[k5wTvu9f]

I had few questions on how to correctly send an email to your Shaykh. I read few threads before and also posts by brother Fusus Al hikam, which were very beneficial. I still had some questions, if some brothers and sisters could help me out, please

1. Should you tell your shaykh the sins you did in the week, like lieing, backbiting, misbehaviour?


2. Should you give details like the no. of ours of sleep, satiety levels etc. May be Shaykh could guide on how to get barakah even if one sleeps for less hours.

3. Should I update my shaykh about my wordly goals, for e.g I want to reach the deans list etc?

4. When do I know, I am being a burden to my shaykh. This plays a lot in my head, My shaykh has so many students and he still allows phone rabita, email rabita etc. I want to take the maximum but I dont want to be a parasite or appear selfish.

5. How does one give back to Shaykh. We learn so much and gain a lot but theres nothing that we do to give back except dua and hidmat. I strongly feel its unfair on the Shaykh. What should one do?

6. No matter what I do, I somehow appear slightly bay adab. May be its because we are products of western education and our manners and behaviour have changed to our genetic level !! something that we presume is humility may be actually bay adabi. How can one avoid this?

7. What is the perfect format of sending an email to your shaykh.

JazakAllah

Walaekum asalam

[Amomiamup]

I had few questions on how to correctly send an email to your Shaykh. I read few threads before and also posts by brother Fusus Al hikam, which were very beneficial. I still had some questions, if some brothers and sisters could help me out, please

1. Should you tell your shaykh the sins you did in the week, like lieing, backbiting, misbehaviour?


2. Should you give details like the no. of ours of sleep, satiety levels etc. May be Shaykh could guide on how to get barakah even if one sleeps for less hours.

3. Should I update my shaykh about my wordly goals, for e.g I want to reach the deans list etc?

4. When do I know, I am being a burden to my shaykh. This plays a lot in my head, My shaykh has so many students and he still allows phone rabita, email rabita etc. I want to take the maximum but I dont want to be a parasite or appear selfish.

5. How does one give back to Shaykh. We learn so much and gain a lot but theres nothing that we do to give back except dua and hidmat. I strongly feel its unfair on the Shaykh. What should one do?

6. No matter what I do, I somehow appear slightly bay adab. May be its because we are products of western education and our manners and behaviour have changed to our genetic level !! something that we presume is humility may be actually bay adabi. How can one avoid this?

7. What is the perfect format of sending an email to your shaykh.

JazakAllah

Walaekum asalam

Excellent questions... May be Shaykh Fusus might answer them..

:wasalam:

[Mmccqrtb]

walaykum asalaam

jazakAllah khayr for this thread, i also have a few questions to add to the list, i hope you don't mind

1. How often should you update your shaykh? i also fear im being a pest

2. Do you need to mention your past to the shaykh like events which have changed your life?

3. If for example you miss your target ibadah (tilawat, tasbih etc not prayers) for one day can you make it up the next day, and if you miss it and make it up do you need to inform him of that?

[k5wTvu9f]

Wa Alykum Asalam,

JazakAllah khair for the questions sister. I actually wanted to ask about no.3 as well. Anyone is invited to add their questions.

Some more additions:

1. Can Shuykh scan your spiritual heart? Do they already know what you are hiding, for e.g if one is trying to show humility and hides the dawah activity he does etc or may be if one lies to his shaykh

2. Should one inform about the dreams they have, where the shaykh appears distressed?

JazakAllah khair

[metropropuskruww]

Would it be inapprorpiate to ask (most of) these questions your Shaykh himself (at the beginning of your relation)?

[CibQueersejer]

I had few questions on how to correctly send an email to your Shaykh. I read few threads before and also posts by brother Fusus Al hikam, which were very beneficial. I still had some questions, if some brothers and sisters could help me out, please

1. Should you tell your shaykh the sins you did in the week, like lieing, backbiting, misbehaviour?


2. Should you give details like the no. of ours of sleep, satiety levels etc. May be Shaykh could guide on how to get barakah even if one sleeps for less hours.

3. Should I update my shaykh about my wordly goals, for e.g I want to reach the deans list etc?

4. When do I know, I am being a burden to my shaykh. This plays a lot in my head, My shaykh has so many students and he still allows phone rabita, email rabita etc. I want to take the maximum but I dont want to be a parasite or appear selfish.

