[uwJzsM8t]

Girls gone unmedicated
Steam Me Up Kid Blog
Sunday, February 21, 2010

Best friend T-bag and I made plans to go out at night:

Me: You ready?

T-bag: Yeah.

Me: Did you pee?

T-bag: Yeah. 10 minutes ago. We should leave soon so we can get back before I have to go again. You ready?

Me: Yeah. Ok. Hold on. Lemme check the burners. *Turns each burner knob hard to the right* 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. All burners off.

T-bag: Did you lock the back doors?

Me: Yeah. I'll go double check though.

T-bag: The coffee pot is off. *presses lever to off* Green light off.

Me: Did you light any scented candles?

T-bag: Of course not.

Me: Do you like scented candles?

T-bag: Um...no, not really. Why?

Me: Because if you like them, you might have lit one and forgotten. If you don't like them, there's no chance of you having lit one and forgotten.

T-bag: Good thinking.

Me: *checking back door, push, push, push on the door. Push, push, push, push, push, push, push, push, push, push*

T-bag: I think it's closed all the way. It's good.

Me: I know. *push, push.* It's closed. *push, push, push, push, push* Just a sec. *push, push, push, push, push*

T-bag: I'm going to stop the laundry while we're gone, in case of dryer fire.

Me: Good idea. And we should probably wait a few minutes, in case a fire has already started in the wall. We should wait to see if there's a fire, and then go.

T-bag: Kay. I'm going to pee again, just to be super empty when we go.

Me: Right. I'm going to check the burners once more. Just in case.

T-bag: I'll check for plugged in hair dryers and stuff while I'm in the bathroom.

Me: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. Six burners off! *two at a time hands* 2, 4, 6...2, 4, 6...2, 4, 6. *holds hands over burners* *sniffs for gas*

T-bag: Ready?

Me: Yay! Girls' dinner out!

T-bag and Becky leave through the garage door and get in the car.

T-bag: Is the door to the garage closed tight?

Becky: I should check. *gets out of the car, runs to the door* *Push, push, push* Yep! It's closed! *push, push, push, push, push* Yep! *runs halfway to the car* *runs back to the door* *Push, push, push, push, push, push.....And push.* Ok, all good! *push*

*push*

*push*

T-bag: Kay, get in!

Becky: Yay! Girls' night out! Girls gone wild! Woooo!

(20 seconds later)

T-bag: Did we close the garage?

Becky: Yeah. I remember pressing the remote.

T-bag: What percent sure are you?

Becky: Like...95%.

T-bag: Is that good enough?

Becky: I think so. We forgot to say it out loud, is all.

T-bag: Maybe we should just let this one go.

Becky: That would be the healthy thing to do.

T-bag: ...

Becky: ...

Becky: I'm just gonna back up a bit, just reverse down the street so we can double check. It's not really going back, cause it's backing up.

T-bag: Yeah, I think that's best. Otherwise it'll be on our minds all night.

Becky: *reverses 100 yards, cranes over shoulder to check the garage door* Ok, look, it's closed.

T-bag: Garage door closed. Check. We're so silly!

Becky: We are. Of course we closed it. We're always careful. Wooo Hooo! Party time! Girls' night out!

T-bag: So good to get out! I missed you!

Becky: I missed you too! I really need to let loose tonight.

T-bag: I can't wait. Did you check the burners?

Becky: 100% confirmed on the burners. Did you check for hair dryers?

T-bag: ****.

Becky: You forgot??

T-bag: Ok, let's think about this. When's the last time you used a hair dryer?

Becky: I don't know, like...it's been a while. WAIT! I remember now. My hair dryer broke, I had to throw it out! Ok, we're good.

T-bag: Where'd you throw it out?

Becky: In the trash.

T-bag: The bathroom trash?

Becky: Yeah.

T-bag: With all the tissue? And kindling?

Becky: I think it would have caught fire by now, that was over a week ago.

T-bag: You never know. What about latent electricity, all stored up in the cord?

Becky: You just made that up.

T-bag: What percent sure are you that there's no such thing as latent electricity?

Becky: 98%.

T-bag: Is that good enough?

Becky: No, but I think we should just keep driving. Let's let this one go. I mean, seriously, what are the chances....

T-bag: Becky.

Becky: F***! I'm sorry.

T-bag: "What are the chances?" *sigh* Jesus.

Becky: I know. I jinxed it.

T-bag: Just make a U-turn. I should pee anyway, so I'm super empty.

Becky: Alright. I'll come in too. I need to check the back door.

[casinochniks]

I really laughed out loud, really. I can so relate. Latent electricity. That is funny.

[Blaxastij]

Oh man, best blog ever.

[Grieryaliny]

Good one.