[feAilei1]

Hi mates. I have a huge problem..

My uncle (dad's younger brother) is cheating on his wife..

I respect her and love her very much because she is my aunt and I am infuriated by what he is doing..

I don't know for sure if there is physical contact between him and other women but I have evidence that he flirts with and hits on other females on social networking sites..

This thing burdens me a lot.. he has two young daughters (my cousins) who are like my little sisters and my aunt is like a mother-figure to me and this whole thing has been bothering me for a long time.

I really want to tell her.. I am thinking that I will use a friend to send her an email about it so she does not know it is from me so there is no family tension but I just wanted to consult you guys because I don't want Allah to be mad for causing problems between a married couple but she DESERVES to know.

Any advice? I'm a hanafi sunni btw in case that is relevant..

[WeissVine]

Wont you be causing more problems by telling her...Besides theres two sides to every story.

[feAilei1]

are you kidding me.. there is no excuse for what he's doing.. there is no other "side" to this story.

I think she deserves to know.. what would you say if she was the one that was doing it? Just cause he's a man does not make it okay brother..

[feAilei1]

well brother just because something is unpleasant does not mean that she should not be told.. after all, adultery is punishable by stoning in Islamic countries.. breaking the sacred bond of marriage is a horrible sin after all..

I have hard evidence of his chats and on facebook of the comments he has left those girls which I can show her..

No one's gonna kill his sorry ass.. but I mean, how would you feel if your spouse did that to you? I mean, it's not a sin to reveal this to her since he's wronging her, right..

[JTS_tv]

Rather than tell her, it would be better if you could stop him from doing so, get him to make tawbah and then never speak of it again. This is the best solution in my opinion and this way, your aunt's feelings won't get hurt,

[Woziwfaq]

first bring this to any guardian of your uncle and let the guardian talk with your uncle inshallah.

[bataovady]

Get your father to talk to him. This isn't proof that he's actually committing adultery.

If you had hard proof of his having committed zina, I would strongly suggest getting your parents to intervene to recommend to your aunt that she at least divorce him. Zina is a criminal act. People would confess to get the Had punishment for zina just to be absolved of the sin, that is how huge it is. No Muslim deserves to be left alone in a marriage with an adulterer without being advised of their options by their community.

[feAilei1]

thanks for the replies mates..

well I did tell my father but he refuses to do anything about it. my parents are the type of people who wouldn't care even if their siblings were serial killers.. they would still hide their acts. and that's just unfortunate..

well my grandfather passed away a long time ago and I don't think I should tell my grandmother cause first of all she lives in another country and she's in her late 80s and has a heart condition and I don't want to cause her to be sad or angry ..

my aunt is a really mature woman she's the boss in a big company and very mature and educated and I think she will handle the situation with maturity..

I just don't want Allah to be mad at me .. but not only am I upset over how my aunt is being treated but also I am concerned for my cousins because I do not want them to have to hear this from someone else and if my aunt knows she will be able to handle the situation I think..

[blackjackiisre]

Have you prayed Istikhara, brother? If not you should do that first and you will be guided to the correct action.

[tactWeiccaf]

Theres them 3 points when you see someone doing bad/evil
1. Verbally Tell Them
2. Stop It Physically
3. Have a feeling in your heart that what they are doing is wrong
“Whenever the Prophet sallahu alayhi wasallam saw anyone performing anything wrong he would perform Tarbiyah. In a very nice manner he would motivate people to think correctly, and encourage them to go in the right direction.”http://shaykh.wordpress.com/2010/08/...ght-direction/ “Always remember that one should dislike the sin but not the sinner. Thus our attitude should be akin to the doctor who treats a sick patient.

[lierro]

i think u should do a bit of research and confront ur uncle, find out if he reli is havn an affair..if he is then i think ur aunt should be told

[Woziwfaq]

talk with your uncle inshalalh, I doubt that he is having any affair with anyone. now a days chating in FB and other networks is normal which is sad, but it doesnt mean automaticly that he is having an affair which is physically involved. Before get things worst, you should talk with uncle, but dont think he is having any affair already.

[I9dydJrX]

Firstly, I'd like to appreciate about the fact that you are concerned and also you realise that what your uncle is doing is Haram. that is a very good thing. Many just leave it at that when they discover such things and don't want to get their hands dirty.

I suggest that even if your parents aren't concerned and you know they won't help in this matter, why don't you create an anonymous ID and send an email to your uncle about the things he is getting himself in, as you said before, that you have hard evidence, send that as attachments with the mail (screen print-out's of his chats and stuff), usually for people who do this on a casual basis (just for fun), this will be enough and he'll stop. Make dua & give Sadqah.

Don't confront him just yet, that'll be disastrous, and don't tell about this to your aunt at any cost, just yet. Make dua that the need never arises.

[I9dydJrX]

Firstly, I'd like to appreciate about the fact that you are concerned and also you realise that what your uncle is doing is Haram. that is a very good thing. Many just leave it at that when they discover such things and don't want to get their hands dirty.

I suggest that even if your parents aren't concerned and you know they won't help in this matter, why don't you create an anonymous ID and send an email to your uncle about the things he is getting himself in, as you said before, that you have hard evidence, send that as attachments with the mail (screen print-out's of his chats and stuff), usually for people who do this on a casual basis (just for fun), this will be enough and he'll stop. Make dua & give Sadqah.