5. How does one give back to Shaykh. We learn so much and gain a lot but theres nothing that we do to give back except dua and hidmat. I strongly feel its unfair on the Shaykh. What should one do?

6. No matter what I do, I somehow appear slightly bay adab. May be its because we are products of western education and our manners and behaviour have changed to our genetic level !! something that we presume is humility may be actually bay adabi. How can one avoid this?

7. What is the perfect format of sending an email to your shaykh.

JazakAllah

Walaekum asalam

www

May Allah ta'aalaa grant you speedy progress on the path of sulook and grant you wilaayat e khaasah. It is heartening to see someone serious about benefitting from their shaykh. I am just a student, and I'm sure there are many more knowledgeable brothers and sisters on this forum, but I offer whatever I can from what I have learned from the honourable Shaykh Muhammad Saleem Dhorat Sahib daamat barakaatuhum (Leicester, UK).

1. The rule is you should not disclose your sins to any makhluq. That said, a mureed will inform his shaykh when he finds he is unable to give up a particular sin. By frequenting the majalis of one's shaykh and reading under his guidance, a mureed learns what actions constitute sins, and also certain remedies. So when we learn something is a sin, we must try our utmost to avoid it/give it up; du'a, dhikr and suhbat of one's shaykh give us strength and courage to do this. If we find we are
having problems avoiding/giving up a particular sin after trying, then we should ask our shaykh for guidance.
Some people think that after telling their shaykh about a sin, the shaykh will somehow 'cure' them of the sin. Yes, the shaykh will make du'a for the mureed but the mureed has to exert willpower(which Allah has given everyone) in freeing himself from the sin.

2. A mureed should regularly inform his shaykh of his spiritual condition, especially how he is fairing with his ma'moolaat (prescribed practices). The shaykh will give guidance about how much rest one needs etc. depending on one's progress.

Remember, the goal is not to do as much ibaadah as possible, but to do the right ibaadah, in the right way, and one's shaykh gives guidance on this.

3. Tasawwuf is compatible with all (permissible) walks of life, so whether a professional, a businessman or a student you can successfully tread the path of sulook. If your shaykh knows about your occupation and your worldly aspirations, it will give him a clearer picture of you as a person and so he will be able to give you more complete guidance.

4. You should be selfish in matters of deen. Sadly, today we are selfish for worldly gain but content to put up with the bare minimum when it comes to Deen. As long as your intentions are sincere - that you want to progress towards Allah ta'aalaa - you should make your connection with your shaykh as strong as possible. Bear in mind the following:
a) Your shaykh is an expert in his field, and if someone consults him in matters related to his expertise, he will be more than happy to help. In fact he will consider it a blessing from Allah that he has the opportunity to serve one of His makhluq.
b) Shaytan puts the noble thought in our hearts that we should limit our contact with our shaykh so as to give him ease and to avoid burdening him. A shaykh will be more upset if a mureed shows apathy in communicating with him. And remember, if a particular mureed is too overzealous in his communication, it is a simple matter for the shaykh to advise him how often he should communicate.
c) As one progresses in sulook, with close contact with one's shaykh, one learns a lot. As time goes by in this manner you will find that through the barakah of your shaykh's teachings you will need to refer to him less for everyday issues. That said, one will never be entirely free of the need for a shaykh.

5. One of the conditions for choosing a shaykh is muhabbat (love). You will find that after parents, one's shaykh occupies the position of greatest respect, importance and love. So remember your shaykh as you remember your loved one's. Also, the best way to please your shaykh is 'kaamil ittilaa: kaamil ittibaa' i.e. keep him thoroughly informed of your condition and obey all his resultant advice. The dunya has little value in the eyes of your shaykh, but if he sees that Allah is making him a sabab (means) for one of His servants to come close to Him then there can be no greater gift you can give him!

