[indartwm]

Assalaamu'alaikum warahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

I pray this message reaches you all in the best of health and iman, and that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala keeps you all on the deen and improves you in character and brings you closer to jannah with each passing day, amin.

I am writing as I am in need of serious help. My brother has started university and has gone off the rails. He is not sure about Islam any more, and although he says he believes in God, the punishment of hellfire is not enough to deter him as he is not sure what he believes about life after death.

Just for some background, my brother and I were brought into Islam from christianity as children (I was 7, he was 5), when our Mother re-married to a Muslim man. My brother is now 19. Our and our mother's conversions were mainly cultural, and we were not brought up practicing properly and our family only started practicing more when I was in my mid teens, however my brother never really became very religious and has always had to deal with a sort of 'alternate identity' issue between home and school, as we are both white and so he has no outward markers of being Muslim and feels (and wants to be) just like everyone else in the non-Muslim society, and now at university he has had the opportunity to do just that.

I have tried to talk to him about the fact that if one believes in God then one should do what God asks, but he feels that Islam does not fit into the 'way he is', and although he appreciates there are good things in it, he feels that it is too restrictive for him and he would be happier without it, even thinking he would be a better person if he didn't have to constantly worry about feeling guilty for things he does which are not allowed in Islam. I think he also finds me quite intimidating, both religiously and academically as I have usually done a lot better than him at school and am more outwardly practicing, and I recently got married, and my husband is also practicing.

I really do not know what to do. I love my brother dearly and he is one of the closest people in the world to me. I am so afraid of Allah's punishment for his misdeeds and I pray that He brings him back to the deen out of His mercy. Does anybody have experience of talking people out of apostasy? I would really appreciate any advice anybody has.

Wallahu a'lam. JazakumAllah khairun.

[effenseshoora]

Wa 'alaykum salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu dear sister,

May Allah guide us all and keep us firm on Sirat al-Mustaqeem, Ameen.

I have had these feelings also, and I still have them occassionally. To me, it seems your brother is having some social-psychological issues and he's blaming Islam for it, though it hasn't anything to do with it. Perhaps he's feeling insecure, or maybe he's having an addiction? (drugs, alcohol or maybe even a sex addiction).

Did he ever encounter muslims who were harsh in their approach? Islam should be something which enriches our lives, and not something which constricts us. I asked my ustaz a couple of weeks ago.. that, I have this feeling that Islam constricts my life and I can't make fun. And he basically told me that Islam tells us where the boundaries are, and within the boundaries you can do whatever you would like to do.
So.. Why did I feel that Islam constricts my life? Because I met muslims who were very harsh, who can only backbite, who can only slander the other muslims because he's not from the right sect as he is, because I saw how muslims were becoming agressive when they started to practise. So basically I met the wrong muslims. But not only that, we sometimes focus too much on the prohibitions, that we tend to forget what is Halal, what is recommended etc. For example, the Prophet (sallallahu 'alayhi wa sallam) clearly encouraged to excercise. There are numerous occasions where he for example participated in wrestling, or when he had a 'run-contest' with his beloved A'isha (radiallahu anha).

Please tell us whether your brother might experience loneliness. Does he interact with a lot of people? Are his friends mostly non-muslims?

And the last question for now, does he have a intellectual mind? If so, then you should consider introducing him to Shaykh Hamza Yusuf. For example, refer him to these lectures of our beloved Shaykh Hamza Yusuf:

http://rethinkingislamicreform.co.uk/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vdLidRSVuOE (he actually starts with a joke here )

[milfovoxapl]

Assalamu Aleikum,


As a uni student I also had these thoughts, without proper education once imaan
is seriously at risk once enrolling into a western academic environment. But Alhamdulillah I found out
that these thoughts came from my ignorance or lack of knowledge.

Your brother should read books like

Islam and the destiny of man - Charles Le Gai Eaton
The Vision of Islam - William Chittick
The Niche of Lights - Imam Al-Ghazali
Marvels of the Heart - Imam Al-Ghazali

They've seriously changed my life Alhamdulillah.

May Allay guide your brother back.

Waleikum salam,

[Dogxzysl]

If he is sure that God exists, then show him the proof that Islam is the truth. This article does the job,

http://www.theinimitablequran.com/uniquelitform.pdf

Now since this article proves the truth of Islam, everything Islam says must also be true. As the Quran (the Word of God) speaks about the hellfire and warns us of it, then the hellfire must also exist (as does jannah)

[DoctorBretonDen]

Tell the brother to watch lectures by Nouman Ali Khan on youtube.

