[M_Marked]

Assalamou 3alaykoum,

We love eachother for the past 2 years and we decided to get married 3ala sunnati llahi wa rassouleh.... He informed his parents, they said ok, then he called my parents and they said ok. The same night, his family got against it after his sister of 26 years old, stated crying that i was too old for him (im 32 and he is 35), that he need a 21 or 23 maximum and i was not good looking enough for him which is not true ( not to trow flowers at me but im really good looking, educated and respectful person with pure values and good intentions alhamoulillah) and the other reason she stated is that im not lebanese ( he is lebanese and I am moroccan) we both sunni, I practice and he dont but he was starting to get into it with my help alhamdoullah.

My question is....Do they have the right to stand against us islamically speaking??? I want their blessing, but i see their decision is based on the wrong reasons. I want to know if its ok with Allah to get married without their blessing or not??? cause if its ok with Allah it is ok with me.

May Allah bless you all inchallah

[Brutton]

Assalamou 3alaykoum,

We love eachother for the past 2 years and we decided to get married 3ala sunnati llahi wa rassouleh.... He informed his parents, they said ok, then he called my parents and they said ok. The same night, his family got against it after his sister of 26 years old, stated crying that i was too old for him (im 32 and he is 35), that he need a 21 or 23 maximum and i was not good looking enough for him which is not true ( not to trow flowers at me but im really good looking, educated and respectful person with pure values and good intentions alhamoulillah) and the other reason she stated is that im not lebanese ( he is lebanese and I am moroccan) we both sunni, I practice and he dont but he was starting to get into it with my help alhamdoullah.

My question is....Do they have the right to stand against us islamically speaking??? I want their blessing, but i see their decision is based on the wrong reasons. I want to know if its ok with Allah to get married without their blessing or not??? cause if its ok with Allah it is ok with me.

May Allah bless you all inchallah

Welcome to the forum.

As a Muslimah Shariah has given you the right to marry a person of your choice and if you and your wali are ready and then its upto the man to accept you in marriage.

From experience if he is not man enough to take his responsibilities and stand up to his family “NOW” you will have major problems later because if he marries you despite their wishes the family will make your life very difficult.

If he is a mature, courageous, sound, capable individual and willing to stand by and support you then you can perhaps go ahead but if he is not then your life in the future will be HELL!

I know plenty of Arab & Non-Arab men who married their “love” only to later cave into family pressure.

Only you know this man, is he worth the risk?

[M_Marked]

Jazaka llahou kheir

You stated a very good point.....Now I know what is most important in regards of what I was looking for about Islamic point of view and I need to see how it will go in regards of your very interesting and important statement. Hopefully he will stand up for me now and later....Thank you very much for your response and inchallah kheir....I will do salat istikhara and leave it up to Allah...

Choukran

[Brutton]

Jazaka llahou kheir

You stated a very good point.....Now I know what is most important in regards of what I was looking for about Islamic point of view and I need to see how it will go in regards of your very interesting and important statement. Hopefully he will stand up for me now and later....Thank you very much for your response and inchallah kheir....I will do salat istikhara and leave it up to Allah...

Choukran

We had a detailed discussion with a UK Shaykh who answers Islamic Q/A on an Islamic Channel and he talked about how 80% of the questions he gets (on air) and in person are about marriage problems and he said that most of these Brothers & Sisters are apparently practising i.e. Beard, Hijab etc.

He said that the problem is people don't understand the Hadeeth about accpeting a spouse. People take it at face value and look at "outward Islam" of a person and they think that they are practising on this Hadeeth:

A woman is married for four things, i.e.,

1. her wealth,
2. her family status,
3. her beauty
4. and her religion

. You should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a loser. "(Bukhari)

Many men will "ignore" the rest.
Many women will "ignore" the rest.

Shaykh (HA) said that many women IGNORE finances and the maturity and compatibility of the man and many men IGNORE the physical attractiveness of the woman!

It shouldn't be the most significant factor but it shouldn't be ignored.

Allah (SWT) knows best.

I can relate to you email after email which I have gotten over the years where men have opposed their family married "their love" and then caved up into family pressure the girl is then left in the lurch pregnant or with multiple babies and a divorce!

[M_Marked]

Thank you so very much....I actually didn't ask him for any money and I really don't care, I dont want any as my intentions are good...In the past hour, we've been talking and he dont seem to stand up for me and not willing to disappoint his family. With your answers, It just feel that Allah is sending me answers and I have to listen to him. Im giving up and going on with my life. If he is not fighting for me NOW he will never do and I dont see why I should.

Thank you sooo very much and may Allah bless you

[HoqCBYMl]

Assalamualaikum,

Sister, did you pray Istikhara? Just a thought. Know that we are praying that he does stand up for you InshAllah.

