[TagBahthuff]

Asalaamu Alaikum

I am turning to all my brothers and susters on this forum with the hope that Insha Allah I can find a helping hand here.

For the longest time I've really struggled with my temper. When I was younger my sister and I would physically fight too slapping and shouting. Now that I'm older we grew out of it and yet my temper seems worse. I would get upset over the smallest things and esp if it's something in the past that can't be changed I would bring it up and rub it in people's faces all the time. It's like I take this extra joy in knowing they can't change the past and can't change the event. One time my sister tapped my forehead with her empty chocolate bottle and I yelled at her for about twenty minutes asking over and over again 'why did u do it? Would u like it if I did the same etc'. basically I make mountains out of molehills

I can't even describe the sensation I get when in so angry. I can't think straight but at the same time I'm thinking and telling myself to stop, this is a sin, the Angels are recording my every word. Often I get severe waswas thinking I'm not saying any swear words so it doesn't matter etc which I know is not true. It's like I'm telling myself to stop but unable to exert the self control to do so. Today after a fight I was so angry I wanted to walk up to my sis and yell at her and a part of me told me not to and yet I did it anyway.

The worst thing is I just can't let go of things that happened. I hold grudges. I feel terrible afterwards. I instantly cool down and regret things. I know all the things I'm meant to do -sit, lie down etc. I know that! But at that moment I can't seem to Apply them!

Please help me. I've begun to hate myself so much. I read up on this is a sin and examples of times of great restraint but I can't seem to do it. People have started to draw away from me because of this too.

Please help me!!!! And please make Dua for me. I feel so ashamed.

[disappointment2]

Asalaamu Alaikum

I am turning to all my brothers and susters on this forum with the hope that Insha Allah I can find a helping hand here.

For the longest time I've really struggled with my temper. When I was younger my sister and I would physically fight too slapping and shouting. Now that I'm older we grew out of it and yet my temper seems worse. I would get upset over the smallest things and esp if it's something in the past that can't be changed I would bring it up and rub it in people's faces all the time. It's like I take this extra joy in knowing they can't change the past and can't change the event. One time my sister tapped my forehead with her empty chocolate bottle and I yelled at her for about twenty minutes asking over and over again 'why did u do it? Would u like it if I did the same etc'. basically I make mountains out of molehills

I can't even describe the sensation I get when in so angry. I can't think straight but at the same time I'm thinking and telling myself to stop, this is a sin, the Angels are recording my every word. Often I get severe waswas thinking I'm not saying any swear words so it doesn't matter etc which I know is not true. It's like I'm telling myself to stop but unable to exert the self control to do so. Today after a fight I was so angry I wanted to walk up to my sis and yell at her and a part of me told me not to and yet I did it anyway.

The worst thing is I just can't let go of things that happened. I hold grudges. I feel terrible afterwards. I instantly cool down and regret things. I know all the things I'm meant to do -sit, lie down etc. I know that! But at that moment I can't seem to Apply them!

Please help me. I've begun to hate myself so much. I read up on this is a sin and examples of times of great restraint but I can't seem to do it. People have started to draw away from me because of this too.

Please help me!!!! And please make Dua for me. I feel so ashamed.

Wa 'alaikum assalam wa rahmatullah dear sister,

First and foremost inshaa Allah, do sincere sincere tawbah. Ask Allah to give you hatred of this sin.

Then while you are doing that make a firm intention that you are now going to improve your condition inshaa Allah. Of course it might be hard at first, but slowly you will see that inshaa Allah it will get easier.

There might be a root cause as well. I think it's better that you explain your situations to a proper shaykh and follow his advice and uphold the precriptions he gives you. Try and always contempate and ponder whenever you are about to get angry. Think about Allah's love for His creation, ask yourself, who am I to get angry at another creation when I deserve the anger of the Creator?

I hope this helps inshaa Allah.

May Allah make it easy for you, ameen.

Wassalam.

[Sopzoozyren]

Wa 'Alaikum Salam,

You must not hate yourself, start loving yourself. As you have a problem and want to fix it - this is very rare in today's world. Many people know what they do is against Shariah yet they do it and want to promote it.

This is a very small thing, I too had this problem once. But this might lead to a bigger trouble for you, think in that way.
Again when something happens, just wait for sometime and think and respond. Its easy to fix.

[Rx-Ultram]

the step I feel you are lacking is staying silent, if you cannot control yourself in the heat of the moment then make a habit of keeping silent in your daily life so it becomes easier to be silent when you are angry.

