil war and violence are more likely manifest violence at home. Women who have been victims, or subject to the fears of violent chaos, like during Algeria's civil war when entire villages were massacred in horrible ways and women without hijab murdered in cold blood, its possible for girls raised in that environment to be abusive.

Add to this evil ideologies like feminism which manipulate women to imagine themselves pepetual victims who must unite against all men who are depicted as adversaries to be fought and all society is to changed to serve women.
Men raised by feminist led societies are conditioned to submit to women.

Being raised by a feminist mother (perhaps with NO father to speak of), taught by feminist female teachers in towns led by feminist leaders, such men raised in such have been taught since infancy not to strike or even touch a girl and to obey women in their lives. And yet girls compete against boys, and are encouraged to defeat and overcome boys. This may be an overly exagarated, but this is the reality for many men.

Even here in the Khaleej, more and more Arab men have no sense of honor as the women in their lives are very often more powerful than them, more demanding, dictate relations and expenses, and men are increasingly positioned to simply work to serve women. One needs only to hear about the stories of this or that woman manipulating her husband to see that its PART of secular Arab culture. Lebanese and Egyptian secular Arab culture have promoted a lowly, immoral yet powerful image of an Arab woman who dominates all around her using her sexuality. They empower immoral and corrupt women through promoting music and TV/movie stars who are despicable as models of Arab women.


BTW, the mahr for many Egyptian women as demanded by the woman's family is a house in her name. I know of Egyptian expats who paid this and work and stress like dogs, paying for a house in Egypt in his wife's name while working to survive in the Khaleej. And if there are grounds for domestic violence arrest, these men could loose their residency, their wives could have grounds for a divorce in a secular system, and the house would go to the wife with the man getting nothing after spending years working to pay for it. Quite a conundrum.

And merely grabbing the arm of one's wife as she strikes you can cause her to bruise. And according to American legal code, any evidence such as a bruise is sufficient evidence to make an arrest in a domestic violence dispute.

And naturally, women bruise much easier than men.

Why bother to call police on one's wife for her hitting you in the head? Who wants to see his wife in jail, being hauled through the neighborhood, humiliated? A man gets bruises from playing football all the time, what's another bruise from his wife?

[Appenianags]

Oh yeah! What happened to not being against polygny? Are you going to bring this up whenever the mawlana posts? Seriously, just let it go...or just post on the ta'addud thread.

was-salam

my post wasn't entirely serious, and the comment does not necessarily indicate that a person is against polygny
im not against it, its a sunnah of rasoolAllah who am i to disallow it

but in this case i don't think a man who is struggling to control one wife would want to take on a few more!

[trubreTab]

but in this case i don't think a man who is struggling to control one wife would want to take on a few more!

Qabil e Sadd Ahtiram o Adab, Khala,

Did anyone suggest him to get another wife?

Please refrain from making half serious comments which may create confusions.

And you don't need to clear your position again and again.

There's a common understanding in the foreign affairs circles that If a county starts repeating a thing, it mean they are about to do it. For example, if America says, we will not attack Iraq, we will not attack Iraq..It means they are going to attack Iraq.



Maazrat.. Bachpana hai

[in4wikiu]

Imagine if this was being done to a woman.... it would be grounds for hanging the man!!

This is an extract from a Manchester paper describing the ordeal of a man in the Manchester area.

Scalded with boiling water, glass bottles thrown against his head, slammed against the wall, kicked and punched and mentally tortured.

Domestic violence doesn't just affect women in the UK but a growing number of Asian men are also suffering as one Bangladeshi born father-of-three found when he married his British spouse and came to the UK seven-years-ago.

The list of attacks is just the beginning of what Abdul Miah (not real name) has described as a life of “living hell.”

Mr Miah said the “shame” of admitting to what really goes on behind his doors has kept kept him silent.

He said he is helpless as he feels people will not believe him.

The 31-year-old is not alone in his situation. One-in-six men suffer from abuse in the UK but according to the National Men's Advice Line, last year nine per cent of calls for help to its service were made by men originally from countries including India, Pakistan and Bangladesh.

Rochdale councillor Farooq Ahmed is working closely with some victims. He said he has been approached by eight different victims in the last six months.

“These men are helpless. They're from South Asia and either speak very little English or none at all and as they do not know the law they're suffering in silence,” said Cllr Ahmed.

“I believe this is happening throughout the UK.

“These men feel embarrassed to even tell their own families. Many have come to the UK for a better life – not to be mistreated.”

Mr Miah says he is a typical example of man suffering from domestic violence.

He first met his wife in Bangladesh in 2003 where they had an arranged marriage and he travelled to Oldham the following year to join her.

What should have been the start of new life soon turned into a nightmare within a month of his arrival.

He said: “I got a job in a takeaway and told my wife that I will provide for her but I will also have to send money to my mother and brothers in Bangladesh. They are poor and they rely on me to provide for them.

“But when I decided to put money away for my family in Bangladesh, she went berserk.

“She said she wanted all my money. When I didn't give it she started throwing things at me and then called her brothers who threatened me.

“When I didn't fight back and did as they said it became easier to be picked on.

“If she was angry at me she'll wait till we got into bed and start kicking at me.

“I try to be kind to my wife hoping she will change but over the years it has got worse.

“One day she found out I had secretly sent £500 to my mum who was ill at the time and needed money for an operation.

“She threw boiling water from a kettle onto my chest.”