[cymnPrayerm]

salam, try this:

how him the miracles of the Quran and hadith. tell him about the challenge of the Quran, no human (and there have been peopel who have attempted this) has been able to think of and write a surah which can be compared to any surah in the Quran. this should be enough to convince anyone that the Quran is not/cannot be from man, it must be from god.

you said - I have tried to talk to him about the fact that if one believes in God then one should do what God asks, but he feels that Islam does not fit into the 'way he is', and although he appreciates there are good things in it, he feels that it is too restrictive for him and he would be happier without it, even thinking he would be a better person if he didn't have to constantly worry about feeling guilty for things he does which are not allowed in Islam

explain to him that when we leave sins which we enjoy doing we are only helping ourselves. wallahi we are not helping Allah nor are we doing him a favor Allah doesnt need us, when we get up 3 am for fajr we have done somethign which will bring us closer to Allah and closer to forgiveness and paradise, tell him that when we refrain from somethign haram that we enjoy we doing OURSELVES a favor. also ask him to try and think about all the good that comes from avoiding haram like for example a muslim has difficulty in staying away from alcohol but if does he
-would be left with mroe money
-he would live longer
-he would be more healthy
-better role model for his kids
-he has pleased Allah
-gotten himself closer to jannah and further away from hell

[exchpaypalgold]

Teenage is difficult to handle. Both for teenagers as well as their near and dear ones. He is such a felicitous boy to have a sister like you. Please indulge in excessive supplications for him. Allah (SWT) guides whosoever He wishes and He listens to supplications. If you can find a Shaikh for yourself then you can manage the thing related to his intimidation by you. If the channel of communication with you becomes wide enough then it should be enough to solve the problem. You see we have to fit ourselves into Islam the way it is. Not the other way round. This is a big step, only made more difficult by the environment. The so called freedom of the society in which you live, like all freedoms, comes with a price. Either you be very responsible or you pay dearly. I hope this brother of ours realizes it soon. This is where you can do some work. Not being a white, and having only limited experience of western social and cultural environment I personally feel completely incompetent to suggest practical remedies but I am sure white brothers and brothers having experience of western environment will be doing that, . May Allah (SWT) make it easy for him, you and all of us.
Wassalam

Edit: Kindly keep us posted about his progress.

[vforvandetta]

Salam alikum,

I am touched by your concern about your brother. If I could help only with one drop of advice I would be happy.
I understand his burdening feeling about being guilty if he does not fill all commands and requirements. We are all so different and no one perfect, we are all sinners in a way even the best of us. I would wish him to enjoy his life with islam but in fact I have no much advice, may be only he should not worry so much - in the end Allh is not in need of anything..... but he is very merciful and loving. The life of person changes - seems he has full head of some other troubles not able to find piece of peace inside his soul. Try alsways to keep in touch with your bro. inshallah it will turn in good.

w salam

[23InetrySypekek]

Assalaamoalaykum-w-w
Your brother is in a dangerous situation and you know it. The newfound freedom at 18 makes one very vulnerable especially if you are white and are constantly bombarded with antiislamic stuff.
Anyway the long and short of it, in my opinion, and one with which you may not agree immedately, BUT GET HIM HOOKED UP TO A BEAUTIFUL MUSLIM (YOUR) GIRLFRIEND... SOMEONE WHO IS PRACTICING. What InshaAllah will happen is that his heart will melt for her and keep himself steady... Otherwsie he goes into the army and voila!!! p-oof!! Gone!!! Astagfirullah!! May Allah save Us all and your brother too!! Aameen

[disappointment2]

Just depends on where he's getting his influence, such as anti-Islam sites etc. If it's just society in general, imo he should be intellectually challenged in regards to his religion. He says Islam is "restrictive", but has he ever tried to find the means of understanding why something is as such?

You also talk about the cultural upbringing, it was the same for me. I diverted, especially when I was 19 I was just Muslim by title. Interestingly enough, it wasn't the negative media on Islam that made me want to know more about my identity, it was the random fascination about the idea of a single man being able to bring about a religion that is followed by billions today. This lead me to study the Prophet Muhammad(pbuh) and Islam in more detail and lead me to actually stand up and say, I am so glad I am a Muslim, how regretful that I wasted all this time diverting from such a beautful faith.

[TeLMgNva]

You know, I honestly think the absolute best thing you can do for him is to make du`a and ask others to do the same (May Allah guide him. Ameen).

We can all give you the strongest proofs in the world to show him, and indeed some of the brothers and sisters have already done so (and these should be useful, ), but the reality is that proofs don't create Iman in a person, and a person who doesn't want to believe in something will never accept it even if he sees it staring him in the face. Only Allah can grant him Iman, and so the best method is to invoke the One and the Only One who can provide for him Iman.

So, I'd recommend trying to figure out exactly what his issue is with Islam, and then going on from there, while making du`a the entire way. Whatever else you can do will depend on his exact issue. I am guessing it probably has to do more with him wanting to do things that Islam prohibits and cognitive dissonance rather than actually doubting any particular tenet of Islam, and so the best thing may be to make sure he keeps his faith, even if he persists in those sins, while gradually removing him from those sinful actions (because those sins will eventually destroy any Iman he has if he never never abandons them).

A sinful believer is better than a non-believer, and so, if my guess is correct, emphasize the importance of belief in Allah and acceptance of His Commands, even if he chooses to disobey them. He should recognize that what he is doing is wrong absolutely, even if he doesn't see why, as the Command of Allah is absolute.

[effenseshoora]

A sinful believer is better than a non-believer Exactly, Jazakallahu Khayran for that maneatinglizard:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-M0tRKsp3Z8