When you are able to keep silent you will be able to swallow your anger and maintain a degree of control, later you can do wudhu to cool down and recite ta'awuz

[Mark_NyB]

Wa 'alaikum assalam wa rahmatullah dear sister,

First and foremost inshaa Allah, do sincere sincere tawbah. Ask Allah to give you hatred of this sin.

Then while you are doing that make a firm intention that you are now going to improve your condition inshaa Allah. Of course it might be hard at first, but slowly you will see that inshaa Allah it will get easier.

Wassalam.

JazakAllah Khair for the reply. Oh Insha Allah I'll repent again sis. But I'm beginning to feel like a real hypocrite too when I'm repenting I can even hear myself repeat te same words I've done before and I just feel so ashamed thinking how can I repent yet again after saying those things and knowing I shouldn't.

I know that's just shaytan so Insha Allah I'm going to try my best. Each time I've made a firm intention and Dua that from this very moment on I'm changing my behaviour. And then I slip up and go through the same thing again

[eljugadordepoquer]

Wa 'Alaikum Salam,

You must not hate yourself, start loving yourself. As you have a problem and want to fix it - this is very rare in today's world. Many people know what they do is against Shariah yet they do it and want to promote it.

This is a very small thing, I too had this problem once. But this might lead to a bigger trouble for you, think in that way.
Again when something happens, just wait for sometime and think and respond. Its easy to fix.

Brother how did you deal with the problem? How did you manage to fight down shaytan and remain quiet.

[invasuant]

Asalaamu Alaikum

I am turning to all my brothers and susters on this forum with the hope that Insha Allah I can find a helping hand here.

For the longest time I've really struggled with my temper. When I was younger my sister and I would physically fight too slapping and shouting. Now that I'm older we grew out of it and yet my temper seems worse. I would get upset over the smallest things and esp if it's something in the past that can't be changed I would bring it up and rub it in people's faces all the time. It's like I take this extra joy in knowing they can't change the past and can't change the event. One time my sister tapped my forehead with her empty chocolate bottle and I yelled at her for about twenty minutes asking over and over again 'why did u do it? Would u like it if I did the same etc'. basically I make mountains out of molehills

I can't even describe the sensation I get when in so angry. I can't think straight but at the same time I'm thinking and telling myself to stop, this is a sin, the Angels are recording my every word. Often I get severe waswas thinking I'm not saying any swear words so it doesn't matter etc which I know is not true. It's like I'm telling myself to stop but unable to exert the self control to do so. Today after a fight I was so angry I wanted to walk up to my sis and yell at her and a part of me told me not to and yet I did it anyway.

The worst thing is I just can't let go of things that happened. I hold grudges. I feel terrible afterwards. I instantly cool down and regret things. I know all the things I'm meant to do -sit, lie down etc. I know that! But at that moment I can't seem to Apply them!

Please help me. I've begun to hate myself so much. I read up on this is a sin and examples of times of great restraint but I can't seem to do it. People have started to draw away from me because of this too.

Please help me!!!! And please make Dua for me. I feel so ashamed.

Wa alaikumussalaam wa rahmatullaah my dearest sis,
The advice already given will inshaAllaah be very helpful. May Allaah make it eaasy for u. Recite ta'awwudh often.. I once heard that we only become angry upon ppl whom we believe to be better than. (a result of pride/takabbur- one of the most evils existing)
Also, there r many virtues for surppressing anger.. it may be hard, but inshaAllaah with constant sincere striving and seeking help by Allaah ta'ala, itll be made easier.
We shd think of our beloved Nabi (sallAllaahu alaihi wa sallam), He never got upset for His own personal needs/reasons. It was all overlooked and the best of character was displayed even to enemies.

here are some more additional points I found
Approved by Mufti Ebrahim Desai

ANGER
Anger is natural to man. There is no man without the instinct of anger. Allah has placed this quality in man for some reason. It is given to man for the purpose of protecting himself, his possessions, his family and his relatives. If he is bereft of the quality of anger then he will never be angry and never defend himself when attacked by an enemy or an animal. So, man is allowed to show anger to protect himself and, the Shariah has not placed any restriction on that. However, what is required s that man keeps it under control, which if he does so, he will save himself from many difficulties. Conversely, if man does not control his anger he is prone to commit innumerable sins. It is anger that gives rise to arrogance; it gives root to jealousy; an angry man bears malice and is also hostile. Hence, man needs to learn how to use this innate tool of anger for his advantage and protect himself from its abuse and nasty consequences.

A FEW ANTIDOTES

Hereunder follow a few prescriptions and antidotes to ‘diffuse’ one in the rage of anger. May Allah Ta’ala grant us the Divine ability to implement these when we are placed in such situations, Āmin.