6. Muhabbat teaches you adab. If you really love someone, you will behave in a way that gives that person comfort and doesn't give him any takleef. That is the essence of adab. Remember, going through some 'formalities' that are generally regarded as adab, while not having adab in the heart is not profitable. It's also worth remembering that the two qualities of aqeedat and muhabbat that you need to have for your shaykh should be balanced in such a way that muhabbat is paramount. Sometimes, in a fit of aqeedat (i.e. belief in the high status of your shaykh in the eyes of Allah and desirous of acquiring barakah from him at any cost) a mureed inconveniences his shaykh; if muhabbat had been the guiding factor, the mureed would have put the comfort and interests of his shaykh first.
So a mureed needs to develop muhabbat for his shaykh. A way of doing this is to think over his excellent qualities and the ihsaanaat that he has done to the mureed. Together with this, read up on the adaab of shaykh.

7. When corresponding with your shaykh, be humble and honest. Keep it brief; generally one letter/email should only address one issue.

I pray the above is of some benefit. Anything correct and useful I have written is thanks to Allah and the teachings of Shaykh Muhammad Saleem Sahib; any errors are due to Shaytaan and my own weakness and lack of understanding. If i can be any further help, dont hesitate to ask.

Wassalaam.

[eduptultyt]

I had few questions on how to correctly send an email to your Shaykh. I read few threads before and also posts by brother Fusus Al hikam, which were very beneficial. I still had some questions, if some brothers and sisters could help me out, please

1. Should you tell your shaykh the sins you did in the week, like lieing, backbiting, misbehaviour?


2. Should you give details like the no. of ours of sleep, satiety levels etc. May be Shaykh could guide on how to get barakah even if one sleeps for less hours.

3. Should I update my shaykh about my wordly goals, for e.g I want to reach the deans list etc?

4. When do I know, I am being a burden to my shaykh. This plays a lot in my head, My shaykh has so many students and he still allows phone rabita, email rabita etc. I want to take the maximum but I dont want to be a parasite or appear selfish.

5. How does one give back to Shaykh. We learn so much and gain a lot but theres nothing that we do to give back except dua and hidmat. I strongly feel its unfair on the Shaykh. What should one do?

6. No matter what I do, I somehow appear slightly bay adab. May be its because we are products of western education and our manners and behaviour have changed to our genetic level !! something that we presume is humility may be actually bay adabi. How can one avoid this?

7. What is the perfect format of sending an email to your shaykh.

JazakAllah

Walaekum asalam

One thing should be noted is that these answers might vary based on the preferences of different Mashaikh. I will answer them based on my own personal preferences.

1. Yes, you should inform him of this. One thing to be noted is that this is not informing for the sake of informing but to seek a remedy for them.

2. I personally would not tell anyone to worry too much about hours of sleep or eating unless of course they are going into extremes with it. Some Mashaikh however focus on these things heavily, so to each his own. I personally would only say that someone should mention it if they either think that they are doing something too much or to verify if the amount that they are doing is fine for their spiritual progression.

3. Although, it would not be required per se to update him on things other than those that are directly related to your spiritual progression, many times Murideen do not realize when things are related and are not. Hence, my preference is to be updated on these matters too. This will lead to a closer bond between the Shaykh and Murid. I personally feel closer to those that inform me of their secular goals than those that don't.

4. I think it is detrimental to think this way for the most part. Most people that seriously are contacting their Mashaikh for spiritual benefit are not overdoing it. As far as emails go, I know that I personally answer them on my own time so I do not think that they are burdensome. Personally, I say that people should write as much as their heart desires. This only increases my insight into the issues faced by the individual and allows for growth in the relationship. When it comes to phone calls though, one should ask the Shaykh when would be an appropriate time to call, so that you do not inconvenience him.

5. Mashaikh are the most selfless people. Even more than khidmat what is valued is those who actually act as per the advices of the Shaykh and thus excel in Deen. I have to say that this is by far the best way to give back. After this for me next thing would be du'a. I personally am not too fond of overdoing khidmat or gifts. I think that this depends on the Shaykh though as some people's natures are such that they do not like too much of these things. The correct understanding of these things is to do them based on the personality of the Shaykh, not overdoing it or under-doing it. To reiterate though, the best way to give back is to excel in Deen.

6. This issue of things being against adab, also depends on the Shaykh. I would personally prefer if the person asked these things instead of assuming. The best way to ask these things would be via email. It will depend on the Shaykh and also based on the Murid and their relationship to the Shaykh. There are some people who I am naturally more casual with than others. You should ask your Shaykh what his preferences are and put it in a general manner and not make it implicit that you are asking about him. The Shaykh will obviously answer based on his preferences with that particular Murid but this will make his answering in a more free manner easier.

