[Ceriopal]

I just really want to lose the rest of this weight or fit into these pants I have. When I don't eat fat I get really depressed, always have. That's why I fail at so many diets. That and my body just hates letting go of fat . technically I will still be over weight when I lose the weight I want to lose, but the last time I was that weight I was super skinny so I don't think the BMI chart is accurate. However going by the chart, as of yestarday I am no longer obese. I am just losing my motivation I guess. I just don't feel like I can do it. I am realizing my food addiction and feeling hopeless. What is the point when anytime I eat I can't have what I really want (which is some combination of bread and cheese) I feel like hiding in my apartment and not coming out until I am skinny again. My husband doesn't understand how I didn't realize I was getting fat. I feel like I just woke up one day and saw a picture of myself and wanted to scream. It was the worst feeling I have ever had and now with TOM here and no food to run to, I am stuck feeling these horrible feelings about how I didn't deserve to have fun because I was fat. I know people have been making fun of me and all my attempts to lose weight. I just feel like that little girl in middle school again chubby with huge glasses and everyone pointing and laughing at me. Why can't I just wake up and be who I was 4 years ago. Where did this food addiction come from and how am I supposed to get over it? Do I just have to feel this way and how am I supposed to cope with it? Food is the worst addiction IMO because an alcoholic can just avoid alcohol and still have a social life. If I try to avoid all the food that triggers me I would be locked in my apartment and probably not even be able to see my husband most nights. There is a party tomorrow that I cannot go to because party's kill my diets. My friends are always sabotaging my diets and I don't know why. I don't think they do it on purpose, they just build up my self confidence and then I feel like I don't need to lose weight but then it always comes back. The guilt. The feeling that I am worthless because I can't lose weight. Shouldn't I control my body not my urges? Shouldn't my life be my own design??? I am just so sick of waiting to be skinny. When I get there, how am I ever going to have the strength to maintain it?

[2puO4Rhf]

Honestly, for what it's worth, it sounds like you REALLY would benefit from speaking with a behaviorist or even joining a support group. If you're feeling totally addicted to food, so miserable, so left out, sabatoged - that goes WAY beyond just wanting to drop a few pounds. It would help you understand the WHY and BECAUSE so that you can conquer them and move forward. You don't want to isolate yourself, nor set yourself up for failure.

You also need to face reality - the weight does sneak up, but we all KNOW we're getting bigger because of how our clothes are fitting. Nobody forced me to eat all the crap I ate - I did it all by myself. I also absolutely realized I had to keep buying larger clothes because mine were way too tight and uncomfortable.

You can build the necessary habits to loose the weight, feel good about yourself, gain self confidence and keep it off but you need to do it the right way.