[M_Marked]

Yes, I just did today and I will continue to pray it some more inchallah and i will leave it to Allah and Inchallah kheir ya rab. Thank you very much for your prayers.

Jazakoumou llah

[clapsoewmred]

sorry to say othat our overly tight integrated family system has created so much mess into our lives. women pressurize men for no reason. In the end, its the man who has to live with his wife rather than those women in family.

I never understand why those women want their brotehrs, and sons to marry a person of THEIR choice, knowing that he likes someone else or not knowing that etc etc.

we are just muslims by name .. islam is far away from us and we are a trashed ummah right now

[mirex]

sorry to say othat our overly tight integrated family system has created so much mess into our lives. women pressurize men for no reason. In the end, its the man who has to live with his wife rather than those women in family.

I never understand why those women want their brotehrs, and sons to marry a person of THEIR choice, knowing that he likes someone else or not knowing that etc etc.

we are just muslims by name .. islam is far away from us and we are a trashed ummah right now

And i never understand why these SO CALLED brothers play with women, promise them things and then give in to family pressure. They should ask their parents/families before playing with women if they would allow or not.

[M_Marked]

You are so right....but i still want to believe that there is men out there who have their own personality and own values....Their reasons are soooo ignorant, immature and inappropriate that they made me want to have a better family in law....Im such a lovely considerate person, I deserve much better and I deserve someone who will care for what Allah ordered instead of being a slave of this lower world....Im sad yet happy, because when Allah does something He surely know the reason. Life is beautiful but this world is ugly.....Inchallah Ill find better, I don't lose hope Cause God is the greatesr

[M_Marked]

@Taliban: sorry, didn't see ur post earlier.....In my case, he wasn't expecting to meet this problem, apparently his mother always told him who ever you choose as long as you are happy, but "apparently" the sister brain washed his mother, and unfortunately we came up with a total refusal...Hi smother at first she even told me that he like me so they all like me, not even 3 hours later it was a chaos....its his and their loss..and he knows it soo well, he is just tooo weak to stand up for his right....unfortunately

[mirex]

Good riddance.

[M_Marked]

thx for all the encouragement

[InvertPrete]

Assalamou 3alaykoum,

We love eachother for the past 2 years and we decided to get married 3ala sunnati llahi wa rassouleh.... He informed his parents, they said ok, then he called my parents and they said ok. The same night, his family got against it after his sister of 26 years old, stated crying that i was too old for him (im 32 and he is 35), that he need a 21 or 23 maximum and i was not good looking enough for him which is not true ( not to trow flowers at me but im really good looking, educated and respectful person with pure values and good intentions alhamoulillah) and the other reason she stated is that im not lebanese ( he is lebanese and I am moroccan) we both sunni, I practice and he dont but he was starting to get into it with my help alhamdoullah.

My question is....Do they have the right to stand against us islamically speaking??? I want their blessing, but i see their decision is based on the wrong reasons. I want to know if its ok with Allah to get married without their blessing or not??? cause if its ok with Allah it is ok with me.

May Allah bless you all inchallah

Very cultural family.

Truly the answer here depends on the guy, can he handle this particular situation if you guys marry?? If his family is against it especially the women in his household better you avoid this or there may be trouble later on. Many times guys will get that romeo fever and will marry against family wishes but later will fall in line with what mother and sis are saying and will treat you different once that fever has gone down. I would say dont do it especially if they change their mind this fast. Later on will he be able to handle the pressure from the women from the household and you because most likely there will be a clash.

[fabrizioitwloch]

sorry to say othat our overly tight integrated family system has created so much mess into our lives. women pressurize men for no reason. In the end, its the man who has to live with his wife rather than those women in family.

I never understand why those women want their brotehrs, and sons to marry a person of THEIR choice, knowing that he likes someone else or not knowing that etc etc.

we are just muslims by name .. islam is far away from us and we are a trashed ummah right now

Big deal! Just drop them-these oldies into the bin, one by one.

[EspanaCamsInfo]

Very cultural family.

Truly the answer here depends on the guy, can he handle this particular situation if you guys marry?? If his family is against it especially the women in his household better you avoid this or there may be trouble later on. Many times guys will get that romeo fever and will marry against family wishes but later will fall in line with what mother and sis are saying and will treat you different once that fever has gone down. I would say dont do it especially if they change their mind this fast. Later on will he be able to handle the pressure from the women from the household and you because most likely there will be a clash.

salam alikum,
there is freedom of choosing partner, if family involves with arguments like above, I dont think it is permissive. In fact I think it is not-islamic, even I consider the obedience to parents is in place.
Also later, as far kids dont ask or it is not visible problems in new family, the parents and other members should not involve themselves into life of kids who created new family.