A) RECITE TA’WWUZ - When faced with a situation of anger and excitement, the first thing one should do is act on the directive that Allah Ta’ala has given in the Qurān:

وَإِمَّا يَنْزَغَنَّكَ مِنَ الشَّيْطَانِ نَزْغٌ فَاسْتَعِذْ بِاللَّهِ

“(O Rasulullah) If a provocation from Shaytan provokes you, then seek refuge in Allah.”

(Surah Fussilat – S.41, V.36)

That is, recite,

أَعُوْذُ باِللهِ مِنَ الشَّيْطَانِ الرَّجِيْمْ

“I seek refuge in Allah from the dejected devil.”

The devil has provoked you, but you have sought the refuge of Allah, so Allah will preserve you from its evil consequences.

B) SIT DOWN OR LIE DOWN – The next thing to be done when angry is to follow the advice of Rasulullah r. It is an unusual but psychological procedure. Rasulullah u advised,

“If you feel the rage of anger in you then, if you are standing, sit down. If the feeling persists in that posture, then lie down.” (Abu Dāwud, Vol.2, Pg.316, Maktabah Ramāniyyah)

C) THINK OF THE POWER OF ALLAH – Yet another method to counter anger is to say to oneself,

“Suppose Allah was to be angry at me in the same way I am angry at this man, then what will become of me?”

We are told in a hadith that Rasulullah r came across Abu Bakr t scolding his slave. He was blaming him harshly. According to a version, Rasilullah r said,

“Remember, Allah has more power and authority over you than you have over him. You use your authority to hurt him but Allah has more authority over you.”

D) GET ALLAH’S HELP WHEN YOU NEED IT THE MOST – It is recorded in one of the previous Divine books that Allah Ta’ala has mentioned regarding an angry person,

“Remember me in the time of your anger and I (Allah) will consider you at time when I am in full fury.”

(Ihyā Ulumiddīn Vol.2, Pg.219; Dāru Misr Littibā’ah)

E) KEEP SILENT – Sayyiduna Ibn Abbās t has reported Rasulullah r to have said,

“When you become angry, remain silent.”

(Ihyā Ulumiddīn Vol.2, Pg.219; Dāru Misr Littibā’ah)

By remaining silent, calm and sedate, one will be in complete control of one’s mind and senses thus allowing one to act in correct measure.

F) REMEMBER THESE PHRASES – Next time, before getting angry or while one is in a fit of anger, one may well consider the following wise sayings-

“Anger Is A Very Valuable Thing So Don’t Lose It!”

“For Every Minute You Are Angry, You Lose 60 Seconds Of Happiness!”

May Allah Ta’ālā protect us from the snares of Shaytan and nafs, and may He allow us to attain His Divine pleasure through our anger, Āmīn.

[zueqhbyhp]

Asalaamu Alaikum

I am turning to all my brothers and susters on this forum with the hope that Insha Allah I can find a helping hand here.

For the longest time I've really struggled with my temper. When I was younger my sister and I would physically fight too slapping and shouting. Now that I'm older we grew out of it and yet my temper seems worse. I would get upset over the smallest things and esp if it's something in the past that can't be changed I would bring it up and rub it in people's faces all the time. It's like I take this extra joy in knowing they can't change the past and can't change the event. One time my sister tapped my forehead with her empty chocolate bottle and I yelled at her for about twenty minutes asking over and over again 'why did u do it? Would u like it if I did the same etc'. basically I make mountains out of molehills

I can't even describe the sensation I get when in so angry. I can't think straight but at the same time I'm thinking and telling myself to stop, this is a sin, the Angels are recording my every word. Often I get severe waswas thinking I'm not saying any swear words so it doesn't matter etc which I know is not true. It's like I'm telling myself to stop but unable to exert the self control to do so. Today after a fight I was so angry I wanted to walk up to my sis and yell at her and a part of me told me not to and yet I did it anyway.

The worst thing is I just can't let go of things that happened. I hold grudges. I feel terrible afterwards. I instantly cool down and regret things. I know all the things I'm meant to do -sit, lie down etc. I know that! But at that moment I can't seem to Apply them!

Please help me. I've begun to hate myself so much. I read up on this is a sin and examples of times of great restraint but I can't seem to do it. People have started to draw away from me because of this too.

Please help me!!!! And please make Dua for me. I feel so ashamed.

I sympathize with you because i also have to deal with an anger problem. they key is to sit and stay silent whenever you are angry. make dhikr, read audhubillah, remeber shaytaan knows you very well he will always insinuate you to get angry.

when your standing and something ticks you off sit down, when you're sitting and something ticks you off lie down.

the key is do NOT OPEN YOUR MOUTH and say anything that you will come to regret. remember that when you have nothing good to say then you shouldn't be saying anything just zip it.

the only time when anger is justified is when the shariah is violated in some way. not because someone hit you playfully, or you missed the bus etc.

also I highly reccomend listening to these lectures even if you disregard everything i've written have a listen to these lectures and maybe take notes while you and try implement the lessons the shaykh imparts.

