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04-26-2011, 04:38 PM
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#21 |
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Serious answer though, you need to start showing your wife, that you are the man and not her...  I dont quite agree with u bro.. and seriously cant ever imagine a man raising hands on a woman.. i dont think it can ever come to tht so easily.. infact was asked on my second day of marriage by her uncle whether i kept a stick.. i said subhanAllah.. why would i .. i have a tongue to speak if anything goes wrong.. and secondly, it was never the way of our beloved prophet  to beat those under him.. the most severe punishment he meted out was remaining silent..its not about showing her ur the man.. its about being human & reasonable.. the 1st thing is never to ask her opinion in matters regarding ur parents. at the same time never complain about her to ur family.. donot insult her in the presence of anyone.. thts the easiest way to lose respect..and yeah never let her know ur bank balance / payslip .. she'll weigh u out if shez the materialistic type.. ok shez from a different cultural background.. cant change her culture.. but u can make her adaptable to urs.. if she swears.. is grossly indisciplined.. taleem with luv and lots of duas is the only way to win her back.. the best way to win an argument is to remain silent yet stern.. ..u see in a war amidst all the hell broken loose ..the most composed person is the general.. he plans it in the mind..sits back and controls.. most of the time its either the ego or sheer difficulty in understanding each other.. heared from Hazrat maulana Zulfiqar sb db tht once a maulvi saheb who was bayat with hazrat approached him complaining about his wife.. tht shez so indisciplined.. away from deen.. has no khair.. etc.. now hazrat understood tht he was asking his approval to divorce her.. tht he was rude acting like a rooster at home.. playing the strict dry maulvi .. so he told him two things.. whenever they have food togather.. he should feed her at least one morsel with his hand.. and next he should kiss her whenever he enters the house.. ( they would be alone in the house).. so the maulvi saab was surprised and asked again.. he said yes do it.. so the next day he comes running to hazrat.. says its a miracle.. ive never seen tears in her eyes before.. asked what happened.. said tht when we sat for lunch.. i put the morsel in her mouth .. and she was just shocked.. said why did u do tht.. i replied its sunnah .. she said how beutiful is this sunnah.. with tears rolling down her eyes.. started inquiring about other sunnahs.. maulana then asked him to start taleem ..after which she became a really devout lady.. next beutiful story he narrated took place in his neighbouring village.. a very beutiful & educated girl was to marry her cousin who was by contrast simple looking and illitrerate.. she tried every possible way to break the allaince but failed.. so ultimately she was married but dint let her husband come near.. the poor guy thought mayb she misses her home so why not take her to her place for a few days.. as it is it was his aunts place anyway and saw nothing wrong.. the journey was lonesome through wilderness .. as they neared her village she complained of thirst.. and her loving husband went in search of water.. he came upon a well and bent down looking for a vessel or rope.. suddenly she came from behind and pushed him down.. happy tht now he was taken care of and thinking she could at last begin her desirable life with someone of her choice reached home.. when inquired about hubby.. she began complaining how irresponsible fellow he is.. set out to bring water.. left me alone in wilderness.. my life and modesty was at stake..u married me to such a clumsy illiterate etc..making a perfect story.. .. but Allah (swt) had someother plans.. some passerby heared his screams and pulled him out.. he reached her village and the moment she saw him entering inside.. turned pale with shock.. stunned how to react next.. thought for sure tht either he or her parents would begin thrashing her at any moment.. but instead this guy began to apologise profusely saying it was his fault.. tht he couldnt find water nearby and had to venture really far and when he came back she was already gone.. it really surprised this woman beyond words..thought what kind of heart does he really posses..never spoke a word about her.. he requested leave.. took her along.. and the entire way never mentioned a single word about the incident.. the girl was obviously crying at her deed.. pledged herself never ever to abandon him again.. and says tht he never mentioned it his entire life and she never ceased loving him till the end.. so its not the stick approach.. but the carrot way tht wins.. and regarding the kid.. come on shez only a 6 yr old.. tell me how often has the brother sat with her helping with homework.. kissed her forehead when he comes back from work.. being a rooster never helps bro.. being human does.. @ sister soduku.. my heartfelt duas tht Allah  give u all the happiness in both worlds..duas.. wa assalam.. |
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04-26-2011, 04:47 PM
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#22 |
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Salaam, please try these two links, one is a talk, the other one is part of a book. They're complementary. In shaa Allah, the story of how things worked out with you and your wife, and your children, will once be told to our grandchildren.... http://dl.dropbox.com/u/10938197/Mar...ed_Cleaner.mp3 https://docs.google.com/document/d/1...thkey=CPaJnrQF |
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