Mr Miah was left with scarring and told people it was an accident caused at work. He left his wife that night, but her family persuaded him to come back as they had children and told him it will cause shame for the family if he left.

Mr Miah returned but things did not improve.

“One afternoon she wanted us to go shopping to buy her clothes for Eid,” he said.

“I had just paid all the bills and didn't have much money. I said to her to wait and I will buy her a sari when I next got paid. She became mad and threw the house phone which hit me on the face and then she started throwing whatever was in her way.

“When I tried to stop her she kept throwing punches at me and scratching me. She even got her shoes off to hit me. I blocked her and pushed her away, she fell and banged her head.

“I felt bad for doing that but she then threatened to call the police and tell them I had hit her.

“I was nervous as the police would never believe me over a woman. I begged her not to. She then told her brothers that I had hit her. They came to the house, beat me and made me apologise.”

Mr Miah said he's had enough but he doesn't know what to do and doesn't want to leave his children.

He says it's embarrassing and people will think he “wasn't man enough” to put a stop to the abuse.

“Nobody will believe me,” he said.

“When my arms and legs are covered in bruises I tell people I got them playing football. I don't even play football. She tells me I'm no good and worthless and after a while you start believing what you're told.”

Twenty-seven-year-old Farhan Ali from Pakistan is one of the lucky ones after he courageously left his abusive wife.

Mr Ali married his British-born cousin over a year-ago. The couple lived in Manchester before moving to Cardiff to be closer to his wife's family.

He says he suffered abuse not only from his wife but his wife's parents as well.

“We lived in my in-laws house at first,” he said.

“But the whole family treated me like their slave.

“They swore at me all the time. I felt like an animal in a cage.

“Every-time I argued with my wife she would punch me and scream at me.

“On one occasion I had left the house and went to sit in the back garden where I was having a smoke.

“My wife came behind me and took the cigarette off me and stubbed it in my cheek. She never said sorry and her family who had seen what happened didn't do anything.

“I was treated like a second class citizen because I wasn't British. They wanted to control me, my money and my job. I didn't have a life.

“But I left that night and never went back. Unfortunately I have to go back to Pakistan now as my visa will be running out but I'd rather go back than suffer at the hands of my wife.

“I know many men who are in the same position but they stay because they have a family and it's too embarrassing for them.”

He added: “Many Pakistani men marry their cousins and when abuse like this happens, it's difficult to get out as a divorce can affect the whole family which is why many choose to suffer in silence.”

Karma Nirvana, a group which supports victims of forced marriages and honour based violence, said the abuse described by Mr Miah and Mr Ali was common amongst men from South Asia.

A spokesperson said: “Last year we had a dedicated helpline for male victims and 70 per cent of those calls came from South Asian men.

“Some calls did relate to men who suffered from physical and mental abuse by their wives and their families.

“Many live in fear and do not want to speak about it because of reprisals.

[Sliliashdes]

Salams,

I can picture the expression on your faces when you saw this thread....

There are many men out their who are abused physically/mentally and verbally every day.

Is it just me that has encountered these men in life, or do you folks also know or have heard of men who are victims of domestic violence.

Definetly men are abused. I know of many men who are abused by their wives. When I speak of abuse it's generally verbal/mental abuse not physical.
There may be some cases of men being physically abused, but it's just too difficult for me to understand. I would have to be blind folded with both my hands tied behind my back with a powerful dose of sedative before I become a victim of physical abuse from a women.

[Queueftof]

Such a sad story about Mr. Miah in the article above. I wonder if he ever found help or got out of the situation.

[trubreTab]

Imagine if this was being done to a woman.... it would be grounds for hanging the man!!

I didn't know it was this bad...I'm speechless.

[trubreTab]

Such a sad story about Mr. Miah in the article above. I wonder if he ever found help or got out of the situation.

PouringRain I asking you a question, you didn't answer and I'm still waiting.

There's an arabic saying:

الانتظار اشد من الموت

Waiting is more heavier than death.

If you cannot answer, then atleast say I don't know.

[Queueftof]

PouringRain I asking you a question, you didn't answer and I'm still waiting.

There's an arabic saying:

الانتظار اشد من الموت

Waiting is more heavier than death.

If you cannot answer, then atleast say I don't know.

If you are referring to the question you asked in the thread on polygyny, then the reason I did not answer when I returned the the thread after I awakened is because the question was quite off topic and you seemed upset at people taking your thread in different directions. The question had nothing to do with polygyny. The answer I would have given you is that you must not have understood what I was saying, because it is not a question that can be answered in that form. (It is the same if you had asked the question about the "rights" of the husband.) It would be more accurate to ask about the duties and responsibilities of each. There is no room for ego in the marriage.

[trubreTab]

If you are referring to the question you asked in the thread on polygyny, then the reason I did not answer when I returned the the thread after I awakened is because the question was quite off topic and you seemed upset at people taking your thread in different directions. The question had nothing to do with polygyny. The answer I would have given you is that you must not have understood what I was saying, because it is not a question that can be answered in that form. (It is the same if you had asked the question about the "rights" of the husband.) It would be more accurate to ask about the duties and responsibilities of each. There is no room for ego in the marriage.

You should've said this in that thread.

So there are no definite Rights like Islam has laid down?

[uranbigis]

Colonel Sahab it will be nice if kidding can be deferred for a while.
Wassalam

[trubreTab]

Colonel Sahab it will be nice if kidding can be deferred for a while.
Wassalam

It would be nicer if his image putting capability is taken away for sometime