[TeksPaisimi]

I have realised the problem is not niqab it is my eman and the fact that i am easily effected by another persons actions towards me. The only solution to fix my problem is to be like those who have enough love for Allah in their hearts that they care only about pleasing Allah are are therefore not effected nor care about what someone else does to them. So how do i do this? Where do i start? Something simple that i can do that will give me a kick start to getting closer to Allah. Please advise.

[Blotassefesek]

Its something that has been going on for the last 5 years that has changed the way i think about purdah. Please excuse me for not wanting to go into detail as that won't really do me any good.

What i will say is that after what has happened i really believe that apart from a few, men will generally treat women who do purdah as doormats and will not appreciate them. Women like me are viewed as boring, are taken advantage of and taken for granted. From my experience the same man will treat a women who is loose and lewd with more respect, kindness and love than a clean loyal women who has done purdah all her life.

As stupid as it sounds and i feel foolish for typing this but this is really what i believe, in the eyes of a man a women who does not do purdah, plays hard to get, and makes a show of her beauty is more valuable and worth making happy than a women who does purdah, stays loyal and keeps her beauty for her husband alone. Once a husband has his wife's heart and he is satisfied she will stay indoors and in purdah, be loyal to him etc, she becomes boring and the "shine" kind of fades, he will soon move onto another and treat her as something worthless.

Maybe you have got into a routine, a comfortable place for too long and that is why you feel he is bored of you... Don't be scared to mix it up a bit and wake him up from his coma..

[PetrZimin]

Something simple that i can do that will give me a kick start to getting closer to Allah. Please advise.

The simplest ever thing; just read entire 23rd Word and 24th Flash.
http://erisale.com/index.jsp?locale=...ent.en.201.319

http://erisale.com/index.jsp?locale=...ent.en.203.254

Don't hesitate, it will take about 1 or 2 hours.

[swissloveone]

What do you do when you have bad thoughts like this? Is it nafs or shaytaan or both? If its nafs then that worries me more as it will always be there.
Recite the Quran often. Especially, Fathiha, Ayatul Kursi, and 3 Quls. We all underestimate its importance. Basically we all have to fight our nafs and shaytaan till our death, May Allah grant us victory over both and be pleased with us. Ameen.

Maybe you should read this book too, 'whisperings of the Shaytan' a very good read: http://yunuspatel.co.za/downloads/Wh...f-Shaytaan.pdf

[JohnVK]

I have realised the problem is not niqab it is my eman and the fact that i am easily effected by another persons actions towards me. The only solution to fix my problem is to be like those who have enough love for Allah in their hearts that they care only about pleasing Allah are are therefore not effected nor care about what someone else does to them. So how do i do this? Where do i start? Something simple that i can do that will give me a kick start to getting closer to Allah. Please advise.

Sister;

I agree with others that have suggested turning to Quran.
Try reading it with tafseer daily - whether 1 page or 1 juz. Start at Al-Fatiha.

In the past whenever I've had doubts, I usually start to feel better by the time I get to the 5th ayat of Surah Al-Baqara.


Al-Baqara
"In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful

Alif Lam Mim. (1)
This is the Book; in it is guidance sure, without doubt, to those who fear Allah. (2)
Who believe in the Unseen, are steadfast in prayer, and spend out of what We have provided for them. (3)
And who believe in the Revelation sent to thee, and sent before thy time, and (in their hearts) have the assurance of the Hereafter. (4)
They are on (true guidance), from their Lord and it is these who will prosper. (5)"

Your right, what worries me about these thoughts is where will they stop? once i take niqab off, whats next, hijab? then what? This has been building up for a long time, it seems it has reached its peak and i need to lay it to rest one way or the other. What do you do when you have bad thoughts like this? Is it nafs or shaytaan or both? If its nafs then that worries me more as it will always be there.

I believe it is from shaytaan. I've experienced it when I was younger and what did end up helping me was reading Quran daily. I didn't commit myself to doing or not doing anything about what shaytaan was whispering to me to do. I just told myself I would read daily. The more I read, the closer I felt to Allah and wanted to please Him. Eventually these feelings faded and I forgot about them. They were replaced with wanting to please Allah .

And don't let yourself get too worked up about something always being there.
It's only shaytaan trying to dissuade you from starting to help yourself or improve your eeman by telling you it's too much and it will never go away. Shaytaan is a horrible liar.

