[dexterljohnthefinanceguy]

Just to poke fun at all the (real actual stuff)

These are real actual news headlines for the year 2025 taken down by Marty McFly.

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the
seventh largest country in the world, California.

White minorities still trying to have English recognized as
California’s third language.

Spotted Owl Shit plague threatens northwestern United States
crops & livestock.

Rubber shortage is so bad that used condoms are being used
to make new tires…Scientists predict fewer blows out however.

Authentic year 2000 "chad" sells at Sotheby's for $4.6 million.

Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American
Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran,
Afghanistan, Syria, and Lebanon.)

Iraq still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least ten
more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be
imported legally, but Pres Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and
reduces mail delivery to Wednesday only.

35 year study: diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.

Legalized marijuana is at its lowest price in years at $55.00 per
pound while manufactured cigarettes prices have dropped to
an astounding price of $200.00 per carton.

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their
civil rights.

Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

Microsoft announces it has perfected its newest version of
Windows so it crashes BEFORE installation is completed.

Prostitution is legalized in every state except Washing D.C.
where prostitutes have their own political party headquarters.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers,
fly swatters, and rolled up newspapers must be registered by
January 2036.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75%

Since his wife left politics and became a porn star Bill Clinton
says his sex life has gone downhill and is considering divorce.
He says his wife’s habit of bringing her costars home to “practice”
is just too much.