1. http://www.sacredlearning.org/audio/...medy_anger.mp3

2. http://www.sacredlearning.org/audio/...ling_anger.mp3

also have a listen to the lectures this scholar (Shaykh Hussain Abdul Sattar) gives. on this website

http://www.sacredlearning.org/general-talks

i think the "picking the positive" lecture should help.

on another note recently Shaykh Musleh Khan was in my city and he talked about the importance of just holding our tongue and not saying anything when we're angry until we cool off a bit and have a chance to actually think about our situation. if this simple advice was taken so many divorces could be avoided.

[bensabath]

the step I feel you are lacking is staying silent, if you cannot control yourself in the heat of the moment then make a habit of keeping silent in your daily life so it becomes easier to be silent when you are angry.

When you are able to keep silent you will be able to swallow your anger and maintain a degree of control, later you can do wudhu to cool down and recite ta'awuz

That is the exact problem really. Sometimes I start off okay like if someone is telling me off within my family for maybe leaving my stuff lying around I am able to stay quiet for sometime. But then if that person goes on for a bit I snap and start talking back Astagfirullah. I've started taking more practical measures like I've realised often arguments start because of my laziness in keeping things all over the place so I've started trying to make sure I always put things back where they are etc. so far this seems to be working Insha Allah. I just need to keep it up.

I'm going to try remaining silent more often though Insha Allah. I have often been told in really talkative by my family so this is really something I need to work on Insha Allah.

[fedelwfget]

JazakAllah Khair for the reply. Oh Insha Allah I'll repent again sis. But I've done this so much I'm beginning to feel like a real hypocrite too when I'm repenting I can even hear myself repeat te same words I've done before and I just feel so ashamed thinking how can I repent yet again after saying those things and knowing I shouldn't.

I know that's just shaytan so Insha Allah I'm going to try my best. Each time I've made a firm intention and Dua that from this very moment on I'm changing my behaviour. And then I slip up and go through the same thing again

hadeeth e qudsi:

Allah the Almighty has said: “O son of Adam, so long as you call upon Me and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O son of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky and were you then to ask forgiveness of Me, I would forgive you. O son of Adam, were you to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth and were you then to face Me, ascribing no partner to Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great as its.”

subhaanAllaah.. so don't let the thought of repentance ever leave u sis! That in itself is sucha shaytaani attack!
But then again, when we wrong others due to anger, it'd be only fair if THEY can forgive us. and its not easy to do always, we r very weak. May Allaah protect us from ever reaching there even.!
Or another thing, ask ur sister for forgiveness every time u feel uve wronged her , over time inshaAllaah it'll help control the anger.

[Biassasecumma]

JazakAllah Khair for the reply. Oh Insha Allah I'll repent again sis. But I've done this so much I'm beginning to feel like a real hypocrite too when I'm repenting I can even hear myself repeat te same words I've done before and I just feel so ashamed thinking how can I repent yet again after saying those things and knowing I shouldn't.

I know that's just shaytan so Insha Allah I'm going to try my best. Each time I've made a firm intention and Dua that from this very moment on I'm changing my behaviour. And then I slip up and go through the same thing again

make 100 istighfar every night while reflecting on your misdeeds, count up how many times you've made that same mistake each day, you should inshallah see a decrease over time.

[XangadsX]

JazakAllah Khair for the reply. Oh Insha Allah I'll repent again sis. But I've done this so much I'm beginning to feel like a real hypocrite too when I'm repenting I can even hear myself repeat te same words I've done before and I just feel so ashamed thinking how can I repent yet again after saying those things and knowing I shouldn't.

I know that's just shaytan so Insha Allah I'm going to try my best. Each time I've made a firm intention and Dua that from this very moment on I'm changing my behaviour. And then I slip up and go through the same thing again

make 100 istighfar every night while reflecting on your misdeeds, count up how many times you've made that same mistake each day, you should inshallah see a decrease over time.

[wMceqj7F]

JazakAllah Khair for the reply. Oh Insha Allah I'll repent again sis. But I've done this so much I'm beginning to feel like a real hypocrite too when I'm repenting I can even hear myself repeat te same words I've done before and I just feel so ashamed thinking how can I repent yet again after saying those things and knowing I shouldn't.