Don't worry or be afraid.
Allah is Greater than your nafs or shaytaan.

[dremucha]

Aslaamu Alaikum dear sister Mangetout, (by the way is that supposed to be french? )

sister what BETTER way to increase your imaan than with keeping that Beautiful NIQAB of yours mashallah

A Summary

Hijab is a screen of privacy → Niqab is a better screen

Hijab helps develop taqwa → Niqab helps develop more taqwa

Hijab is a jihad that purifies the soul → Niqab is a greater jihad

Hijab is a protection for sisters → Niqab is a better protection

Hijab is an assertion of Islamic identity → Niqab is a stronger assertion

Hijab is fard → Niqab is mustahabb
Taking niqab off would be done for people...it will never make you happy. KEEPING your niqab on would be for Allah SWT. and The ULTIMATE happiness is to Please ALLAH.

may Allah keep you in His Protection from any and every harm, evil, suffering, pain and anxiety. ameen

Be STEADFAST and patient.......

[stuntduood]

I have realised the problem is not niqab it is my eman and the fact that i am easily effected by another persons actions towards me. The only solution to fix my problem is to be like those who have enough love for Allah in their hearts that they care only about pleasing Allah are are therefore not effected nor care about what someone else does to them. So how do i do this? Where do i start? Something simple that i can do that will give me a kick start to getting closer to Allah. Please advise.

Salaam,
not sure how to go about this.

I suggest you contact one sister who is 'aalima on this forum.
Her pseudo is UmHassan. If she is not able to assist you, in shaa Allah I can assist you.
I have experience with this kind of situation-and I understand the fiqh of it well alhamdulillah.

You are in need of assistance; but describing what you're describing, you are in need of personal advice from someone to whom you will explain exactly what is happening to you.
In shaa Allah, if you receive personal advice, you will be able to come out of this situation very well, and with a stronger iman than before.

At this point, your niqab is not important; but telling you to stop wearing and just stopping there as advice, is not proper. If you take off your niqab and receive the proper advice, you will in shaa Allah be able to keep your iman and bring it back to where it was in the past; the good news is that, this is not uncommon-many people-not women only, and not common people only, go through what you are going through; it happens to common people, and it also even happens to big mashaikh....what is important is to get the right assistance from someone who will give you their attention and listen to you.

If anyone on the forum wants to jump on me for saying that the niqab is not important, please do so if you are an 'aalim, but only privately (we can exchange contacts);. I will be ready to discuss the masala at length with them privately.

The sister I mentioned is a moderator, I will in shaa Allah request her to get in touch with you.

[EbrsaRynleot]

sister what BETTER way to increase your imaan than with keeping that Beautiful NIQAB of yours mashallah

very good point.. Subhanallah!

[paralelogram]

If one does not mind me asking, where is the historical significance of niqab and where in hadith does it mention niqab? I have always been curious.

[PetrZimin]

If one does not mind me asking, where is the historical significance of niqab and where in hadith does it mention niqab? I have always been curious.

Qur'an, Sura al-Ahzab verse 59: http://tanzil.net/#33:59

O Prophet! Tell your wives and your daughters and the women of the believers to draw their cloaks (veils) all over their bodies (except eyes to see the way). That will be better, that they should be known (as free respectable women) so as not to be annoyed. (33:59)

and many Ahadith regarding it. That verse, by many scholars, is considered as an order to cover her face while going out.

Imam Abu-Hanifa (Rahmatullah alaih)- the face and palms is excluded from hijaab but the condition is there should be no fear of fitna. The Hanafi Jurists have said due to the immorality of times and weakness of resistance, it is compulsory for a female to cover her face which is the focus of her beauty.

Imam Shaf’ie, Imam Malik and Imam Ahmed (Rahmatullah alaih) –It is not permissible for a lady to expose her face and palms whether there is danger of fitna or not.