7. This will again vary based on the preferences of each person. I am personally not so strict with format and would leave that up to each individuals preferences. I feel that this lets people express their thoughts and concerns more freely without being hampered by too many rules of engagement. These are only my preferences though and other Mashaikh might have others. With that being said though, numbering lists and dividing into frequent paragraphs does help.

[eduptultyt]

walaykum asalaam

jazakAllah khayr for this thread, i also have a few questions to add to the list, i hope you don't mind

1. How often should you update your shaykh? i also fear im being a pest

2. Do you need to mention your past to the shaykh like events which have changed your life?

3. If for example you miss your target ibadah (tilawat, tasbih etc not prayers) for one day can you make it up the next day, and if you miss it and make it up do you need to inform him of that?

Again I am answering these questions based on my preferences and different Mashaikh might prefer otherwise.

1. My personal preferences is to leave this up to the Murid to update as much as they want. For me, in most cases updating should not be less than once a week though. If a person does update frequently though they should not always expect a written response to their updates. The point is to update and leave the rest up to the Shaykh. As long as the Shaykh is informed, he can deal with things in different manners based on what he deems most fit for the situation. The best course of action would be to ask your Shaykh of his preferences regarding this.

2. Again, this is not a must in itself but this will do two things, it will give the Shaykh more insight into how you work and also the bond between you two will grow. My preference is that the more you inform the better, but in the end it is up to the Murid how much they want to inform. An example is a friend, you don't tell each friend everything about your life and neither is it required that you tell everyone everything. But, those that you do tell, you will see that you usually have a closer relationship with them.

3. I would say that if your normally are punctual and you miss it once, yes make it up the next day. But, if you miss it often then to stipulate on yourself that you have to make it up will further hamper your progress in being punctual as it will make a person more lazy. Also, informing one's Shaykh about this would be good. Again, these are my preferences and some Mashaikh will say that you should not make the m'amulaat up and others will say that you should make them up in all circumstances.

[Cyclicymn]

Mashaikh are the most selfless people.

Assalaamu 'alaykum WW
The above is absolutely true! May Allah ta'ala grant my Shaykh and all our mashaaikh abundant reward and high stages in the aakhirah, aameen.

Knowing this helps one to be as honest and open as possible with one's shaykh. This actually opens a door for one to ask one's shaykh anything in the world...including our worries about being a pest or a burden on them or showing lack of adab. I personally feel we do not need to ask anyone else about anything

[k5wTvu9f]

sisters fs89, ummitaalib and brothers abd_munib and Mustafa.M.farooqui. I find gems in your words, I read them 3 times atleast to absorb the wisdom they carry. Your posts are very beneficial, JazakAllah khair for taking out time to post. InshaAllah, they will be helpful for all. I pray to Allah swt that he grants all of us the ikhlaaq, adab and spiritual development that youl carry.

Brother True_lifes question still stands, whether it would be inapt to ask these questions to your shaykh, I also wanted to know. Could any brothers or sisters shed some light?

JazakAllah khair

[Mmccqrtb]

sister fs89 and Br Mustafa

another question:

If we write poetry concerning our life, should we share this with them?

[Cyclicymn]

Wa'alaykumus salaam
aameen to the du'a..

[larentont]

im concerned more about the length of the mail.Should it be brief or we should explain things in detail ?

[Lenny Hensley]

Good questions, masha Allah and important ones at that. First off, everything depends on the Shaykh. Each Shaykh is unique. Staying in his Suhbat and studying him for awhile will tell you enough. In the case of brothers who live a long distance away and sisters, asking senior mureeds and listening to the Shaykhs Majlis and Dars bayans should tell you a lot.

1) You should tell your Shaykh your sins. But try not to clog him will ALL the problems. I have heard some say that the best approach is to take it one by one. You read a book like Islahi Khutbaat and then list your sins and problems. Then tell Shaykh about the biggest problem affecting you at the moment. Take his advice, act on it for as long as necessary and then once you can see its working and Shaykh is satisfied you move onto the next issue.