I know that's just shaytan so Insha Allah I'm going to try my best. Each time I've made a firm intention and Dua that from this very moment on I'm changing my behaviour. And then I slip up and go through the same thing again

A practise that might help you controlling anger is start to let things go. Dont feel the need to react or take everything seriously. So unless its something very very important and needs to be fixed, or needs a hot reaction, then go for it, otherwise just let everything pass by. Tell yourself, what difference is it going to make on any ones life, whatever it is. OR just analyze deeply that i prefer this thing to be this way but the other person wants it another way, what if i let him or her have it their way, what difference is it going to make, what much can it cost you and just let it go, let em have it their way, tell yourself who cares, busy your mind and thoughts in dhikr of Allah. As that is the main purpose.

Learn what things are important and demand an angry reaction, everything else just let it go, do your best, and then leave the rest. Tell yourself i am not God or anything that i need to have things done always the way i want and desire. So stop giving each and everything your attention and heart. And dont waste your time and energy worrying about everything to be your way,also stop focusing on people or how they are and what they do. Concern yourself mainly with your own stuff.

Dont know if these things apply to you, but thought maybe could benefit you.

Wasalam

[Ebjjrxrd]

Brother how did you deal with the problem? How did you manage to fight down shaytan and remain quiet.

Read more Quran engage more in Ibadah, EASIEST WAY - GIVE DAWAH TO SOME PEOPLE ABOUT THIS TOPIC(the evils, and how to rectify). HAVE A CHECKLIST AND TELL THIS TO ONE PERSON EVERYDAY. You will see a big change
change your habits by this way you can change yourself. But it takes time.

I can remember now, once my uncle called me(before 8 years) and made fun in the call I scolded him directly in this call which I was not supposed to.
This year my uncle got mad at me, I maintained Sabr. I WON THIS TIME.

[Averti$ingGuru]

JazakAllah Khair for all the replied. Alhamdulillah they have all been really helpful.

Insha Allah I'll watch the lectures soon sister Hafiz Gee.

make 100 istighfar every night while reflecting on your misdeeds, count up how many times you've made that same mistake each day, you should inshallah see a decrease over time. Insha Allah I shall try to do this and also try to keep quiet.

A practise that might help you controlling anger is start to let things go. Dont feel the need to react or take everything seriously. So unless its something very very important and needs to be fixed, or needs a hot reaction, then go for it, otherwise just let everything pass by. Tell yourself, what difference is it going to make on any ones life, whatever it is. OR just analyze deeply that i prefer this thing to be this way but the other person wants it another way, what if i let him or her have it their way, what difference is it going to make, what much can it cost you and just let it go, let em have it their way, tell yourself who cares, busy your mind and thoughts in dhikr of Allah. As that is the main purpose. This really is a big issue for me and is something I need to work on. I can't let go even the smallest of things sometimes. It is ridiculous and I know how much of a burden it is becoming to myself too as I'll constantly focus on such small matters.

Allah the Almighty has said: “O son of Adam, so long as you call upon Me and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O son of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky and were you then to ask forgiveness of Me, I would forgive you. O son of Adam, were you to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth and were you then to face Me, ascribing no partner to Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great as its.” May Allah (swt) forgive us all. JazakAllah Khair for the quotes and hadeeths sister KhaadimahDeen.

I really appreciate all your responses and Insha Allah I am going to try and put some of this advice into action. May Allah (swt) reward each and every one of you immensely for taking the time to help a sister out. Ameen.

[HoniSoniproca]

Bismillah

The underlying reason for such behavior sometime a result of some sort of depression: The mood swing and extreme anger. You need to develop a more real connection with Allah. Do not debate with others simple think of good things.
Do not become a geesa bird when married.. Us brothers are unlikely to tolerate such behavior.
Allahualam

[Thydaysuh]

http://youtu.be/TTWn8CSM7Vw

[temansertewek]

JazakAllah Khair for all the replied. Alhamdulillah they have all been really helpful.

Insha Allah I'll watch the lectures soon sister Hafiz Gee.

:O do mine eyes deceive me?

[KeestRast]

sister,

I think a main reason for us getting angry when somebody criticises us is because we sometimes have another disease of pride in our heart, we think we are above such criticisms. If we are to bring humility within us and think of ourselves as the most lowly person then whatever criticisms people give us will not cause us to get angry since in reality we are nothing

may Allah ta'alah protect us all from shaytan and nafs...Aameen

[poulaMahmah]

JazakAllah Khair for all the replied. Alhamdulillah they have all been really helpful.

Insha Allah I'll watch the lectures soon sister Hafiz Gee.

:O do mine eyes deceive me?

Gee nahi, Hafiz Gee!
Mohtarma ne galat likha