Here some Hadith:
Narrated Safiya bint Shaiba (Radhiallaahu Ánha) "Aisha (Radhiallaahu Ánha) used to say: "When (the Verse): "They should draw their veils over their necks and bosoms," was revealed, (the ladies) cut their waist sheets at the edges and covered their faces with the cut pieces.
Sahih Al-Bukhari

"Rasulullah (Sallallaahu Álayhi Wasallam) said "All of a woman is 'awrah." (Shaikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid quotes this hadith narrated by Tirmidhi with a sahih isnaad and says this is a direct hadith from Rasulullah (Sallallaahu Álayhi Wasallam ) and has made it clear that a woman must cover everything including the face and hands!)
Abu Dawood

Yahya related to me from Malik from Hisham ibn Urwa that Fatima bint al-Mundhir (Radhiallaahu Ánha) said, "We used to veil our faces when we were in Ihram in the company of Asma bint Abi Bakr As-Siddiq (Radhiallaahu Ánha). "This again proves that not only the wives of Rasulullah (Sallallaahu Álayhi Wasallam) wore the Niqaab and that even though in Ihram women are not supposed to wear Niqaab but if men are there they still have to cover the face.
Imaam Malik's MUWATTA

Narrated 'Ikrima (Radhiallaahu Ánhu) narrates "Rifa'a divorced his wife whereupon 'AbdurRahman bin Az-Zubair Al-Qurazi married her. 'Aisha said that the lady (came), wearing a green veil." It is a very long hadith but the point is the women of Sahaba wore the full veil.
Sahih Al-Bukhari

Imam Muhammad bin Sirin (Rahimahullah) One of the most knowledgeable tabi'een:

"When I asked Ubaida bin Sufyan bin al-Harith ('Radhiallaahu Ánhu' Other well known and knowledgeable Companion of Rasulullah) the meaning of this verse about "Alaihinna" and how the jalbaab was to be worn, he demonstrated it to me by pulling a sheet of cloth over his head to cover his entire body, leaving the left eye uncovered. This was also the explanation of the word 'Alaihinna in this verse"(Commentary by Ibn Jarir and Ahkam-ul-Quran)

Historically, it is known that Muslim women used to practice face-veiling for 14 centuries up until 1924... the fall of Khilafah [where lots of Islamic traditions were mass-destroyed.]

[exiceJetLip]

Sister Mangetout,

You have been given some good advice here and I pray that Allah gives you the strength to continue to maintain your modesty.

Being affected by the thoughts, actions and comments of those around us is human nature. It takes discipline to learn to be indifferent to them and a high level of taqwa that most of us have not reached yet and is a goal to aspire to. Shaykh Gangohi wrote to his shaykh talking of his inner state saying ‘whether someone says good about me or speaks ill of me, I am not affected by it and my heart remains the same.’ Upon hearing this, his shaykh realised that he had surpassed a high level of self-rectification that would grow into something special.

It may be disheartening if a woman who does not have the same level of modesty and self respect as a woman in niqab is apparently given more attention and respect, but this attentiveness can be deceiving. She dresses in a more provocative way, is more gregarious and extrovert- this appeals to the basic desires of a male but does not translate into respect. Don’t confuse lust and transitory desires for love and respect. She is different from his usual cup of tea so stimulates different responses in him; it has nothing to do with the modest woman appearing dowdy and boring. It is a weakness in the man that is being exploited by the seduction of the female. Don’t blame yourself for it or make the decision to adapt your own ways by giving up the superior practice to become like the one who has no value in the sight of Allah.

I would like to write more and help you out in any way I can, but this mode of communication does not facilitate a candid conversation on sensitive issues. If you open a thread in the Sensitive section where myself and some of the other sister moderators will respond, I hope we can advise you further based on your circumstances and reasons for your decision.

I pray Allah gives you courage and steadfastness and blesses me with the same.

[bataovady]

My aunt wears niqab and is an alim (did takhassus) and a doctor (MBBS). She demands the respect of men and commands authority wherever she goes. Nobody bosses her around. In Pakistan. Every person is different but whatever problem you're describing isn't inherent in the concept of niqab/purdah.

[suilusargaino]

I have realised the problem is not niqab it is my eman and the fact that i am easily effected by another persons actions towards me. The only solution to fix my problem is to be like those who have enough love for Allah in their hearts that they care only about pleasing Allah are are therefore not effected nor care about what someone else does to them. So how do i do this? Where do i start? Something simple that i can do that will give me a kick start to getting closer to Allah. Please advise.

Go ahead and take it off. You'll see that the urge won't last till just showing your face, next comes relaxing on the scarf, then the list will go on..... further down the road, you'll want to watch movies, listen to Music , do what everyone else is doing. Allah doesn't need you, you need Him. If you think He's not your sustainer, then do as you please, but if it's a part of your belief, remain steadfast. Listen to Shaykh Riyadhul Haqq sahib's lecture "Steadfastness in the days of fitnah".