Don't confront him just yet, that'll be disastrous, and don't tell about this to your aunt at any cost, just yet. Make dua that the need never arises.

and also, please have good opinion about him after you do it^ Husn e Zann

[vigraxtru]

When a brother does something haram, it is your obligation to first alert him rather than immediately revealing his sin to others. So first step is to speak directly to the uncle. Try and get him to stop and repent. But since this cheating is not a sin that harms just the sinner, but may also harm his wife, she must be protected if he does not stop immediately. I would tell her, because it is also haram to let harm fall apon your brother/sister in Islam from someone else. Wouldnt you want someone to tell you if your wife is cheating on you? Be careful of screwed up men intoxicated by their culture who think its ok for men to cheat, because it is certainly not ok. We are Muslims FIRST then a member of a cultural group second. WaAllahA3lam

[Tauntenue]

Please provide clarification of what your definition in this situation is of 'cheating'.
If you are accusing him of adultery then YOU MUST provide the evidence of actually catching him in the physical act itself, and not just you but total of 4 people must see the act in practice.
If you are unable to provide that evidence then you can not accuse him of adultery, you could rephrase it and accuse him of 'cheating' which you have done but ensure that you do not use that term without proof.
Further the Sunnah is to give him advice on two factors a) that Allah is merciful and he will forgive any and all crimes b) The consequences of his actions in the sight of Allah and the punishment attached to it.
Although the crime you accuse your uncle of is hideous, the Sunnah is not to publicise it to anyone even the wife. It is not the sunnah to 'would you not want to know if your wife was cheating on you?'
We live in complex times and situations and I am unaware if your are in a western country and these countries are infested with the encouragement of these fitna's and a man find it hard to control the opportunities to engage in these fitna's and further the restrictions of multiple marriages makes it harder for a man to find another companion. Am I making excuses? Yes I am! The sunnah is to find 70 excuses for your Muslim brother.
Do what is right according to the sunnah

[AnriXuinriZ]

thanks for the replies mates..

well I did tell my father but he refuses to do anything about it. my parents are the type of people who wouldn't care even if their siblings were serial killers.. they would still hide their acts. and that's just unfortunate..

well my grandfather passed away a long time ago and I don't think I should tell my grandmother cause first of all she lives in another country and she's in her late 80s and has a heart condition and I don't want to cause her to be sad or angry ..

my aunt is a really mature woman she's the boss in a big company and very mature and educated and I think she will handle the situation with maturity..

I just don't want Allah to be mad at me .. but not only am I upset over how my aunt is being treated but also I am concerned for my cousins because I do not want them to have to hear this from someone else and if my aunt knows she will be able to handle the situation I think..

From what I can see there are many points that need to be clarify as others said. You said you had evidence him cheating and you said flirting through fb.

If things , the cheating just happen only up to flirting through fb, than may be you need to be careful on trying to sort things out. Don't get me wrong, but you were saying that your aunt might be able to handle this maturely as she is a boss in a big company. From what I could see, marriage at some point can come into a problem not just when you living in western country but also in eastern country especially when a woman is a big boss in a company. She might have less time for the husband. A man when they reach over 40's, suddenly their hormone just tickle for some reason. They usually need woman which mean their wife more than ever to be on their side, comfort them and spend more time with them. if not, than if he didn't spend time and engage with islamic activities, than it's easy for him to fall out this way. And if this happen, for me it's not just a problem from man but also woman.

I know that man shouldn't cheat or flirt with other woman, but this things do happen for a reason from woman side. Of course we will feel sorry for the woman, as I am a woman as well, but from what I can see, man can be very demanding when they grow older in term of emotional and psychology, and if woman is a carrier woman, this will sometimes create a conflict, like I said if here are no islamic activities and environment especially in the house.

Secondly, there are many fake woman which is actually a man trying to fool people through scam message in fb and if the man are fool, they can easily trap into this business. And when you read the message, you will feel like the man is cheating on their wife.

if the man is actually cheating in fb only , than like I said, you have to handle the situation properly. Which for me, not to tell the husband or the wife that you know about this, but trying to while you chat with them intentionally talk about general man and woman relationship. Or if you can't , my advise better to bought them a book and talk to someone who older or same age as them with good Islamic background to chat without actually making them feel that there something wrong with them.

Because if there are no zina commit yet, or any physical activity happen, only chatting and flirting, than there are a chance to repair, and even if these people had seen each other without physical activity, than there are chance to repair because marriage is not easy to just broken like that and usually the reason is on both side. Successful marriage is not only laying on man, but also woman. Both has to make effort and sometimes one side has to make effort more depends on how strong each individual are.

For me, after 17 years marriage, I found my self still trying to make my marriage lively as much as I can. Although after 17 years I never take it easy. Marriage is an effort although we had life together for years and could say, with one eye, I could tell if my husband distress or not. But i am still and trying to understand him. Because age is really change people as our body change. I bet, if we still live in the next 20 years, I know that I might not still know him at some point and there will always be new challenge every day. it's weird and interesting to see how age can change what we used to be. And everyday is learning.

[vigraxtru]

Brothers and sisters, we are not secularists (inshallah) lets stop going with the non-muslims definition of cheating, you dont have to go all the way to sex for it to be considered cheating. Cheating, is doing ANYTHING with someone else that you should ONLY be doing with your wife/husband, like flirting, writing love notes. Those are halal for you to do with your wife/husband ONLY. So writting love notes to someone who is haram for you when you should only be doing it with your wife is CHEATING.

Also there are different types of zina, including zina that can be done with the eyes, and the hands, and the worst is zina done with the genitals.