2) When you understand the Shaykhs mode of tarbiyat you will know what the Shaykh feels is important. Shaykh is talking daily about protecting the gaze. Instead of being worried about that, mureed goes and talks about other things.

3) Nothing wrong with that as long as the intention of reaching the goal is to serve the Deen of Allah.

4) I think once a month is good. You tell Shaykh your illness and he gives you some medicine, believe me it takes time to bring it into practice and see results. Stacking your illnesses without finshing off your earlier prescription is no good at all.

5) Give back. Subhanallah. Your asking the right questions. Allah Ta'ala grant you ikhlas and istiqamat. Dua and more dua. Kidmat. I heard a Shaykh say that mureeds who make dua for their Shaykhs progress faster.

6) Thats why were at the Shaykhs feet. To change all this bad manners. A true Shaykh will not take notice of these things. If he does and gets annoyed its for the mureeds Islah. Being normal will help you avoid this.

7) Divide the email into 2 parts. Write on one side and let the Shaykh write on the other. I send a Word file with my Mamoolat marked out. Its a different and I think more efficient format. Will try to post it here if anyone needs

Keep me in your duas

[eduptultyt]

Wa Alykum Asalam,

JazakAllah khair for the questions sister. I actually wanted to ask about no.3 as well. Anyone is invited to add their questions.

Some more additions:

1. Can Shuykh scan your spiritual heart? Do they already know what you are hiding, for e.g if one is trying to show humility and hides the dawah activity he does etc or may be if one lies to his shaykh

2. Should one inform about the dreams they have, where the shaykh appears distressed?

JazakAllah khair

1. Allah Ta'ala does sometimes grant those that are close to him abilities such as this. But, usually people do not know that a Shaykh has this ability as they do not make it apparent. Also, even if Allah Ta'ala does grant someone this ability due to their peity, it is still not necessarily very in-depth and it usually tends to fluctuate. Basically it should be known that some Mashaikh are given such abilities to varying degrees from Allah Ta'ala based upon their piety. But, this should not lead a person to not inform a Shaykh of his condition thinking that he already knows, because like I said, you do not know for sure if your Shaykh has this ability and second, this ability in itself fluctuates.

2. My preference with dreams is that Murideen should inform regarding them but should not demand an interpretation, I will give an interpretation if I deem it necessary. If one informs their Shaykh regarding these, it might give the Shaykh more insight into what is going on in the Murid's mind. But, the Murid should leave this at informing the Shaykh and not become too obsessed with dreams and dream interpretation. The Shaykh will take care of it in the best manner according to his judgment.

[Lenny Hensley]

im concerned more about the length of the mail.Should it be brief or we should explain things in detail ?

Brief is the correct word. Mashaikh are busy and I know they like short, to the point letters

[eduptultyt]

Would it be inapprorpiate to ask (most of) these questions your Shaykh himself (at the beginning of your relation)?

This would not be inappropriate at all and would rather be the best course of action. Like I said in many of my replies, it would be best to ask one's Shaykh regarding these. Sister fs89 made a good point regarding what a person should do if they cannot get themselves to ask their Shaykh directly regarding these things. In such situations, these questions should be put forth to the Khulafa or senior Murideen of the Shaykh.

[eduptultyt]

sister fs89 and Br Mustafa

another question:

If we write poetry concerning our life, should we share this with them?

It is not a wajib or anything of the sort to share your poetry but I would encourage Murideen to do it myself. It again goes back to the point of increasing the strength of the bond you have with the Mashaikh. The more one spills one's heart out to another, the more attached they become.

[Lenny Hensley]

Shaykh Mustafa, may Allah grant you His Nearness
Please make dua for me

[eduptultyt]

im concerned more about the length of the mail.Should it be brief or we should explain things in detail ?

Like Sister fs89 said, the general rule is to not make it too lengthy but this preference will depend on your Shaykh. Some Mashaikh prefer brevity while others do not. Like I said regarding my personal preferences, I do not like to stipulate such things on Murideen and leave it up to them to write as much as they would like. But, Murideen should also not expect written response to everything all the time and should leave it up to the Shaykh to address the issues in whatever manner they feel is most appropriate, even if this means not addressing the issue at all.